I'm back finally. Sorry to keep anyone waiting. Wah, that's been a long 3 weeks break. Instead of writing I had actually been procrastinating a lot. But no worries, this story is officially off hiatus but that's not to say updates will be speedy either. Well then, enjoy the chapter.
Chapter 5: Thoughts
The warm rays of the setting sun bathed her form as she walked down the corridor. It cast a long shadow on the wall and illuminated her hair with an almost reddish hue. She yawned, turning at the staircase to go down. She decided then, that she definitely has to go riding tonight. Too much tension had been building inside her lately. The only reason she attended after school classes was to avoid repeating a year but even though she wasn't the only in the classroom, the number of students is significantly less than a normal class and therefore, it makes it very easy for teachers to notice if she wasn't paying attention or worse, sleeping. She just managed an entire History lesson awake. So yes, she's definitely treating herself by going riding.
She flexed her muscles as she reached the bottom of the stairs and continued walking down another corridor, heading for the dorms. A hot, invigorating shower before the ride would be good. After all, the weather was slowly but surely, becoming colder. And she didn't like the cold. She preferred warmer days. It made her more comfortable compared to the cold. She wondered if it had anything to do with her name, as she did like summer best. But if she used that presumption, then Suzushiro must like spring. But she didn't know that. Could it be the time of her birth? If so, then Shizuru must like winter. Again, she didn't know that. In fact, she winced at the not so startling revelation; she didn't know much about Shizuru at all. They had been friends for four years, a considerably long time but there seems to be completely no depth in their friendship, on her part at least.
She is not one to pry, if Shizuru told her anything it was said on Shizuru's own accord. That is, if Shizuru told her anything. The problem is, Shizuru rarely or never spoke about herself. Putting prying aside, she never even asked any general questions about Shizuru. Shizuru's background? Interests? Other than drinking tea…if anyone asked her right now, she could only state Shizuru's name, birthday-which she found out by accident anyway, from the amount of present Shizuru received on that particular day- and that Shizuru loved her tea. While the basis of their friendship was that each didn't concern themselves with the other's personal affairs, she was willing to bet her life that Shizuru knew a hell of a lot more about her than she did about Shizuru. It's not that she wasn't interested……maybe…the only thing that she was interested in before was avenging her mother's death. So perhaps Nao was right, she did use Shizuru as a beneficial connection.
Her fingers curled into a ball of frustration but she snapped out of it when a familiar sensation spread across her stomach. A familiar pressure. She felt this before, and she grew anxious as she stepped back. She found herself staring at the yellow line, and it didn't surprise her one bit. Taped across the width of the corridor, it hung proud of its existence there, to prevent students from further walking into the danger zone that was ahead. And not only that, she swore that it was mocking her presence. 'Ah, you walked all the way here without realizing it again? What a poor child you are.' She immediately slipped under it with no hesitation, refusing to stare down the inanimate object any longer. Yeah she unconsciously walked all the way her again, so what? One part of her was glad. Because she wouldn't consciously do so. And since she's already here, she might as well…keep going.
She didn't know what exactly she expected to find, but her legs wouldn't stop walking. Would Shizuru be there again? She didn't even know what Shizuru was doing there before. Did she want Shizuru to be there? She didn't think she needed to answer that question. What's the joy of looking at an empty room? She approached the doorway-or where it should've been- slowly, ears puckered to pick up any signs of life from within the room. There were none. But on the other hand, she didn't think that if Shizuru was indeed inside, she'd be banging the chairs and tables to make her presence known either. She took a deep breath and turned in. The first thing she noticed was the sun's ray completely enveloping her and then, a figure, standing by the only remaining glassless window of the room, back to her. The back was enough to tell her who it was though.
The wind blew lightly at the chestnut colored hair and suddenly she felt a pang of nostalgia. She had seen this scene before. Where? Here, of course. When? She rattled her brain, and it came to her. This scene, was exactly as that one day she fell asleep in this room after having used Shizuru's computer. She awoke to find Shizuru standing by the window. As if sensing she woke, Shizuru turned, as she did now, hauntingly in the exact same manner. Left hand holding her hair back before both hands went to her back, and she leaned against the wall. Those blood crimson eyes locked with her emerald green ones, and she found herself unable to look away.
"Natsuki"
She snapped up, realizing her name had been called. She tore her eyes away from Shizuru's, and focused on Shizuru's whole form instead. Those eyes make her feel trapped. Shizuru smiled.
"I thought I told Natsuki before that this section has been closed off," Shizuru started.
That smile, that ambiguously wicked yet charming smile, rendered her completely speechless. She stood there, staring dumbfounded at Shizuru. What was she to say? She could not think of any good excuses to being there. "I…," should she apologize and leave? Again? She didn't want to. "I…"
"Natsuki knew that, right?" Shizuru continued. "Natsuki saw the yellow line yet knowingly slipped pass it to come here. Why? This is not the first time. Does this room hold some significance to Natsuki?"
