Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto so don't sue me if you hate this story.
Author's Note: (Thunder booms as AiraEve steps out in a cloak and gavel.) THE REVIEWERS HAVE SPOKEN! THIS STORY… SHALL BE… PASSED ON TO SOMEONE ELSE!
Reviewers: WHAT! NOOO!
AiraEve: Oh I'm sorry. Wrong judgment. The real one is… THIS STORY SHALL BE… DELETED!
Reviewers: AAHHH! (Several faint) (The others form an angry mob and pick up pitchforks and torches.)
AiraEve: (Sweat drops) Haha, naw I'm just kidding. I'll continue it. Bwahahaha! (Gets bonked on head for cruel joke.) Ow.
Chapter Three
Sakura fidgeted with her fingers as she sat on the sofa, squished between Sasuke and Gaara, both of whom kept glaring at her. Naruto was wedged between Sai and Neji, who kept flexing their fists at him. He gulped. The four purposely did this to unnerve them. Chouji on the other hand… well, it was pretty much impossible to try and squish him so the boys didn't even try. Tsunade was directly in front of them, thumbing through random files, trying to search for their information. As unnerved as she was, Sakura couldn't help but keep glancing at Tsunade. She looked so familiar…
"This is stupid." Gaara grumbled.
"Don't worry," Sasuke said, "Remember, we've got money and contacts. We can get ourselves out of this mess easy. It's those three who'll face Tsunade's wrath."
"AHA!" the headmistress smirked, "Here they are." She held up their files for them to see and placed them on her desk. "So… Let's start with Naruto Uzumaki."
The blonde gulped and shrank back in his seat.
"Name: Uzumaki Naruto," Tsunade recited, "Age: 16. Overall GPA…2.3?" Naruto sweat dropped and sank lower in his seat. The boys smirked. "Medication… blah, blah… Relatives… Emergency contacts… Jiraiya?" The cough-large-cough chested woman suddenly sprang from her desk. "Y-You know Jiraiya!"
Naruto quirked an eyebrow at her. "Uh, yeah… He's my uncle."
"That perverted frog? Your uncle?" Tsunade was dumbfounded. As was Sakura, Chouji, Neji, Gaara, Sasuke, and Sai. They were even more surprised when the woman burst into a laughing fit. "HAHAHAHA! Your uncle! HAHAHA! I should have seen the resemblance."
"Nani?" Chouji said while munching on the complimentary candies on the headmistress's desk. He had apparently drained the entire supply, leaving only one left. Sai attempted to reach out and take it but Chouji beat him to it. "I'll roll on you." he snarled. Sai suddenly drew back.
"You know Uncle Jiraiya too?" Naruto questioned.
"Of course," Tsunade smirked, "He's one of my best friends. Annoying? Yes. Perverted? Yes. Has the ability to scar you emotionally for life? Yes. But we go way back."
"So… uh… since you know my uncle, does this mean you'll let me off the hook?" Naruto looked hopeful.
"Haha. No."
Naruto grumbled and sank back in his seat.
"Let's move on to-"
"AH!" Sakura cut Tsunade off and stood up. Everyone quirked their eyebrows at her. "Oh my god, TSUNADE! AUNTIE TSUNADE!" She then ran up to the woman and embraced her.
"Eh?" the woman looked down at the pink haired girl. Auntie… Tsunade?
"Don't you remember me?" Sakura looked at her with puppy dog eyes. "It's me, Sakura Haruno! Your niece!"
The woman blinked. "OH MY GOD! IT IS YOU!" she cheered and wrapped her arms around her niece. "Ah, I'm such an idiot! How could I forget my most favorite niece? It's been so long since I've seen you!" The woman then squashed Sakura against her boobs. (A/N: Kudos to Yokaigurl!)
The Haruno girl coughed, "Auntie, I can't breathe! Your boobs are suffocating me…"
"Hehe," Tsunade sweat dropped, "Sorry about that." After a few minutes of rejoicing, Sakura went back to her seat and they settled down.
Chouji gulped. 'Oh no, Sakura and Naruto are on her favorite side! Shit, what about me?'
