Summary: Should anyone ever look up the word paragon in the dictionary, they'd find a definition similar to: a model of perfection. Right next to that particular definition, they would also undoubtedly find a picture of Sasuke Uchiha. [NaruSasu]
Warnings: NaruSasu, which means yaoi. You have been warned. Maybe some rough language too. Ya know, the norm. You may also vomit from the amount of over-fluff in this one. Keep a bucket handy or relocate to the bathroom before reading.
A/N: So, I promised a bonus chapter, and I totally forgot until I got a review a week or so ago, so here it is. (Extra fluff in this one, guys!)
Paragon
~Bonus Chapter~
Author: Alley-Oop
Before that day in the restroom with Naruto, I had never really noticed the strange, blonde boy that sat across from me in art. Then, suddenly, he was there. It was like some twisted, weird magic trick. One minute he was invisible, the next, he was the only thing I could think about for days on end.
And it was all so sudden. I didn't get to test the waters before I just plunged into the deep end. It wasn't anything like I'd ever planned- he wasn't exactly my prince charming at first; I found him slightly annoying and more of a threat to my reputation than even Kiba was. If Naruto had told what he knew, I'd have been finished.
Yet, despite all of that, look at where I am now, lying in Naruto's bed, the morning air filtering softly through the window. Of all the places I could be, I know this is the best. Just being next to Naruto, I know I've found the place I fit best.
Sure, we argue every now and then, and are probably both too stubborn and competitive for our own good, but we get along like any normal couple would (assuming there's a such thing as a normal gay couple). Of course, the arguing is kind of a good thing, sometimes. We're both still teenagers and have to let out steam once in a while. I'll admit that the time we started using fists instead of words was bad, but… Never mind.
"Sasuke?" Naruto asks sleepily. "Where are you?"
"I'm right here," I say, taking his hot- almost sweaty- hand into mine.
"Oh, okay…" he responds before sinking back into sleep. I wonder what this is all about because it's never happened before. But Naruto's face is worried and his hot hand is nearly crushing mine. Is he having a nightmare? Probably. It wouldn't be the first time he's had one while I was here, but it would be the first one about me.
Yet, he always responds to me during other nightmares, so why not this one? I ease myself over to his burning body and, with all the gentleness I can muster so early in the morning, I slide next to him, my body fitting to his perfectly. Slowly, I reach my arms around him and clasp my hands in front of his chest.
"I'm right here, Naruto," I tell him, kissing the back of his neck softly. He smells so good, but I can't pin down what it is. It's become familiar, but I still can't name it.
"Sasuke?"
"Yes. Shh. I'm here. I'll always be here."
"You're cold…" He's right. I don't feel cold because Naruto is so warm, but I can tell that my skin is freezing. "You're…dead…" His eyelids twitch at an incredible speed, and I can feel his heartbeat racing in his chest.
"No. No, I'm not. I'm right here." What could he possibly be dreaming?
"No. Don't lie." His breathing is slightly jagged.
"I'll never lie to you. I'm right here."
"No! Sasuke!" Naruto cries angrily, and starts trying to thrash, turning away from me. I hold him in place, not wanting him to hurt himself. This is the worst he's ever been. He's had plenty of nightmares before, but never like this. Usually they disappear as soon as I tell him to shut up.
"Shh. Naruto, I'm not dead. Calm down."
"Sasuke!" This time, Naruto's eyes fly open, and he struggles to sit upright. I keep him pinned, but he looks around frantically until he finally faces me. Instantly, he relaxes. But I see the tears on his face. He's completely awake, but he's still crying, despite the fact that I'm right there.
"It's okay, Naruto." I pull him closer to me, determined to help him realize it was only a bad dream. "Everything's perfect," I reassure him.
It takes a while, but Naruto eventually breaks out of his paralysis and enwraps me in his tan, muscular arms, squeezing me so hard I can scarcely breathe, though I don't say anything.
"I had a dream… that you died, and I couldn't save you. You were just lying there, and I kept trying to get to you, but never got any closer." He's so scared he's shaking, and I can feel the moisture of his tears on my neck as he buries his face there, breathing deeply. I don't know what to say, so I move a hand to his head and stroke his hair softly. I don't think we've ever been so gentle with each other. I know I've only behaved like this once before, a long while ago. It's scary in an intimate and possessive way. I want to stop, but it feels nice at the same time. So nice that I have to continue.
"I'm here," I finally say, kissing the top of his sunshine-blonde head.
"I know. You'll always be here." My eyes widen in surprise. So he had heard me after all? Does he always hear me in his sleep? Now isn't the time to ask, but I do wonder.
"Yes," I quietly agree.
We hold each other like this for a long time. Naruto's tears run dry, and my body eventually warms with his help to the point where I feel like I'm suffocating under a stifling, thick blanket. Finally, I'm forced to pull away.
