So…This was going to be a one shot…not sure if I should have carried on…but afta doing the first part, I started thinking…
-
It was now the next day now. One day since they had cleared the waters. One day since he held closure.
And it was a very long day.
He was holding up in his room for a while, just laying there numbly. He couldn't fall asleep, not that he was trying. He was just there laying on the bed with only his thoughts there the distract him. And they definitely were doing a great job.
He hadn't had a crying session yet which surprised him. He guessed it was because the whole thing hadn't totally submerged itself yet. Things were just glazing pass like watching traffic glide by from your bedroom window.
And yes he couldn't help but still feel helpless. Just standing there inanimate watching as the cars drifted by. Each car different size, colour, and going at different speed.
The one thing that did surprise him, is how fast time went. Before he knew it, Ryan was in his room sitting wordlessly on the side of his bed, hands together.
Seth looked over at him, slightly lifting his head before collapsing back on his pillow.
Ryan decided to take initiative and talk first. "So…hows it going."
"Just. Fucking. Awesome." The sarcasm dripping off his words.
Ryan nodded for a sec. So shit went south. He knew it was going to happen and he prepared himself knowingly.
"Don't worry."
Seth waited for Ryan to continue, but a continuation didn't arrive. Ryan had obviously prepared well.
Seth lifted up his head slightly looking at Ryan. Ryan just sat there unresponsively, and slightly satisfied, which kind of irked Seth. Seth moved up into an upright position, leaning against the bed's head board.
"So what?" Seth looked on puzzled. "That's all you got for me? Don't worry."
Ryan nodded carefully. "Yup. Just Don't worry."
Seth just slouched lethargically, borrowing the body language for his tone of voice. "Dude, since when don't I worry. Neurotic runs so deep in this family you will feel it clawing at you soon."
Ryan nodded again, but this time more receptively. "Just don't think about it."
Seth sighed. "Yeah that's kind of hard when I'm totally crazy about her."
Ryan brushed off the self pity thing Seth did. "Let's just go down stairs and grab dinner."
Seth either didn't hear what he said or choose to overlook it. "She is all I ever think about." He picked at the bed cover for a second before being hit by a wave of emotion. He quickly moved up his right hand to scratch his head, covering the line of sight from Ryan so he could dry the moistness accumulating in his eyes.
Ryan bit his bottom lip for a moment, seeing right through Seth. He knew that Seth would like to be alone and all that crap but Ryan knew better.
He stood up moving over to Seth. "How about we go have dinner, go for a swim then play some playstation.? Okay?"
Seth breathed out clearly not in the mood to do anything. But he wanted to get up for a bit. After all, he had skipped out on school, only to cower in his room. He just shrugged.
Ryan raised a stern eyebrow, eliciting a sigh from Seth. "Fine. But I'm waiting 30 minutes before I get into the pool."
Seth languidly got up off the bed, making way to the kitchen with Ryan following. "K. Good. We haven't been swimming in ages."
"That's cause it has been winter." Seth blandly stated.
Ryan shrugged. "Well it's not anymore. It's nice and hot now. Perfect for swimming. You gotta love the Summer."
Seth slowed, looking back even slower to Ryan. He was about to say something but ended up choosing not to, continuing his trek to the kitchen looking quite the outfit of misery.
They ended up completing the plan Ryan had set, but with much expected difficulty. Seth had minor moments when left with a minute to himself, would fall silent and space out. But Ryan's overall plan had apparently worked, cause at around 12 Seth had fallen asleep in the pool house amidst a drawn out battle that lasted way too long for high school students.
-
Seth may have been able to fall asleep fairly easily, but waking him up to get to school was a totally different story.
Kirsten stood at Seth's bedroom door, her frustration rising rapidly. "Seth sweetie, you have to go to school. You have got exams soon and you can't afford to miss class." She said is an attempting sweet voice, aggravation wavering on the outer tones.
Seth lay agitated under his covers not warranting entrance to his room to anyone. "Mum I would really love too but I've got this crazy bug and I don't want to pass it on to anyone."
Kirsten didn't even bother. "You got 5 seconds Seth."
Seth knew he was going to have to go to school. There was no way he was going to get out of it. He just sighed, sucked it up, and got up. "Fine mum." He went over to the door opening it, presenting himself as evidence. "Happy."
Kirsten smiled back condescendingly. "So very."
Seth knew that he was going to have to have this first day after with Summer no matter what. He figured he might as well get it over with so at least he can still be her friend….some what. He had absolutely no idea what and how their conversation would go, and how hard it would be. He was dreading this something special, but knew he had no choice. His heart was beating faster just thinking about it. Even his throat dried up slightly. He just scratched his head, none too softly, and made his way to the bathroom.
-
Summer woke up once again to the feeling of burning eyes, and sinking stomach. She had now accustomed herself to this feeling for a couple of days. And the prospects of this residing feeling of leaving wasn't looking too good and definitely not to plan.
A shiver is found rippling down her spine at the word plan.
Like you can plan shit like this.