Her mouth opened, but no words came. She closed them.
Significance? Yes, it does
"Forgive me,"
"Eh?"
"If I sound like I'm interrogating," Shizuru said. "If Natsuki doesn't tell anyone I'm here, then I'll let this pass."
She blinked, the sudden realization hitting her like a rock to her face. 'This section is closed off' would obviously and definitely apply to Shizuru as well. She'd just allowed herself to be treated like the only guilty party here. She frowned at Shizuru.
Shizuru chuckled, noticing the frown. "If Natsuki isn't too busy, please come in."
Though surprised at the invitation, she did exactly that. Her steps were wary, partially because of all the cracks on the floor and the reality that just a few steps to her left, there is no floor and partially because, she looked at Shizuru. She stopped at a comfortable distance and eyed Shizuru's body language which almost seems to say 'come closer' although Shizuru hasn't moved at all.
She glanced at the desk. "Am I bothering you?" If it was anyone else, she didn't think she'd care even if she is.
Shizuru raised an eyebrow, before her expression relaxed into a smile. "No, quite the opposite. I was happy to see Natsuki."
Natsuki turned to Shizuru, but Shizuru's face was turned away. Instead, she looked around the room, for the first time really perceiving the extent of the damage. Everything seemed like they could collapse without warning. Even the wall Shizuru was leaning on. "Why do you keep coming here?"
Shizuru looked back at Natsuki. An unreadable expression showed. "Natsuki was a HiME too, isn't that right?"
Her eyes widened. "Eh?" That was the first time she heard Shizuru mention about HiME's. "Ye-Yea"
Shizuru dropped her gaze to the empty space where the other half of the floor should have been. "The damage to this room was caused by me when I summoned Kiyohime, my Child."
Not you alone…
"That is why?" Guilt for having caused the 'death' of the room?
Shizuru looked up, but not at her. She seemed to be thinking of something, and Natsuki couldn't even begin to guess what it was. Finally, she spoke. "After the festival, I kept feeling like there's something missing-"
Something…missing?
"-but I don't know what it is. I feel better when I come here." Shizuru turned to Natsuki, and offered a small smile. "What about Natsuki? Why does Natsuki come here?"
Her mouth snapped shut, before she looked down, unable to answer.
Something…missing…
She heard Shizuru shifting, but still did not answer.
"It's okay if Natsuki doesn't want to tell me. We al have our secrets," Shizuru said.
She rolled her eyes at Shizuru. "Do you?"
A fleeting smile, and Shizuru turned away, leaving the question unanswered. Natsuki decided not to push it. She walked closer to Shizuru, and stood beside her at the window, looking out at the sun. She felt Shizuru smile, and she relaxed. It was becoming increasingly hard not to, considering the atmosphere. She closed her eyes. Shizuru once stood here, as she is now. What was she thinking? What is she thinking? Natsuki couldn't figure. This person standing next to her is Shizuru, but at the same time not. If she told the truth, would Shizuru once again become who she knew? Did she even want that? She opened her eyes, looking at the scenery that Shizuru once beheld, and tried to imagine what Shizuru could've been thinking of.
"Natsuki is having that far away look again, like that day in the flower garden," Shizuru said, catching Natsuki's attention. "Is Natsuki thinking about that person?"
Startled, she turned to Shizuru. She found herself nodding before sheepishly looking out of the window again. "She once stood here, like you just now," she paused. "I wonder what she was thinking about."
Shizuru closed her eyes, taking a silent deep breath before opening them again, looking away at nothing in particular. "Perhaps she was thinking of Natsuki."
Natsuki froze. "Why…do you think so?"
"Because Natsuki is in her position now, thinking of her"
It was times like this that Natsuki couldn't help feeling that Shizuru never had forgotten her. She was just using this pretense so that she could tell Natsuki all the things that she couldn't say directly before. It wasn't impossible. Shizuru is capable of such a thing. If she wanted, she could fool the whole world. But then Shizuru would turn to her, and she would catch the look in those eyes. She knew then that it's true. It wasn't a lie. Shizuru truly have forgotten her. Perhaps this is all that is left of her inside Shizuru.
So you were thinking of me, Shizuru?
The ends of her mouth curved upwards ever so slightly. Maybe she didn't need to go riding after all.
I feel a need to state this although it should be noticeable but ah, I'll say it anyway. There is no definite amount of time in between chapters. It may be days, a week, the next day or even few hours. If there is a definite time span, I'll mention it within the chap but if there isn't, you're free to make your own assumption on how much time has passed. And probably Shizuru and Natsuki did interact in between also. Up to your imagination. I can't be writing day by day cause that'll take forever.
By the way, this is just a question that won't change how I end this story anyway but I'm just curious, do you guys think Shizuru should regain her memories? Do tell me okay?
