"Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me!" Todd, with a doughnut in his hand and a magazine in the other, ran through a stream of other characters, most of which shot him dirty looks. "Good morning to you too." He shot over his shoulder as he dodged the larger ones and slowed to a halt as a shadow loomed above him. Slowly he looked up and blinked. "Hi…can I get past you please?"

The marvel character looked down at him with a crazy look in his eye. "I am the Juggernaut, bitch!"

"Well, don't let me get in your way or anything…" Todd looked at the hulking figure blocking his path and looked at his very unusual flat helmet. "Can you hear me at all in that thing?" as soon as the words got out of Todd's mouth, he realized it sounded like he had a death wish. "Just uh… curious and everything…" Now the Juggernaut looked somewhat pissed off as Todd began to edge away. "You do realize you can't kill me right? I mean it's in no script that I've ever seen." Todd's mouth started to run dry and suddenly remembered the doughnut in his hand. "Uh, here," He held his breakfast out in one hand, offering a peace treaty, "Do you want it?" in response the Juggernaut roared loudly and Todd cringed as he felt the wind ripple at his clothes and push him back a few inches from where he had previously stood. "Okay. Never mind then." As soon as Todd had finished his sentence, he found himself in the air with an arm around his waist.

"Could you leave Juggernaut alone? He just had some wisdom teeth removed and is in no mood to be trifled with." Todd looked to his side and sighed.

"Sorry Peter-Spiderman…who are you right now?" Todd looked shortly confused, as Peter wasn't in his signature costume.

"I don't really care," He shrugged while he continued to swing through the hallway, eluding the characters in the way. "Can I drop you somewhere?" Todd nodded.

"What hallway are we in?" Todd asked referring to the alphabetical order they were put in.

"I think we're in 'L' now." Peter nodded as he looked at some of the passing doors.

"Could you drop me off at 'D' or is that too far away? I'm late as it is." Todd looked slightly embarrassed and Peter shrugged.

"Absolutely no problem." Peter shrugged as he whisked Todd away.


"He's late again." Charlie sighed lounging on the sofa and Neil just scoffed from his seat underneath Charlie's legs.

"Late for what? I mean, Cloudy was here but her ideas are funny-"

"Kinky!" Charlie interrupted with a yell triggering Neil to grab one on the magazines on the coffee table before him and smack Charlie in the head with it.

"Shut up. It's always right to the point anyway. Thank God she's one of the few people whose writing never takes long."

"Unlike Thyme." Charlie sighed as Neil raised his hand. "If you hit me again…I'll kiss you." Neil crinkled his nose and dropped his hand in defeat.

"You just wait Dalton…" Neil muttered into his chest.

"I wish she didn't hate me so much." Cameron cut in as he looked over the comic he was reading. "I understand why and everything but…spilling Pea Soup on her was a complete accident! How was I to know she was right behind me!" at the kitchen table Alice just snorted as she painted her fingernails.

"Because she was talking to you, you moron." Alice and Neil exchanged glances before they sniggered together.

"Shut up Alice. I still don't understand why she had to hit me." He muttered before returning his attention back to his comic.

"Probably because you doused her in soup Cameron." Neil snorted and Cameron glowered over the top of him comic.

"You're mad at me because you owe me money in poker," Cameron pointed out and Neil looked sarcastic. "And anyway Neil that was last night and Todd was here then."

"Lord, what fools these mortals be." Neil and Alice spoke in an exasperated unison before looking back at each other and grinning at the coincidence.

It was then Toss stumbled through the door looking windswept and exhilarated all at once. "Thanks Peter!" He waved his friend off and watched Peter web his way down the hall. "That was so much fun," he laughed drunkenly as he tried to steady himself and Alice shook her head with a smile.

"Have fun with Spiderman?" She leered suggestively and Todd looked up to her, obliviously.

"Yes actually, I did," He nodded as he paused, catching his breath and eyeing his doughnut.

"You're late. Again." Charlie deadpanned and Todd just shrugged in response as he started to eat his glazed doughnut.

"Ook ab dish!" Todd started to wave his treasured magazine around wildly and jumped over the sofa where Charlie and Neil were sitting, narrowly missing the glass coffee table that more than once had the near opportunity of shattering into a million fragments. Charlie said it was ugly and a nuisance anyway, Pitts agreed with the many time he and Charlie had hit their shins against its glassy sides proceeding to swear at it obscenely each time.

