A/N: As some may have noticed, I've added my own characters: Alexandra, Diego, Astor, etc. Anyone who isn't in the YnM cast belongs to ME. ME, ME, ME! No one can use my characters without my permission! I've already had to nearly sue someone because they used my characters without asking me first. I realize that we don't ask the creators of the anime/manga which we write, but all the same, characters thought up by me (me being 15) belong to ME! I take great pride in my work and my own characters, which I will appreciate to remain mine unless you ask to use them.

Saphira Nakare Ruakara

Recommended listening: Dead Boy's Poem by Nightwish

My Angel

Chapter Nine

Green eyes fluttered open in a graceful dance and the owner of such heavenly eyes blinked once before taking a deep breath. A corn silk hand came up to touch the newly mended chest and flitted over the place that had once been the position of the injury. Hisoka blinked again as he found himself looking up at the ceiling above his head and realized that he had been placed in a bed. Sitting up slowly, as to not strain his recently healed body, he looked around and saw Tsuzuki sleeping with a blanket over him in a chair just a little bit away from the end of the bed. He was asleep.

'He must have been watching me for a long time,' Hisoka thought, glancing at the clock. It was very early a.m., around four or five. He pulled back the covers that had been wrapped around his body and sat up completely, throwing his legs over the edge of the bed. Creeping quietly out of the room, he walked into the kitchen and leaned over the sink, looking down at the shiny metal surface that smiled back at him, his reflection being evidence of that. Sighing, Hisoka took down a glass from the nearest cabinet and filled it with water before walking over to look out the window.

Glancing down at his dull pendant, Hisoka breathed a sigh of relief as he realized they were still out of danger. The green eyes looked from the necklace to the glass of water, the water that looked back at him, displaying his reflection as much as the sink had just before. Blinking, he watched as his past unfolded before him again, the reflection playing across the surface of the water in the glass, swishing every now and then with the turn of events. Hisoka was so engrossed with his thinking that he didn't notice the other, newly awakened presence in the room.

"Hisoka?"

The angel looked up after a moment of hearing his name and his eyes came to a rest on his client's drowsy form, the eyes blinking and trying to focus on him. Hisoka nodded and said, "Get some rest, Tsuzuki. It's still early."

"Are you all right?"

Hisoka gave him a look. "I said I'd heal."

Tsuzuki shook his head lazily. "That's… not what I was asking. When I came out, you looked so serious and… well, is anything wrong?"

Deciding to keep his word, although it wasn't much, Hisoka sighed and replied, "I'm just thinking about how I died."

"Oh." There wasn't any other response Tsuzuki could come up with at the moment, especially at the somewhat solemn look on Hisoka's face. The green eyes were set into a transparent water-orb of emotion and he was frowning as he looked outside, half-seeing his reflection in the frosty window and half-seeing the light snowfall.

After a moment, Hisoka said, "I said I'd tell you about my past."

Tsuzuki snapped to reality and out of his dream state, looking at his angel intensely, waiting for more, but Hisoka shook his head. "But if you don't mind, I'd rather we wait until after your work today."

"O-okay." Tsuzuki didn't actually think that Hisoka would honestly reveal his past, especially after it involved that demon, Muraki. Before the elder man left, he glanced back once to his angel, who was looking out the window again. His hands were in his pockets, his long bangs falling over his eyes, and those eyes… those eyes full of unshed tears gleaming behind a veil of ice that seemed to only be brought up when he was around to delve, but this ice… this ice wasn't as cold as it used to me. The tip of the iceberg had been broken.

-X-

It had been a few hours since he had first arrived at work. At first, he had been a good worker, trying to get stuff done faster, even if it were sloppy, but at least done. But as a few of those hours passed, he slowed down and came to the point where, in fact, he wasn't doing any work at all. Tsuzuki sighed as he played with his pencil, not concentrating on the paperwork in front of him. Instead, he thought of his angel. Hisoka. The name meaning "secret". That secret was being his entire existence; not just the name, but his entire core of being for him… but what exactly was the secret?

"Tsuzuki-san?"

Purple eyes blinked as he heard his name form the open doorway. He looked up at he met sapphire eyes behind a sheet of glass while chestnut locks fell around the face. "Oh, Tatsumi."

"You seem solemn today," the said man exclaimed, outing a file down on Tsuzuki's desk.

Tsuzuki forced a smile. "Do I?"

Tatsumi nodded. "You do."

Tsuzuki sighed again. "I'm sorry. There's just been a little bit on my mind."

"Such as?"

"Nothing important."

"For you to be distracted as much as you are, it must be."

"Well…" Another sigh. "A friend of mine is going to tell me something I've wanted to know for a bit now, but he seems like he's afraid as to how I'll react."

"Go on."

"Well, it's obviously something dangerous and I'm not sure how I should help him. He's still a little cold to me, but it's like he doesn't want to be."

Tatsumi tapped his chin thoughtfully. He wasn't exactly specialized in these kinds of matters. "I think all you can do is just be there and listen as intently as you can. At the very least."

Tsuzuki smiled. 'Thanks."

"It's nearly time to leave. If this matter is important enough to distract you, I do not think you'll get any more work finished. I'll allow you to leave early today."

"Really? Sankyuu!"

Tsuzuki grabbed his coat and nearly bolted out of the office. Tatsumi watched for a moment before he smiled, one of his rare smiles. 'Good luck, Tsuzuki. With whatever it is… truthfully.'

-X-

Hisoka looked down at his bloodied hand, cursing himself. Taking a quick breath, he blew on the blood and the hidden cut underneath. A small crackle was heard as the skin melded back together, stitching back the nerve endings and the muscle. Pascal yipped and looked up at the angel, his small, beady puppy eyes curious and his tail wagging enthusiastically.

