Hayyy!! Guess what everybody? I updated before I hit a month!
Crowd: -cheers-
I know! This is a big step for me. I usually procrastinate longer than this, but I surprised myself. What this has been twenty days? Wow! That's early! I've only went through one menstrual cycle in this time period. Usually I go through two, but this! This is an accomplishment! I saw it's time to throw a fiesta!
-plays Livin' La Vida Loca and dances- Arrrriba! Arrriba! Que pator!
Okay, you all read this chapter while I go and beat the crap out of a piñata. Hasta luego!
Disfrute! (Enjoy!)
X-X-X-X-X
--
One Month Later…
Jaden – two and a half months into pregnancy
--
With being pregnant I thought I knew all the pregnancy symptoms, such as strange food cravings, aches, pains, nausea, and having to pee more than usual, but I never knew that pregnancy would affect hormones as well. If you didn't get that let me say it more bluntly: I am hornier than a porcupine! It's so strange! I mean, I thought pregnancy would make me lose interest, but now I want to have sex with Jesse all the time. My libido is on cloud nine right now and I actually had to Google search if being as horny as I was is natural. Apparently, it happens to a lot of women, but mostly they're just sickened.
It's been out of control though. You have no idea. So, let me give you guys a few flashbacks of the past month when my hormones were spiraling out of control.
--
Three Weeks Ago…
"Jesse," I said his name with a commanding tone.
He was shoving his books in his locker to get ready to go to lunch when he turned to face me. As soon as his eyes connected with mine I did a Spiderman leap onto him, wrapping my legs around his waist. Jesse was completely caught off guard so his arms were flying around and his eyes were as huge as baseballs. After about three seconds he got what was happening and stumbled his way into the storage room (with me still attached) and slammed the door shut with his back.
Behind the closed door all you could here was rattling and crashing, then followed by my screaming.
--
That was one of the most uncomfortable places to do something like that in. My head was banging against a shelf and a can of Lysol fell and hit me in the forehead. The next place was a little more practical.
--
Two weeks ago…
"Welcome to McDonalds how may I help you?"
"Uh, ya, I'll take a number twelve with a Coke, no fries. And uh…" Jesse trailed off and peered over his shoulder, "What do you want?"
"You." I climbed over the seat and wedged myself on top of Jesse. I crashed our lips together while pulling down the lever on the side of the car seat so we were lying on top of each other. We were squirming around like animals. Jesse's foot kept on hitting the horn on the steering wheel. Jesse couldn't even comprehend what to do before I shoved my tongue down his throat.
"Sir? Sir, are you still there?" The McDonalds employee called from the intercom.
I think she knew what was going on when she peered out the window to see our car shaking like there was an earthquake.
--
Okay, McDonalds Drive-Thru, not so common, but it was better than the storage closet at school. A lot more room and much more comfortable. The next place on our exciting tour will be better.
--
Few days ago…
I was sitting outside of the dressing room at a store at the mall.
You can guess where this is going, can't you?
I waited impatiently for Jesse to finally step out from behind that door to show his sexy and wanting self. My whole body perked up when I saw the handle of the dressing room turning. It seemed to be turning forever until Jesse finally stepped out, looking down at the new pants he was trying on.
"How do they look?" He asked, turning from side to side. "Too big, right?"
I immediately shot up from the chair and started to push Jesse pack into the dressing room. "I want those pants off!"
Jesse sighed as we walked into the cramped space together. He knew what was coming. He shut the door and as soon as it clicked shut we went at it.
"Oh! Oh God! Jesse! Jesse!"
"Yes sir! You are welcome!"
"No, no! My hair's caught in the clothes hanger! Get it out! Get it out!"
--
Ah, memories…
Now you understand how crazy my hormones have been. It's like those little cells are on speed. So, to shorten this whole thing up, Jesse and I have had sex in every possible place in this town, except my bedroom. Yeah! You would think we would use that location more than the rest, but Jesse hasn't been allowed over to my house since that whole getting my pregnant mess. Yeah, my parents are still healing from that little incident.
But, good news! My parents aren't home tonight! They have to go to some dinner party for my dad's work, so I have the whole house to myself.
You can guess what I'll be doing and who I'm doing it with.
School had just ended and I was on my way home in Jesse's car. He just thought he was coming over to keep me company, but, boy, did I have some other plans for him. I have been holding my emotions in all day today and I as soon as I got to my house I was letting them roam free.
