DISCLAIMER: See Teaser.

ACT 5

Voyager, 2372

Bridge

The Doctor moved between his equipment and his patient. Janeway still lay unconscious on the deck, but her features were now composed, her breathing relaxed and even. Chakotay, however, was a picture of stymied frustration, pacing back and forth and occasionally stopping to stare out at the alien probe. Paris and Kes continued to study the medical monitors.

"Doctor…," said Kes.

"What is it?"

"I'm not sure," she answered. "She's showing physiological alterations. Her systemic readings are changing."

Paris glanced over to double check the monitor Kes had been reading. "So are her respiratory functions," he said.

"Is she in danger?" asked Chakotay.

"I don't know," responded the Doctor. "I don't understand what's happening. The changes are subtle, but…" The Doctor looked up at Chakotay. "If I didn't know better, I'd say these are the metabolic rates of an eighty year old woman."

Chakotay stared at the Doctor in astonishment.

*****

Ressik, 1417 by Earth's calendar

A somewhat frail but energetic eighty-six year old Janeway was on her hands and knees, playfully chasing a giggling six year old boy around the large reclining chair. Her grandson, Kamie, was playing keep-away with her old flute. Janeway hid behind the chair and then jumped out to surprise Kamie, who squealed with delight as his grandmother caught him by the ankle. She pushed her spectacles back up the bridge of her nose, and then moved in to begin tickling the boy.

"Some children are certainly making a lot of noise in here."

Janeway looked up to see Meribor, now in her late thirties, standing in the front doorway, watching the goings-on. She wore a wide-brimmed hat to protect herself from the intense sunlight. Stepping further indoors, she removed it and laid it on a table as she moved into the main room.

"You shouldn't be out there for so long," Janeway said. "It's damaging, you know that."

"I'm wearing plenty of your skin protector, Mother."

Janeway harrumphed. She turned to Kamie and asked, "Do you wear your skin protector outdoors, young man?" He nodded and laughed. "You do? Good boy." She reached over to tickle him again, and the boy's only response was another round of giggling.

Young Batai came into the house to join them. He was now in his early thirties, and also wore a wide-brimmed hat.

"Happy day, everybody!" he called out. "It's time to go see the launching."

"What 'launching'? What's he talking about?" asked Janeway. She looked up at her daughter.

"They are sending up a missile, mother," said Meribor. "We're going to watch it."

"Well," said Janeway, "I'm not going anywhere to watch anything," as she struggled to get up. Meribor moved to her mother to help her to her feet, but a crustily independent Janeway shook off her daughter's hand. Meribor and her brother shared an amused but affectionate look. Young Batai took his nephew's hand to lead him outside.

"Come on, Kamie; let's go see the launching," he said, as he grabbed a hat for Kamie and disappeared through the door with him.

Janeway just looked after them as she struggled to her feet. She settled herself into a chair and said, "Breaks my heart to look at him."

"Who?" asked Meribor.

"My grandson. Breaks my heart. He deserves a full rich life, and he's not going to get one."

Meribor collected her hat from the table and picked up one for her mother as well. "He's my child, and I tell you he is getting one. I wish it could be longer, but it's as full and rich as we can possibly make it." She turned back to see her mother staring at her, as though remembering the day she was born. Meribor gave her a smile, and gently put the second hat on her mother's head. Taking Janeway's hand, she said, "Please come, mother."

"Why didn't I hear about a launching?" Janeway asked, as she allowed herself to be helped from the chair and onto her feet. Meribor just laughed and led her mother from the house.

*****

They reached the town square, hand in hand, where a group of townspeople had gathered, all looking toward the sky in one direction.

"Did everyone know about this except me?" asked Janeway. She spotted a nearby bench and gestured toward it. Meribor helped her to sit and started to join her, but Janeway said, "I'll be all right, sitting here. You go off with the others. Hold onto my grandson, and watch the damned thing go up, for all the good it'll do." Meribor started toward the crowd when Janeway asked, "What is it they're launching?"

Meribor turned back to her with a warm smile. "You know about it, Mother. You've already seen it."

"Seen it? What are you talking about? I haven't seen any missile." Janeway held Meribor's gaze until she was startled by a familiar voice.

"Yes, you have, old friend. Don't you remember?"

Janeway looked in the direction of the voice to see a man sitting on the steps nearby. "Batai?" she asked, not believing her eyes.