"Well," Tsunade began, "This wasn't a very good way to start the year, you know." Sakura, Naruto, and Chouji looked guilty. "But it's your first offense so I'll let you off easy. And as for you four," she motioned towards Sai, Sasuke, Neji, and Gaara, "You've been in here countless times. I'm very disappointed in you- If you don't stop, I'm afraid I might have to expel you soon."
"Whatever," they snorted. They knew that her word was a lie. The boys had money and contacts- there was nothing she could do beyond detention.
A single blonde eyebrow twitched on Tsunade's forehead. "Very well then, act that way if you want. Now, as for punishment, all seven of you are required to attend a counseling session with our school counselor for one week. Also, you have trash duty and after school detention for two weeks. Am I clear?"
"Hai."
As they exited, Sasuke whispered in Sakura's ear: "This isn't over."
Sakura, Chouji, and Naruto frowned as they trudged towards their first period class, which, unfortunately, was on the top floor of the school. At first they had attempted to sprint up the steps of the academy, but soon found themselves panting and struggling to even put one foot in front of the other. Well, Naruto and Sakura had managed to complete a few stories. Chouji had given up after about twelve steps. The other two were forced to drag their "Big-Boned" friend the rest of the way.
"WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE SUCH BIG BONES!" Naruto cried, "It's so hard to pull you up!"
Sakura grunted and attempted to yank the Akimichi boy up another flight of stairs. After ten good minutes of struggling, sweating, swearing, and grunting, they made great progress.
Five steps. Wow.
First period had already started thirty minutes ago, and Sakura and Naruto had found a much more efficient way to transport their potato-chip-loving friend: rolling him. Yup, that's how they got to first period. Rolling Chouji down the hall and chasing after him like maniacs. The door of class AC-7 burst open as Sakura and Naruto stumbled in, landing on top of each other and panting profusely. Chouji would have stumbled in too… if it had not been for the fact that he was stuck in the doorframe.
"Oh wonderful," Sakura groaned. Naruto and her each took a hold of Chouji's arms and pulled, bracing one foot against the wall to help anchor them. Veins shown from Naruto's arm as sweat rolled down Sakura's. The rest of the class poked their heads curiously at the newcomers. In the back, four certain boys watched them with great interest.
"Whoa, she's got pink hair…"
"Yeah, she's kind of cute."
"And that guy is wearing an orange jump suit! Pbfft, that is so not flattering."
"Haha- fatty is stuck in the door!"
"Dude, Lee, are you okay? Why are you staring at that pink haired chick like that? Hello, earth to eyebrow man…"
Naruto, Sakura, and Chouji weren't aware of the comments being passed around, concerned with the problem at hand.
"Agh!" the two let go and gave up.
Chouji frowned, "You know, maybe if we had some butter…"
"Oi," a bored sounding voice slurred, "Who put this here?" It was muffled and came from behind Chouji.
"Who's that?" Naruto said.
"That would be our teacher- Hatake Kakashi," a girl with two Chinese styled buns fiddled with her switchblade.
…Switchblade?
Naruto and Sakura scooted away from her. "Wait, our teacher? It's been thirty minutes and he's just coming to class now?"
"Yup," Tenten polished her blade and put it away. "Hatake Kakashi has a tendency to be late." A few kids snickered at Chouji, still lodged in the entrance. "Are you new here?" The trio nodded. Suddenly, a few kids leaned in and whispered to each other on how to properly 'initiate' them into the school. Tenten smirked, "Nice."
A male with a pineapple shaped ponytail shook his head. "So troublesome…"
"Would someone mind moving this?" Kakashi's muffled voice sounded once again. Chouji giggled as the silver haired teacher attempted to push him through. And then it stopped. There was silence.
"…"
"Kakashi-sensei?" a few students asked, "Where'd he go? Did he just give up?"
Suddenly, a pair of footsteps pounded loudly down the hall. It sounded like someone was running. It was getting louder…closer…louder…closer…
"AIYEE!" Chouji yelped as Kakashi tackled him through the door, successfully unclogging him.