The whole ride home we said nothing. Jesse had his hand on my stomach while driving with the other. I had my palms on Jesse's and soaked in this peaceful moment, since I haven't had a normal and relaxing day in I don't know how long. My days are now filled with worry. I wonder how I'm going to take care of my child. I consider the future for it, not having a female role model in its life. I unwillingly imagine what my life would be like if the public found out about me. I think about what I'm going to do for six months since I'm basically going to be a slug trapped in my house. It's very stressful and very overwhelming.
If that wasn't enough on my shoulders I have another thing that haunts me, every time I go to sleep. Every night I have a dream. I see a beautiful little girl staring up at me with emerald eyes that remind me of Jesse. Her hair is several shades of brown, like mine, and she's holding a teddy bear. She looks at me curiously and asks, "Daddy, where is my mommy?" My heart aches because I know that day will come when they ask and I won't know how to answer them.
"Jaden," I hear Jesse call my name and I snap out of my unwanted thoughts. "Is something wrong?"
I turned my head to face him and replace my worried expression with a look of confusion, "No. Why are you asking?"
"Because you're crushing my hand," he said with a hint of pain in his voice.
My eyes flickered down to Jesse's hand and it's turning white from how hard I was squeezing on it. "Oh!" I gasp, releasing his hand. Jesse started opening and closing his palms, trying to get the feeling back in them. "I'm sorry! I didn't know I was squeezing it!"
"It's okay, Jaden. Don't worry about it."
I opened my mouth to say something, but quickly closed it. I didn't want to whine to Jesse about my thoughts and feelings. He already has enough to worry about. He doesn't want to be a father, I kept telling myself. I wanted this baby and he's just going along with what I want. He wants to see my happy, even if it means going along with something he doesn't want. It made me feel guilty, depriving Jesse of the rest of his young, teenaged years to be a father of a child he might not even want.
I bit my tongue though. Of course, I would eventually question Jesse on how he felt about this baby, but right now just didn't seem like the right time. I didn't want to ruin my one harmonious moment because I can't put my feelings aside and enjoy the peace. But, just because I could push my worries away didn't mean Jesse could.
"Jaden, are you sure you're alright?" Jesse questioned with obvious concern.
"Yeah," I lied. "Perfectly fine!"
Jesse nodded and puckered his bottom lip thoughtfully, "Okay, but are you lying?"
I chuckled lightly, "No."
"Yeah, you are."
"No, I'm not."
"Uh, yeah, you are," he said in a mocking tone that irritates me to no end.
"What makes you think that I'm lying?" I asked, challenging him to a debate he's not gong to win.
Jesse howled a laugh, which I failed to see what was so funny about this. "I know you, Jaden. You really think you can pull one over on me?"
"Yeah," I mumbled.
"Well, you can't. You're not even looking me in the eyes when you speak. That's one of the ways I can tell that you're not telling the truth. You haven't been talking much today, which is very odd. You haven't eaten at all today and since you eat everything in sight, pregnant or not, I also find that very strange. I know these things, Jaden."
I gave a troubled smile, knowing that I couldn't hide anything from Jesse so I didn't bother to continue denying his accusations. "I don't know. I've just been stressed out. There are so many things to worry about now that a baby is coming. I mean, what are we gonna do when they grow up and wonder why they don't have a mom?"
"They will have a mom."
"Who?"
Jesse smiled, "You."
"Oh, be serious!" I snapped.
Jesse started laughing like this was humorous. This wasn't the slightest bit funny. This was serious stuff. Our child could be emotionally scarred by this issue. He or she needs a mother and even though I'll be playing the part I'm not the female role model they need. God, I couldn't even imagine what I would do if we had a girl.
"It's easy for you to laugh about it. You don't even want the baby."
Jesse immediately stopped his laughing fit and gave me a look of outrage. "Is that what has been bothering you? You think I don't want the baby?"
"You don't!"
"How the hell do you know that?"
"I know you don't want to be a dad. You're sixteen for Christ sake! But, I know you don't want to see me unhappy and you tend to go with whatever I want because you don't like to see me disappointed. So, why would this baby be any different?"
"Jaden, no offense, but I don't give a damn about your feelings when it comes to something this serious. This is a human life we're dealing with here. If I didn't want the kid I would tell you." Jesse gave a stressful chuckle and rubbed his hand through his mess of hair, "God, Jay, I'm aware of the situation here. I really thought you would know me better than to take this so lightly."
I sighed and placed my hand on Jesse's. He really was upset about this. His hands were tense, stiff in rage. I didn't mean to hurt him so badly. I honestly didn't think what I said was all that bad.
