Chapter 18
The Tenth Failure! Smashers vs. Retardo!
The kids took a step back as the two Failures stepped forward. Young Link turned to Elise and said, "You better get out of here right now!"
"But how about you kids?" she asked.
"Don't worry; we can handle things ourselves here. Lucas, you take her a run!"
"Okay…" Lucas replied, and she took the princess by her hand and quickly moved out of here. "Come with me, though I'm not sure where to go…"
As the two ran away, Assholicus said, "No, no, no! The princess cannot run away like this! I have to stop you!" And with an amazing leap, he was seen soaring through the air in their direction.
"He can fly?!" Pichu gasped.
"I think it's more like a very high jump," Popo commented.
Lucas and Elise didn't run far before Assholicus caught up. He landed in front of them with a powerful thud that created a shockwave and the both of them tumbled back.
THUMP!
"Whoa!" Lucas gasped. "Oh no!"
"The princess cannot run!" Assholicus said, approaching Elise. She gasped in fear and began to crawl away, but before she had the chance, the Failure turned around and placed his massive butt down onto her back. "Now you cannot run!"
Elise cried and struggled to escape, but the weight of the lard was too much for her, though it didn't hurt getting crushed since it's totally fat and not muscles that's sitting on her. "Help! Let me go!" she cried.
"Let her go!" Lucas shouted as his legs wobbled. The Failure responded by letting out a burp and when Lucas smelled it, his face turned green and he quickly ran away. "UGH!! IT SMELLS!!"
"Oh no! They're in trouble!" Nana gasped as she saw everything.
"Dammit! Princess!" YL said. Suddenly, Retardo swung his massive fist in his direction. He quickly lifted his shield to block the attack, but the power of the fist was so strong that the shield shattered upon contact and YL shot back and tumbled around on his back violently. "YAH!"
"YOUNG LINK!" they gasped.
"I'll get you! Pika!" Pikachu shouted, and he fired a thunderbolt at the Failure. Retardo took the thunderbolt to himself, but he continued to bear that retarded look and didn't look like it tickled him at all. Pikachu was surely shocked to see this. "What?! It didn't hurt him?!"
"Retardo has an amazing amount of endurance!" Assholicus explained while waving his hands besides him happily. "Unless you are super powerful or something, you cannot make him feel any pain!"
"Uh oh… Looks like this won't be easy…" Popo thought.
"Are you sure he's the weakest of the Failures?!" Nana said.
"Well, they say the numbers indicate their power level… And you can see the ten on his body, so…"
"Hohoho! Just because he's the weakest doesn't necessary mean you are stronger than him!" Assholicus said.
"Dammit… We can only fight with full force now!" Popo said. "Charge!" The Ice Climbers ran to Retardo and Popo hammered him in between the legs. "Ha! Hurt now?"
"Take this! Take that!" Nana shouted while hammering his foot over and over.
"Buh?" Retardo simply lifted one foot and kicked Popo away, and then the other foot to kick Nana away.
"YEOW!"
"Let's get him!" Pichu shouted as he and Jigglypuff ran towards him. "Skull Bash!" Pichu tossed himself forward and rammed into the chest of Retardo while Jigglypuff curled up and rolled into his leg.
BANG!
Even though the blows looked painful, Retardo showed no signs of pain and the two of them backed off and rubbed themselves as they were the ones that felt pain instead. "Ow… Does he have steel for skin…?" Pichu cried.
"Huh…" Retardo lifted up his fist and readied to slam it down on those two, but they screamed and ran away before the fist came down with a crash.
Pikachu moved forward to fight again. He launched a powerful thunderbolt and it caused Retardo to take a step back, but nothing more. Pikachu then surrounded himself with electricity and flew forward and rammed into the Failure's body. Retardo grunted and rubbed himself in the body as if it itches.
Pikachu moved back and said, "This guy sure is tough…"
"I'll get him!" shouted YL, running forward with his sword gripped firmly in his hand.
"Duh…?" Retardo lifted up his fist to ready to protect himself from YL. When YL got near, Retardo swung his fist to hit him, but he ducked down to avoid the blow and delivered a slash across his body followed by jumping up and plunging his sword into his forehead.
"Yeah! Did that do it?" Pichu said.
But YL's sword slipped off Retardo's head and there was nothing more than a small wound similar to that of an insect bite on his head that Retardo easily shrugged it off. "Whoa… A move like that should've killed someone already…" YL said in disbelief.
