SBS Time!
Ketchum Kid: Does Smelton have anything to do with Cyrus from Team Galactic?
Game2002: No.
Chapter 17
The Failures Strike Again! It's Time for the Kids to Shine!
It was on the same day that the Smashers left Hinamizawa that this chapter took place…
At Sunstone National Park (I made this up for curious people out there), Princess Elise and some of the Smashers were frolicking around like happy people. Of course; things are peaceful, so what else is there to do?
Most of the Smashers went their way, but we're not going to bother with most of them since what they are doing does not mind any of your business.
"I'm off to test my luck at fishing," Link said as he went towards a lake in the distance with fishing equipments in hand.
"Good luck!" Zelda said to him. "I'll be with the kids and Elise."
-
Mario, Peach, and Luigi walked around on their own, looking at the beautiful scenery within the park. There are hills, mountains, trees, flowers, and an endless span of green grass. How much better can things get?
"This place is so beautiful! I would be so romantic to have a prince on white horse taking you for a ride around here!" Peach said romantically.
"That-a would be good!" Mario agreed.
Luigi saw an oddly-shaped stone on the ground and picked it up. "This stone looks like a football!" And he ran to Mario and showed it to him. "Look what I found, Mario!"
Mario looked at the stone and said, "Nice football you chiseled there, Luigi."
Luigi shook his head and said, "It's a stone, I found it." But Mario and Peach already walked away without listening to him.
-
Meanwhile, Zelda, Elise, the kids, and the cute Pokemon were having a fun time at a beautiful flower field.
"This place is beautiful!" Zelda exclaimed upon seeing the lovely view.
"Whenever I come to this park, I would always come here," Elise told her. "It's like a dream land here! I always imagined that a prince on a white horse would come take me out for a ride in this place. It's such a romantic feeling!"
"I can imagine that too! How wonderful would it be if it was true!"
Then Fox and Falco zoomed past them riding on white bicycles. "Last one back to the renting center pays for lunch!" Falco said.
"You bet!" Fox said.
Meanwhile, the kids were playing tag around the flower field. Of course, flowers were harmed in the process too, but nobody cared.
"You can't catch me!" Young Link said as he ran from Lucas.
"I'll catch you and make you the ghost!" Lucas shouted, running after his prey.
"Hey! Over here!" Pichu taunted as he stuck his head out from the flowers.
As the two girls watched them enjoying their time, they spotted some rabbits nearby feeding on grass. "Oh, so cute!" Zelda exclaimed.
Elise bent near the rabbit and plucked up a grass and waved it around. "Come over here!" The rabbit went over and nibbled on the grass, and she petted it on the head. "Good boy!"
"There's a rabbit hole here!" Zelda said, pointing to one not too far from them, and there were quite a few rabbits gathered around there too.
-
At another part of the park, Roy, Lilina, and some of their attendants were taking a stroll through the place.
They came to stop at a green pasture and Roy said to his attendants, "Okay, you can all go on and enjoy your time however you want."
"Will you be all right by yourself?" they asked.
"I can protect myself and my wife no problem. Just go and take the break that you deserve! You've been serving me well, so you should get rewards!"
"Yes, your majesty." And then the attendants all ran off cheering like kids. "YIPPEE!! FUN TIME!!"
"They're like kids," Lilina said.
"Not like there's anything wrong with that," Roy said. "C'mon, let's have our picnic!"
Roy laid down a cloth onto the ground and Lilina placed the picnic basket on top and they began enjoying their time together. "Here, try this!" Lilina said to Roy while offering him some food.
"These sure are good! You made them?" Roy asked after taking them.
"It took me a while to learn how to make them. I'm glad you like them!"
"You're sure a good cook!"
"Heheh! Thanks!"
After they finished their meal, they sat down on the green pasture and looked up at the clear blue sky. "That cloud looks like a heart, doesn't it?" Lilina asked him.
"Yeah, looks like it," Roy said. "And that one looks like a hand, which reminds me of someone..."
The two of them laughed and talked with each other happily and had their own great time. It was a time of happiness that the both of them wish could last forever. But alas, this isn't a love story but an adventure story, so things are bound to happen.
As they had fun with each other, a peculiar circle suddenly appeared on the ground and a bright flash came from it. The two noticed this and got up to look at it. "What's that?" Lilina asked.
"Dunno…" Roy replied.
They continued looking at the glowing circle, and suddenly, something jumped out of it and landed onto the ground as the circle disappeared. It was a really fat guy in white shirt and grayish-black jeans. He had a nerdy bowl haircut and also wore large square eyeglasses. I wasn't kidding when I said he was fat either; as he jumped and spun around in place, his fat flesh wobbled and jiggled like crazy to the point it looks distracting. "Lalalala! What a beautiful day! What a beautiful day!" the fat guy sang.