I begin to get out of bed when I hear a faint, "Sasuke," behind me. I pause and turn to face him, but say nothing.
"I love you," Naruto tells me, his face sincere and serious, his eyes large and swirling with emotion. I stop all movement- I don't even breathe. He's said that once before, but I never took it seriously because we were in the middle of having sex, and when that happens, you can love almost anybody. I'd know. I dated Kiba, after all.
But now he's not saying, "I think I love you," and we're definitely not having sex, so it must be real this time (if it wasn't last time). No, this time it's just an "I love you," and he means it with everything in his heart. I can tell.
I can't say anything back. It's not that I don't care about him in the same way he cares about me, but I'm just not sure love even exists. If I could, at one time, say that I loved Kiba, then it must be fake- a fantasy made up hundreds of years ago by some hermit that had never left their house. I think that love is just another word to express affection, but I still don't like using it.
Naruto's face is confused and slightly regretful, not knowing how to handle my reaction. For all he knows, it could be rejection.
Finally, I know I have to say something. My choice of words? "Love doesn't exist." Simple as that.
"What? How?"
"Because affection doesn't always last forever, and so love can't be real." Duh.
"I don't understand." Naruto's voice is both hard and defiant, and soft and confused.
"Of course you don't," I sigh. He wouldn't, either.
"Don't push me away, Sasuke. I don't know why you don't believe me, but I love you. There's no other word for it. I can even say it in another language, if you don't like the word. Je t'aime."
I actually smile. "It doesn't matter what language you say it in, Naruto. It's the same thing, and it's a lie."
"Do you think I'm lying?"
How do we always end up in these conversations? "No, I didn't say that."
"You're implying it. By saying love doesn't exist, you're saying it's impossible for me to love you." It's way too early for this.
"Let's not play word games, Naruto."
"You started it." I don't give him the satisfaction of a response. "Fine. Let's not play games. I love you. Do you accept that, or not."
"Naruto-" I start.
"Sasuke, it's a yes or no question. It doesn't get any more basic." Naruto's sitting up, slightly glaring at me, his arms folded over his chest, and if to either protect his now-vulnerable heart or to intimidate me. I'm not so sure it'll do either, and I can tell that his glare is a cover-up for whatever he's really feeling.
Still, Naruto is backing me into a corner. If I say yes, I admit to believing in love. If I say no, it'll be rejecting him flat-out. Neither are good options, and I refuse to choose between the two.
"Well?" he presses.
I pull my clothes from yesterday on. When I'm dressed, I say, "If you really do love me, you wouldn't force me into this situation. I don't have a yes or no answer, Naruto. It's not that simple. I don't know what fantasy world you're living in, but not everything in this world is black and white." I take a few steps toward the door, but Naruto is up and in my way in an instant.
"I do not live in a fantasy world. I live in this very real and very confusing world, Sasuke, and all I want are some answers from the person I care most about."
He may as well have slapped me in the face. "Okay, then ask away, but I won't promise any answers."
"Alright. First of all, is it okay that I love you?" He looks kind of worried, like he's the one that wants to leave now.
I sigh. "I don't see why it wouldn't be." Naruto shoots me a dirty look, and I rephrase. "Yes."
"Do you feel the same about me?"
Do I? I don't really know. The last time I thought I loved somebody, I was wrong. I don't know what it feels like to love someone like Naruto must love me. "What does it feel like?" I ask, just for clarification.
Naruto seems taken aback. "Well, it's like… like…" I raise my eyebrows in expectation, knowing that he'll prove my point for me if he can't answer. "It's like... every time I see you, no matter what, I'm happy. And every time I make you smile, nothing bad can happen. When…" Naruto takes a breath. "When you're gone, I feel hollow and worry about everything. When you're here, I always feel calm, like even if I died for you, it would be the very best way to go, even though I'd worry about who would take care of you without me…"
I'm stunned. I don't even know what to say. I don't deserve to have Naruto, if that's how he feels about me, because I'm not sure that's exactly how I feel about him… yet. I don't know how he can feel like that about me, because I've been nothing but selfish and cold to him.
My eyes wander to the floor, unable to meet his.
"I'm not done, Sasuke," he says, noticing that I'm trying not to hear him. His hands grasp mine gently, and he holds them, even though I don't respond.
"No." I know he's not.
"I feel like, even when we argue like this, we'll get through it, because even if you don't love me, even if you don't believe in love, I love you enough for the both of us. And I feel like, even if you doubt yourself, like you're doing now, and feel like maybe we're not right for each other, I'll be able to convince you to stick around, because I'm such a sap and you're such a nice guy, once you let your heart melt."