Batai stood, looking as he did those many years ago. "You saw it," he said, "just before you came here." He moved closer to Janeway, and smiled. "We hoped our probe would encounter someone in the future – someone who could be a teacher, someone who could tell others about us."

Janeway digested these last words. She struggled to comprehend them through the haze of more than forty years of memories.

"A probe… that encounters… someone…" The mists began to part. "…someone in the future… oh…" A sense of awe filled her as she realized Batai's meaning. "It's me, isn't it? I'm the someone…" Tears slid down her face as she looked at Batai in amazement. "I'm the one they find. That's what this launching is – a probe that finds me… in the future."

"Yes, my love."

Janeway turned to see Alain standing in front of the long-dead symbolic tree, looking as he did on the day when she first made her commitment to him.

"Alain…"

"The rest of us have been gone for a thousand years," he said, reaching out his hands. Meribor, Young Batai, and Kamie joined him to stand together in loving farewell to Janeway. They in turn were joined by Batai, and several townspeople.

"If you remember what we were, and how we lived, then we'll have found life again."

"Alain…"

Janeway took off her hat to shade her eyes and started to reach out toward him when she heard a deep rumble that took her attention. The others continued to regard Janeway as she watched the missile's glowing point, followed by its vapor trail against the sky. She realized what it represented, and looked back at Alain, who spoke his final words to her.

"Now we live in you. Tell them of us, my darling."

*****

Voyager, 2372

Bridge

Janeway stirred slightly.

"Something's happening," said the Doctor, as Janeway began to regain consciousness. Chakotay moved in closer.

"The nucleonic beam has ceased, Commander," said Kim. "The probe has shut down."

"Her cerebral functions are stabilizing."

"Mr. Tuvok, put a tractor beam on the probe," said Chakotay. "I want it in Engineering for examination."

"Yes, Commander."

"What…," asked Janeway, in a very weak voice as she opened her eyes.

"Please, Captain. Don't get up too quickly," said the Doctor.

"Captain? This is Voyager… I'm Kathryn Janeway…" She looked into Chakotay's eyes. "How long?"

"At least twenty, maybe twenty-five minutes," answered Chakotay.

"Twenty-five minutes?"

Janeway struggled to her feet with Chakotay's and the Doctor's help. She was groggy, trying to re-orient herself to this reality after a lifetime's journey elsewhere.

"Captain, I want you in Sickbay now. I'd like to run a full diagnostic on you," said the Doctor, as he transferred himself back to sickbay.

It took Janeway a few moments to realize that she no longer was an old woman who was stooped and unsteady on her feet. "Very well, Doctor." She allowed Kes to help her to the turbolift, but turned to look back at Chakotay and said, "As soon as the Doctor's finished, I have a great deal to tell you." She just smiled at the puzzled expression on his face.

*****

Voyager, 2372

Janeway's Quarters

Several hours later, Janeway was alone in her quarters, slowly walking from place to place, reacquainting herself with her life on Voyager. The door chimed.

"Come."

Chakotay entered, carrying a metal box. "Hello, Kathryn. Feeling better?"

"Yes, but I find I'm having to rediscover that this is really my home," Janeway said as she picked up yet another personal object to examine.

"We wondered for quite a while if that probe was ever going to let go of you. I'm not surprised that you're still a little disoriented," Chakotay said with an understanding smile. "B'Elanna was able to open it up and examine it. Apparently, whatever locked onto you must have been self-terminating. It isn't functioning any longer."

He held out the box to Janeway, who took it and walked over to her desk to set it down. She opened the box and found her old flute resting inside. Lifting it to her lips, she began to play the sweet, thousand-year-old lullaby Kamina had written for Young Batai's naming day.

Chakotay listened, transfixed. He didn't utter a single word for several moments after the haunting melody had died away. Finally, he said, "I didn't know you played a musical instrument, Kathryn."

"I don't," she answered, "or rather, I didn't until today. I wrote that lullaby for my son's naming day ceremony."

"Your son?"

"A son, a daughter, a grandson, and a long marriage to a husband who reminded me very much of you," Janeway said with a smirk.

"Oh?"

"Have a seat, Chakotay," she said with a chuckle, "and can I get you anything?" Janeway replaced the flute in its case, and made her way to the replicator for a cup of coffee.

