A/N Hey guys. Sorry it took so long for me to update. Well at least this one is a longer chapter. Please enjoy the following chapter that resulted from way too much boredom! Yay!
The Crew Arrives
(A.K.A Prelude to Chaos)
"GIR! I thought I told you to use Irken ingredients!" It was very early in the morning, by normal lazy human standards, and Zim was already criticizing his robot for his ever-growing stupidity (yet adorableness. I mean come on, isn't he just so cute when he is a complete idiot?). Oh, but Zim was not done with his incredible rant yet. "The one time I actually allow you to make food for me to actually eat and you serve me this disgusting hyuman ffffilth?!" He paused and chewed gingerly on a piece. "Ugh, what did you put in these pancakes? I think I'm gonna be—" The next few minutes, instead of being elaborately described (which sounds like fun) shall be put simply as "passed by with much lost food content and bits of pancake."
GIR stood watching his master retch his guts out while blinking impassively. Even so, he could not help but feel impressed. It was hard to get a response from his master, but this—this had to be the best response yet. Maybe he would start using the pancake recipe he used today in all the other horrendous dishes he made. He giggled suddenly. Horrendous. What a nice word.
When Zim finally finished cleansing his superior Irken body of the dire stuff the hyumans actually called food, he gave GIR a nice little death glare. The robot just let out a smile and a squeak.
"W-what on Irk did you put in my breakfast?" he finally managed to gasp out. As much as he had spilt the food contents of his squiddely spooch, not once had the session of vomiting been so long or quite as awful.
"They's made out of beans left over from my burrito about…umm…a week ago maybe. Then they gots some bacon…and some deodorant too, me thinks. Just the tastiest stuff." GIR replied cheerily.
"Deodorant…isn't tasty GIR. One day I will take you apart and find out just what the heck is causing your astonishing moronity." He spoke calmly and seemed lost in thought, thinking of the possibilities that might be making his robot so less efficient.
"Is moronity a word master?" GIR asked curiously.
"SILENCE! Of course it is. I used it, didn't I?"
"Umm…urgh…I don't think it is though," the SIR unit's voice was heavy with hard thought. One eye was squinted as he looked up at the Irken.
Zim, however, was paying attention to the mess that he had created. He was sickened at the sight of the nachos he ate last week. Such perfectly good nachos—wasted. "Pick up the mess you made GIR! It's your fault those nachos are on the floor. GIR?" Zim looked around, wondering where his companion had taken off to. "GIR! What are you doing?!" he yelled in surprise when he saw his friend (which is probably a stretch) rolling around in the waste. Zim covered his mouth, trying to hold down what little food he had left. GIR never ceased to disgust him.
"Naaaachooooooooos! Them full of nachoness! Wooo-hooo!" He continued rolling around on the floor and, for some reason we will never know, the mess was gradually absorbed through the robot's little body.
When the kitchen was back to its "normal" state, (because Zim's house is perfectly normal you pathetic worm monkeys) GIR let out a strange sound of content as he jumped up and walked into the living room perfectly calm and unaware that moments before he had been rolling around half-digested food and Irken squiddely spooch juices.
Zim shook his head and followed the little defective bot who was now slouching on the couch and flipping through the channels. It was too early for Scary Monkey Show but there was a chance the kiddy cartoons were showing this early. If you were ever to ask GIR which of the two shows he enjoyed more, all you would get in response is his head exploding. GIR was not good at choosing favorites.
Anyways, flipping through a few more channels, all he found on was the UHI channel. Currently showing was a show on how to repair a house with just a few dollars.
"Watch as we work with our lowest budget ever! Hey, are they watching?" The announcer looked off screen for a moment. "NOOOOO! Why aren't they watching? WHYYYY?! So for the two people who are watching this, be prepared for our most cheap and horrible—" ZZZZT! The man was enveloped in blue sparks for a few seconds. He lay on the floor for a minute or so then jumped up, suddenly energized. Once he was fully recovered, he corrected himself and continued –our most cheap and wonderful improvement yet." He cringed at having to say such a lie, but everyone else thought he was just afraid he would be electrocuted again. "Please don't leave during the commercials. My life depends on it." He glanced fearfully sideways where Zim swore he saw something glint maliciously almost off screen. Right before the commercials came on, the announcer muttered, "I hate this job—NO! Wait I—"
"Heya kids! There's a new pizza coming out this Friday that tastes just like pig to celebrate the many-eth day that that one girl was cured…" Bloaty's voice droned on along with the squeaky noises that no one dared to find out where they originated.
"Really GIR, how can you stand to watch this pure stupidity? This is a new low even for you."
GIR's eyes expanded. "Wow! Thanks master!"
"For what?" Zim asked hesitantly. To think that the small defective robot was "advanced" enough to throw off even his amazing brain. Of course, by this point, Zim was thinking the Tallest had a different definition of the word "advanced". Maybe they were using a Vortian word that sounded like advanced but really meant stupid. Of course, the Irken still had not figured out that the Tallest were quite capable of using sarcasm and that they used it often, especially when talking to the gullible Irken.
