Authors note: In case you didn't noticed, I actually posted a few chapters before this one. I figured if I was making this New Moon from Edward's perspective, I might as well start from the beginning. If you've already been reading this story, please reread the first three chapters. They're new.


I jumped out of the car and began to run. I hadn't run like this without Bella holding on to me in a while . Over the summer she had grown rather attatched to this mode of transportation. She saw it as recreation by the time school started back up.

Thinking about her at a time like this was better. More fuel for the fire. I ran even harder, faster. For Bella. This was one thing I could still do for her, even when we were separated. Because I only had a reason to exist as long as Bella continued to live.

I saw Victoria's red hair bobbing up and down occasionally, but mostly I was following her scent. When I was about ten miles back towards the outskirts of town, she clearly caught my scent, considering she passed straight through Forks and back out the other end without veering once toward any place that Bella would be.

This was a far less painful way to think of her. Knowing that I was still protecting her. It also felt rather normal, routine: I had to save Bella a lot when we were together anyway. I could actually live with myself knowing that Bella's heart was still beating.

I trailed Victoria down to Vancouver. That's where I lost her.

I pulled my phone out and apologized quickly to Carlisle for my behavior and asked him politely to please pick up my car when he had time. If I won over Victoria, and the odds weren't looking so good, I would be able to get my car back and leave for good, knowing that Bella would be safe.

Vancouver was much like Forks: very wet, especially closer to the coast. I didn't have to hide here.

I wandered into a damp, empty forest. I was useless at this point. I had never tried tracking and if this was the best of my ability, I was lame. I couldn't protect her. I lacked the skills. I remembered telling Bella once that she would be the death of me. More and more I realized that the truth was opposite. I would be the death of her. That sickened me.

Like at the house, it became difficult to breathe again. I tried not to, but for once, that didn't help. Every inch of me hurt. It was like all of the running I had ever done was catching up to me. I felt, for the first time in nearly a century, fatigued. I could barely move and even when I did my muscles throbbed. My mind was fogged with the exception of the hideous image of Bella, panicked and pained. She stood out with insane clarity, which only intensified every unpleasant sensation I was already feeling.

I snapped my eyes shut, as if that would help. My ears were ringing with her disappointed voice. I could hear the pain, the stab that each syllable of my words gave her, repeating, "You're the very best part of my life…You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay…You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already…You don't want me? ...Don't do this…"

How much I wanted to go back and tell her exactly how much her existence meant to me, how much I never wanted to leave, that she was the best part of my life, and I had lived through much more. I wanted to cradle her in my arms and assure her that I did want her, that she was the only thing in the world that I could ever wish for. How deeply I desired to hold her face between my hands until I saw that blush that always reached her cheeks whenever I touched her, then to pull her face to mine and kiss her with just as much urgency as she had always expressed when kissing me.

I felt a kick in my gut that knocked me to the ground. My eyes jerked open. I looked around, expecting Victoria, coming to tell me that Bella's blood was drained, and her corpse would be unrecognizable due to the torture provided before her pulse and even ceased. My mind explored the possibilies of what she would look like. I looked around and saw no one.

My own misery was beating me, slowly killing me with each blow.

What I needed, more than to comfort her was for her to comfort me. I was the one who needed to be wrapped in her arms. I needed to breathe in her pleasant freeshia scent and feel the sensational warmth that her irresistible blood gave to her skin. It was more than a desire to kiss her, but instead my lips needed to find hers.

My exhaustion and pain left me too weak to move. Whether or not I was protecting Bella from Victoria, I was at least protecting her from myself and my family, whose love for her did not shield her from their instincts, as proven a few days earlier.

My senses perked back up when the wind carried Victoria's scent back to my nostrils. I could feel the fatige washing away instantaneously. All traces of pain flushed nearly out of my system, but not quite. A sense of obligation flooded through me, making me stronger and more alert than ever.

I knew I couldn't trust the mind, but I had to try. She had to be near. I began to run again. As miserable as I was, I made an oath to myself that as long as there was the slightest possibility that Bella could make herself happy, whether it be with someone else, or if she was perfectly fine taking care of Charlie, my life would continue. That was all I needed to live, knowing that Bella could possibly be smiling. Probably not at this particular moment, the shock and pain most likely still strong, but maybe, someday. Hopefully.

That might have been asking too much, though. If her love was anywhere as strong as mine...what I had done to her...I couldn't think about how she would mentally take it. I had my distractions, but what about her? I hoped that she would move on, but how would she. Bella was so stubborn. There was a possibility that she wouldn't let herself move on. I could just imagine her being so determined that I would come back. And I would disappoint her...again.

Though the pained image of Bella was the only one my mind could conjure up, the thought of Bella's smile (if she did move on) pushed me to run harder. I had left to protect her, and that's what I was going to do.