"Tea would be nice."

"Done." She punched in several commands, and turned back to him to say, "Somehow, I managed to live out more than forty years of what 'might have been' in twenty-five minutes."

"Might have been?"

"If I hadn't made the decision to strand all of us so far away from home and our loved ones," Janeway said. She brought their beverages over to the couch where Chakotay was already seated, and made herself comfortable near him.

"How many broken dreams am I responsible for, Chakotay?" she asked, turning to face him. "We've been in the Delta Quadrant for nearly two years. I imagine that Starfleet has declared Voyager and its crew as lost in the line of duty by now. Our loved ones have probably mourned us and moved on."

"You're not saying you regret destroying the array, are you?"

"No, of course not," said Janeway. "It was the right thing to do. There was no way I was going to allow the Kazon to terrorize and destroy the Ocampa, but my experience with the probe has made me wonder more than usual about how different everyone's life would be if we'd been able to use the array to get home."

"Well, for starters, I'd be in detention in the New Zealand Penal Colony, along with a sizeable portion of the crew."

"And it's very possible that the Federation would be at war with the Cardassians or the Dominion by now."

"The Dominion?" asked Chakotay.

"A very powerful Gamma Quadrant alliance, Chakotay. They're about 2,000 years older than the Federation, and use genetically engineered soldiers to keep their members in line."

"Never heard of them."

"You probably wouldn't have," said Janeway. "You'd already left Starfleet by the time Headquarters had any substantive knowledge about the Dominion. Whatever information they gave out was restricted to command personnel with level 9 clearance and higher. We were thoroughly briefed and asked to keep our eyes open for any suspicious activity."

"Still, I'd have thought I would've heard something," Chakotay said. "The Maquis had a number of sympathizers pretty high up in the chain of command."

"Starfleet Intelligence wanted to downplay it until they knew more, Chakotay. They didn't want to start a panic over an unknown threat when people were already worried about the Cardassian situation. They found evidence in late 2370 that the Dominion was trying to plant a spy in Federation territory. Headquarters determined that his mission was to gather tactical information to be used for destabilizing the Alpha Quadrant so the Dominion could mount an invasion. They were behind the attack on New Bajor and the destruction of the USS Odyssey."

"I'd heard about New Bajor and the Odyssey, but none of the details. I remember being glad at the time there was no Maquis connection. I had no idea who was responsible for it."

"Now you do." Janeway sighed. "I don't know which is worse – not having any idea of what's going on back home, or having to deal with the Delta Quadrant's unending supply of little surprises."

"That probe must have really affected you if you're ruminating like this, Kathryn. You generally don't spend much time second guessing yourself or the future."

"I received 45 years of memories from someone living in a pre-warp civilization, Chakotay. It was every bit as real as sitting here talking to you right now."

"Sounds pretty intense."

"It was," she said. "I guess the letdown has gotten me thinking about missed possibilities. I'd probably be married to Mark by now, maybe even with a child."

"Maybe." Chakotay took a sip of his tea and then said, "Tell me about it, Kathryn. It must have been remarkable."

"I don't even know where to start. There was a moment after that beam locked onto me when all I saw was white light. When it finally cleared, I was looking up into a face I thought was yours until my eyes were able to focus again. Everything I could see told me that I was no longer on Voyager, but I just assumed it was some kind of holodeck program and called for the computer to end it. You can imagine my shock when nothing happened, and I found my communicator gone and that I was wearing a dress I didn't own and had never seen before.

Chakotay guffawed.

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry, Kathryn. I know you don't like surprises, and I just got a very clear mental image of what your face must have looked like."

"Very funny, Chakotay."

"Only after the fact," he said. "Were you frightened?"

"Surprisingly, no," she answered. Janeway took a sip of coffee and set the cup down on a nearby table. She leaned her arm on top of the back cushions and rested her chin in her palm. "That was the strange part. I knew instinctively that I was in no danger and could trust the people around me. I still made poor Alain's life miserable, though, when I kept insisting on being returned to my ship."

"Alain?"

"My husband."

"The one who reminded you of me."

Janeway blushed, much to Chakotay's amusement.

"Yes, him. And when I couldn't get a straight answer from poor Alain, I drove Council Leader Batai crazy with my questions, and that was just the first day in Ressik. They all thought I'd taken leave of my senses," Janeway said with a laugh, "but they made allowances for the fact that I'd been ill."

