Epilogue.
"Walter?"
It was painful, as if one had never felt pain in his life. That was what Walter was feeling as he opened his eyes.
"Walter?"
It didn't take Walter long to open them up and see Peter there by his side, Olivia was standing by the door to the room he was in. Both bearing expressionless looks at his direction.
His eyes gazed around the hospital room curiously and longingly.
"As…Astrid…"
Peter's eyes widened in shock…so did Olivia's when they heard the name straight from Walter's mouth.
The old man turn to his son and said, "she…died then?"
The son looked down away from Walter unable to say it, but Walter knew it. He knew it the moment she said goodbye to him.
"I did it…" said Walter as he looked up to the ceiling speaking almost deliriously. "I…I must have been responsible for it somehow…"
"No, Walter! Don't even say that."
"But Peter…"
"This is nothing like what happened before, Walter. You didn't do anything wrong. There was nothing we could have done. I tried to stop them from coming into the building but there were too many of them. They had a bunch of them fighting with Olivia and the others just to distract them."
Walter still shook his head and closed his eyes in disbelief. Memories were now flooding into his head more than he wanted them to and it was rather unusual given that he had never remembered things so clearly before. "They came to kill me…"
"But they didn't Walter…" Peter looked up at Walter with a sad smile. "Astrid…saved you. She gave her life to save you!"
Walter still felt himself was to blame for all of it. He didn't know how but he knew that it had to be his fault. The voices in his head would say so. The other self would say so. Maybe the Bureau would find something in the investigation of the explosion in the lab that would say so. And then he would be back in St. Claire's…just as it was in the past.
"Why…" said Walter with stubbornness in his shaking voice. "Why would she…do that…for a mad man like me?"
Peter put on a bigger smile for his father, helping him to find some worth. "I think she knew you were one in a million Walter. She knew you were needed here. You're not very replaceable."
Walter broke down then heavy breaths came rarely in between his sobs when he finally got out the few words he hoped even Heaven could hear.
"SHE is not replaceable!!!"
There was no longer thinking or wondering…only the sobs of Walter as he leaned onto his son's shoulder, waiting for the nightmare to end that would not be.
Yet, Peter reassurance turned out to be true. Walter was not in any trouble, no matter how much guilt he bore, for what happened. There were some suspicions but not enough to really convict Walter of anything. The explosion was not caused by a Walter gone mad and careless. Darbin had been caught after sometime and the device finally and carefully detonated.
The lab had been cleaned of the chemicals, animals, and other materials that were destroyed in the explosion. Walter's attention would sometimes turn itself towards a red spot on the wall that had only faded slightly. It was no doubt the spot of Astrid...the place she had died in.
There was some lack of assurance as to whether or not Walter would be able to work in his lab again, but Peter helped his father through and through. He did so by making Walter promise to not "go insane"…because Astrid would not have wanted him too. She would not have wanted him to feel remorse over the incident.
There were some unusual changes to Walter in the first weeks after Astrid's death, however, that made Peter feel very nervous. Walter's talk of favorite foods, Peter-fathering memories, and the like were very scarce. Most talk was strictly work-related and at many times, Walter would actually make sense infront of Peter and Olivia. The only glimpses of the former Walter lied in taking company with Gene and tending to his usual needs.
But what was more shocking to them still was Walter actually referring to Astrid as "Astrid". No "Miss", no "Asteroid" no "Asterisk", no mis-naming of any kind. It was as if Walter's always had remembered her and sometimes he spoke as if he really did remember her.
And throughout it all, despite having to deal with many new demons surrounding the incident, Walter was slowly succeeding at destroying one old one. The visions of his other self began to slowly fade into distance memory as he became more convinced of the heroic sacrifice that his assistant…moreso his best friend…made for him. And the other Walter could no longer taunt or torment him like he once did.
Walter could finally focus on what was more important again in his own usual way.
"Walter?"
Walter was too busy as his lab tables to notice Olivia standing there. "I have something for you."
"Not now, Agent Dunham. I'm trying to remember what chemical compounds were used in these flasks before the explosion."
"Perhaps this will help." She placed the notebook infront of Walter.
Walter looked at it and said "that is not one of my books."
"I know…it was Astrid's. I found it in her desk"
He put the flasks down and carefully examined the notebook. He curiously flipped a few pages opened and marveled at how detailed it was.
"She studied your work a lot, Walter. She kept track of everything you did."
Walter found a page that contained a list of chemicals and a diagram of flasks neatly lined in a row. It was the very information he needed at that very moment.
"Oh Peter…"
Peter looked up from his seat at the piano. Olivia looked up too out of curiosity.
"Do you know what the last meal Astrid got for me was?"
"I dunno, Walter," said Peter. "What was it?"
"I believe it was a buffalo chicken pizza."
Peter smiled at his father in disbelief.
"I would very much like some."
Peter and Olivia nodded and smiled in agreement to grant Walter's request. It had been such a relief to the both of them that for the first time in weeks, Walter was actually craving a certain kind of food.
Now having trusted the old man to maintain the lab alone, they both left in pursuit of the pizza. And Walter continued to skim through Astrid's notebook curiously.
"This is pretty good work, Astrid," Walter said turning his head to the red spot on the wall.
Gene mooed at Walter's response.
"Oh, I know it's not really her, Gene." Walter went to the cow to observe the unbrushed messed that had become its hair and began to brush the neat proper strokes that he had always demanded of Astrid. "Though perhaps...," Walter told Gene. "...it is time I hire new assistant."
And then, Walter muttered to himself "and God help them if they can't make for me a proper root-beer float."
End of fic.
A/N. I must admit that this isn't exactly how I was going to approach the end of this story (nor was I expecting it to be this long). Yes, I intended for Astrid to die which was the whole point. (Don't hate me for saying this but I have an inkling suspicion that Astrid may be killed off a few seasons into the show no matter how much I would hate for that to happen).
My original ending was for Walter to go dark and crazy again and cause the new explosion that would've killed Astrid himself (especially since it's been stated that Walter's character is going to become darker on the actual show). I'm not all that proud of this ending but it's a positive one in aspects to Walter and Astrid's relationship and it was easier to write for me. Thanks for reading. Reviews are love and such.
