Heya
-
Summer sat on her bed cross legged, nervously wringing her hands in her lap. Just in front of her lay her phone, just lazily resting smiling up at her either patronizing or obnoxiously, she hadn't decide yet.
That was Wednesday night, and the third last day of school had now been completed. And much to her dismay, she happened to not bump into Seth. So he was still avoiding her, even though they had some what come to the agreement that he wouldn't.
Well, she thinks they kind of had an agreement.
Summer forced her criticizing gaze back on the mobile phone. She had no bearing on whether it was in conjunction with the relationship break up etiquette that she could call Seth. What was she going to say if he picked up? It's common knowledge to all that Seth can push her buttons, and they could easily end up having a huge argument over the phone which would be so tacky and could so easily widen the rift between them to an emendable crack.
She fiddled with her fingers desperately trying to come to any sort of conclusion. After a moment she looked down in front of her.
She picked up the decidedly patronizing phone and dialed Seth.
She held her breath and waited. The agonizing empty screams of silence in between the abrupt burst of the ringing tone drifted on and on.
Nothing
She bit her bottom lip and as her heart tried reasoning with her mind.
Maybe he just wasn't near his phone and didn't hear it. – Maybe… but weird how before a couple of weeks ago he alwaysanswered yours calls.
Maybe he was just surprised that I called, freaked out, and he didn't want to answer when caught off guard. – Maybe he did hear and just didn't want to talk to you.
Maybe he will call back. – Maybe…but we know he won't. Have fun waiting...
She waited while trying to occupy some time watching old movies, some school work, messaging Marissa, but he didn't call back.
And what was she expecting? She keeps trying to claw at something but she doesn't have any idea what she is doing.
Why did she call in the first place...?
What can she do? It's not like she can get angry at him. Not at all. And she can't blame him. She vacantly frowned at herself remembering their latest conversation, and how badly she was imposing on Seth. Making him squirm under her pressure, making him physically shake, all because of her need to get hold of something, to not lose control in its entirety.
She shook her head. His hand was shaking.
She flopped down on her back laying flat on her bed, willing herself not to cry. Again
-
The next day, the routine from yesterday was adopted. Except this time Summer was prepared. So when school finished, she walked out to her car with a perverse smile laden across her face. The smile wasn't due to a plan percolating in her pretty little head; it was because of her annoyance and frustration with the universe.
It kind of reminded her of when Seth and Anna told her that they got together during New Years, in other words, that he chose Anna.
She thinks it's the universe laughing in her face for being so stupid. She had Seth. When she kissed him at his house, when she went to TJ with him, when he asked her out. But each time her eternal source of pretence brushed him off. And definitely not lightly.
And then he chose Anna, and she didn't have him anymore, she lost out.
Just like now. She had him, but because of her foolishness, she loses him. She got her chance, a do over, and she just wasted it, abused it, and nonchalantly shrugged while he disappears from grasps.
After school that day she hung out with Marissa. They went shopping, got a manicure, ate at that new Italian restaurant that Summer had been itching to try out, but never had a chance. Carbs at night, you know how it is. But right now she didn't care.
She felt like being ugly.
She wanted to stop feeling like a fraud, looking like a walking contradiction.
She wanted her outside to match her inside.
At night Summer and Marissa ended up in Summer's room painting each others freshly manicured nails talking idly about random stuff. The usual. Nail colours, pastel skirts, a bit of 'remember that', blueberry vs cherry flavoured lip gloss, Seth Cohen.
Summer had filled Marissa in about her rogue phone call. She explained the whole trail of thought, and the overwhelming spontaneous impulses that made her act out, causing her to do and say thinks that on second thought are just plain wrong.
Like telling him she missed him.
Like implying that he is the one causing the problems and tension that surround them now.
Like calling him last night.
So they just cast it aside, overstepping the problem venturing on to the side where the grass was looking that slight shade vibrant. Their usual act of pretension that they had learned from their social surroundings in Newport Beach.
And with that came the, "You know what I could do?" An sneaky anxious expression graced Summer's face.
Marissa looked at her curiously. "What's doing?"
Summer bit her bottom lip for a moment. "I could call him from my Dad's phone."
Marissa gently huffed at the idea, then grinned. "Summer, I'm not too sure about that."
Summer shrugged. "Well, it will tell me whether or not Seth is avoiding me and not answering my calls."