Roy and Lilina looked at the guy with strange eyes. "Who's this guy?" Lilina asked.
"He makes me disgusted for some reason…" Roy said.
The man placed a hand above his eyes and looked around the place and said in a jolly voice, "Lalala! Where is the princess? Where is the cute little princess? The master wants you! Lalala!"
Hearing this, Roy lifted his eyebrows and said, "Princess? You mean Princess Elise?"
"Yes, yes, yes!" the man said while hopping up and down. "Princess Elise! The princess with the power! The master wants her and I'm here to find her!"
"That would mean… You must be the Failure that they talked about!"
"Yes, yes, yes! You are a smart little boy! I am Assholicus Dumbasser, the Ninth Failure!" He turned around to showed them the number 9 that was imprinted on his right butt cheek.
"Well, the ninth strongest. Then you should be easy to deal with!" Roy said. "You stand back, Lilina. I'll teach this lard a lesson!"
"Hohoho! You want a piece of me?" Assholicus said while hopping up and down. "You're either a brave little kid or a reckless one!"
"You'll see soon if I am brave or reckless!" Roy said, reaching his sword on his waist, but he grabbed empty air instead. "Uh?" He looked at his waist and noticed that his sword wasn't there. He looked around and saw his sword lying on the picnic table. "There it is!"
"I'll get it for you!" Lilina said, running for the table.
"Hohoho!" Assholicus leaped at the table all of a sudden and crushed it underneath his massive butt when he landed, and everything on the table flew into the air, including the sword.
"What?!"
As the sword fell back down, Assholicus did a ballet spin and smacked the sword with his hand and it flew across the pasture and went straight into a hole on a dome-shaped rock.
"Hey! My sword!" Roy shouted angrily.
"Hohoho! You cannot do anything without a weapon, right? Serves you right!" Assholicus taunted
"Why you?!" Roy ran to him angrily and threw a fist, but when his fist came in contact with the Failure's fat body, he bounced back off as if he hit a wall of thick jello.
BOING!
"That tickles! Hehe!"
"Curses…" Roy cursed as he got back up.
"If the princess isn't here, I don't have a reason to stay here too! I'm off to look for the princess! Lalalala!" Assholicus said as he began to skip happily away like a little girl, jiggling his fat all the way.
"What do we do?!" Lilina cried.
"Don't worry; Elise is with our friends, and surely they can protect her," Roy assured her. "But let's get my sword first and help them anyway." Roy ran to the rock that his sword flew inside of and looked into the hole, which was quite narrow and small.
Though it was dark inside, he could see his sword shining inside a bit due to sunlight pouring in from the hole. He reached his hand in there but it was far out of reach. "Can't reach it…" he said. "And the hole isn't big enough for me to go through either."
"I'll get it for you!" Lilina said.
"Are you sure?"
"Don't worry; I can fit in there no problem!" Lilina assured him, and she went over to the rock and looked into the hole.
"Be careful."
Lilina checked the size of the hole first, and after making sure that she should be able to fit through, she reached both her arms in their and the head followed afterwards. It was a bit of a struggle, but she managed to slip through quite easily until she stopped at the hips. Also, light was totally blocked out when she went through the hole, so it was pitch dark from her point of view. Lilina pushed her hands against the walls on the side and tried to pull herself through, but her hips wouldn't cooperate. "Ngh!"
"Um… Need help…?" Roy asked. From his point of view, he could only see her lower half body, which was a few centimeters off the ground, struggling to get in.
"Never mind… Just a bit more…" her muffled voice said from inside rock. She kept this up for about thirty seconds, and then she ran out of strength and fell limp. "Roy… Give me a push…"
"That would mean that I'm going to touch your… butt… Do you mind…?"
"We're married already! That's no big deal!"
"Okay, if you insist." Roy went over to her and placed both his hands on her rear, and this gave him an exciting feeling too. "Heh… Okay, push!" Roy pushed hard while Lilina tried to pull herself in just as hard.
This kept up for a minute or so, but there doesn't seem to be any progress. "Lilina… I think you really can't fit through this hole…" Roy told her.
"Fine, you win… I'm going back out and we'll think of other ways…" Lilina said, and she placed her feet against the rock's surface and pushed against it to pull herself out, but she didn't budge backwards. "No…" She tried again to pull herself out, but…
"Lilina… Don't tell me…" Roy began to say.
"Don't just stand there! Pull me out!" she shouted while kicking her legs.
"Oh boy…" Roy grabbed her legs and began pulling back with all his strength. "Here goes! Ngh!" He kept this up as hard as he could, but after a couple of minutes passed, the progress was as much as trying to push her in. "Okay, Lilina… Let's get this fact straight, you're stuck."
"Then do something! You can't leave me here forever!" Lilina cried, kicking her legs like crazy.
"Can you reach the sword by the way?"