"Oof!" Kakashi rubbed his head and got up, "Thank the lords I used to be a professional football player." He then turned to Naruto, Sakura, and Chouji. "Hmm… I haven't seen them around here before…"
"Are you my new students?" Kakashi said sheepishly. He had silver hair that partially fell over his left eye, concealing it. The collar of a turtleneck sweater was pulled up to conceal half his face, but judging by the outline of it, it must have been handsome.
"YUP!" Naruto grinned.
The silver haired teacher blinked at them. "…My first impression? I hate you."
"WHAT?" they yelled at him.
"Well you did clog my door…"
"Pbfft, whatever."
He ignored them, "Let's introduce ourselves. I'm your new English teacher, Hatake Kakashi. And you are?"
"Naruto Uzumaki!" he declared triumphantly, "And I will someday become president!"
"Of Ramen Corp," Chouji coughed. Kakashi looked expectantly at him. "Oh, uh… Hi. I'm Chouji Akimichi. Don't touch my potato chips."
"Hn," he then turned towards Sakura, "And you?"
"My name's Sakura Haruno," she smiled, "We came from Hokage High."
"Alright," Kakashi then pulled out an orange book and plopped down at his desk. Sakura, Naruto, and Chouji grimaced. That book was Icha Icha Paradise… an "adult" novel. Naruto especially knew about it, considering that it was his very own uncle who started the series.
"Erm," Naruto said, "Are you sure that's appropriate for school?"
Kakashi blinked. "Nope. Now take your seats."
"Where?"
"Nngh," Kakashi chewed on his lip, "Blondie, you can sit next to Hinata over there. Hinata raise your hand for him to see, please. Thank you. Sakura… sit over there behind Lee and in front of Sai. Don't argue with me, just go sit down. Sakura. Stop cursing at Sai. Sakura. Do I have to send you to the principal? Good. And Chouji… you can have the two desks in the back."
"Was that a reference to my fat!"
"No. Sit down."
"Okay."
As soon as Sakura sat down, the boy in front of her whirled around. Sakura squeaked and threw a hand over her heart. Oh dear lord… were those… eyebrows? He grinned at her with a bright smile. Sakura grimaced at his outfit of stretchy green spandex… and bowl cut… shiny bowl cut… very shiny…
"Hello!" he greeted her with a flawless, pearly white grin, "Miss Sakura Haruno, am I correct? Ah- I must say this! It has been burning in my heart ever since I laid eyes on you exactly five minutes and 34 seconds ago. You are so beautiful- like the fragrant spring blossom itself!"
"…" Everything was dead silent. Well, except for Chouji's constant crunching of his chips.
"Eh?" Sakura stared at Lee, a very, very large drop of sweat on her head. Naruto gawked and looked at the guy as if he was about to punch eyebrow freak's face in. How dare he talk to his Sakura-chan like that! Behind them, Neji, Sai, Sasuke, and Gaara snickered.
Lee continued to grin at her. Her face softened. Even though his eyebrows were… slightly larger than usual… Bah, who was she kidding? They were gigantic mountains of hair mutated by unknown substances! Ahem. Well, anyway, even though he had mega eyebrows, he still complimented her nicer than any other boy had, and he had a way with words. A little overdone and corny, but poetic nonetheless.
"Um," Sakura muttered, "Thanks?"
As if he had been touched by angels, Lee had hearts in his eyes. 'S-She thanked me!' He sank dreamily in his seat, "You are welcome, my dear blossom."
Sasuke, Sai, Neji, and Gaara raised their brows. It was obvious that Lee had a crush on her from the minute he saw her step in the room. Maybe they could use that to their advantage…
Naruto twitched in his seat. 'Sakura-chan actually thanked that guy? B-But I compliment her all the time! Why doesn't she say thank you to me! Grr, that makes me so…'
Beside him, Hinata looked worriedly at Naruto. "A-Ah, N-Naruto-s-san, y-you're breaking your p-pencil." It took all the strength she could muster to say that too him.
The said boy turned towards her. "Huh? Oh. Hehe." He held up the now semi-powdered writing implement. "Thanks for telling me… uhh…"
"H-Hin-n-a-t-ta…" upon sight of his gorgeous face, Hinata's tongue turned into jello and her face flushed redder than Gaara's hair- and that was actually saying something.