"Are you sure you want to find out." Marissa asked carefully. "I mean what are you going to do if he answers and is less then happy to be talking to you." She hesitated for a second thinking about something. "Sum, what are you even going to say if he picks up?"
Summer thought for a moment, staring through her freshly painted nails. "I don't know." She got up off her bed, clearly making her way to turn their theory into reality. "I'll figure it out." She proclaimed behind her to a firmly seated Marissa.
Summer went downstairs directly to her Dad's Study room, which of course was where he would be, always planted at this time of night.
"Dad I need to borrow your phone - Okay thanks." She went over hastily and took it from the table, then started to make her way out. Her voice was even and without any of her usual vibrancy.
"Wait, Summer." Dr Roberts asked kindly.
She simply raised her eyebrows in expectations.
"Is there any special reason why you need my phone? Is there something wrong with your phone, or the house phone?" He said in the same soft tone. If there is one thing that Dr Roberts could not handle, it is Summer Roberts being angry at him.
Now when he looks at it he doesn't think that firm criticizing stance to Seth was a wise on. He truly was trying to do the best for his daughter.
"Nope. There is nothing wrong with them."
"So why is it necessary for you to use mine?"
She waited a moment deciding whether to be patronisingly honest or subtly deceitful.
Definitely patronisingly honest.
It's cause she can.
She leant on her left foot, ready to work the body language. "I want to call Seth."
Dr Roberts raised his eyebrows. "Umm, Summer I don't think that is such a good idea."
"Wow really," abusing the patronising tone, "What a surprise…." Rolling her eyes. "What is surprising though, is how controlling you are being."
He sighed. "I am not trying to be controlling."
Summer nonchalantly shrugged. She really wasn't even paying attention to what he was saying.
"Is there any particular reason why you want to call him?"
Summer's bottom lip involuntarily pouted. "I just miss him." She said sensitively. "I just want to talk to him."
Dr Roberts look upon his daughter. He felt the parental ache in his stomach as her simple laid words crept into his mind. "So you don't see him at school?"
Summer breathed a sigh. She didn't really want to divulge this sort of information to her father, especially after what it had caused the last time, but he was her dad and they were really close. "I am not really seeing him at school."
He narrowed his eyes. "Why?" he asked, being careful not to sound like he was probing or overbearing.
"He is kind of avoiding me." The words felt sticky and uncomfortable when trying to liberate them from her mouth.
Dr Roberts took a seat suddenly very interested in his comments about Seth and the resulting break up between him and his daughter. "He is avoiding you? Well that seems kind of childish and immature."
Summer dipped her head biting the side of her bottom lip. She gestured with her hand, "Well, we kind of had a talk about still being friends the other day, but I am pretty sure that he doesn't want to be my friend right now." She sighed again for the thousandth time. "He said that he needs some time, and that stuff…."
She looked up to gauge her Father's response. Seeing as he actually looked kind of sad and not what she expected she faked smiled saying. "So basically he hates me."
After her words fell effortlessly to the ground she said, "So we gonna play another game of 20 questions, or can I go now?" She raised her eyebrows, maintaining a strong stare on her father.
Dr Roberts stumbled over his words. "Summer, I didn't mean to be intrusive, I was just worried."
Summer simply shrugged walking out of his study heading back upstairs.
Dr Roberts breathed out a contagious sigh. Okay, so maybe he shouldn't have formed such a strong opinion on Seth so early. But seriously, think about it. As if you wouldn't start to wonder the same if your daughter brought home a bumbling skinny boy in dire need of a haircut…
-
Summer came cruising through her bedroom door, phone in hand. She went over to her bed and plonked herself in the same position as before, opposite Marissa.
The mellow sounds of the television seemed to fade into the furniture as Summer looked anxiously up to Marissa before dialling Seth's number. The numbers sounded off effortlessly, then the tension seeped into to room, just growing and growing, thicker and thicker. Summer felt it become hard to breath, felt it harder to moved. The seconds lapped and the ring tone grew mature….
Summer reached for the end call button. Neither said anything.
-
Summer was at school sipping on coffee thinking about what she should do today. Everyone seemed to be consumed with their problems, with people getting knocked up, family's coming together getting married, other's falling apart getting shafted out of the loop like Jimmy. And all Summer wanted was to simply still be able to hang out with Seth. That is all.
