I need more fic to medicate my withdrawal...

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You know that feeling?

You know the one.

That feeling when you are anticipating something so great that when the time comes, it consumes every inch of your heart and mind, every inch of your being, the one that encapsulates the entirety of your soul……then it doesn't happen or gets delayed.

That feeling.

Yeah, I knew you where familiar with it.

The despair, the feeling of rejection, of being mislead, of your trust being abused, and the after taste of misery and depression.

Summer had been having constant reunions with this feeling. Day after day after day, the sentiment inflicting its torture, and she was waning, slowly becoming more and more miserable and depressed.

She had been in the frame of thought of a maybe compromise with Seth. Well sort of. She had dabbled with the thought, but it had not been properly considered, with many areas of it still flawed with leaks and dodgy backfires. The sad thing was that this thought of compromise was diminishing day by day.

The hope of salvation was eroding in correlation with the time that she had not seen him.

She hadn't seen him in a week. A week exactly to this day.

Every day she would drive to school, walk through the doors with this spark of anticipation, this hope that maybe today she can talk to him and see if things can change. That hopefully he still wasn't so sad and hurt, and they could still hang out and revalue what they have.

It was Tuesday now and there was only the rest of this week remaining for the school year.

And the week had been so terrifyingly lonely.

She didn't really enjoy being around the other girls, especially when she was in her angry women moods. She would get tired of their conversation and starting thinking about Cohen…

And the rest of the day dragged achingly long.

Then after school Marissa would come over and they would go shopping or tanning, and then she would be alone for the night. Usually she would do something with Seth, or talk to him on the phone, or at the very least he would text her stupid random stuff that always made her laugh and smile. She never really appreciated how much fun she had with him, how effortless the connection and chemistry between them was. She didn't understand how much she took him for granted till now.

This long week was a lesson, was the universe teaching her that life's a bitch.

The day after "the day after," she had just kept on playing it by ear, still rolling with her initial idea of being able to hang out soon and be friends. Ignorance is not so blissful. But then the week progressed, and so did the loneliness and depression. And so did the absence of Seth.

As the days of Seth's absence increased so did Summer's control over her feelings over their circumstances. She felt like she was loosing grip of her posture on the situation.

Feelings and emotions were slowly taking over, consuming her. They were seeping their way in, unwelcomed and undesired, poisoning her thoughts. At the beginning of the week she was being stubborn, barely acknowledging her dad, ignoring annoying people at school, not being bothered to conversate with many others except for Ryan and Marissa.

But as the week grew to its end, these poisoned thoughts gradually evolved into poisoned actions. She was now bordering with being obnoxious to her dad, she was snippy to the maid, barely paying attention to any conversation including Ryan and Marissa.

But as the week progress, so was hatching a new innocence to Summer. She would have moments, (when not in one of her semi permanent hating moods), where she would listen to others and try to articulate and understand what they were saying. It wasn't really a new attribute, but an enhanced one; she had slightly raised the priority of it. She had subconsciously come to the conclusion that she valued her friends a lot and that she wanted to be a good friend. The conclusion arrived when she realised friendships (like her and Seth) can end abruptly, and that she should savour them, and rejoice in their warmth and affection.

The thing is, she had only realised now what had been happening, how all these knew things were happening with her. It was like she was watching herself from the perception of a 3rd person. And she knew all these reactions were caused from one person. Or should she say the absence of a particular person.

And upon her realisation of these things, dawned how much she missed him. She just missed him sooo much.

Those thoughts about a compromise were being recycled, floating around her mind just waiting to be asked, to be prompted, eagerly waiting to be employed. She wants to employee them, she so very badly wants to, but there is a throbbing nervousness and anxiety that concerns her every time she thinks about it. She just doesn't know if it would do more good then harm.

She was worried that Seth could easily be so hurt and angry about her choice and how she dealt with her father not approving of him that he could simply reject her, flat out shut her down. She knows though that the Seth she knows wouldn't, but people act out rashly when hurt and broken.

She remembered getting angry about his avoidance half way through the week, thinking he was being insensitive and selfish, the fire of anger was distinguished quickly though and all that was left in the ashes was tears.

She had a talk to Ryan asking what was going on with Seth, but he didn't even know too. He just said he had been very quiet lately, not really talking to anyone, keeping to himself by staying in his room most of the time.

That night Summer went home, the conversation between her and Ryan fresh in her mind's eye, and all she did was think. She went through her and Ryan's conversation over and over, trying to sift through it, to see if she could catch onto something, read into Ryan's words just in case he wasn't telling her something.