"Ey posh-ed mm ehorial!" Todd jumped up and down excitedly. Charlie and Neil exchanged confused glances and the two of them looked to an Alice that was leaning on the back of the sofa they were sitting on.

"What's he saying Alice?" She was looking at Todd with a scrutinizing expression and started biting at her lip, trying to decipher his muffled shouts.

"I…I think he's saying "They posted my editorial," you know Todd, you're going to choke on your doughnut if you keep it up." Alice walked around the sofa and Charlie automatically made room for her to sit down. He remembered what had happened last time when he hadn't.

"Well its fine if he chokes right?" Cameron had put his comic down once again and was watching Todd on some sort of sugar high. "Because then you can give him the Heimlich and Todd can sue the place where he bought the doughnut from and get rich…" Cameron hesitated before looking back to Todd with a smug smile. "And then loose it all to me in poker. Which reminds me! I have yet to play you or Charlie in poker Alice, when should we set up the cards?" He grinned. "I heard you both had a pretty good idea of what you're doing."

"I am never playing you Cameron, I know how you think-easily swayed by Charlie and you'll change a simple game of poker into strip poker. I know you will." She flicked some of her blonde hair in his direction haughtily. "I'm not going to put myself in a sexual position," She sighed lightly with a mysterious smile. "That I can't control."

"Hello!" Todd interrupted the stare between Alice and Cameron, turning all attention to him. "They posted my editorial! My funny Olympics thing! It was posted! Everyone will read it! Read it!" he thrust the magazine towards his three friends and Alice, being in the middle, reluctantly accepted it as three heads pressed together to read the small paragraph.


Ah, what an Olympics. So many tales, so many legends. Forget the CGI and the lip-synching though: there are a bunch of batter stories that the mainstream media didn't report on, but which we smuggled out of the Olympic Green. Here are some of our favourites.

1. Michael Phelps can actually breathe water. It's true. If you went to the Olympic Green pool party on Sunday last week, you'd have seen Phelps show off swimming under water for 21 minutes, and do very strange gargling tricks with bottles of Moet.

2. Another Phelps story. He actually swam his final gold medal winning race that day in the spandex body suit worn by Korean weightlifter Jang Mi Ran. The pair hit it off the night before and Phelps put on the wrong pants the next morning. Speedo isn't happy.

3. The Canadian cycling team who got drunk and decided to get crazy Olympic tattoos, but forgot to change up enough cash and only had enough money for four rings.

4. A doping test on one of the Russian gymnasts returned results that he was actually made of rubber. This one is obviously sensitive as both Nike and Adidas are reportedly both racing to patent rubber compound knees and ankles and haven't told the IOC yet.

5. Softball is being dropped for 2012, reportedly because the US team was just too damn good for everyone else. The real reason was because half of the teams were populated by rich American softball playing, wig wearing, male executives who fraudulently paid their way into Olympic participation.

6. A similar concern for rowing, which is a desperate battle not to be dropped for London 2012. Despite British success at the Shunyi Lake, the sport has been described by top level officials as "Simply too dull".


Alice looked overjoyed and threw it over to Cameron who almost immediately started laughing. "You're brilliant Todd. You really are." She shook her head with a smile as Neil laughed in his dorky way. Charlie just lit a cigarette looking as amused as ever.

"Thanks Alice," Todd shuffled his feet, never quite sure how to take compliments before he pause and looked up at Charlie, completely scandalized. "You said I was late!" He accused and Charlie looked nonplussed.

"Yes I did and you were."

"Charlie!" Todd whined. "Why do pick on me? Steven, Gerard, Knox and Chris aren't even here!"

"You're absolutely right Todd," Cameron stood with his knees cracking and headed towards the kitchen area. "They aren't but they were. Pitts and Meeks went to get some snacks about and hour and a half ago while the other two were working on that One Innocent Day business." Cameron put himself on auto pilot and opened the cheap plastic-wood cabinets to get the quick and easy ingredients for Hot Chocolate and Todd sighed raggedly.

"You mean I missed Thyme again?!" He asked incredulously and everyone nodded, eliciting a swear from Todd only to be interrupted by a chorus of loud and happy shouts from outside the door, attracting everyone's attention.

"what the hell is all of that?" Charlie stood as the door was thrown open.


All rights to Todd's editorial belong to: SH Old Gold