This is part of something I was going to write for a contest but decided to expand and post it instead.
Disclaimer- I own nothing but the plot of this story sadly
Rated- T
Special thanks to:
Maggsie
Gentry
Chelsee6
Nico79
and all of my reviewers
Thanks for the constant support you guys I really appreciate it
Georgia thank you for everything. You are a great friend and I truly don't deserve your kindness but love every moment of it. This story is for you since I can't seem to full fill your need of more than one update a day
; D.
Hope you enjoy the story
"It's sad that sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye"
xx
"We can't do this anymore Sara." It is as if my heart stops as I gaze into emotionless, crystal, blue eyes. All of my insecurities, uncertainties, and fears attack me at once. I tried my hardest to pretend this day would never come, but somewhere deep inside of me I always knew it would.
I hug myself as blankets are yanked back and bitter air nips at my skin. Even after the blankets are replaced I'm not warm. A chill has settled deeper much deeper than any physical cold could reach.
I watch the silhouette of the naked goddess in front of me. Outlined by the moon her strawberry blonde hair shimmers as it shields her face. My heart begins to ache and sorrow suddenly fills my every thought. This is the end isn't it?
I have held onto a sliver of hope. Hope that her feelings would change and evolve. We agreed that this would be casual, without attachment, and it could be ended with a single word. When she said it was inevitable that we be together my heart fluttered, but only for a moment. I knew that she didn't mean those words the way I wanted her to mean them. She sought me out for physical reasons. She would be losing nothing when this was over, but I…I agreed to this casual arrangement already deeply in love with the woman currently standing in front of me.
I watched from the background as she flung herself all over men with jealousy, with rage, but I was powerless to say anything. We had an agreement. I had to be satisfied with the fact that at the end of the day she was in my arms if only for a few hours before she went back to her life oblivious of my feelings for her.
Every time I watched her leave I was swept up in a renewed sensation of pain and sorrow. Every time I wondered if this was it. If that night was the night that she would tell me that she didn't want to be part of this…this thing…what is it anyways? It's not love. It's not a friendship. It's not a connection. It's just sex.
At least to her it was only sex. To me…to me every time she touched me with soft hands, caressed me, held me, and drove me further and further to the edge of pleasure that meant something far more to me than sex. It made me love her more even when my own mind was loudly protesting my feelings.
"Why?" My voice is thick with emotion and I hate myself for being so readable. So predictable.
She stops getting dressed and rests her eyes on me. Those eyes that have always been able to see right through me and tonight they are no different. "I just can't," something flickers in the depths of those blue pools.
There is a lump rising in my throat, but I refuse to allow her the chance to see me any more vulnerable than I already am. I refuse to give her that one last satisfaction before she leaves.
She had nothing…absolutely nothing invested in this other than pleasure. I had my whole heart. My whole fucking heart in this. Did I really expect more from her?
No. I didn't believe that she could be anything but heartless. I only had foolish hope that she could possibly care about someone like me.
Her prying eyes are still on me. I nod to show my understanding not trusting my voice.
"I'm sorry Sara," I can hear the concern behind her words. Concern is always followed by pity. Pity for the weak. Pity for the ones you are leaving behind. Leaving because you've found someone, something, better than what you already have.
"Don't," I say as I put on a mask of indifference.
"This isn't easy for me either." I raise an eyebrow and don't bother to hide my pure disbelief at her statement. I can't stand to look at her for a second longer. Instead I focus my eyes out the window.
"No strings attached. That was the deal," the ice in my voice shocks even me.
"I…I guess I'll see you at work," the hurt in her tone is evident, but my wall of emotions blocks me from caring for anybody other than myself at the moment.
Waiting I listen intently. The front door opens and closes. I let my tears fall as reality sinks in. No matter how much I love her Catherine Willows could never bring herself to feel the same way about me.
TBC...