She just sat in her bed hugging a pillow to her chest, princess Sparkles by her side, and thought and thought. Thought about her and Seth, about their time together, about how she felt so welcomed and comfortable with his family. She thought about his family when the nana came for a visit, how he had reacted about hearing his grandma having Cancer, how Seth was all protective of her trying to save her from meeting the nana, how she thought he was embarrassed of her. How the thought dashed through her mind, 'what if the nana doesn't like me'.

Summer stopped everything. She hadn't even done the simplest thing to understand why Seth was doing what he was.

Summer tried to imagine herself in his position….

Her face burned up, her breathing went heavy, then all of a sudden it felt like all the heat was getting sucked out of her body, like a torrent was channelling all warmth out of her, and all that was left was this cold, bitter, lonely emptiness. She sat there motionless, stoic, frozen.

And from all of this, she decided to get her warmth back.

-

Seth strolled in once again to school. He once again inadvertently adopted his morose wounded look as he made his way straight to the library before first class. A place where he knew he wouldn't have to deal with people and was 99.9 sure that he would definitely not have to deal with Summer.

And so his day, like the rest of the week began. He would shuffle to classes going unnoticed, do his thing, and then scurry off to places no one would visit. It was a throwback really, pre Ryan Seth was emerging through all the pain and hurt. It wasn't like Seth wanted to regress but he thought if he could just last till the holidays he would be in the clear.

Some would say he was being selfish and a bitch, but he really wasn't. Through his eyes he was taking the high road, sparing everyone from hurt and heart ache. He just figured if he dealt with this by himself, and didn't concern his parents, Ryan and Summer, that he was saving them from his constants babbling, whining and from feeling sad because he looked so helpless and hurt.

And he definitely did not want their pity. It's one thing to have someone empathise, but to have people sympathise, and especially in his situation how he got dumped because the girl's dad didn't approve…. well it doesn't do your self esteem any favours, it just keeps deflating, sucking the air out of you.

The day rolled along just as how the others had. He would wait for the rush to class to finish, and then comfortably make his way there. He never got into trouble for being late; teachers always liked him as he was always a great student. For his breaks between classes he would either go to the library or hung out with the variety of clubs that he was part of. It was secure, just easy and smooth. He didn't particularly have fun coming to school and doing this routine, feeling like a drone, but it was much less complicated and stressful then hanging around with Ryan, which by association means hanging with Marissa, which by association means hanging with Summer, and well you get his point.

The day was running as per usual. That was till after the last class of the day, when the end of school had been so achingly close he could touch it. Seth had gone to his locker after the rush, thrown his books callously into his bag, then turned around and started walking towards the exit to meet Ryan at the car. He stopped, his heart rate instantly racing. He turned around only now registering that Summer was standing silently to his left. She had books clutched to her chest, her eyes timorously glued to him.

Seth at a loss of what to do said, "Ohh hey."

Summer smiled at him kindly. "Hey Cohen." She said warmly.

Seth sighed in relief. He really did think that she was going to be angry and livid Summer. His heart and mind smiled at how he liked to think he knew her extremely well, yet she would surprise him constantly and keep him guessing at her next move.

He doesn't know why, but the thought of 'We will be okay' strolls through his mind, so he decides to embrace it.

High Road Seth.

He moved over to the lockers where she was standing, leaning slightly on one, a few away from her. "Hey what you still doing here after the bell?" He started. "Cause I remember you being keen on being out of here as soon as the bell rang."

Summer tilted her head shyly, smiling back. "Well you remembered correctly, it's just that I need to ask Mrs Jones a question about the English final." She answered back in that mild fun banter tone that had mysteriously come about once she met Seth. She didn't really need to see Mrs Jones; she could have asked Marissa or anyone else. She just wanted a reason to hang back so she could 'coincidently' bump into Seth.

Seth nodded back. He was feeling comfortable, which resonated extremely with him and came through in his words and body language. "Ahh yea, that English essay is going to be annoying." He cutely narrowed his eyes. "'Of Mice and Men' was boring anyways."

She tilted her nodding slightly. "Ohh I completely agree." She eased into a comforting lean against a locker, her back resting against it.

See, this is what Summer missed. Just feeling so at ease and secure with him. Reliving the emotion and sentiment made her feel…happy.

But just as she was thinking this so came the conflicting issue of that, she dumped him.

She looked over to Seth, seeing his soft expression, gulped and asked the question that had to be asked. "So how have you been?" She enquired, softly once again.

Seth leaned his back against the lockers. He really didn't know how to answer. He could tell the truth about how miserable he is, or he could sugar coat it, make it easier for everyone to digest.