So her plan was simple. She would just leave class early and wait near his locker at the end of school. And NO she is not being desperate…
-
Seth and Ryan strode into school for the final time this year. Now when Seth was thinking about it, it kind of felt bitter sweet. He actually did have a really fun year of school. Even though that fact was mainly because of Summer, it still didn't change the fact that he did indeed have a fun year. And now with Ryan caught up in all this drama, and with Summer breaking up with him, the bitter was starting worm its way from after taste to straight up ill deposit.
'Oh well' he thought. Just today to go and then he is free to do whatever he wants. Free to do all the sailing possible and play all the games he wants.
-
Seth smiled gleefully as the all too welcome final bell of the year rang in all its glory. He all too happily got up placing his sketch book in his right arm before making his way out of the room into the hallway. He could see all his class mates bursting with happiness, ecstatic that school has come to a close, and that the holidays will burst to start later tonight.
He made his way through, gliding past forgettable class mates till his eye caught onto one known class mate. To the corner near some lockers stook Summer. Just simply standing there not talking to anyone, bag in hand. Her back was to him, so she hadn't caught sight of him yet. He thought about pretending he didn't see her but it was too good an opportunity. He quietly walked up behind her, moving over getting ready to place his hands where she was the most ticklish.
"Boo" Ehh who actually says boo?
He tickled her for the moment then moved back to gauge her reaction. She turned around and realised it was him straight away. She laughed whole heartedly, the one Seth loves to produce from her.
She swatted him. "Don't scare me like that." Summer inwardly smiled. Okay so maybe he wasn't purposefully avoiding her. But what has he been doing?
Seth was still momentarily caught on Summer's smile. He bit his bottom lip, he thinks she is perfect. He simply watched as her face lit up, her smile beamed from his actions, and he felt the consequential tug in his chest.
It felt so incredibly good to get a reaction like that from her. He let it wash over him knowing that he should savour these, and that they could become quite rare.
"Sorry but I just couldn't resist." He answered back smiling.
Summer sighed a breath of relief. Seth was acting a lot differently then she had thought he would. Maybe she was overreacting a bit.
"I bet you couldn't." She looked up at him looking down at her smiling. She missed his smile. "So what you doing?"
"I am talking to you…but I am about to get my stuff from my locker and be out of this place."
Summer rolled her eyes, such a Cohen response. "I meant after."
Seth shrugged in thought. "Umm, I'm not really sure. I think I might chill at home for a while then might see what Ryan wants to do tonight. I got cheer him up. He's really down, and you know…"
Summer raised an eyebrow. Most kids have a huge massive weekend planned with like nada minutes spare. But of course Cohen has flat out no idea what he is going to do.
She could see that the Ryan drama was having an affect on him. He seemed more 'whatevs'.
"Sounds fun." She immediately bit her bottom lip as the idea floated through. He seems to be fine. They haven't seen each other in a while…he's not doing anything, she's not doing anything…
She leant on her left foot, he hands nervously playing with each other. "Well umm, since you're not doing anything… and we haven't really seen much of each other lately we could …" she looked up to see his reaction. "or not…" She lowered her head embarrassed.
She had seen the immediate trepidation that creep into his wide eyes, heard the voice that spoke for his body clearly screaming 'fuck no'.
There was an awkward silence that played between the two even though there were students around.
So maybe she hadn't overacted…
His body language and eyes told the story. He wasn't really okay with how things were between them. He was just doing it because he had too. Summer self consciously folded back in to herself.
Finally Seth spoke up. "Umm, I don't think that is a good idea."
Summer could feel a solid tugging in her chest. "Ya, I kind of got that Seth." She didn't mean for it to be immersed in hostility, but she was frustrated.
She looked up after a moment with an unyielding look. "What do you want me to do? I still want to be friends and hang out and do stuff together. I love spending time with you. It's so much fun and we can talk about anything non stop."
Seth sighed, rolling his head to the side. Summer didn't particularly like it; she thinks it came off arrogant. "I don't know Summer." He raised a hand, pushing it through his curls.
She wanted to get angry at him but couldn't. He just looked so melancholy. "You are still avoiding me, you don't answer or return any of my calls, and you freak out if I want to hang out with you." She stated emotionally. She looked up at him as he pursed her lips. "You are closing yourself off to me." She finished softly.
Seth let go a shaky breath. "I'm not avoiding you." He said, somewhat familiarly.
She takes a moment looking at him, reading his body language.
It makes Summer think of a puppy getting kicked once again by his owner.