"I'm sorry, Jesse," I said softly.
"It's fine…"
This was strange. It's not like Jesse to get angry so easily. He's the type of person who is open about everything and is calm until the person gets their point across. Just from saying one little tick-tack sized comment he jumps the gun and gets angry. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something was tugging at his conscience. Maybe the stress of the baby was getting to him, too. But, that was just an educated guess. It could be anything.
After our little outburst we didn't speak for the rest of the ride home. I was greatly relieved when we finally pulled into my driveway. Finally, I can let my plan come into action and get Jesse out of his depressed mood. Thinking of this I quickly got out of the car. I couldn't wait any longer! My hormones were about to explode and that means I go into my grumpy, pregnant self that eats everything in sight. It wasn't pretty. Actually, it was slightly disturbing.
Even though Jesse was still irritated, he did proceed to wrap his arm around the small of my back. That man cannot stand to be mad at me for long. I could murder someone and he would forgive me. I wasn't sure if that was healthy, but I didn't complain.
I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my house key. It was freezing outside so I made sure my key didn't get stuck in the lock….again. I turned the knob and opened the front door. We stepped into the warmth of the house and slammed the door shut. Man, I was so glad to be home.
We took off our jackets and Jesse helped me with mine, like a real southern gentleman would. I smiled softly at Jesse as I took his hands in my own. "I love you, you know that?"
"Surprisingly, I do." Jesse returned the smile and kissed my lips gently, "Did you know I love you, too?"
"It's kind of hard to miss," I said, a wide smile still on my face. He was amazing. I couldn't hold my feelings in anymore. My warmhearted smile twisted into a devious smirk. Without saying a word I started dragging Jesse to my bedroom.
I heard him chuckle nervously behind me, "What are you doing?"
"You'll see."
I'm not sure Jesse really wanted to know what I had planned, but I'm sure when he figures it out he won't object. He never does. I pulled Jesse up the stairs that leads to my room and I think by then he started getting an idea of what I had up my sleeve. When we got to the top of the steps I turned on my heel to face Jesse while dragging him by his wrists.
"I think by now you know what I want to do."
"As if it wasn't obvious," Jesse stated, not as thrilled as I hoped he would be.
"So…" I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled my body closer to his, "You wanna?" I didn't give Jesse a chance to answer before I placed my lips upon his own. I wasn't aggressive about it. I was soft, tender, trying to build up the romantic mood. This wasn't like the storage closet or the dressing room. I wanted this to be natural and not sudden.
I was glad to see that Jesse was responding. He started to kiss me back, massaging his lips on mine. I felt his hands make their way up my shirt. I shiver at the touch. His hands were so cold, but so loving. I felt something wet brush against my lips and I opened my mouth just enough more Jesse's tongue to enter my mouth. As usual, the sparks started flying telling me how right this was and how it was meant to be. I pressed my tongue against Jesse's and that is when we get into a battle of dominance, but this time I decided I would let Jesse win, since I've been so controlling for the past month.
I was barely giving Jesse a fight. I wasn't even trying. He wasn't taking control at all. He wasn't putting any passion into it. Before I knew it he pulled his lips away and I was left completely confused.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
Jesse hung his head so I couldn't see his eyes, "I don't want to do this."
"You…don't? But, why not?"
"I just…" Jesse took a deep breath and gazed at me with a look of grief, "I just think we need to take a break from our physical relationship."
I was shocked and Jesse could see it. I tried to speak but everything came out as, Uh, ah, er, or huh. This was so sudden. I thought Jesse liked having sex all the time. I mean, isn't that what everyone wants?
Jesse sighed, "Look, we've been having sex almost every day for the past month. I'm tired, Jay! I can only do it so much before I just get sick of it. Believe me, if we're doing it so much that I don't want to do it anymore, then we are having sex way too much."
"So…are you saying you're losing interest in me?" My voice cracked from the thought. "Because that better not be the case!" I screamed. I really need to be in control of my emotional outbursts. These mood swings were starting to become the death of me.
Jesse flinched away from me, backing himself into a corner. "No, no! I love you, Jaden! I just don't want our baby's experience in the womb just to me my genitalia coming in its face."
"You know, that would be a very good point if a baby's memory wasn't like an earthworm's! Did you know having intercourse actually helps the fetus's development? You're helping your child by having sex with me! So, get on the bed, asshole!"
Jesse put his hands out and started speaking quickly to get me to calm down, "Now, Jay, I'm just saying that our relationship has just been based only on the physical part and not on the emotional part. We need to be mentally preparing ourselves for the baby, not having sex all the time."