"Ill?"

"Apparently, the person whose memories I received had been sick for a week with a high fever. When I spent the next several days trying to contact Voyager, they just accepted it as residual delirium from the illness and humored me. My memories of everything here gradually faded into the background, until my life in Ressik took over. Now that I'm back, it's just the opposite -- I don't feel at home here in the 24th century yet."

"Give it time, Kathryn. You need to process the experience."

"You're right, I know," she said. Janeway paused for a moment to glance out of the viewport while she gathered her thoughts. She looked back at him and said, "Chakotay, these people were pre-warp. For them to create something that would record and preserve their civilization in this kind of detail is amazing. Forty-five years in twenty-five minutes..."

"I wish we knew more about how they did that," said Chakotay. "B'Elanna looked the probe over pretty thoroughly and doesn't have a clue as to how it worked. It would have made a wonderful archeological tool for taking cultural snapshots."

"This was more than a cultural snapshot, Chakotay. They knew their planet was dying. The sun was going nova, and Kataan was slowly burning up with drought. Batai told me at the end that they wanted to find someone who would be a teacher to tell others about them. Alain's last words were about how they now lived in me. They didn't want to be forgotten. You can't experience something like that and remain unaffected by it."

"You still haven't told me exactly what happened, Kathryn."

"I'll let you read the report when I finally have enough of a handle on this to be able to record a log. What I can tell you is that I led a very rich life, with a husband, two children, a grandchild, and many friends. I pursued a solution to the drought that was killing the planet with the same intensity that I searched for a cure for the virus that kept us on New Earth."

"And how did Alain react to your research?" asked Chakotay.

"He made a home for me, Chakotay. He tolerated my absences when I was gone for days on end, gathering soil samples. He supported me and was unendingly patient with my obsession for finding out the cause of the drought. He kept me focused in the present when all I really wanted to think about was the past or the future."

"Ever the scientist."

"I guess some things never change," Janeway said with a smile. She sighed and got up from the couch to walk over to where the flute lay on her desk. She took it from its case, ran her fingers lightly over the holes, and then walked over to the viewport with it. Janeway stood looking out at the stars for several moments. When she spoke again, her words were very soft. "I saw you there, I saw you then. The saddest words: what might have been."

"Kathryn?" Chakotay rose from the couch and came over to stand beside her.

"My life in Ressik was very full, Chakotay. My research, work, and family life fit together so naturally that I easily managed it all. There was no need for me to draw boundaries between my personal life and everything else." She paused briefly to let her words sink in before continuing. "I've spent the past few hours asking myself if I could possibly do the same on Voyager."

Chakotay held his breath as Kathryn turned to face him. "I had my very own 'angry warrior' by my side for many years on Kataan. He filled my life with love and joy, and I don't want to be without either any longer."

"You're saying…"

"When we were on New Earth, you told me that you wouldn't sacrifice the present for a future that may never come. I didn't understand the truth behind that until today," said Janeway. "There was no future on Kataan, Chakotay – all they had was an eternal 'now.' I don't want to come to the end of this journey and find that I've missed out on the life I could have had if only I'd had the courage to try for it. 'Now' will never come again."

He moved in front of Janeway to draw her into his arms. "No, it won't, Kathryn. As much as we can hope to reach home soon, we still don't know when that will happen. It could be tomorrow, or seventy years from tomorrow, with our children running the ship. 'Now' is really the only time we have some control over."

Janeway relaxed into his arms and rested her head against his shoulder with a sigh and a smile. "Our children…," she whispered. After a few moments of thought, she pulled back slightly to look up at him and smirk. "Well, I'm certainly not getting any younger, but I don't want to rush this. Voyager probably won't get home tomorrow, so let's take our time and enjoy getting to know one another. I'm not planning on asking you to build me any cradles just yet."

Chakotay laughed and said, "Well, why not? You've already written a lullaby for our first child."

Janeway just smiled and turned in his arms to look out again at the ribbons of warp stars streaming past. She leaned back against Chakotay's warm, solid body, put the Ressikan flute to her lips, and closed her eyes. The sound of Young Batai's lullaby spun out and filled the air with its sweet promise of remembrance, and of a future unimagined on the day Voyager was first pulled so far away from home.