Portrait

Her task of deciding how to approach Garfield proved to be much harder than expected. After she had realised what he put himself just to be stronger her resolve had been absolute: she would help Garfield and make him realise that he could seek help and not be considered weak by anyone, including himself. However, the council with her emotions had not helped her reach a decision quickly; each had had different way of dealing with her situation. Some she would dismiss, like Affection who suggested showing how much she cared for him by hugging him, some didn't even offer a solution, namely Rude, but most of her emotions had offered valid methods and the right course of action eluded her for several days.

It had been when Wisdom had suggested an indirect tactical method of attacking one of Garfield's defences rather than what he defended, she felt they had found something. Knowledge instantly provided good reason to the idea by pointing out that Garfield would be expecting a direct attack after their argument in the snowfall three days before. She agreed, but it still left the question of what defences he had and which was the right one to attack. She knew if she chose wrong she could hurt him, or get hurt as he defended himself, she desired neither because then he would simply cut himself off further from help and then she might even have to involve the others. That course was very unappealing to her: One he really could end up hating her. Two she wanted to help him personally, this bothered her though because she didn't know why she wanted this, but she wanted to be in control of this.

The list of Garfield's obvious defences was very concerning when she thought about it. Not only was the list long but it contained defences that were extremely difficult to attack for someone she had initially judged to be relatively simple when it came to a game of mental wits. Why did he have to be so bothersome? He never talked about his past, for three years after the Beast he had fled the tower on numerous occasions to hide how he felt, the real smiles that never reached his eyes, the books he had borrowed from her, the fact his room was sealed against her empathy. She had believed that was all of them until Wisdom said she was overlooking a simple one that Garfield had most likely not prepared an explanation for. As usual the burgundy cloaked emotion had left her bemused.

The only clue Wisdom gave was that the defence was a constant in Garfield appearance and would not usually spark any suspicion and then remained in stubborn silence. Wisdom's habit of giving clues rather than answers and letting her figure it out was rather testing at times, she had then mulled over the constants that she could think of when it came to Garfield. Happy had chirped up with "He's furry, funny and has pointy ears," and then started giggling; she had then decided to ignore Happy for a little while. Her list had been 'Green, out sticking fang, erm, handsome eyes, muscular, a sharp jaw…Affection!' The lilac cloaked emotion had simply whistled, keeping a very unconvincing mask of innocence. She had become frustrated then, this bringing back memories of how well Garfield could irritate her, but then it hit her.

His gloves. Everytime he held up his hands to defend himself after annoying her he was wearing gloves, and now that she thought about it he always wore gloves, she had never seen his hands. Why? She had turned back to Wisdom who simply gave a knowing smile and nod. After further advice from her emotions, mainly Wisdom and Knowledge, she decided that it would be best to catch him unawares, so as to give him little chance of preparing a fake explanation and while the others were occupied so as to avoid interruption.

These desired conditions took another two days to meet, but now everything was to her liking. Richard and Starfire were on a date and Victor was out 'cruising' in his 'baby', sometimes she really could not understand the male psyche. As she entered the common room she found Garfield watching another movie marathon, and she noticed it was of the horror genre which would work to her advantage. She approached silently and avoided detection due to his evident enthrallment at, what appeared to be, the original Halloween.

Once she was close enough to actually see his face she couldn't help but be fascinated, but also concerned, at the peacefulness of it, despite the tension she could feel from him as a result of the film. She would even go as far to say it was picturesque. He was completely cut off from the world and it seemed to comfort him, as if he didn't have to feel a pain reality gave him. This reminded her of the reason she was here, and it only increased her resolve to help him, to see behind the 'mask'.

"Why do you always hide them?" she asked, the immediate reaction was a terrified squeal and fake, but not so fake, heart attack as Garfield collapsed on the floor. Good, she had surprised him in the least. She kept her face neutral, whilst listening to Happy have a laughing fit in Nevermore, as she waited for him to answer as he picked himself up. She could sense evident confusion within him.

"Please, don't do that, Rae! You scared me worse than when Silkie ate an entire 'cake' that Star made." This joke simply caused Happy to laugh harder, but once again she remained neutral. "Why do I hide what?" he asked, confirming the confusion she sensed, seating himself back on the sofa.

"Your hands," she stated calmly as she seated herself next to him, a little closer than usual, while shutting off the television and cutting off any escape plan he might have come up with during the imminent conversation. She would not let him get out of this. "Since the first time I met you I have never seen your hands in your human form. Not even in an off guard moment, or when you wear civilian clothes, you always wear gloves. Why?"

She felt an immediate spike in his anger, more than likely due to frustrated surprise, proving her strategy was working. Plus, it caused Happy to finally stop laughing. "Who said I hide them?" She was already prepared for this.

"You," she replied, "just now. You maybe able to hide some things from me, Garfield, but you are not perfect and neither are your attempts to mask how you feel. I can easily deduce from the simple anger you are feeling that my question hit a sore point." His anger only increased further.

"Then leave it! If you can tell it's a sore point then don't attack it! And don't call me that!" he snapped, his breathing was sharp and his fists were clenched in anger. She had to admit she was surprised at how well her tactics were working, maybe she knew him better than she thought. He turned away, as she had foreseen, searching for the television remote in the hope of escaping her questions and concerns. She could not and would not allow this, and had already dealt with the possibility. She took out the remote from her cloak, which she had teleported there the instant she had sat down while he was facing her, and held it at shoulder height in her right hand.