Like anything, when in terms of relationship, goes to plan.
She moves out of her bed and lamentingly makes way for her bathroom. She comes out 10 seconds later deciding the bed is much more friendly then the mirror. As she falls unceremoniously onto her friend her mind starts cycling through the day that is today.
And the dread of what if begins to coat through her thoughts sending waves of panic in its untainted purest form through her poisoned mind.
The panic, so true and unique, as she hadn't felt this worry before. She has never had to, cause she has never cared enough before.
The her poisoned mind, well that's equated from the disaster that was her parents marriage, plus the step monster, and well the basic observations of relationships as a whole in Newport. Yup definitely poisoned.
But she hasn't nothing to guide her from thinking the obscene. No experience, and her mind is letting her know it. And has been for the last couple of days.
She remembers back to when she was going to give in, and call Seth when he was in Vegas, but her dad came in. He wanted to take his special girl and Marissa out on the town, for a bit of shopping and dinner.
She also remembered back to yesterday, after she had the 'nail in coffin' talk with Cohen. How she did not feel so good after. She went back into her class right after their talk and just sat there. Stoic and lifeless.
She didn't hear one word of what the teacher was saying.
Marissa took her out after school for some retail therapy, venturing to south coast plaza. But Summer wasn't with it at all. She just browsed over some clothes and accessories, not even attempting to try anything on. Marissa was kind of freaked out. She would try to gather some clothes for Summer to try on but she negated every attempted.
And every now and then, Marissa could hear a small sniffle.
And she would look straight at Summer and wrap her in a big hug every time, telling her it's still all good. And Summer would wordlessly nod back.
The insufferable clock was clicking away, muching away on Summer's nerves. She definitely did not want a constant reminder that she was going to have to see Cohen today, and that things were going to be fucked up.
The friends thing was sounding like some kind of condemning now. She figured that's what you get with fucking with choice.
But she felt like she couldn't help it. Like it was embedded in her, her autonomic mercurial nature. Cause with Sumer its all about control.
Choice Mind made + No regrets.
That's all the Maths Summer wanted to know.
It definitely wasn't going as she thought.
She had pictured the talk with Seth to allow closure. To give her room to think and breathe. But all that was happening, was that she was feeling costrophobic and all she could think about was her and Seth, and their latest conversation.
She was feeling costrophobic cause she has no control on what is going to happen to them now. Like she was set in a parcel all sealed up and ready for shipping. She knows that Seth can be unpredictable and that this friend's thing they agreed on can go anywhere. She remembered going through all the scenarios, with all depositing an ill feeling in the pit of her stomach.
And she is left feeling scared and so very insecure. Her eyes well up slightly again as her thoughts drift over seeing him again today and the possibility's of what could happen. Her poor sweet boy. (She didn't even realise she called him her's)
"Come one Sum. Get it together."
And her mind rolls onto what's in store for her today…
So she had taken control, made her choice, and now she was going to have to deal.
-
Just walking into school felt different. Perhaps it was the fright of what was in sight, or maybe it was the knowledge that Seth wouldn't be there to brighten up her day and relieve her from the animosity that was, dealing with harbour high.
Summer and Marissa both walked into school, going along as if everything was the usual. They merely marched up to their lockers, got their stuff together, and then made way to get a coffee.
When they got there Summer froze. Over by Coffee stand was Ryan. And where Ryan was, Seth lurked. She quickly spun around surveying the surroundings. She breathed a sigh of relief as she could not find any sign of him. But then the thought registered that maybe he didn't even come to school today. And she was pretty sure that if he didn't, she was a major part of the reason why, particularly their new friends thing.
She decided to query Ryan on this to confirm which way it would be. "So, did Cohen come to school today…or…?" She drifted off waiting for Ryan to answer.
Ryan took his time answering, giving summer a regarded, "Yeah, he's around somewhere." He could see that the break up was affecting Summer to the same degree as Seth.
Summer quietly thanked Ryan before ordering a coffee to go. She quietly emersed herself in her thoughts upon the conformation that Seth was at school, and that this waaaaay fucked up awkward conversation was going happen.
Marissa and Ryan both looked at each other, then turned their gaze over to Summer.
"I think he already went to class, so ummm, I think you might have to catch him later." Ryan said, trying to help.
Summer took a sip of the dark futile coffee, wondering why she ever bought it. Old habits die hard.
"Yeah thanks. We have class together later before lunch, so I will probably see him then."
Marissa and Ryan both heard the underlining quiver of fright and lament as they watched Summer presumably make her way to her first class.
-
Summer sat nervously in the middle of the class, wringing her fingers together, waiting for class to begin. It was now the third class of the day, and there had been no sign of Seth. Not that she particularly looking for him, but usually somehow they always ran into each other before and after class. Well most of the time Seth found her, and she got the implication of not seeing him today clearly.
Slowly the seats around her, one by one, became occupied, till eventually there was no space for Seth except for the front of the class. And Seth was never late for class. Unless she was with him….of cause.