High Road Seth.

"I have been better." He replied softly.

Summer sighed. The torrent of emotions that she had been feeling for the past week slowly worked their way into her once again. She was really getting sick of feeling like this.

She didn't really like his short answers. Whenever his answers came in that form she knew he wasn't telling the whole story, but she got the drift of what he meant.

Seth nervously slid his tongue along his bottom lip. "How about you?"

She looked up earnestly into his eyes. "Yeah, I've been better."

They both shared a moment of understanding, a moment of appreciation and respect for each other.

They both knew they were skirting around what needed to be address, the need to put 'stuff' out into the open.

Their affectionate moment drifted to an end, and the actual conversation began.

Summer pursed her lips. "So I haven't seen you in a while…"

Seth swallowed. He knew he was going to have to explain about him being MIA for the whole week, but nothing productive ever reached his mind. So he decided to go with the truth.

"Umm, yeah, I have been really busy with finals coming and….stuff."

So what if it was a constricted truth.

"Cause you have been missing a few classes from last week and some of this week's."

It was true. He had been skipping some classes. But just the ones that he and Summer were in together. He would go and meet up with the teacher later and collect the notes, saying he was doing some extra-curricular activities. The teachers of course believed him.

Ryan and his parents were totally oblivious to his extra free time. Summer, being impassioned from anger with her situation with Seth felt like dobbing him in to Ryan, but thankfully decided not to. She really didn't need to give Seth another reason to resent her.

Seth looked to his right, scanning the empty hallway. "I have been a bit sick, an allergic reaction to this time of year. It's the poland."

And truth floated out the window.

He was clearly not making eye contact, coming up with a random mumbling of a shoddy story. Summer knew he was lying, but at least she could gather what she wanted from his answer.

"So you are allergic to Summer?" she queried.

Seth didn't respond. Why did he have to be so socially retarded?

She breathed in steadily. "You're avoiding me." She nervously accused. She wasn't sure if she should be too critical.

Seth shook his head innocently. "I'm not."

Summer breathed out exasperatedly, angered that he was trying to deny it. "Yes you are. You don't go to the classes I'm in, you don't even have lunch with Ryan anymore just so you can relieve yourself from me, and we always found each other before, and all of a sudden……coincidently….. we never do."

Seth tried to swallow the lump that was painfully crowding the back of his throat. "It's - " he opened his mouth, then closed it. He had no idea at how to respond. He once again tried to swallow, but couldn't. It felt like his throat was slowly constricting. "I… You - " He again tried to respond, but nothing came.

He once again greeted frustration and a slew of his companions.

Summer was intently looking at him, waiting patiently for any kind of response. He just plainly repeated his sentiment. "I'm not avoiding you."

Summer held her books tighter to her chest. "And what about Saturday at the charity event?" Her voice wavered slightly due to the emotion that the conversation was seizing from her.

Seth had asked his parents kindly if he could skip the particular occasion. They were very aware of his and Summer's break up, and weary of how down and miserable he had been since. No parent likes to see their child so hurt, and definitely did not want him to further endure more suffering, so they took compassion on him, letting him stay home.

Summer had gone to the event enamoured with anxiety, actually thinking that she might be able to have a decent conversation with him. But then she had asked Kirsten and Sandy where Seth was, and the feeling that I was telling you about in the beginning, that consumed her.

She left the event 7 minuets later.

Once again Seth had no response for her. He just bowed his head ashamed, feeling guilty and embarrassed about the way he acted. He rolled his tongue along the back of his front teeth, clenching them once the familiar feeling of the origins of tears made their presence noted.

Summer was gauging his every action. Her heart ached. She didn't mean to get stuck into him, she was just frustrated, and she dearly missed him and wanted to know why he was going to such an effort just to avoid her.

Summer's heart started racing. She bit her lower lip, hard. She was still watching him and when he looked up, his lips pursed, eyes glistened with tears, she felt like the worst person in the world.

Seth swallowed a few times, his lips slightly opening then closing. "I didn't mean to…."

Summer instinctively found herself reaching for his hand, cupping it in both of hers. "No its okay." She soothed, looking up at him caringly. "I'm not mad or angry or anything like that sweetie, it's just that" she closed her eyes momentarily, willing herself to continue. He deserved to be told what she had been thinking for the past week. "It's just that I have missed you." She finished off gently.

Summer hesitated. When she said that out loud it didn't bode well. She was having second thoughts on whether or not he actually deserved to know that, or if it was her being selfish, trying to seek her goal of being friends and not losing him. She looked downed the hallway, just so she didn't have to look at him. Yeah, it seemed that a compromise was absolutely no where in sight.