"You are not getting away from this, Garfield," she stated, causing him to turn and face her again and felt his instant surprise at realising that she had obtained the remote without him even sensing it. "Why so surprised? You are not the only one who wants to be in greater control of their power, Garfield." He growled darkly at her, his anger increasing.

"Why are you mocking me?" His voice thick with the intent of a threat, she could tell, he was willing to fulfil. He was now looking her directly in the eyes; his look was as threatening as his tone and she matched it all the way. How stubborn could he be?

"I am not mocking you; I am reminding you not to underestimate me, Garfield." She allowed her gaze to soften as she answered him, but she did not allow it to faulter. She had maintained her monotone but she, now, sent her concerns with it, so he could see how she felt, she let her eyes scream it at him, and was sure he smell her concern as well. Surely he wasn't so stubborn he would ignore this, was he? She could already sense his anger subsiding and felt relief at that notion, "Now, please, answer my question."

"First: don't call me that," he replied, however, his voice now contained a light humour, as well as the sound of defeat. Thank Azar he wasn't that stubborn. "Second: they are ugly."

"What?" Was the unison response in Nevermore, she couldn't help but let it out, she agreed. What in the name of Azar did he mean? Her confusion instantly appeared on her face, she couldn't help that either. "How can your hands be ugly? I know that your hands have claws and perhaps other animal traits, as well as possible battle scars, but 'ugly'?"

"Tell me, Rae, how do people with sight, or even some of those who don't, identify another person is not a monster?" That didn't help her confusion at all, to which Garfield gave a tired sigh, "It's their face. Those with sight judge another by their face, even some who are blind can judge a person by their face or by other methods. I'm not talking about what a face looks like compared to others, namely pretty or ugly, in the cosmetic sense. Yeah, some don't bother to look past the abnormal in a face since they fear the abnormal and that's their loss; it leaves them unable to see all of those who are around them. Plus, that's part of what others will see in them. But to judge 'who a person is' you look at their face: their eyes show where they've been, and to the trained eye, what they've experienced and how they felt at the time. While expressions show how they feel at the moment of then and there. If you put this alongside their actions then you know whether that person is 'human' or is a 'monster'. There is never any greater detail other than someone's basic personality, e.g. evil or good, weak or strong." She half understood his point, and could tell he knew the way he said it was flawed, but…

"How is this related to your hands being 'ugly'?"

"Simple: your hands are how you judge yourself. They are the one constant you see everyday, if you're fortunate enough to have them, and they are a textbook to the past you may remember or may have forgotten. When you look at your hands you know where to look and how to read your own past from them, and you know how felt at every moment. You can judge yourself from the lines, hairs, nails, and any permanent marks left on your hands." Now she understood; to him his hands presented a self-portrait of his personality and he called it, called himself… 'ug-ug-l' the very thought caused her eyes to sting with tears, how could he see himself like that? No matter what his past was he was not ugly in any sense, he was not a monster. He was good, kind, brave and had seen hope in her, as the others had as well, rather than just the demon that nearly the whole world saw when they looked at her. How could he see himself in this way? Did he actually…? "Rae?" the concern in Garfield's voice brought her back to reality.

"H-h-how can you see yourself as- as -?" she still couldn't process the thought, let alone say it.

"'Ugly'?" he cut in, "I can read them, Rae, and I have memorized exactly what they say, and simply put the whole picture sickens me." Once again Garfield had left her in a position of complete paralysed shock, as he stood and turned away from her, hopped over the sofa and headed for the main exit of the Tower. How could he hate himself in this way? She had never hated him, even when he had annoyed her to no end, and could not even process the idea of hating him.

"Rae, now you know why I hide my hands, my past, from even my own eyes. You might think my past cannot be worse than yours, you're right, but what it proves is. So, I will ask this one time: do not try to break my mask: you will not like what you see." His tone had changed, it wasn't neutral and it wasn't a threat, it was a plea, it was if he was begging her to stay away in the fear that she would hate him. At the sound of main doors opening she stood to argue so she could tell how wrong he was, but he cut off before she began, "My past is a burden, it is mine and mine alone, and I will bear it alone. I can not and will not share it, because, I am no longer weak." The doors closed, leaving her alone in her distress.

She could not believe him. How could he believe she would hate him? Didn't he know how she saw him as family; how all of the Titans saw him? Was he really such a hypocrite? She had hated herself because of her past and heritage and what her destiny had been predicted as. Garfield, and the others, had saved her from that and shown her that hating oneself due to past forced upon oneself is simply wrong. Perhaps Garfield's view of himself came from a choice, or what seemed to be a choice to him, he had made. It didn't matter, even if that was the case; he hated himself for a past he refused to share, something he had not allowed her to do for her benefit and now she would do the same for him.

That past, that burden, was enough to cause him sorrow and rage; she knew he hid it from them for two reasons. The thought that his pain would harm them if he let them see it combined with a desire she shared, to protect the ones he loved, gave his drive not to be weak reason to bear the burden alone. But also because he feared their reaction to seeing what caused that burden, that pain.

She would have to show him what he meant to them, to her, and make him realise that no matter what his burden she, and the others, would neither hate or view him as weak if he shared it with them.

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A/N: I really do want to know if this was okay, because I half feel I went a bit random. The reason Rae notices Garfield's fear before he does is for three reasons: 1. BB is using the weak point because he genuinelybelievesit and does not search for a greater reasoning. 2. Raven is Raven, need I say more? 3. I am believer that women can read men alot better than men can read women. This statement is made as a dude whogenerally follows the orders of the women in his life out of fear because he just can't understand how their minds work. (no offense meant to anyone) Please review.