"We have seven more months to worry about it. I think a little detour won't hurt anything."
"No," he said sternly, "Jaden, I'm telling you right now that I'm going to take a break from this. If you're having problems…containing yourself…you're gonna have to fix it yourself."
"Oh, you will have sex with me," I stated and grabbed Jesse arm roughly, "I have needs and you're going to fulfill them!" I yanked Jesse towards the bed and he let out a yelp of surprise from the sudden jerk. I stomped to the bed and threw Jesse down on the mattress so he landed on his stomach. Before he could try and escape, I jumped on his back to pin him down. I was so blinded by my needs being tended to I didn't hear him wince in pain.
Jesse turned his head to the side to try and glance up at me. He spoke to me in a strained voice from my body weight crushing his back, "I know you're pregnant and all, but you're just plain crossing the line on this!"
I rested my head on Jesse's shoulder blade while slipping my hands in between his body and the mattress, holding him close to me. "Trust me, you'll be happy I did this," I whispered in his ear.
Must to my dismay, Jesse started squirming around to get free. His voice started to grow a little panicky, "Jaden, seriously, I really don't want to do this."
My head perked up a tad and stared, puzzled, at Jesse, "Why are you so dead-set on this? It's very…weird of you."
"I just don't want to!" Jesse yelled in desperation. You would think I was trying to kill him. "I can't do this right now."
I was silent, still continuing to stare at Jesse. I ran through possible reasons why Jesse wouldn't want to have sexual relations with me to try and find out what was really wrong with him.
He seriously is tired of sex and wants a break – Ha! No!
He is now suddenly insecure – I don't think so
He has a new phobia about people seeing him naked – Highly doubt it.
He's cheating on me and feels guilty about having sex with me knowing his a scumbag, dickhead that needs to burn in Hell – I have faith in him.
He has suddenly turned straight – Hell no.
He's having problems with his manhood – Quite possible.
"Aww," I giggle and held Jesse tighter, "Baby, it's okay that you're having problems with your manhood. I understand."
"What?" Jesse shrieked, "I'm just fine in that aspect, thank you very much!"
"You better not be cheating on me then!"
Jesse blinked at my accusations, "Are you serious? Where is this coming from?"
"Why are you changing the subject?" I questioned, on the defensive. "Tell me, Jesse, who are you screwing? Is it that kid Chazz that likes you? You can tell me. It gives me an excuse to beat his ass!"
"Jaden," Jesse said my name calmly, "I'm not cheating on you."
"Are you having insecurity problems?"
"No."
"Are you losing interest in me?"
"Of course not!"
"Are you starting to like girls?"
"No."
"Are you positive?"
"Yes!" Jesse groaned, "Are you done yet?"
"I'm just trying to find out why suddenly you don't want to have sex. You have never denied me, ever! You love it just as much as the next guy. I just find it strange. It worries me, Jesse."
Jesse closed his eyes, sighing, "Jaden, I'm just tired, okay? I want to relax and not worry about all the physical things. Why is that so hard for you to believe?"
I shrugged, "I dunno. I just think it's because of me. I mean, sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough for you or if I'm good-looking enough. I just want to please you in every way possible and sometimes…" I tried to hold by the swelling tears, (moods swings are taking control) "I feel like I'm failing."
"Hey, hey, don't cry." Jesse reached up and ran his finger tips across my cheek, "Listen, you're perfect in every way possible. I wouldn't change a thing about you. Baby, you could be wearing big blue blocker glasses, a huge shirt that says AA is for quitters – drink Budweiser and torn to shred combat pants and you'll still look sexy to me."
"That's so sweet," I cooed.
"You're personality is outgoing. You always make me laugh and I love being with you. I'm the happiest man alive to know I'm having a baby with you. So, don't you ever think you're not good enough for me, because you're perfect. Really, I think I'm the one that's not good enough for you."
I nodded, "Yeah, you're right."
"Oh, that's cold," he laughed.
I giggled and kissed Jesse's neck tenderly, "Next time we do this, I'll remember to wear some blue blocker glasses."
"I can't think of anything sexier." Jesse commented with a grin.
I groaned as I pushed myself into a sitting position on Jesse's back, "Well, Jesse Andersen, you have gotten your wish. I will not have sex with you today. Congratulations!"
Jesse sighed in relief, "Thank you."