An awkward silence echoed through the hallway. A distant sound of footsteps sounded off, bouncing around the empty area. A moment later a teacher walked through silently observing the interaction of two students.

Summer let Seth's hand slide out from hers.

Seth dug his finger nails into the palm of his hand. "I've missed you too Sum."

And the way he says it, so caringly, so tender and soft, while his loving gaze pours into her soul, it makes her feel so fucking special.

The teacher carries on knowingly, an empathising expression on his face, his foot steps signing off, disappearing behind a corridor.

Summer eyes started to well up. "It's just that I have been so lonely, and just knowing that you don't want to be near me, it really hurts."

Seth sighed in understanding keeping his eyes on hers. He knew that she had just taken a gallant step by admitting what she had just said. He looked at her. Just simply took her in. He had missed tracing over her features with his eyes, taking mental notes and pictures so he could refine and recreate next time he opened up that book.

"I'm sorry." He was really burning up.

Summer looked directly at him, sighing in compassion. His apologisingOh god. Now I've made him feel like the bad guy. Nice going Summer... she thought loathingly.

"No – No, you don't have to apologise." Summer appeased. He looked so innocent, and was being so understanding and open. "It's just….." she hesitated softly; worry overwhelming her for a moment. She didn't know whether or not to ask the question. She could come off a hundred different things; selfish, prying, demanding, needy … the list went on.

But she just had to ask.

"Why?"

Seth instantly went stiff. He had gone from burning up to numb in no time. He had no answer.

"Umm…." And there was silence. They both kept their eyes on each other.

Seth lowered his head. "I don't know."

It was the truth. He didn't plan on doing this, avoiding her by skipping class; it was just an autonomic / impulsive, action that his brain made him do when faced with the situation.

Summer mirrored his actions, lowering his head. "Seth…." She prompted delicately.

"It's the truth." He yearned.

Summer's lowered head caught sight of Seth's right hand. - It was shaking. -

She could tell she was tearing him apart inside. She couldn't blame him at all for avoiding her. Look what she did when she was with him.

She looked up at him, her facial expression wrote of pure gloom.

Seth unsteadily scratched his head, even though she didn't deserve to get an explanation, the sight of her like this motivated him to take the step. He would always eventually fall to her wants.

"It's different for us; it's not like a normal break up thing, because nothing had happened in our relationship for it to change my feelings for you." He waited a moment to see her reaction. She was intently looking back at him, so he decided to continue.

"So it's just like we've being going out, everythings all good, then stopped cause of no reason. I still really care for you and have these strong feelings for you….but can't do anything with them." He swallowed uneasily, blinking a few times not letting any tears surface. "So I still have really strong feelings, but can't act on them or do anything. I just have to wait till they subside, or go away…."

Summer didn't respond. She just kept looking at him. She felt all these things spark up in her during what he just said.

And all she could think of was 'Wow Summer. You really did fucking messed things up.'

She didn't want to blink, it would be the slight push that the tears needed / wanted before they were set free, clear to abseil to freedom.

Summer bit the corner of her bottom lip. "So you just need some time…" she drifted off clearly becoming overwhelmed with emotion. Her voice wavering at the end of her sentence.

O. So that's how that line comes about.

Seth wordlessly nodded. He felt like he had done enough talking. Yeah, it was obvious he was feeling sick, and it wasn't the flu type sick.

"Oh, okay." Summer wispily replied. Any thoughts of a compromise now vanishing.

"Okay" Seth slowly said back.

They both simultaneously took the step towards each other, wrapping their arms around, embracing each other in a warm comforting hug.

Seth hugged her tightly closing his eyes, breathing heavily.

Summer pressed herself firmly to him, holding him tightly, as a tear slipped out.

After a long moment they both pulled apart, summer made sure to dry the tear or any remnant of such on his jumper, Seth pulled his bag closer to his hip, smiled tenderly showing off his dimples before making his way past her towards the exist.

Summer stood there solemnly. Then she clenched her jaw. Then she shrugged in that self loathing 'look what you did' way.

"Good." She thought in resentment.

"Great." She proclaimed as she started to work to her locker.

"Good work Sum." She nodded agreeing with herself. "Look what you've gone and done." She opened her locker shoving her books in her bag. "Good on you. Fucking good. On . you." The tears were seeping their way to the surface.

"You deserve it." She thought in fury. "Cause now you've gone and hurt him and he can't stand to be around you." A few tears escaped. "Yup he can't fucking stand to be around you. And you deserve it."

She slammed the locker shut. "Yup. You fucking deserve it."

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