Retardo pulled back both hands and brought them forward again. YL jumped back fast and managed to avoid the clapping attack. He reached for a bomb instantly and threw it at Retardo's face and it blew up.
BANG!
YL then pulled out his bow and shot out several arrows at his body, but they were like twigs in the way that snapped with ease upon hitting him.
Pikachu then charged up a large amount of voltage and then released an electric ball. "Zap Cannon!" The powerful attack struck Retardo in the body and electrocuted him so badly that he was starting to show signs of pain.
After taking all these blows, Retardo began to show an angry expression on his face. "Rar!" He lifted up his foot and stomped down so hard that the whole place shook violently.
"Whoa! What a tremor!" Popo cried.
"An earthquake?! Ya!" Zelda, who still has her head stuck in the hole, cried. The rabbits were all sitting around her giving her a mean look (as mean as a rabbit can) because she is blocking out the entrance to their home.
"Angry!" Retardo shouted. He clapped his hand together trying to his YL but missed, and then he raised his closed fists and slammed down for another attempt. YL avoided this attack by hopping back and then he jumped up his fist and swiped him across the face, but like all the other blows, it did not leave behind much wound. YL kicked off his face afterwards but Retardo tried to him while in air. YL lifted up both legs and kicked off his fist as he came and launched himself back onto the ground.
Pikachu jumped into the air next and dropped down a powerful thunderbolt onto Retardos' face. Afterwards, Pikachu's tail glowed with silver light and he slammed down his tail onto his face hard. "Iron Tail!"
After the hit, Pikachu bounced back into the air and landed. Retardo turned to face him angrily and he slammed down his fist again to hit him, but the Pokemon was quick enough to dodge it. YL charged at it from behind and swiped him in the back a couple of times. When Retardo turned around to hit him, YL jumped back again and avoided a bit.
"Let's go!" Popo shouted.
"Right!" said Nana.
The Ice Climbers blew out a lot of air and it froze up the ground before them, and it froze all the way around Retardo, basically creating a ring of ice. They then skated on it and went towards Retardo and as they circled around in separately, Popo quickly tossed a cord to Nana and they began tying it around Retardo's leg as they circled around him.
"Duh!" Retardo tried to move but failed to do so due to his legs being tied up, and he fell over on his face.
"Now!" Popo shouted, and the Ice Climbers jumped onto him and encased their hammer with sharp ice shards and hammered him on the back, but the ice shattered immediately afterwards. "Wha…? What a hard back he has?!"
"Me angry!" Retardo shouted loudly, and he pushed himself back up with his hands, making the Ice Climbers fall off in the process, and used his strength to tear the cord and free his legs. He stomped the ground again and the shaking caused the frozen ground the IC made to break apart.
"Another earthquake?!" Zelda cried, pounding her hand and feet against the ground rapidly in panic.
"Swift!" Pichu shot out electric beams that were shaped like stars and pelted Retardo in the body rapidly.
Jigglypuff curled up and rolled at Retardo again, and when she was near, she jumped up and struck him in the face and bounced back, and then she quickly uncurled and slapped him in the face as many times as she can while staying afloat. Retardo angrily countered by giving her a headbutt that knocked her back into Pichu.
CRASH!
While they were all fighting Retardo, Lucas was standing on the side watching them fight. "They are all fighting their best to protect Princess Elise, but I am just standing here doing nothing…" he thought. "I'm not like Zelda who cannot fight currently, and yet I'm doing nothing… They entrust me to protect Princess Elise and yet I failed to do so… Am I really that useless…?"
"Hiya!" YL jumped and thrust his sword at Retardo, but moved his head aside to dodge the blow and he socked YL in the body hard and smashed him in the ground.
"I'm not doing anything to help my friends at all… Can I even call myself their friend…?" Lucas thought.
"Shock him!" Pikachu shouted, and both Pichu and he fired at Retardo, but he endured the blows and suddenly leaped forward. They screamed and ran away before they got body slammed.
"I am their friend, so I must do something…" Lucas thought.
"Go!" Popo shouted, hammering Jigglypuff, who is curled up like a call, into Retardo, but he kicked Jigglypuff away like a soccer ball and she crashed back into Popo. "OOF!"
"I must be brave and help them!" Lucas thought again. "I must be strong!"
"Help! Get me out!" Zelda's muffled voice cried while continuing to struggle free from predicament.
Nana, who was at her side helping her, said, "Can somebody do something about this?!"
"Hohoho! Retardo is going to whoop their asses!" Assholicus laughed while watching the fight going on. Elise, who was being sat on by him, watched their current situation with a worried face.