"Remember, I'm only letting you off because you said all those nice things to me." I said while slipping my way off of Jesse. I stood up next to the bed and patted my swollen belly, "I'm getting fatter quicker than I thought. Oh, it's hard, too! Woa! I never noticed! Jess, feel this!"
I watched as Jesse struggled to get up to his knees. His face was pinched up in a pained expression as he tried to push himself up. I heard him curse under his breath as his grabbed his stomach.
My eyes widened. I took a step towards Jesse, my hands lingering to touch him, afraid I might cause further injury. "Jesse," I said in a fearful voice, "what's wrong, baby?"
"N-Nothing," He said in a strained voice.
I studied Jesse's withering and shaking body. Was this why he didn't want to have sex? He's hurt? My eyes became hard out of loving protection. "Lay down," I ordered.
"I'm okay…"
"No, you're not. Lay down."
"Jaden, I'm-"
"I said lay down!" I snapped and he followed my order without hesitation. He flopped down on his back and winced as soon as he hit the bed. "God…" He whispered in agony.
I swiftly grabbed a hold of Jesse's shirt and, just as quickly, Jesse snatched my hand. I glanced over at his pleading eyes. Never before has Jesse looked so…pathetic. If he thought that would make me stop, he was wrong. It did quite the opposite. Instead, it irked my curiosity of what just was until his shirt. Taking a deep breath, preparing myself for what I might see, I slowly lifted his shirt.
Jesse turned his head away from me and mumbled, "Don't look."
Of course, I did. I stared, incredibly furious, at the bruises on Jesse's torso that trailed to his back. They weren't even bruises. They were far worse. There was no purple or blue, just black. Like someone had spilled ink on his chest and let it dry. You have to get hit at an extreme force for bruises to turn black and only black. The only other color saw was yellow around the edges, which only made it more gruesome to look at it. It was ugly.
Without thinking, I reached down and ran my hand across one of the bigger bruises down his abdomen. I barely pushed down on it and Jesse sucked in his breath through his teeth to prevent from crying out.
I rubbed my hand across my temples, not knowing what to do. "Oh God," I groaned. I drew my other hand away from Jesse's injured body and he quickly pulled back down his shirt. I gave a scared laugh and threw my hands at my sides, "Well…were to start? Um…you could start by telling me what exactly you said to your father for this to happen."
Jesse was hesitant at answering the question. I gave him a few moments to prepare for his explanation. I knew he would tell me because he knew I would force it out of him if he didn't. Jesse exhaled his held breath and ran his hands through his hair, "I told him…I was moving out in a few months…to be with you."
I crossed my arms and listened further. I tried to hide the pain I felt in my heart that Jesse ended up like this because of me.
Just like Jesse, he laughed about the situation, "You know how Dad is, hates the gay community."
"What did you tell him your reason for moving out was?"
"That I couldn't take living with him and Mom anymore and that I wanted to leave to be with you."
Another wave of guilt washed through my body.
"He said, 'Oh you want to leave us, your parents, that put a roof over your head and took care of you, for your…" Jesse trailed off, thinking I'd take offense to what his asshole father had to say about me.
"Say it," I urge him on.
"'For your faggot boyfriend….'" Jesse cringed while he said it.
I smiled, "Oh, really?" I shook my head at how stupid people were and told Jesse to go on with his story.
"I told him straight up that I was leaving and he couldn't stop me. He said that I wasn't going to leave just so I could…" Jesse bit his lip, "…so I could suck on your dick every night." Jesse suddenly screamed and pulled at his hair, "God damn it! I hate him so much!"
I didn't try to clam him. When he got this way I just let him go. He needs to blow off some steam.
Jesse started chuckling out of pure hatred towards his parents, "I got hit with a fucking two by four! How many kids can say that about their father, huh? Oh, how Mommy just sits there and watches as he burns me with his cigarette!" Jesse even pulled up his sleeve to prove to me that he was telling the truth. I saw a red mark that was started to scab on his muscles. "Such loving parents. Did you know Dad hates me so much he pulled out a knife and told me I'm a disappointment and that he should just kill me now to end his suffering? His suffering?" Jesse continued to laugh as I tried not to hear it, "Oh, hate him so much. I hate him. I want him to burn in Hell."
My throat was burning from trying to hold back my tears. He was in so much pain and I could do nothing to help him. It was actually my fault because he's like this. But, I can't cry. Jesse hates it when someone feels pity towards him because of his home life.
"I can't go back there," Jesse said solemnly. "Do you have any idea what he'll do to me? He doesn't even know I'm here!"
"Jesse, do you really think I would tell you to go back there after what you showed me?"
