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Angel Wishes

Chapter 4

When Laura awoke the next morning she was pleasantly surprised to find the anxiety that had plagued her the previous day had mellowed considerably. Whether it was the time spent with Frank, Joe and their girlfriends, or a good night's sleep she wasn't sure, but no matter the reason, she was just happy her obsession was now a more manageable mild concern.

After a leisurely breakfast with her husband and sons, Laura left the house and headed for the Bayport police station. Every year police chief Ezra Collig's wife, Bea, organized a food, clothes and toy drive for the less fortunate families of Bayport. This year the citizens of their community had been more than generous, prompting a frantic call from Bea begging Laura to help sort the mountain of donations into something that resembled organized chaos.

Soon after arriving at the station, Laura became caught up in the task of assisting Bea. The hours flew by and slowly but surely the disorganized mass of food, clothes and toys turned into row upon row of neatly arranged boxes of presents and baskets of food, sorted, tagged, addressed and ready to be delivered on Christmas Eve. After stopping off at the local coffee house for a well-deserved cappuccino with the other volunteers, Laura finally arrived home, exhausted but happy. She'd barely had time to think about the impending phone call from her doctor and decided helping those less fortunate had done a world of good towards taking her mind off her own problems.

Putting in a few of her favorite Christmas CD's, Laura went into the kitchen and began preparing dinner. The boys had gone skating with their friends but promised to be home in time for dinner. She could hear muffled sounds coming from Fenton's office and smiled, pleased that her whole family would be present and accounted for tonight. Humming along to the music, she had all but forgotten about the call she'd been hesitantly anticipating when the phone rang.

Startled, Laura spun around and stared at the phone as if seeing it for the first time. She was suddenly overcome with a premonition of bad news and found herself rooted in place, as if she were physically unable to move. She heard the swinging door to the kitchen open and knew her husband had come in, though she didn't actually see him, her eyes glued to the ringing phone in morbid fascination.

"Hello?" Fenton's deep voice rang in her ears as he answered the phone. "Yes, she's here. Hold on please."

He approached, holding the phone out. Putting an arm around her shoulders, he squeezed tightly. "It's Dr. Tanninger's office."

Laura swallowed hard and put down the oven mitt she'd been holding. Reaching out, she took the phone in one shaking hand and grasped her husband's arm tightly with the other one. "Hello? Yes, I'll hold."

She looked up at Fenton, unable to hide the fear in her eyes. "She's putting me through to – yes, hello Dr. Tanninger." She listened for a moment and responded, "I see. What exactly would that entail?" Laura listened, chewing on her lower lip and squeezing Fenton's arm even harder. "Tomorrow afternoon would be fine," she said, her voice quavering slightly. "Yes, my husband can come with me. Thank you, Dr. Tanninger, we'll see you then."

Laura pressed a button to end the call and walked, zombie-like to the counter, putting the cordless phone back in its holder. She stared numbly at the counter in front of her and spoke in a flat, monotone.

"The radiologist who read the mammogram wasn't 'comfortable' with the results. He felt the lump looked suspicious," she repeated what her doctor had just related to her. "Dr. Tanninger wants me to come in to the office tomorrow so he can do a biopsy." She finally turned around and faced her husband. "It could still be cancer," she whispered, dissolving into tears when he took her in his arms and held her to his chest.

oooOOOooo

"Moooom!! We're home!"

Several seconds after the booming announcement Joe came barreling into the kitchen, his cheeks rosy from an afternoon out in the cold winter air. "What's for dinner? I'm starved!"

"As if that's news," Frank teased, following his brother at a more leisurely pace.

Fenton saw Frank's expression change the instant he looked at his mother. Immediately Frank's gaze shifted to him, dark brown eyes narrowed in concern. "What's going on?"

"Huh?" Joe turned away from the refrigerator, alerted by the tone in Frank's voice.

Fenton motioned for his sons to follow them as he and Laura, turned and walked out to the living room. Laura still had doubts about telling Frank and Joe what was going on without having a definitive diagnosis; however, Fenton pointed out their very perceptive sons would quickly pick up that something was wrong. In the end, it didn't take long for him to convince her they needed to know.

As the foursome silently, took seats – Laura and Fenton on the couch, Frank in the armchair and Joe on the floor – Fenton was secretly relieved. As any parent would, he wanted to shield his children from any kind of pain, physical or emotional. But he knew if the unthinkable happened and Laura's biopsy turned out to be malignant, she would need all the support they could give her – and more.

'Heck, I could use some support, too!' Fenton thought, running a hand through his thick, dark hair. He'd never faced a situation where his family was being threatened and he could do nothing to stop it. He decided it was a feeling he did not like at all. Hearing Laura's voice, Fenton tried to pull his distracted thoughts back to the present with limited success.

"So Dr. Tanninger wants me to come in to the office tomorrow afternoon for a biopsy."

"Mom," Joe's voice was soft and shaking. "Does this mean you…you have…"

"No, honey, not at all," Laura replied soothingly. Reaching out she took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "It's just a precaution, that's all."

Fenton listened to his wife, amazed at how calm she sounded. Glancing at her face, he saw she had slipped into protective mother mode. Frank and Joe always came first with her – always – and even this possibly devastating news didn't change that. Right now, she was more worried about how the news would affect her sons than how the reality of possible breast cancer would affect her.