"I must help them!" Lucas said to himself with determination. "I must not act like a coward!"
"Take this!" YL threw a bomb at Retardo and it exploded in front of him, creating a smokescreen. YL then jumped into the smoke in hope of scoring a hit, but he was unexpectedly caught by Retardo's hand. "Ya!"
"Me angry!" Retardo shouted, and he lifted up YL and readied to slam him onto the ground.
"Let him go!" Popo shouted, throwing an ice cube at the hand, but he accidentally hit YL in the face instead.
"Yeow!" he cried.
"Sorry…"
Just when Retardo was going to throw down YL, Lucas dashed forward and shot out a spark from his hand, "PK Fire!" The spark exploded in front of his face and made him drop YL, who quickly crawled away afterwards.
"Angry!" Retardo said loudly and angrily, and he began stomping towards Lucas with his arms raised.
"Lucas! Watch out!" Pikachu shouted.
"I'm not afraid!" Lucas said. "PK Flash!" He lifted up his hands and the palms glowed with bright green light that exploded, blinding Retardo in the process.
"It stings!" he cried, holding his hand over his face.
"PK Fire!" Lucas shot another spark that exploded in Retardo's body and pushed him back a bit, and he raised both hands as hexagonal energy was released. "PK Love!" The powerful move blasted the Failure backwards and he fell on his back, but got back up very soon afterwards.
"Me angry!" Retardo shouted.
"Nice going there, Lucas!" YL said to him. "C'mon, let's take on him together again!"
-
Meanwhile…
"Ngh! Come out already!" Roy said while pulling Lilina back by her legs.
"Ow! You're going to tear off my legs!" Lilina's muffled voice cried from within the rock.
Roy let go of her legs and then walked up closer and wrapped his hand around her hips and tried to pull her out again. After a minute or so of futile attempt, Roy let go and fell back onto the ground. "Man… Have you been building up weight lately…?"
Lilina kicked him in the head and replied in an angry voice, "Did not!"
"Ow… You didn't have to be angry!" Roy said, rubbing his kicked face. "I'll try to push you in again." He got up and once again placed his hand on her rear and gathered all his strength to push. "Come on!"
Lilina also tried to push herself inwards, but despite their combined efforts, there was no progress whatsoever. Roy stopped to take a break and said, "Man… What are we going to do now…?" Then something came to his head. "Wait a second…" And he ran back to the picnic table and looked around. "Here it is!" And he went back to Lilina again.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Listen, I'll try to lubricate you using butter," he replied. "This should make you slip through. I know it may be a bit dirty and oily, but there's no other way."
Lilina didn't really like the idea of being smeared by butter, but if it could get her out of her tight spot, there's no better option. "All right then…"
Roy pulled down her skirt slightly, just enough to show some skin for him to rub butter onto. When done, he once again placed his hand on her rear. "If this doesn't work, I don't know what will. Here goes!"
-
"Rar!" Retardo angrily slammed both hands onto the ground and it sent forth a wave of rocks.
"Watch out!" Popo shouted. Everyone quickly got out of the way to avoid the attack.
YL ran up to Retardo again to hit him, but the Failure was also ready to him on. As YL jumped towards him with sword in hand, Lucas got behind YL and quickly released a bright flash. "PK Flash!"
Retardo was blinded by the flash again, and this allowed YL to slash him on the neck and then kicking off his body. A slash like this could have very well sliced off the head, but the Failure took no visible wound from the fatal blow.
Pikachu and Pichu ran towards Retardo from both sides and Jigglypuff came rolling at high speed from the front. All three of them jumped when they got near and struck Retardo in the body from three sides.
BANG!
"Rar!" Retardo shouted angrily and swung his hands around trying to hit them, but they got away in time.
"Take this!" Popo and Nana shouted as they jumped up behind him. Popo slammed down his hammer onto his head first, followed by a stronger blow from Nana.
BONK! BONK!
"Argh!" Retardo angrily reached his hand behind him to get them, but they managed to escape in time. "Angry!" Retardo turned and ran after the Ice Climbers.
They quickly froze the ground before them with their breath and stepped aside, allowing Retardo to accidentally run onto the frozen strip of path and slide forward. He kept on sliding until he rammed into a tree so hard that it fell over. "Haha! Look at him fall!" Popo laughed.
Retardo turned to them angrily again and then picked up the tree and began waving it around like crazy while running towards them. "Uh oh… He's gone crazy!" Popo gasped. They quickly got away before they got hit by a slamming tree attack.