"But I can't live here!" He protested, "He'll have the cops out looking for me. Not to mention your family doesn't need another mouth to feed."
"You'll just replace the one we lost," I said like that statement was no big deal.
I could tell Jesse was uncomfortable thinking how he was "replacing" my dead sister, but I wasn't having him go back to that hellhole. You understand, right? I thought to Jaylene up in heaven. Of course she did.
Jesse sighed and tried to sit up, but failed miserably from the pain. He fell back on the bed and let out his breath only to suck it back in from the stinging sensation. It could be possible he has broken a rib or two.
"Don't move!" I shouted, "You'll hurt yourself!"
"S-Sorry," he stammered from my sudden yell.
"You need to rest," I said it more like an order than a request.
"But I'm not-"
"Not tired?" I finished his sentence, "Stay here, I'll get you some Aleve. It'll make you sleepy."
"O-Okay, but-"
Before Jesse could even finish his statement I was running down the stairs to the kitchen. As soon as I stepped foot in the kitchen I started tearing apart the cabinets, suddenly forgetting where the medication was. I was so disoriented. I knew Jesse had been beaten by his dad, so why was I reacting so strongly? It was nothing new. Was it how serious it was? Was it because I was the main reason why it Jesse was in this condition?
More than likely.
God, Jesse didn't even have to move in! I never asked him to. I knew he wanted to be with me when the baby was born and any excuse Jesse had to get away from his house he'd use it. Even though it was Jesse who made the rash decision, I couldn't help but feel guilty. So, I would do whatever I can to make Jesse's pain go away. It was the least I could do.
It was all I could do.
After going through one hell of a scavenger hunt for the Aleve I finally found it in the cabinet above the stove. I snatched it from the cabinet and cheered, "Yes! I got it! I – Oh shit!" Being wrapped up in all my excitement for just a little box of pain pills I must have shifted my weight too far back and I fell like a rock from the counter. I landed nicely on the wooden floor with a loud thud. I could have sworn I saw a shooting star.
"Ow!" I whined, rubbing my head. I pushed myself up off the floor and jumped onto my feet. Sparing no time I ran out of the kitchen, through the living room, and up my bedroom stairs to see Jesse disobeying me, like always, and trying to get up off the bed.
"Get you ass back down on the bed!" I screamed. Jesse flinched and quickly laid back down. Sighing, I walked over to Jesse, opening the box of Aleve. I dumped the bottle in my hand and threw the box on the floor. I twisted the cap open, shaking two pills in my hand and give it to Jesse. "Here, this'll make you sleep and get rid of the pain."
"Where's the water?"
I groaned, "Oh, don't make me go back down there." Knowing me I'll forget where the sink is and crack my head open on the counter. "Just dry swallow them."
"Fine, fine." Jesse took the pills from my hand and placed them in his mouth. Waiting a couple seconds he finally swallowed them. He pinched his face in disgust, "God, it tastes like cardboard."
"You've eaten cardboard?" I asked, obviously joking.
"I might have. Why, are you gonna discriminate against me because I eat cardboard?"
"Yeah, didn't I mention I'm racist against cardboard eaters?" More sarcasm.
Jesse put on that dazzling smile of his that tore my heart to shreds. He's suffering, but yet he still smiles. There is no trace of happiness in me, but Jesse is beaming and he's the victim in all of this. Maybe he's just use to putting on a fake smile for everyone. I can't stand it when he does it with me, but scolding him about it right now just didn't seem like a good idea.
"I got to go make a phone call," I stated and turned my back to Jesse, ready to walk away, but he snatched my hand before I could even take a step. I glanced around my shoulder to see Jesse looking up at me with a pleading look.
"Please, stay here," he begged.
I gave in before even giving it a thought. The call to Mom and Dad could wait. They weren't coming home until later to night. I gave him a benign grin and backtracked my steps. I eased my way onto the mattress, not to make any sudden movement that might hurt Jesse. I lay down gently beside Jesse, wrapping my arm around him, but not too tightly. It was like he was glass. I had to monitor every move I made to be sure not to break him.
We said nothing as we lay there together. The last thing either of us wanted to do was talk about Jesse's home situation. We just kept staring into each other eyes, communicating through our expressions and gazes. I felt very protective of Jesse in this moment. That he was in my arms and not in the hands of his father. I wanted to take care of him. I wanted to comfort him.
I was so focused on Jesse's memorizing eyes that I flinched when I felt his hand on my swollen stomach. Silently, I placed my hand on his, squeezing it slightly.