The Teacher came trundling through the door closing it behind him, and still no sign of Seth.
Summer tucked some hair behind her ear, opening her book, slowly becoming oblivious to everything around her, as her thoughts took control. They were making wild accusations of why Seth wasn't coming. And it was not very comforting at all.
Just as the thoughts hit home, the door peeped open with Seth trudging his way over to some spare seats at the front left of the class. He walked silently and discreetly, spotting the spare seats, keeping his eyes on the prize and not taking them off. He definitely didn't want an awkward thing where he and Summer share a glance before sitting on the other side of the classroom, not being able to talk to her for ages. Not that he was particularly looking forward to talking to her…
Summer sat there frozen, as a warm coat of anxiousness encased her. She watched his every move, the way he walked, his facial expression, and how he didn't look around for her. He just bee-lined it to the spare chairs.
She sat there, her bottom lip slightly pouted, eyes morose, shoulders slumped forward, looking like a child wanting to have her cake and eat it too. She downed a slice of knowing acceptance that this was a large probability of how Seth would react. She didn't like the slice at all; it went down sour.
She bit her bottom lip as she looked up at the clock. And the count down began.
40 minuets left…
30 minuets…
20…
10.
Then the bell pretentiously rang, all too loud and clear.
Instantly, Summer looked over at Seth to see what he would do. But he just sat there as others students packed up their stuff and started to leave.
Once she saw Seth getting his stuff together, she did too. She piled the books into her arm watching him in nervous alarm. Seth took a couple of steps from his seat, before looking over directly at Summer, smiling timidly, motioning with his head to meet him outside. She nodded back in agreement breathing a sigh of relief. (She did notice how Seth knew exactly where she was.)
Once they were both out there, it was the essence of awkward.
Seth didn't have a clue how to start the conversation. Even though he had been thinking all day about this, he still came up with nothing.
Summer was wondering the same thing. How the fuck do you cultivate a friendship with someone, when everything surrounding the both of you is deterring it?
Seth swallowed hard. He tried to act maturely before by signalling them to meet up outside, but that's as far as his maturity reached before it melted, naturally, by the presence of Summer.
"Hey you." Summer said softly, her eyes firmly fixated on his. She swallowed hard. She was thinking of giving him a quick one armed hug, but he looked too despondent.
Seth shyly smiled back answering with a soft, "Hello you too."
Summer, noticing that Seth was standing a bit further away from her then usual just went on with banal convo material.
"So, schools finally finishing up." She smiled up apprehensively, "It's been a fun year."
This far into the conversation and Seth was already reminiscing with the aching feeling in his heart and stomach. The one he knew he was continually becoming more and more cosy with.
"It certainly has been an adventure."
Summer leaned on her left foot. She once again fixated her eyes on Seth's. She could see how much he wanted to get away from her. How much he wanted this conversation for be over just so he wouldn't have to be around her. It was like it was precipitating from him.
Summer swallowed hard once again. She bit the inside of her left cheek to stop the familiar feeling of tears originate in her eyes.
"Yeah it certainly has." The way he was standing a metre away from her was eating away at her.
"Anyways….talking about school, well I have got to get to class. And so do you." He showed off a toothy grin, emphasising his dimples.
Summer nodded obediently, but once again looking like a child who wants to eat that damn cake and still have it. "Ummm, yeah, sure. I'll walk with you?"
Summer saw the immediate hesitation and dread that consumed Seth for a second after her comment. And she couldn't help but slump her shoulders with a slight released breath, when a swirl of pain and hurt ignited her chest.
Seth caught the drift that she saw his reaction, and tried to resurrect the damage. "No, it's just that my class is in the opposite direction to yours, and you know, I don't want to be too late or anything." He smiled nervously.
Summer looked down, visibly anguished. "It's not like that ever stopped you before." And the slow welling of tears began.
Seth sucked in both of his lips, biting down hard on his bottom. He could see he was hurting Summer, but he wasn't trying to at all. He was just trying to relieve the mess of emotions that was going on in him. He was now realising the totality of the situation that he and Summer had now arrived at.
But he really couldn't stand to see Summer hurting like this. It was making him feel fucking shit.
He really didn't have a clue what to do next.
"So umm, I am gonna go head to class." He gritted his teeth. Summer looked back up at him, and she just looked sad… "So I'll see you tomorrow."
Seth started to make a step away but was stopped when Summer said, "Can't I at least get a hug?" And she looked so sad, sincere and heartfelt that he just had too.
He nodded dumbly. She moved forward to engulf him in a full warm hug, of which he returned in entirety.
Seth pulled back, too soon for Summer's liking, and with a small wave started to make his way up the stairs, wondering if it could have been possible for their convo to be any more awkward.
Summer just stood there plain and miserable. After a second she slammed her back into the locker she was leaning on. She stood there motionless, covering her mouth with her right hand.
She took a deep breath.
Then sniffled.
She leaned her head back on the locker while whispering heatedly, "No no nooooooooo."
And so was the nativity of their "friendship".
-
So…yay or nay?