"I angry! You die!" Retardo shouted with fury while chasing down the Ice Climbers, trying to whack them with the tree.
"PK Fire!" Lucas launched another spark at the tree, causing it to explode into flames. Retardo looked at him and angrily threw the burned tree at him.
Lucas gasped in shock and raised his hand to protect himself, but YL jumped in front of him and did a whirling blade technique that sliced the tree. "Thanks…" Lucas said.
"I don't think this guy is going to fall over any time soon," YL said. "He is still showing a lot of energy but we are going to wear out ourselves sooner or later… We must come up with something powerful enough to take him down!"
"Rar!" Retardo tossed himself at them with limbs spread out, but they quickly ran from the body slamming attack.
SLAM!
YL quickly brainstormed ideas in his mind, and then something came to him. "I got it now! This better work!" He turned to the IC and said to them, "Quickly freeze him in ice!"
"What do you plan to do?" Popo asked.
"We will need water to take him down, but since there is no water, we will create ice first and then melt it!"
"I still don't get it, but anyway… Let's blow him down, Nana!" Popo said to her. They ran close to Retardo as he was getting up and took a breath to blow out cold air into him.
"I'll help too!" Lucas said. "PK Freeze!" He raised both hands and shot out a large snowflake, and when it flew close to Retardo, he clapped his hands together and the snowflake exploded. Combined with the cold air blown out by the IC, Retardo was mostly covered in ice and had a hard time moving.
"Lucas! Melt him now!" YL shouted.
"Okay! PK Fire!" Lucas shot several sparks at the frozen Retardo and melted the ice on him, and obviously he got drenched in water from the melting ice.
"Pikachu! Pichu! Zap him while he's wet!"
"I know now!" Pikachu said. "Okay then! Thunder!"
"Thunder!" Pichu shouted, and both the Pokemon shot electricity high into the air, and then it came back down in the form of a large thunderbolt and struck Retardo. Due to the water around him, the power of the electricity was much more powerful and actually caused a lot of pain to him.
"DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!"
ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!
"Thunderstorm?" Zelda said curiously. Of course, she couldn't see anything, that's why she asked.
The lightning died down and Retardo was seen burned up and smoking all over the body. "Jiggly!" Jigglypuff shouted, and she rolled at him and rammed into his body hard and knocked him back. Retardo was already weakened from the thunderbolt, so he almost fell back from the attack.
"Eat this!" YL then threw another bomb at him to blast him.
BAAAAAAANG!!
This time Retardo finally fell over from the explosion of the bomb. "Yes! We did it!" Pichu exclaimed.
"All right!" shouted everyone else, jumping up and down with joy.
"They did it!" Elise said happily.
"My, my, my! Retardo fell to some little kids!" Assholicus said, still sounding happy. "Such a retard he is!"
"Ha! One down, another one to go!" YL said, and everyone turned to Assholicus. "You better let go the princess at once, or else…"
"Duh…"
"Uh?" Everyone turned around and was surprised to see Retardo back on his feet!
"What?! He's not out yet?!" Nana gasped.
"Man! This guy is tough!" Popo cried. "We can't take on him forever like this!"
"Hohoho! Retardo is such a retard that he doesn't know when to stay down!" Assholicus said.
"Me angry! Very angry!" Retardo said with anger. "Very very angry! Me smash puny brats! Me very angry!" He voice sounded angrier and louder each time, and then he thumped his chest in a manner similar to a gorilla and then flexed both his arms and shouted, "Final Transformation! Ira!"
Note: 'Ira' is Spanish for 'Anger'.
Then Retardo glowed in bright light and then a huge burst of smoke appeared around him. Everyone stood back in shock at what was happening.
"What's happening?!" Pikachu gasped.
When the smoke disappeared, they saw that Retardo had changed appearance. His body was now bright red and he had collars that were releasing fire cuffed around both hands and feet. There were bull-like horns growing out of his head and they were releasing fire from the tip, not to mention the fact that he was also giving off heat from the mouth and nose. He also had metal strips lining down from the shoulder to the back and fire was coming out from holes dotted along the metal strips.
"What the…?" the kids gasped.
Retardo pulled back his arms and raised his head and shouted at the top of his voice, and the fire grew intense and spread out in the procress, "FACE MY ANGER!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!"
TO BE CONTINUED
I bet you didn't expect ending part, did you? Joykiller was going to do something like this, but was sadly interrupted by Eggman. We'll go into better detail about what this is next chapter.