Naruto quirked an eyebrow at her. "Um, thanks Harold…" Naruto shook his head. 'Weird name for a girl.'
'Oh no!' Hinata fretted, 'He heard me wrong!' The Hyuuga sank back in her seat. In front of them, the teacher was busy talking.
"Yo," he said, "I graded your last projects, and wasn't exactly satisfied with them. So, I'm assigning you a new project. Yay!"
Kakashi's only visible eye crinkled as he attempted to liven up the bored mood. Everyone stared at him with a blank face. Someone in the back shouted "Ah, give it a rest!"
Kakashi sweat dropped. "Well, anyways, this month we're exploring the works of several playwrights. I'll be putting you in groups and handing you a playwright. The both of you will examine his or her work and write a five page essay on their life, what kind of plays they wrote, what you think they tried to convey, and how it can be connected with today's society. After I finish announcing the pairs, come up and I'll hand you a playwright."
A chorus of groans was heard. Kakashi cleared his throat, "I'm not done yet. For extra credit you may perform one of their plays. And the pairs are…"
"Kakashi-sensei," Kiba raised his hand.
The silver haired teacher pretended to ignore him, "And the pairs are…"
"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"
"What?" he stared lazily at Kiba.
"Can we add our own twist to the play? Like change a few things here and there?"
Kakashi blinked, "…Fine. Don't let it stray too far form the original plotline, though. And the pairs are…"
Instantly, several girls, (A/N: Well, actually ALL the girls, sans Sakura) crossed their fingers and prayed to be paired up with one of the kings of the school, ex. Neji, Sasuke…
"Neji and Naruto," Kakashi recited.
"NOO!" the Hyuuga's loyal fan girls cried out. Naruto's face ignited with fury, and Neji looked as if there was a seizure in his eye. Hinata's face fell sadly.
"Ahem," Kakashi eyed them, "Tenten and Temari."
"EW!" two girls stood up, "I don't want to be paired with that ditz! What? I'm a ditz? Please, honey, have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Me? What!"
"Tough luck," Kakashi stated bluntly, "Ami and Gaara."
"YES!" Ami stood up and pointed, "In your FACE! AHAHA!"
Gaara's fan club muttered curses at the girl.
"Sasuke and Chouji."
"What?" Sasuke stood up angrily, "The freaking fatty nearly bulldozed me this morning!"
"Fatty?" Chouji twitched. "D-Did you just call me fatty? AGAIN?"
"Shit." Sasuke muttered.
The silver haired teacher smiled at the two from under his turtleneck sweater. "I think I've actually made a good match this time." They shot him glares, "And next we have Hinata and Kiba, Shikamaru and Lee, Ino and Shino, Kankuro and Haku, and Sakura and Sai."
The artist's fan club wailed. All color drained from the bubble gum haired girl's face. Sai just smiled ever so sweetly at her, an ugly purple blemish where Sakura punched him. "I am positively overjoyed," Sai commented wryly.
Kakashi finished announcing the rest of the pairings and set them off to get their identities. Sakura frowned at hers, '…Shakespeare. Wonderful. At least he's well known.' She glanced over at Sai and saw his smile twitch.
"If we do the extra credit, you do know that I'm not performing Romeo and Juliet, right?"
The bell rang and Sakura gave him a fake smile of her own. She walked over to him and pinched his cheek- the one where she slapped him. He yelped in pain and she applied more pressure, pinching his cheek the way an old grandma would. "It will be a pleasure working with you, Sai-kun."
He growled as she let go of his cheek.
Sakura then grabbed Chouji and Naruto and stomped out the door.
AiraEve: See, I had this chapter written all the way up to when they said "Hai." in Tsunade's office and then had writer's block for a month. And then this morning when you guys gave out ideas and reviews I had a burst of inspiration! Bwahahaha! (Gets bonked on head again.) Okay, fine, I'll stop. Yeesh. (Grumbles). You guys are welcome to give me more ideas...