As Laura spoke, repeating what Tanninger had told her, Fenton watched them both carefully. While Frank, Joe and he himself had been physically hurt in the past – sometimes seriously – they never had to face this kind of news about Laura. She was the one constant in all of their lives – always there to laugh with them, cry with them, play with them, nurse them back to health when they were sick or injured, provide an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a word of advice….to love them unconditionally…

He looked at Frank and wasn't surprised to find he couldn't read his older son's expression. Stable, logical, levelheaded, Frank appeared as calm and composed as he always did. Not one to easily share his feelings or emotions, Frank quickly learned how to present a mask of neutrality when he didn't want anyone to know how he was feeling. And this, apparently, was one of those times.

Looking at Joe, he could already see the effect Laura's words were having on him. Fiery and emotional, Joe wore his heart on his sleeve for all the world to see. Right now, his blue eyes stood out starkly against his now pale skin. Despite Laura's assurances that she had not yet gotten a diagnosis of breast cancer, Joe's chin started to quiver and he squeezed his eyes shut, clearly fighting back tears.

Wordlessly, Laura moved to his side. Crouching on the floor, she put her arms around him and held him tightly. Rocking back and forth, Joe clung to his mother as she stroked his hair and Fenton had to turn away, knowing that one heart wrenching moment was permanently seared into his memory.

oooOOOooo

Joe sighed and tossed the magazine he'd been reading on the floor. Pushing himself up off the bed, he walked to the window of his room and stared out. The moon was shining off the snow that had fallen. With the bright Christmas lights twinkling on the houses and trees and the decorations in the yards up and down the street, it was a scene from a picture perfect, winter postcard. Joe turned away, hating the world for looking so beautiful.

Ever since Laura had told them the news a few hours earlier, Joe felt as if he'd been in a daze. Frank had asked a multitude of questions, none of which Joe could remember, and Laura had answered them the best she could. They had then gone through the motions of having dinner, yet when Joe helped his mother clear the table, it was plain to see everyone had lost their appetite.

Soon afterwards, Laura had left to attend the annual neighborhood cookie swap organized by the Hardys' next-door neighbor, Margaret Gibbons. She had again reassured the boys that more than likely, there was nothing wrong and therefore no cause to worry. But Joe couldn't stop thinking about Laura's news, almost to the point of obsession.

No matter how he tried to distract himself, Laura's words kept ricocheting around in his head, refusing to give him a moment of peace. In those initial moments when Joe was in shock and on the verge of tears, she had told him – repeatedly – that right now the lump was simply a lump and nothing more. She had not been diagnosed with breast cancer and there was a very good chance she wouldn't be. Still, Joe didn't miss the anxiety in her voice or the outright fear in his father's eyes. Now feeling utterly lost, he wandered into Frank's room hoping his brother might be able to put his mind at ease, even if only for a little while.

"What are you doing?" Joe asked numbly.

"Research," came Frank's clipped reply.

"Huh?" Joe moved closer to the desk, trying to focus on the monitor.

"I'm doing research on breast cancer. The various types, the different options for treatment…" Frank's voice faded as he became engrossed in something he'd found.

'Breast cancer…' Joe hated the words and he hated his brother for saying them out loud. How dare Frank start learning everything he possibly could about the disease! What if their mother didn't even have cancer? What if it was just a cyst or something else totally benign? She had said as much when she broke the news to them – right now it was just a lump! What if Frank was jinxing the outcome of Laura's biopsy by what he was doing! Joe knew that was totally irrational but he felt as if his whole world had just been sent spinning out of control. How dare Frank not believe with all his heart that the biopsy would show it was not cancer!

"This is good," Frank spoke again, an excitement in his voice. "Eight out of ten lumps are not cancerous," Frank read from the screen. "And even when they are, if it's found early enough, the five year survival rate is ninety-six percent."

"Survival rate?!" Joe stared at his brother, feeling the anger well up inside him. 'How dare he talk about survival rates!! But what if she is in that other four percent? That would mean…' That one thought forced itself into Joe's heart, took hold and refused to let go. He felt his body start to tremble, his temper begin to flare and he could do nothing to stop it.

"Yeah, those are good odds," Frank responded, oblivious to the look of fury on his brother's face. "But the most important factor to consider is whether or not the cancer is invasive or non-invasive," he continued. "Non-invasive is better because the cancer hasn't spread to surrounding tissues."

Joe began to hear a soft buzzing in his ears as Frank's voice faded in and out. His heart began to beat wildly and he felt every muscle in his body tense. 'Shut up! Just shut up!'

Joe wasn't sure if he'd said the words out loud or not. He felt as if he was losing touch with himself, with reality and then he realized what was happening. His anger had reached its limit and crossed the line into the darkest part of his soul. He was about to lose control…

Joe heard a few more words as Frank continued to read from the monitor.

"Regional treatment…"

'Shut up!'

"Lumpectomy…"

'Stop it!'

"Radiation therapy…"

'NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!'

Joe was on Frank before he even realized what he was doing. "SHUT UP!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!" he screamed. Grabbing the back of Frank's sweater, Joe pulled him out of the chair and practically threw him across the room. Frank hit the wall hard, causing the room to shake. Several books fell off the shelves with a dull thud.

Picking up the papers Frank had printed out Joe lunged at his brother, shaking the documents at him. "SHE IS NOT A STATISTIC!!! SHE'S OUR MOTHER!!" Joe yelled, throwing the papers in the air. "Our mother! MY mother…" his voice broke.

Joe never saw the expression of utter shock on Frank's face as he ran from the room. His vision blurred with tears, he stumbled down the steps and through the kitchen to the back door. Flinging it open, he ran out into the cold winter night, slipping on the snowy ground until he stumbled and fell. On his knees, Joe wrapped his arms around himself and sobbed.