"For being so full of almonds, silly. What else?" GIR squeaked happily.
Zim, after having to put up with months of stupidity not just from GIR but the pathetic hyumans as well, knew it was better to ignore it because more questioning would just lead to some far-off story about lonely hippos who befriended taquitos named Bob. Instead, the little green alien dude cleared the table and continued the previous day's work on his computer's chip. Maybe he would download his personality into the computer when he was finished. Then the computer would realize how amazing he was. For some reason, his computer failed to realize his ingenious and instead decided to contradict its brilliant master. Perhaps it was just jealous.
"Ooof!" he suddenly cried out. He yelled as agony exploded in his guts. "What the--?" he whispered in pain as he looked down. Sticking out of his shirt were three abnormally huge nails that penetrated straight into…his squiddely spooch! Three little trails of green blood started to stain his Invader uniform. His PAK said what he was dreading to hear. "Holy Irk! Horrendous damage! Must…repair! AAAAH!" Zim always did wonder why his PAK acted so strangely at times. Immediately after the PAK noted the damage and had its panic attack, it calmed down. "Commencing emergency shut down for repairs."
The last thing Zim saw was a frightened-looking GIR peering out from the living room. He was holding up a nail gun. He looked it slowly, as though just realizing it was there and said "Ooops!" Then he began to giggle his insane giggle as he got distracted by shooting other things around the house shouting, "I'm making holey stuff! Woooo-hoooo!"
"G-GIR…" Zim whispered just before his PAK shut off his consciousness. That demented little robot slave would pay for setting back his plans for who knew how many hours.
Mwahahaha! Even though you thought this chapter was over it is not! Clever aren't I? (Don't answer that. Please.) Now we skip over to Dib, who was…well, I don't know. He was doin' stuff, I guess. "Preparing", if I must be so specific.
"Yes! My preparations are nearly complete! Soon everyone will know the truth and stop mocking me…and so forth," he said, once again unaware that he was saying everything aloud. Poor him, he'll never learn.
"Shut up," Gaz said slowly. He had been going on and on since last night. Not even her security toys could shut him up for more than five minutes. Gaz shook her head almost sadly, for Dib only got this excited before he put his most disastrous plans in action. Maybe this time he would die, or at least stay in the hospital for a week. That would be just great.
"Invisible cloak thing—check. Dad's extra-sensitive, heat-sensing, mongoose-catching binoculars—check. Notepad—check. Pears and spaghetti squash—check(1)…"
Half an hour passed and Dib was still going on with his checklist. It never occurred to him that making things complicated did not necessarily make them better or more flawless.
"Back up camera—check." At least he was learning. "Okay, I think that's it. Well Gaz, today is the day. I will succeed! I will capture Zim! I—Ooof!" A plate full of Explody Bean leftovers hit the young boy in the face."
"I know today's another one of your special Saturdays. Hey, how 'bout you make this day even more "special" by shutting up and getting out of the house so I can play my Game Slave in peace. I know that would make my day special," she suggested icily.
"Actually, that's not a bad idea. I think I'll go now. See ya Gaz!" He beamed at her as he shut the door.
"Pffft. Finally," she said. She continued her button mashing. The vampire piggys were going down.
Dib was in his usual spot in the bushes, taking notes on what might be the best entrance strategy. He didn't really need one, seeing as Zim's defenses were down, but he couldn't afford to take any chances after he had gone through so many defeats and non-victories. Yes, there is a difference.
All of this was racing through his head when he saw a van pull up in front of his nemesis's house. "What the--?" He noticed the van had in yellow letters "UHI" and in brown letters underneath, "Let us uselessly improve your pathetic home, you disgusting person!"
"Why would Zim invite the UHI crew to his house? His base is sure to be discovered. And more importantly, who the heck puts brown together with yellow?" Questions raced through his mind and out his mind, as was normal procedure when he was confused. When his brain settled down some, he said, "Oh man. This has got to be good," and became even more alert than he was previously. All he had to do now was wait for the right time to bust into Zim's base.
GIR, presently, had forgotten all about his injured master (big surprise, yes?) and was happy to finally watch the Scary Monkey Show. He heard a vehicle screech to a halt. He gasped all dramatic-like, ran over to his master, and started to poke him unmercifully. "Master! Master!" It took quite a few seconds, but finally Zim's PAK reactivated the unconscious shell.
Zim looked around groggily, his eyes slowly coming out of their dull state. GIR saw that his master was finally awake (Sheesh! What was wrong with his master? Didn't he get enough sleep by now?) and whispered, "They is here," in a spooky sort of way.
A middle-aged man with blonde hair took a step out of the van to get a better look at his latest "project". His jaw dropped as he saw the strange little green house. "Crikey," he said unbelievingly. "This is gonna be one tough sucker to beat."
A/N So how was it? It didn't turn out as great as it should have, in my opinion. I haven't really planned too much of this out so any suggestions are welcome. Thanks for reading this so far and please review.
(1) These are really real, I mean for real. Awesome right?
