Under the microscope - part 4

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J - Helloooooooooo. Anyone there? Talk to me people!

M - Let me guess. Paperwork.

S - I thought you'd already finished your report?

J - This is different paperwork.

D - You've already finished your report??? But, Jack, it's only been two days!! I thought your average was a week!!!

J - ACTUALLY my average is four days.

M - More like six.

J - Five.

T - What paperwork have you yet to complete?

J - Wow, we're all here. That's a first. Bored too, are we? And it's a report about Carter, T.

S - Me??? Why? Am I in trouble?

J - Scared of getting sent to the headmaster's office?

M - Leave her alone, you bully. Why are you reporting on Sam?

J - It's nothing to worry about, Carter. Hammond just wants a report from every CO on how they get along with their 2ICs. Every team's doing it.

T - What did you say in the report?

J - That me and Carter get along fine. She's a great 2IC – she follows my orders and thinks for herself as well. That's a surprisingly rare combination.

D - So you don't think maybe this might be aimed directly at you two?

S - How do you mean?

D - Well, you might not have included the kiss in your reports, but it still says Jack pretended to be married to you, doesn't it? Maybe that raised some alarms.

S - You think it might have?

J - No. And for the last time, Daniel, what happened off-world was perfectly innocent, and if I hadn't done it Carter would have ended up in who knows what kind of situation. You think the King would have left her alone after she became one of his 'possessions'???

D - I'm not saying it was the wrong thing to do, I'm just saying maybe the 'powers that be' might not see it your way. And this isn't exactly the first time you and Sam have been scrutinised, is it?

M - It's not?

D - No. Kinsey's accused them of being closer than they ought to be before. He couldn't prove anything though.

J - Cos there's nothing to prove. We've never done anything wrong.

D - Not directly.

S - What's that supposed to mean?

T - The Land of Light.

S - THAT wasn't my fault. I had an alien disease. The General cleared me.

D - What about when Jack kissed your alternate self who'd been married to his alternate self?

M - What? When was this?

D - About a month before you came.

J - And that was completely different. It wasn't really her, and the alternate Carter was grieving for, well, me. What was I supposed to do?

D - You know that's the lamest excuse I've ever heard.

M - Did anyone else see this?

D - Me, Teal'c, Sam (our Sam, that is), and maybe an airman.

M - So Hammond didn't see it?

J - No, but you know what the rumour mill's like. And he already knew she was grieving for her late husband Jack O'Neill.

M - That's just . . . weird.

S - Tell me about it.

T - Do you believe it likely that this investigation is targeted at you in particular?

J - Okay, maybe. I guess I see why we might be suspect, but there's no point worrying about it, because we haven't done anything wrong, and they can't prove squat.

S - I wouldn't trust someone like Kinsey not to make something out of nothing and push it for all its worth anyway.

D - Or it could be exactly what it looks like: Hammond wants a report on how every team gets along. That wouldn't be so unusual.

J - Exactly.

D - Teal'c, you still there?

T - Indeed.

D - Busy?

T - No.

D - I could use your help with a translation then, if you wouldn't mind.

T - I will be there shortly.

D - Bye guys!

M - Bye Daniel!

J - Ditto.

S - Double ditto.

J - 'Double ditto'?

S - It works.

J - If you say so.

S - I do.

M - Ahem.

J - Yes Michaela?

M - Nothing Jonathon.

J - Don't take the mickey, Mickey. And I told you not to spread that around.

M - I'm not. It's only Sam here.

S - Who's Jonathon?

M - It's Jack's real name.

S - Really?

J - Yes. And I don't want everyone knowing, so could you two PLEASE not tell anyone else?

S - Sure.

M - You always give in to him so quickly.

S - I'm not 'giving in', I'm just agreeing not to spread around personal information.

J - Yeah!

M - Whatever. Have you ever said no to him?

S - Yes.

M - When?

J - Yeah Carter, when?

S - When you told me to go home on that mission where Jonas Hanson was playing God, when you told me to drop it when I wouldn't leave Nya to be stoned to death, when you asked me to lie to the leader of Yoran about what his son was doing, when you told me to go with you and leave my dad in the Tok'ra base before he'd woken up from the implantation, shall I go on?

M - Wow, Cat, I'm impressed. I thought Jack had you whipped.

J - Yeah, well, like I said, Carter can follow orders and think for herself. She only goes against me when she's right and I'm wrong.

M - Doesn't that happen quite often?

J - I mean in combat situations. And I'm not wrong that often. I don't try and pretend to know about stuff I . . . don't know about.

S - And for the record, NO man has EVER 'had me whipped' thank you very much.

M - You've never been so in love with someone that you'd have done anything they asked?

Pause

S - That's complicated. Unfortunately the only guys I fall in love with tend to be emotionally unstable, or have bad pasts or issues. Which generally means that although I may be head-over-heels in love, I never completely trust them.

M - You trust Jack though, right?

S - Yes. And what's that got to do with anything?

M - Nothing.

J - How old are you, Mickey?

M - What's THAT got to do with anything?

J - Nothing, just wondered.

M - I'm 27.

S - God, I feel old.

M - You can't be that much older than me.

S - I'm 35.

J - Only 8 years. And you don't look 35.

S - Thanks, sir.

M - How old are you, Jack.

J - Do I really have to answer that?

M - Yes.

J - Alright. I'm 43.

M - Only 8 years. Older than Sam, that is. You're old enough to legally be my father.

S - Awww, don't be mean, Mickey. And you don't look 43 either, sir.

J - How old do I look?

M - 50.

S - Mickey! You look more like you're in your late thirties, sir.

J - I'm not talking to Michaela now. Carter, can you tell her thank you for the memos but next time could she put them in DATE order, not alphabetical?

M - Cat, can you tell Jack that they were not in alphabetical order, they were in order of IMPORTANCE.

J - Carter, tell Ms Dawson that her idea of importance is crap.

M - Cat, tell Jack he stinks.

J - Carter, tell Mickey she can get her own damn assignment!

M - Cat, tell Jack I couldn't care less!

S - Hey! Time out! Chill!

Pause

M - Chill??

S - It's a word.

M - You're showing your age, Sam.

J - Leave her alone.

M - Touched a nerve, have I, Jack?

J - What the hell is with you?

M - What the hell is with you???

J - You're the one sniping at Sam for no reason!

M - She's a big girl, Jack, she can look after herself!

S - I've got a report to write up. I'll see you guys later.

J - Ditto.

M - Hey? What's this?

M - Oh come on, guys, I was only kidding!

M - Sheesh!


It's Christmas time! My Christmas tree has just gone up! Hope you're enjoying the story

Beka :-)