Disclaimer: If I owned Grey's Anatomy, things would not be like this. Meredith and Derek would be having sex all the time, not meeting people in bars. So obviously I don't own anything.
A/N: I'm SO unbelievably sorry for the long wait. I know I shouldn't be making excuses, but I got a little bit of writers block (which I know is hard to believe being as I'm only on the 4th chapter) and exams are coming up and I'm trying to make sure I don't fail. I'll start updating more often because I finally have a plan in my mind for how I want things to go. I hope I didn't lose any readers.
A/N 2: What the HELL is wrong with Derek!?! SERIOUSLY! I'm about ready to kick his hot ass. GRR!
On with the story….
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I woke up with the heavenly scent of lavender surrounding me. Her hair was all over my face. Her little ineffectual fist still clinging to my shirt. Her light snoring piercing the quietness of the hospital room.
I sat there staring at her for awhile. Even after what she had gone through, she was still gorgeous. As much as I wanted to deny it during my marriage, I loved her. I had never stopped. Loving her came naturally to me.
Then, through the wonderful silence came the most dreadful noise of all.
A flat line.
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Meredith's POV
The blackness was wonderful. Nothing was going on. I wasn't thinking of Derek and his marriage. Or Finn and his hate for me. Or the guilt for taking away Addison's husband it was all gone.
This was so nice……
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Derek's POV
"Meredith! Meredith honey, please don't do this!"
I ran over to the code button and pressed it. The nurses immediately came running in.
She had started seizing. I hadn't seen anything on the MRI other than the concussion, but there had been no more symptoms of any other head injury.
"Push one of EPI. And page Dr. Gregerson" I shouted. I knew I couldn't operate on her if anything was wrong, and I wanted a second consult, even if she was the second best neurosurgeon in the country. Even though my doctor mode had started to kick in, I was still kicking myself. How could I have not checked one more time for any head injury?
After the drug and been administered, I stared at the machine. Hoping, praying for any change. Dr. Gregerson came running.
"What happened?" She asked as she examined my still flat-lining girlfriend.
"I don't know," I answered honestly. My frantic voice coming through, "one minute she was fine, the next she started coding and seizing."
"Okay Dr. Shepard, I'm going to ask you to leave. You are obviously too attached to be any help here." She said this in the professional doctor tone, but also one of understanding. I knew I couldn't stay.
She turned back around to the love of my life and started trying to save her.
I slowly walked out of the room defeated. Why hadn't I done something? I am the best damn neurosurgeon in the country; how the hell could I have not found out what was wrong with my own girlfriend?
I crouched down against the wall outside of her room, running a hand through my normally perfect curls. Just about the time things were starting to finally work out for me, it had to fall apart. As I did another one of my infamous stress-relievers, pinching the bridge of my nose, I heard a voice clear its throat.
"This isn't your fault Derek."
"Addison. You don't have to-"
"No." She cut me off. "Just because you are my ex-husband doesn't mean I can't be here for you. I know that you were in love with her from the first time I saw you at Seattle Grace. I just thought that I could change you. I thought that, maybe, I could make you love me again.'
"Addison, I never meant to hurt you. I really didn't. It's just that….."I trailed off, unsure of what to say.
"Derek, as much as I don't know why, I understand. But I will always love you. And I'm here for you now."
I collapsed into her arms. I had been trying to hold it in. I knew I shouldn't be crying in my ex-wife's arms about my lover's death. But I just couldn't keep it in any longer.
She slowly walked me into the closest on-call room. I don't know how long it had been. I just sat there crying. I cried for Addison, for all the heartache she had gone through, and still, she sat here for me. Crying for Meredith, for all the pain I had put her through, for all she was going to miss in life.
I lost everything that I ever had. My life, my love. And it was all my fault. I had laid there with her instead of being her doctor.
"None of this is your fault, Derek." Addi explained again softly as if she had read my mind. "It didn't show anything on her scans. You know as well as I do that these things happen."
"I know. But I can't help but think I could've saved her."
"You did all you could. Sometimes things happen that no one can save."
Just then the door opened. It was Alex, Christina, George, and Izzie. All had tear stained and panic-stricken faces. Alex, as always, was the first to speak.
"Um, Dr. Shepard, we were just wondering if you wanted to, umm…" he trailed off.
"Look, we know you've been an ass lately. But we also know how much you love Meredith. And since we're her friends, we figured we should see if you're okay." Christina said in her usual coldness, but I could also hear the sadness in her voice.
We all walked down to lobby. All in a state of shock. We couldn't believe how in such a short time, everything had changed. Meredith was dead.
Dr. Gregerson walked up to the chairs we were all sitting in crying. None of us noticed her until she cleared her throat. We were all expecting the typical 'We did all we could' speech, but this was different.
"Dr. Grey is being prepped for surgery now."
We all looked up in amazement. They donn't do surgery on dead people. My Meredith isn't dead!
"Excuse me?" George was the first to recover.
"Yes, you heard her. Now get all your sorry asses up and get to work. I do not need four of my interns and one attending sitting around moping all day. Get to work!" Dr. Bailey exclaimed, appearing out of no where.
Although she spoke tough, I saw the worry etched on her face.
We all got up, with the hope Meredith would make it through.
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So how was that? I tried not to leave you guys with a HUGE cliffhanger. I almost left it while they were in the lobby, but figured you guys would kill me if I left you thinking she was dead. I've already started on the next chapter, so it should be up tomorrow or the next day. Again, I'm not a doctor, nor do I claim to be, so please don't be mad about any incorrect medical jargon.
Please review! I love critiques or comments!