"I promise I'll be a good father," he whispered.
My heart stopped, then broke when I heard his comment. I saw how badly he wanted to break the cycle of his abusive father. He wanted to love his child and cause no harm to them. He wanted to push away from being like his father and be a better man. Right then, I knew that he really was ready to be a father and wanted this baby more than anything.
I tried to keep my lip from quivering as I spoke, "I know you will."
Jesse pulled me closer to his body as he started to fall asleep. As he was falling into his slumber he kept telling me how much he loved me and kept saying how he will be a good parent to our child. I already knew he would be, but I think he was still trying to convince himself. There was still that doubt in his mind that he might become like his father and he was determined for that to never happen.
I closed my eyes, still listening to Jesse saying the same thing over and over. I remembered him saying, "I won't be like my father," before his voice became distant and soon fading away. Within a few seconds I fell into unconsciousness and playing a rather familiar dream. The same one I've been dreaming for the past few weeks.
That same little girl was staring at me with her thumb in her mouth and her teddy bear at her side. She tilted her head with a puzzled look. She popped her thumb out of her mouth and asked that simply question that was so damn trivial, "Where's my mommy?" Like an idiot, I stammered, not making much sense.
"Uh…well, honey, she's, er…"
The little girl grew tired of waiting for my answer so she trotted away, swinging her teddy bear back and forth in her arms. "Mommy! Where are you Mommy? You can come out now!"
I watched as the girl called out for her nonexistent mother. She went around in circles, shouting for her mom that would never come. After a few minutes of searching the girl became frustrated. Her little baby cheek puffed out in anger and she sat down on the ground. I watched as three little kids around her age walked up to her side. I watched as the little punks made snide remarks to her about not having a mother.
"You don't have a Mom?" One little boy said smugly. I never wanted to beat up a little kid more in my life.
"Didn't your Mommy love you?" A little girl commented innocently.
"Your Mommy probably thought you were ugly and decided to leave," the other little asshole snipped.
"No!" My little baby cried and covered her ears as the three kids kept bashing her about her mother.
"She's a freak! Who doesn't have a mom?"
"Stop it!!" She screamed at them, her face red from rage.
"She's probably born from aliens or something."
"Maybe that's why her Mom left," The boy laughed.
They continued to berate my little girl until she started to cry. I shouted at those little punks to leave her alone, but it was like I was invisible. They paid no attention to me. It was like I didn't exist. All I could do was watch and feel pity towards my baby girl.
Out of nowhere three women appeared out of the darkness. In unison they called their children's names and they all stopped torturing my child and ran off to their mothers. They hugged their mom's, laughing and pointing at the little girl.
"Mom! That girl doesn't have a Mommy!"
"Hush! Don't say that. It's very rude." The one mother scolded her little boy. "Now come along now. We have to get home."
I watched in pure hatred at the happy scenery. The mothers and children walked away until they faded away into the darkness. As soon as they disappeared I heard my little girl's voice.
"It's not fair!" She cried, "They're mean and they still get mommies! Why don't I get a mommy? I want a mommy!!" The girl dropped her teddy bear and shielded her eyes with her hands as the tears ran down her cheeks. "It's all your fault, Daddy! I hate you!"
As soon as the comment had been said the dream started to close in around me. I started to hear my own mother's voice calling out to me. "Jaden! Jaden, wake up!"
My eyes flickered open to see my mother hovering above me with only the light of a small lamp to see her features. I rubbed my eyes and let out a small groan, "Mom? What are you doing home?"
"It's ten o' clock, Jay."
"Oh, shit," I mumbled and pushed myself up into sitting position. I glanced down at Jesse, still sleeping with his arm wrapped around my waist. I sighed. I had some explaining to do to. I stared up at my mom, my eyes half-lidded from drowsiness. "You're probably wondering why Jesse's here."
"Bet your ass I am," She said, the anger dripping from her words.
"I have a very good reason, Mom." I proceeded to get right to the point to keep my mother from strangling me. I tugged on Jesse's shirt and slowly slipped it up, trying not to wake him. "Look," I ordered my mom, still staring at the bruises.
My mom squinted her eyes, trying to see through the duskiness of the room. "What is that?" She whispered. She studied Jesse's torso for a few more seconds before I saw her hand clamp onto her mouth, "Oh my God! What happened?" My mother shrieked in a hushed tone.
"It was his dad. He told him he was moving out in a few months to be with me when the baby was born."
"And he did this?"
"You obviously don't know Jesse's dad," I said coldly.
