Pilot, Can You Help Me?
By: MissUnderstood92
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas in my head :)
Every week, the couple would go to their weekly session with the therapist, and every week, she would tell them how much progress they were making. Every week, they would shy away from the issue of that day, and what happened, and they would work on the future. But it had been nine months now since it happened, and Brooke and Lucas were finally getting back on track. They were finally getting back to that point where they could be a normal family with Georgie.
We've gotten so far over these past few months, you two. We've talked about your daily feelings and how you two handled this every day for the past nine months. But today, I think we need to talk about how you two felt the day it happened, and maybe even the day after as well.
Brooke froze. She stiffened in Lucas's arms, and stared at their therapist in silence. Lucas nudged her a little bit, seeing her hesitance to speak. "It's okay baby, I'm right here. It's just you and me, remember?" He whispered softly into her ear, squeezing her thigh a bit. "When I woke up, I literally didn't remember anything for a good minute" She started, putting her hand over Lucas's on her thigh. "I saw Lucas's head on the side of my bed, and I knew he was sleeping, but for that minute, I forgot who he was. I forgot I had a husband, I forgot I was a mother, and I forgot my entire life" She took a deep breath as she continued, finding the day harder to talk about than she had realized. "But then, everything came rushing back suddenly, and I looked around the room, not seeing a cot or anything with Mattie in it. I don't think it was really rational now to make an assumption like that, considering he would probably in the NICU or something, but my maternal instincts kicked in, and I panicked. I woke Lucas up, and once he looked up at me, and I saw his red eyes, I knew something happened. I hadn't hoped for the worst, and I hadn't thought the worst, but I knew something bad had happened. I figured it was with me though. Maybe I had a couple broken bones, or he thought I wasn't going to wake up. Something that the doctor had told him that made him upset." She shook her head as tears threatened to fall from her eyes.
"When he told me he was sorry, I knew it was something a million times worse than I had ever thought of. I knew he blamed himself, and it didn't have to do with me at all." Her tears had finally shed. A single tear fell down her cheekbone, following her jawline, and falling of her chin. "When...when I heard that Mattie died, I broke down. My baby boy was dead, and it felt like a part of me died with him, because only one month before, for nine months prior to that, he was a part of me. He was inside of me, eating what I ate, feeling what I felt, and just being a sense of comfort for me. And for those ten months that he was mine, I loved him more than anyone I had ever loved before. It was totally different from my love for Lucas, because Mattie had double that love. That was solely because he was a part of Lucas, and a part of me. He had the love I had for Lucas, and the love I had for him. It's a completely different feeling loving your own child, that you never want to let it go; and I still don't. At that moment, I couldn't imagine living my life without him."
"The next day, before I opened my eyes, I expected it all to be a dream. That I would be at home, with Lucas sleeping soundly beside me, and we would be on the floor in the nursery, and I would stand up, and I would take my two boys into my arms, and I would kiss them, and bring them downstairs and feed them, singing softly like we had been for the past month." She used the back of her hand to wipe her tears away and sniffled a bit. "I just wanted it to be okay, but then I opened my eyes, and all I saw was white, and I knew it wasn't going to be okay. But now, it's easier to think of him. I miss him so much, but I guess everything happens for a reason, right?"
What about you Lucas? How were you feeling at that exact moment?
"I was worried for Brooke when I first got the call, because it didn't register with me that Mattie was in the car with her. But when I went upstairs to get Georgie and so I thought Mattie, I remembered that she took Mattie with her. And that increased my fear exponentially. It had now occurred to me that not only could my wife's life be hanging in the balance, but also my son's. And with that, my relationship with Brooke. It scared the shit out of me. I dropped Georgie off at my mom's without a single explanation and drove as fast as I possibly could to my brother and sister in law's house." He grabbed the glass of water from the table next to him and took big sip, clearing his throat as he put it back down.
"I got there, and I saw the ambulance, and I panicked. I sprinted out of the car, and ran towards Nathan, who still had Brooke in his arms. When he told me Mattie was dead, my whole world came crashing down. I guess until the hospital is still a blur for me. It was kind of like those movie moments where you're standing still, and everything speeds up around you, and I didn't know what to think. My son was dead. The boy I had only held for a month, but knew for ten. I loved him so much, and it was a love I never knew existed considering my father wasn't really one of the best guys ever. And it's just ironic that it turns out he's the one that caused my son to die. The bastard drank his away his sorrows because he wasn't given the chance to be a freaking grandfather because he was such a fucked up father, and then he goes and kills my son, and hurts my wife more than anyone possibly could. If I said I hated the guy before the accident, I could kill him now." Lucas tightened his fist and his jaw clenched.
"He took away a part of my family...again. He took away my chance to have a normal family when I was younger by not being there, and when I did have a father figure, who would complete my mom and me as a family, he shot him in cold blood. And then years later, he goes and gets drunk and decides that he's not done screwing up my life enough, and he kills my son. I can't put into words how much I hate him. It's come to a point where hating him just isn't enough. Because of him, my wife and I spent the past nine months stepping on eggshells around each other and our son because of our pain. Those nine months are nine months I'm never going to get back with both Brooke and Georgie; and that's just not fair to anyone."
No, it's not. And I'm really proud of you two for being able to talk about this today. How is everything at home going, with Georgie?
Brooke looked to Lucas and smiled. "Georgie crawled for the first time the other day. You should've seen Luke when he saw him. It was like Georgie crawling was the biggest thing that had ever happened in his life, and nothing else mattered. I think if he wasn't leaning against the door, he would've fallen flat on his face" She smirked, and Lucas laughed softly. "We were watching TV, and I got up to go get a beer from the kitchen, and I guess Brooke put him down from her lap, and the next thing I hear is 'Luke! Luke! Go get the camera and come here quick!!' Needless to say, I ran to get the camcorder, and came back expecting to see Georgie on Brooke's lap doing something funny or something like that. But I looked to her lap, and I didn't see him, just her beaming down on the floor in pride. I followed her gaze to see our son on all fours, crawling toward me. It was crazy how happy I felt. I completely forgot that Brooke wanted it on tape, and I bent down and put my arms out while he came toward me. If she hadn't yelled at me, I'm pretty sure we would've missed that one" He smirked as Brooke laughed at the memory.
"I think after it settled in that our baby was growing up, we both felt a tinge of sadness that we couldn't go through this with Mattie. That unless we had another child, we won't be able to feel the joy in seeing our child crawl for the first time. I guess it makes us a little selfish that once isn't enough, huh?" A small laugh escaped her mouth as she fumbled with her hands.
Not at all. And you know, it's amazing that you two allowed yourselves to be happy about this milestone in Georgie's life before feeling the small feeling of sadness. That's what I'm here for. You two came here to help cope with what happened nine months ago. You came to learn how to live your life without the guilt and fear and sadness taking it over. After hearing this story, I think you two have finally made it. You've come to a point where you two can now go through your lives and deal with everything in the right way; the way Matt would want you to.
The couple smiled at each other, the space between them deminished as they sat thigh to thigh with their hands intertwined together as they looked into the other's eyes. They knew it themselves, and all they needed was the therapist's assurance. They were finding their way back.
AN: I'm not too fond of this chapter and I'm sorry it's kind of short, but I wanted to get one out to you guys. I have some ideas for how I want this story to go, but I'm not quite sure how to go about doing it. If you guys have any suggestions, just slip it into a review or a PM, and I'll take it into consideration. Thanks to psiek, princetongirl, toddntan, and Enter text here.BrOoKe DaViS23 for reviewing. It always means a lot that you guys take the time to give me some feedback.