"Really? Then what have you been doing that would be just cause for you missing your classes?" She prompted smoothly.
Seth scratched his head for a moment non to softly. He looked around observing that there was no one left in the hallways except them. "I have, uh, been helping out with a couple of the clubs for the end of year displays." It was true.
Summer folded into herself once again. "And what about answering your phone?"
Seth stiffened for only a millisecond, Summer didn't catch on.
"I lost it."
Worst. Lie. Ever.
Summer levelled a glare at him. She knew it was a blatant lie too. "Really?" it wasn't really a question, it was more of a statement, like an offer for Seth to take it back.
But he of course refused.
Within seconds Summer had her phone out dialling Seth's number. And as surely as Seth was about to make some stupid ass comment, his phone started ringing in his pocket.
He swallowed apprehensively as he took the phone out of his pocket. "Ohh would you look at that, I left it in my jeans pocket, and I haven't worn these in like a week."
Summer's bottom lip pouted on its own accord. She expected Seth to be more sarcastic, but he was simply sad.
It makes Summer think of saying good bye to relatives after the holidays.
The phone was still ringing so Summer grabbed it off him. "Would you turn that off." She looked for the key to end call and pressed the button with her thumb. She raised her head to look at Seth, before she looked back down at the phone.
"Wait up." Did she just see what she thinks she saw?
Seth narrowed his eyes. "What are you talking about?"
Summer pressed a few buttons on his phone going through his call log. Unknown? She stopped, and dropped her hand to her side. She looked up at him with a clearly hurt look in her eyes. She pressed a few more buttons on the phone taking her to his contact list. She scrolled down looking for Summer. There was none. After a few moments she dropped her hand again, but this time when she looked up, she had a few tears in her eyes.
His forefinger started playing with the nail on his thumb. He knew what she was so upset about. He dropped his head and sighed. He didn't know what else to do.
Summer let her tongue swirl around her mouth. She played with her fingers as she stared at Seth. After a moment she nodded to herself. "So, it seems like you've pulled the plug on me. That's real honourable of you Cohen."
He's mouth dropped open at Summer Comment. Not the first part, the second. "Honourable? You are getting angry at me about this? And you bring up me being honourable. Wow. Summer, just wow."
She leant back on her foot. "Whatever Cohen."
He shook his head knowing how she is. "Yeah, that's what I thought."
She raised her eyebrows. "Excuse me?" He was seriously pushing it.
Seth just shook his head. He didn't want to fight. He was too tired and drained. He just wanted to leave.
It makes Summer think of a child getting sent back to polishing some Tupperware after asking if it was shiny enough for the 13th time.
There was this weird moment where they both looked into each other, both sighing realising the difficult situation they had arrived at.
Summer was first to break the reverie. "So this is us huh."
Seth nodded bleakly. He shrugged saying "So, umm can I have my phone back?"
Summer bottom lip automatically pouted at his words. After all they have been through this year, this is what they have been reduced too. Summer wanted to bawl like a little school girl.
She found herself hitting him in the chest. It wasn't a hard hit. It was kind of a burst of emotion that got channelled into a wanting emphatic hit, but falling way short it the force department.
Seth pursed his lips while raising his eyebrows, Summer knew it was him saying good bye.
She gestured with her hands. "So now its holidays, when am I going to see you next?"
Seth plainly once again shrugged. Summer could see that he was just over feeling like this. Like feeling so beaten down, depressed and miserable. And the hight of that feeling was whenever he was around her. So she really wasn't planning on seeing him much now. Hence her question on when she will see him again.
"I Don't know Sum. Let's just say I'll see you soon."
There were no hugs, no waves, he just simply turned around and walked off towards his locker.
Summer once again sighed. This sucks.
She started to make her way to her locker.
Her thoughts feel rogue and for some reason they keep replaying in her mind.
It makes her think of a puppy getting kicked once again by his owner.
It makes her think of saying good bye to relatives after the holidays.
It makes her think of a child getting sent back to polishing some Tupperware after asking if it was shiny enough for the 13th time.
Seth just seemed so over it. It's like he is simply done. He had been hurt enough and just wanted the fastest, easiest exit.
And it all just clicked into place.
After this whole time, there has always been one constant no matter what has being going on between them. But now he has just had enough.
Summer released a laboured breath. The thought leaving such a dreadful shudder down her spine.
And she says the thought out loud. "He doesn't want me anymore."
-
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