I heard footsteps come up behind my mom, obviously my Dad. "Lisa, are you coming to bed?" He asked.
"Honey, come over here!"
My father rolled his eyes. He just wanted to go to sleep. He walked over to my bedside and peered over my mother's shoulder. His eyes widened when he saw Jesse condition, "Holy shit! What happened to him?"
"It was his father, Jason!" My mother was freaking out, I could tell. "What should we do, call the police?"
"No," I said quickly, "Jesse would never forgive himself if his parents went to jail because of him."
My father and mother exchanged worried glances, and then stared at me. "Jaden, I'm not quite sure you understand how serious this is." My mother tried to explain, but I understood fully.
"Mom, I know Jesse better than you. I swear if you throw his parents in jail you will destroy him."
"This is child abuse! We can't let this go!"
"You can and you will!" I hissed. "Listen to me; you do not say a word to the authorities about anything you just saw. Jesse has been dealing with his father for years. He can handle this. All I ask, if you let him stay here."
My mother and father stared at each other thoughtfully. My mother shrugged and my father's eyes widened in response.
"Dad, you can't seriously consider sending Jesse back to his house?" I asked in totally disbelief, "You know you will doomed to eternal damnation if you do."
"But that's one more person I take care off. I don't have the money."
"You took care of this family just fine when Jaylene was here!" I retorted, wishing I hadn't said that as soon as it slipped form my mouth.
I watched my father's features harden and my mother's expression turn to pain and misery. God, I really wish I hadn't said that.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, "but, Dad you know it's true! Please, don't send Jesse back to that place!" I pleaded.
My father inhale and exhale loudly through his nose, which meant he was considering it. My mother and I stared at my father, my eyes begging him to agree to let Jesse stay with us. I knew by the way my mother was looking at my dad she was just going to go with whatever he said. Now all the pressure was on Dad. What was he going to do?
I felt like I was waiting an eternity to hear my father's answer. He was taking so long, which put me on the alert. I prepared myself for definite no answer in which I would blow up on him, giving him the guilt trip, and then he would say yes due to extreme remorse for sending Jesse to his grave.
My father sighed, which means he had reached a conclusion. I leaned closer to him to hear his answer. I wanted to jump up and down on the bed when I heard the most amazing words come from his mouth. "He can stay."
I clapped my hands together, grinning widely at my dad, "Thank you so much!" I screamed, but in a whisper. "You're doing a good thing here, Dad."
"We still have a lot more to discuss about this though," he said, still as serious as before. "But it can wait until morning. I'm drop-dead tired." My dad turned his back to us and started his way to the steps, calling back to my mother. "Come on, Lisa. Let's get to bed."
"I'm right behind you." Before my mother left she kissed me on the forehead and smiled, "Night, Jay. We'll see you in the morning."
"Goodnight and…thanks."
"Don't thank me, sweetheart. It's what anyone would have done."
My mom walked away from my bedside towards the stairs. She gently shut the door behind her and I listened as her footsteps disappeared.
I glanced down at Jesse, whose eyes were wide open. "Did you get all of that?" I asked him, excitement bubbling inside of me.
Jesse nodded, "Every word."
The smiles on our faces grew wider by the second until we were both laughing. I wrapped my arms tightly around Jesse, which caused him to wince in a sudden jolt of pain. I giggled an apology and gave Jesse a chaste kiss on the lips. We stared into each others eyes, both were filled with joy. I was so thankful that Jesse would finally be safe from his lunatic parents and with me instead. I was sure Jesse was just as happy about it, maybe even more.
This moment was perfect. Everything was how it should be.
But, who was I kidding? Peace and prosperity doesn't last long in life. It was only matter of time before life threw us a curveball and everything came crashing down.
Ha! Isn't that the story of my life?
X-X-X-X-X
Kikuchan: dude that is the story of everyone's life!
Jaden: I know! Isn't that sad?
Kikuchan: Oh my God it is! That's really fricken depressing! I might cry…
Jaden: it's weird when you think about it.
Kikuchan: I know…did we just have an epiphany?
Jaden: I believe we did.
Kikuchan: Is this the part when we accept The Lord Jesus Christ in our life?
Jaden: No, that's for people with near death experiences.
Kikuchan: Oh, so what we help the poor?
Jaden: No, just take it in and learn.
Kikuchan: Ohh –takes it in and learn absolutely nothing- Dude epiphanies are not as great as they say. I feel nothing. But, I did feel the need to remind every to review since I always do that at the end of every chapter.