Lilina felt her hands around the air before her but couldn't touch the sword. "I can't feel it, and I can't even see anything! It's pitch dark in here! Forget about this now, just get me out!"
"All right… Just calm down. I'll try to get you out."
-
Back in the flower field, Zelda and Elise were playing with the rabbits while the kids were still doing their own business. Elise held a little bunny in her hands and stroked it softly on its furry head while Zelda fed them grass. "They're so cute! I wish I can take one home!" Zelda said.
"Animals of the park should stay here, but I understand your feeling," Elise said. "I sometimes want to take them home with me too, but they have their own habitat so it's best that we let them stay here."
As the two girls played with the rabbit, a large man suddenly showed up in front of them. He created a tremor when his foot came down and the rabbit were startled and ran away. "What?" Zelda wondered.
The man standing before them was tall and muscular and had light brownish skin. He was only wearing ragged black jeans and he was bald. The most striking description about him was that he had a retarded-looking face like crooked and dirty teeth and bulgy eyes that doesn't seem to be looking straight forward. There was also the number 10 imprinted on the right side of his chest.
The man looked down at the two girls and gave a silly grin, and then he reached his massive hand to Zelda and picked her up. "Ya! What are you doing?!" she cried.
"Princess… I caught her!" the guy said.
"Let me go!" Zelda shouted, but her hands while wrapped up in his hand and she couldn't do anything.
The kids saw this from afar and Popo said, "What's happening?!"
"Princess!" the guy said in a silly voice. "Caught princess!"
"Retardo! Why are you?" sang a happy voice, and then Assholicus Dumbasser appeared over a hole. "There you are!"
The guy that was called Retardo went over to Assholicus and showed him Zelda. "Princess!"
"No, no, no! You retard! That's not the princess!" Assholicus said to him. "The princess we're looking for should be her!" And he pointed to Elise.
Elise gasped in shock and YL said, "They must be the Failures! They're here for Elise again!"
"Uh?" Retardo said, looking at Zelda.
"I'm not the princess you're looking for!" Zelda shouted. "Let me go!"
"Duh…" Retardo hurled Zelda backwards and she flew through the air and fell down.
"YAAAA!!"
And her head dove right into the rabbit hole with a thud. "Zelda!" Elise gasped.
Zelda placed her hands on the ground and tried pull her head up, but she was stuck. "Help me!" her muffled voice cried. "My head is stuck!"
"Hoho! We're going to take the real princess now!" Assholicus said as he skipped to them.
"Real princess… Real…" Retardo muttered.
The kids all got in front of Elise to protect her. "You're not getting your hands on her!" YL said in a threatening manner.
"Yeah! We will protect her no matter what!" Popo said.
"My brother will teach you a lesson and I will help him too!" Nana added.
"Don't look down on me just because I'm one of the weakest Smashers!" Pichu said. "I'm more capable than Luigi!"
-
Suddenly, Luigi sneezed just at the same time Peach showed him some beautiful dandelions. "ACHOO!" And they broke down and stuffed into her nose.
-
"I protect princess!" Jigglypuff said.
"You're not laying a hand on her!" Pikachu said angrily.
"Um…" Lucas just stayed at the back, looking scared and nervous.
"Hohoho! Look at these cute little kids!" Assholicus said while 'dancing' in place. "How cute of them to act like warriors, or are they just dumb?"
"Buh…" Retardo looked at Assholicus and pointed to the kids.
"Yes, yes, yes! You can beat them up! They are stopping us from taking the princess!" Assholicus told him. "Go ahead and spank them until they cry! Lololol!"
The kids backed off as Retardo looked at them with a scary-looking grin. "That big guy is the tenth strongest, it seems…" YL said. "It shouldn't be a problem to us. Pikachu and I are the strongest here at the moment."
"If Zelda changed into Sheik, she can support us greatly too," Popo said. "But…" He turned to look at Zelda who was struggling to pull her head out of the rabbit hole. "She's not available at the moment…"
"I'm not afraid!" Pichu said. "I will fight to protect Princess Elise!"
"That settles it," YL said, holding up his sword offensively. "We'll do all we can to protect Elise no matter what it takes!"
-
Elsewhere, Fox was beating Falco to the finish line. "I win this time!" Fox exclaimed. "I'm going to win for sure!"
Suddenly, DK came swinging down from a vine on a tree and kicked Fox right in the face, causing him to fall off his bike and crash to the side of the road.
CRASH!
Falco used this moment to go past him. "Ha! I win now!"
But Diddy suddenly swung down next and kicked him, knocking him to the side of the road too.
CRASH!
"Dang…" Falco mumbled in pain.
TO BE CONTINUED
The kids are facing two Failures at once. Even if those two are among the weakest of the Failures, can the kids hold up by themselves and protect Princess Elise? And will I ever have enough of putting women into stuck situations? I hope you look forward to this story as the plot begins to unfold itself more and more!