Each jolt of my apparently unmelted heart feels like a knife stabbing through me painfully. I want to laugh and cry and run and stay. I want… I want to feel the way Naruto feels.
…I do feel the way Naruto feels. I feel like if I leave now, I'll be something broken and worthless. I feel like, if I were to die, I wouldn't care if not for the fact that Naruto would be so upset. I just want him to accept me, and the rest of the world will be just fine and fall into place.
"That's how I feel, and I believe the word for it, Sasuke, is love," Naruto tells me, ending his gentle speech that's left me battered and torn to pieces inside.
"Then, I guess," I say, my voice thick, my throat tight, and my vision blurry. I swallow and blink rapidly, but instead of the tears clearing, they simply dash down my cheeks. "Then I guess that I love you, too, Naruto." It feels like such a relief to say it, like such a huge weight has lifted, that I collapse against him. His arms encircle me quickly, without hesitation, as they always do. I feel weak and dizzy and disgustingly like a woman as he holds me, letting me cry silently into his shoulder for the first time, though I've done the same for him several times.
He leads me to the bed, and we sit together for a few long minutes before Naruto disengages himself and says, "Wait here."
"But-!" I don't want him to leave me. I've never cried in front of anyone before, and now that I have cried in front of him, I feel vulnerable and weak and repulsed by myself. I want- I need- him near me right now.
"I'll just be a second," he says, pulling on his own clothes that were lying in a heap on the floor. I don't want him to go, but I don't say anything. I trust him. He'll be back soon.
Without another word, he disappears through the door, and I sit, impatiently waiting for him to return. I hear a bit of rummaging from what I think is the closet area, and wonder what Naruto it up to, but still sit and wait like I was told to do, though I look from the window to the door periodically.
Finally, after what feels like hours, Naruto returns, both his hands behind his back. He's obviously hiding something- a gift- but I have no clue what it could be. I can only hope that he didn't get me some sort of animal or something, but because I hear no noise from behind him, I think it's safe to assume that it's an inanimate object.
"Sasuke," he tells me, his voice deep and warm. I look at him with a serious expression, not knowing what's going on or what to expect.
Then, suddenly, Naruto grabs my hand with one of his- still keeping that thing hidden, whatever it is- and slowly eases me off the bed, so that I'm standing in front of him, knees weak from just minutes earlier.
Naruto sinks to one knee in front of me, pulling from behind his back a small black case. With a soft smile, he pulls back the lid, and I see sitting there on soft padding a delicate (yet still masculine) but simple promise ring.
"Sasuke, I know we've had some highs and lows, and it's too early to ask you to marry me, but I ask you to promise me that, however long it takes, you'll wait for me. I ask that you promise to always be mine, and I'll always be yours, no matter what life throws at us." Naruto's voice is only slightly shaky, but enough to alert me to how nervous he really is.
I, on the other hand, feel like I'm going to slip into a coma. My heart tugs in my chest, urging my mouth to open. And it does open, but no noise comes out. My wobbly knees finally give way, and I fall gracelessly to the floor, landing heavily on my knees. I feel those hot, salty tears pooling together again, and I gasp a breath. Naruto drops the open box, the ring tumbling out, as he closes the small gap between us, pulling me to him and cradling me like a child to his chest.
"Are you okay? I'm sorry; it was too early to ask. I knew I should have waited longer."
"Yes," I say, so softly I wasn't even sure I said it.
"What?" I can hear the hope in his voice. My hands fist into his shirt, and I lay the side of my face against his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. He had been more nervous that I'd thought.
"Yes. I promise, Naruto. I promise."
Naruto stops moving for a horrifying second before a huge grin erupts on his face. I, too, am smiling, though I hadn't noticed before. He twists around, quickly locating and picking up the ring that had fallen to the ground. Once he's facing me again, I offer him my hand. With a look of intense concentration, he carefully and slowly slides the cold promise ring onto my long ring finger, the cool metal sending a chill down my spine. I watch as he does this, knowing I made the right choice.
When he's finished, he laces our hands together, and I look up to meet his gaze…
…and am surprised to find that he is crying, also. His tears fall onto my face, quickly mixing with my own. Before he can say anything, I lean forward and kiss him, so softly and tenderly that even I barely feel the touch.
This is right. This is right, and it's perfect, and I know that neither of us will ever let anyone take this away, because we love each other and, no matter what life throws at us, we'll make it through, as long as we're together.
A/N: Did I not warn you about the fluff?
So, there's your ~bonus~ chapter. I think I have one more thing to put up, but it's not a whole chapter, or anything new, really, so don't get your hopes up. It's just an excerpt that I found from one of the previous chapters of Paragon. I'll put it up later.
This chapter was to everyone who reviewed throughout the entire story. Thank you all so much. These stories wouldn't even be worth writing if not for you.
