I stood in silence as I watched Alice pack angrily. Alice was not exactly my best friend at the current moment.
Because I was forcing her to give her best friend up. Our best friend. And my reason for existing.
I knew that Bella suspected something. I had ducked out of her room quicker than usual. Not before kissing her gently on the forehead, first, but still. She knew that something was wrong.
I never wanted to do this. Any of this. I never wanted to fall for her. I never wanted to need her as much as I did. I never wanted to endanger her. But I did. And even though she was the one who cut her finger, I couldn't blame her for what I was about to do. Even though Jasper was the one who tried to kill her, I couldn't blame him, either. I could only blame myself. I was the one who chased after her, a useless puppet to her, endangering her every second. Sure, I didn't slice her finger, I didn't throw myself at her in hopes of draining her. But I was the cause.
"She's not going to take this well, Edward," Alice warned me as she zipped her final bag. All of her packing had been done in all of three minutes.
"I know. Don't make this any harder for me, please. Right now, her pain is the only thing making me second guess myself. Don't encourage me to change my mind. I've already done enough to her," I managed to choke out, taking two of her bags and carrying them down to the Mercedes. Carlisle was even condemning me with his eyes. The whole family had been glad that I was no longer the odd man out, though Rosalie may have wanted me to be with someone else. None of them were looking forward to me becoming a bag of depression again
"I don't exactly want to leave, Edward. And you know that you don't, either. It doesn't have to be this way," she told me, nearly begging. Alice had been alone and scared until she had met Jasper. Other than him, she had never really had a "best friend." Rosalie didn't count because Rosalie was, for all intents and purposes, her sister. Granted that Alice (and probably Bella, too) had expected Bella and my relationship reach the point where Alice and Bella would be sisters, Bella was something special to Alice. Alice adored her.
"It doesn't have to be the way that you see it either. I'm not going to make her compromise her life to be with me. And I'm not going to risk her soul just to keep her forever. I can't be that selfish. I can't do that. I can't damage her soul. It's bad enough that she knows about us. The further apart we are, the less likely the Volturi are to find out about her. She'll get over me…I hope. She doesn't realize exactly how much I'm not worth it. She will, though, eventually."
"Listen, Edward. I can only see so far, because the rest is her choice, and she doesn't know that you're going to do this. But what I can see isn't that good. Let's just say that it's a good thing you're fast," she snarled before slamming the door to the Mercedes behind her. My heart dropped. Bella was planning to come after me, demanding an explanation. She would trip, fall, hurt herself. On top of the pain that I was going to give her. Why? Why did she insist on doing this to herself. Then I remembered. Everything was my fault.
Carlisle and Esme hopped into the Mercedes after her and drove off. Rosalie and Emmett followed later in the BMW.
For the first time in many years, I was completely alone. But it didn't feel that way. The last time that Bella had been here was her party. Her scent hung in the air very heavily. It felt like she was there, convincing me not to do this. But I shook it off. I had to do this for her.
I waited by my car, attempting to keep my face composed. She pulled in with her noisy truck. I walked up to her car and opened her door.
"How do you feel?"
"Perfect," she said. But I didn't believe her. She can't convincingly lie to me.
The rest of the day went by in silence until lunch when Bella noticed something.
"Where's Alice?" she wondered.
"She's with Jasper," I answered, crushing a granola bar. The rest of the day didn't go much better.
"You'll come over later tonight?" she requested as we walked to her truck.
"Later?" I asked, trying to keep her suspicions down.
"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off," she reminded me.
"Oh."
"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?" she clarified.
"If you want me to."
"I always want you," she stated. Damn it. She definitely knew that nothing was going to go right. She was desperate.
"All right, then," I agreed, kissing her forehead.
I beat her to her house that night and decided I might as well look like I'm trying to make a good impression on Charlie. Bella might be more convinced that I was staying that way. It would be better if she started freaking out after I left, that way I didn't have comforting her as an excuse to stay.
I heard her frantic heartbeat before she even left her truck. I'm amazed that even I can hear anything over that rumbling machine.
"Dad? Edward?"
"In here," Charlie called.
I knew that my focus on the TV was uncharacteristic, and I knew that she knew that, too. But my sitting in with Charlie had done nothing to satisfy her nerves. I couldn't give her my full attention and not run to her to pacify her fears with my arms wrapping around her.
"Hi," she said, her voice fainter than usual.
"Hey, Bella. We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."
"Okay," she replied, before waiting for me in the doorway.
"I'll be right behind you," I promised, hoping she would take it as me trying to act human for Charlie.
After a few minutes, when I hadn't followed her. She returned with the camera that she had gotten for her birthday and just started snapping away. That "fun" was short-lived. Charlie saved me by telling her not to take any more that night.
"I'd better go home," I told Bella, standing up.
"See ya," Charlie farewelled, not looking up from the screen.
Bella followed me out the door.
"Will you stay?" she asked. Her voice was hopeless. I could tell that she didn't expect me to.
"Not tonight," I said before climbing into my car.
The next day, Bella was in some sort of haze. I had to cue her in on a few answers throughout the day. Bella used up the rest of her film roll on pictures of her friends at the lunch table.
She didn't even ask if I was coming over that night when I walked her to her truck. She just climbed in silently. This was getting worse than I thought. I didn't know what was worse. Her expecting things to go wrong, or leading her to believe everything was going to be fine, and crushing her there. Either her pain would be prolonged by starting early, or sudden and sharp. Both were unacceptable, but her safety was the most important thing to me.
The next day continued in the same silence. It was sort of frustrating me. I wasn't going to have much more time in her. I wished that it wasn't as awkward. I wished that we had exchanged a few more words that day.
"Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked.
"Of course not," she replied.
"Now?" I detailed.
"Sure," she said, though it almost sounded like a question. "I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."
I reached across her lap to grab the envelope on the passenger seat.
"I'll do it. And I'll still beat you there," I challenged, attempting to smile. It wasn't that great of an attempt though. Time was running out.
"Okay," she agreed, and drove of.
I ran the arrands and did, indeed beat her to her house. And I waited. I waited for the end.
