Disclaimer: I still don't own Bones.

Author's Notes: I'm thirteen years old. I've never been drunk. xD So forgive me if I'm off on the details. And Brennan drunk is supposed to be OOC. That's what makes it so awkward and hilarious. Also, I'm kind of happy with my idea for this one. My friend (Telturwen) was like "How the heck are you going to work that episode title into a Bones story?" And I was like "Heh." xD


THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE PLRTZ GLRB

Booth looked up from his spot at the bar, sure he had just heard a familiar voice. It might have been his imagination, but he was pretty sure that he'd recognize that voice anywhere. He set his glass down on the bar and stood up. Sure enough, a few seats down, was Brennan, deep in conversation with the bartender. Booth made his way over to her.

"Bones, what the hell are you doing here?" Brennan turned around.

"Booth!" she giggled. She turned to the bartender. "It's Booth! And he's wearing a jacket." The bartender glanced at Booth.

"Your lady friend here was just enlightening me to her theory on…something or other. She's pretty drunk."

"Yeah," said Booth, grabbing Brennan's arm. "Come on, Bones, we're going."

"Take care of her," said the bartender. "She looks like she's had it rough." Brennan was laughing.

"See, it's Booth…" she slurred. "He has cool hair…and he wears cool leather jackets."

"Yeah. While I appreciate the compliments, Bones, we gotta get going. I'm taking you home." Brennan frowned at him.

"Home? But I have a lot of work to do…"

"Yeah, a lot of work. Lots of work." Booth nodded at the bartender. "Thanks."

"So much work…" Brennan said. "I don't know if I can get it all done before yesterday." Booth frowned.

"What? Oh, for God's sake. Nevermind." They exited the bar and went into the parking lot. When they reached Booth's car, Brennan stopped.

"This isn't my car."

"I know, because it's mine. We'll pick up your car later, Bones. Hop in," said Booth. Brennan climbed in without a word of protest.

---

Brennan fumbled with the key for a few seconds before opening her apartment door. Booth went in ahead of her.

"Here we are, Bones. There's no place like—"

"Plrtz glrb," Brennan mumbled, collapsing on the couch. Booth moved from where he was standing to position a pillow underneath her head. "Just…sleep, Bones. I wish I could say you'll feel better in the morning, but you're gonna have one hell of a hangover." He sat down next to her with a sigh. Not the way I planned to spend my evening, he thought. But it was Bones. His Bones. And no matter how incredibly weird it was to see her like this, he was going to stay and make sure she was all right.

---

Oh God, was Brennan's first thought upon waking up. She wasn't sure if that thought was a result of the massive headache she had or the fact that she had just recognized the man sitting next to her. She rolled over.

"Booth?" she asked groggily.

"Hey Bones," he said.

"Oh my God," said Brennan, sitting up. "What—what happened?" She tried to stand up but collapsed back onto the couch. Booth moved closer to her, putting a hand on her arm. She looked at him confusedly.

"Found you at some bar last night, Bones. You were drunk as hell."

"Oh my God," she repeated, putting her head in her hands. Suddenly she looked up. "Booth, what did you do?" Booth stared at her.

"What did I do?" I pulled you away from torturing the bartender with one of your squint rants and took you home!"

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"You mean…" She paused. "You mean I was drunk, and you didn't…"

"I didn't what?" asked Booth, confused. Brennan raised her eyebrows.

"Oh my God. You have got to be kidding me," said Booth. "Bones, do you seriously think I would do something like that?" Brennan shook her head.

"I—not really," she admitted. "It's just, I have no idea what happened, and all of a sudden I wake up and you're here, and why did you stay?"

"I stayed because there was no way I was going to leave you like that. I mean, unless you wanted me to come this morning and find that you've fallen over and drowned in your own vomit. And I'm not sure that'd be the best wake-up call for me." Brennan smiled. "Listen, Bones, can I get you anything? You want coffee, or—"

"Just water," she said, rubbing her forehead. Booth nodded, standing up. Brennan looked up at him. "Booth?"

"It—it means a lot that you stayed." She smiled. "Thank you."


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