"All right, all right, hold on," Hisoka murmured as he picked up the shards of glass, being careful not to cut himself a second time. Once the shards were in the trashcan, he turned to the puppy and picked him up, carrying him over to the counter and placing him down in front of a small milk bowl. Puppies needed the nutrient of milk and vitamins from the puppy formula to grow strong teeth before they began to eat real dog food. Pascal looked down at the milk formula before sniffing it and lapping it up.

Hisoka heard the front door open and an exhausted sigh as someone stumbled inside, the sound of a slam heard behind the intruder. Glancing behind him, he saw his client Tsuzuki hang up his coat in the hall closet, his bag lying by the door and the shoes kicked off somewhat carelessly.

When he turned around, Hisoka gave him a funny look. "You're two hours early."

Tsuzuki blinked and returned the weird look. "Huh? Tatsumi said that it was nearly the end of work."

Hisoka blinked, his eyes getting slightly wide. "Seiichiro Tatsumi is your boss?"

Tsuzuki's mouth dropped open. "How'd you know?"

Hisoka blinked, brought up his icy barrier again and shrugged. "I am your guardian."

"That's true."

Hisoka reached back and gently pet Pascal, lightly scratching his ears, causing the puppy to yip in acceptance and wag his tiny tail. He picked the dog up and placed him in his lap as he sat down on the couch, rolling the animal on its back and rubbing its stomach. Tsuzuki took in the sight with a small smile. Hisoka seemed to have an infant's curiosity going on behind his eyes as his fingers played with the puppy's paws, watching in almost complete fascination as Pascal caught his finger with his front two paws and nipped at it with his tiny, under-developed teeth.

Tsuzuki was really having a hard time believing that this boy, no, young man, was really murdered. It had to be a mistake. Perhaps a disease or a simple car accident with his parents. But when those green eyes lifted up to look into his own then, he could see the confliction and knew that his fake assumptions were just that. Fake. Anything he thought up as an excuse wasn't the truth. And he knew that.

"I—I'm going to make some tea," he said before turning into the kitchen, leaving Hisoka on the couch to play with the small animal that was Pascal. The green eyes followed him until he was out of eyesight; he could feel them burn into his back with that deep gaze. He let out a shaky sigh and gathered some water and placed it in a kennel over the stove, setting the temperature on high. He set the teabags right beside it, so he could add them immediately when the water was hot enough.

After a few minutes, Hisoka came in with a snoozing Pascal in his arms, one of the puppy's ears flicking against his arm. "You're not going to stand there until it's done, are you?"

Tsuzuki gave him a weird look. Hisoka sighed. "It takes more than just a few minutes, baka."

"I guess," Tsuzuki murmured.

"Come back to the living room. I need to tell you something," Hisoka beckoned before he went back to the other room, placing Pascal in his small puppy bed. Tsuzuki followed, somewhat reluctantly. He watched his angel place the small animal down on the soft feather filled pillow that was its bed. A corn silk hand covered the small pup up with a blanket to keep it warm.

"I said I'd tell you about my past so you'd understand me… and I don't intend to go back on my word," said the angel as he stood up, turning around to show the strength in his eyes, but also the wavering fear that hid behind it, behind the icy green veil of the abyss. The angel sat down on the couch and motioned for Tsuzuki to sit down again. The man did so, in the armchair directly across from the couch and he looked at the teen intently, showing Hisoka that he had his attention. Hisoka sighed. This wasn't going to be easy, but at least he could get it off his chest. So he began his story.

"I was born into the Kurosaki family that dates back to the Kamakura era of Japan. It was a wealthy family and noble one, and they saved the village from a snake god, Yatonogami, that was one of the many angels that fell from heaven and was banished by God." Hisoka looked up once before he sighed. "I was going to be the seventeenth head of the family as soon as I was born, but… you can say that didn't exactly happen.

"When I was four, my parents found out about my powers. They began to grow fearful of me and thought it was Yatonogami's power to curse our family, killing each head young, even if it were a boy."

"That's terrible," Tsuzuki interjected with a face.

Hisoka shrugged. "I'm not so sure that was the worst part about it."

Tsuzuki looked at him as the angel continued. "What I mean is, as a child, I needed a parent's love, a parent's care, friends, people to be with. I didn't get that. When they found out about my empathy, they locked me away in the basement for nine years, bringing two meals down twice a day and making sure no one saw me. Visitors and houseguests avoided the basement under my father's rule, because he made up the excuse that not only was it messy, but because he said that anyone who went down there would die. A load of bull that was…"

Tsuzuki's mouth dropped open. "This is your father we're talking about?"

Hisoka nodded. "My mother avoided guests, so that's how I know. And even if I was in that wretched room, I could still feel the emotions and thoughts from upstairs. Everyone believed him and felt fear while my father felt pride and satisfaction with himself."

"That's not the worst of it, though, is it?" Tsuzuki asked, a dreadful tone in his voice.

Hisoka shook his head. "Depends on your definition of worse." He shrugged. "But anyway… I was in there for nine years. During those nine years, I was trained in some of the martial arts in hopes of quote-on-quote "exorcising the demon within me". It only taught me to hit targets, take out frustration, and shoot an arrow, to be blunt about it. Soon, my parents gave up when I was twelve and still had fainting spells because of my empathy."

Hisoka leaned back and looked up at the ceiling with a somewhat solemn look in his eyes. "There was one night in summer; I remember it a little too well. It was summer and it was really humid in the basement. I couldn't sleep. I could hardly breathe. There was no air conditioning down there. So I went to one corner of the room by the window. I was taller then, so I could reach up and open it instead of punching it out like I had once planned. So I opened the small window and slipped outside. There was a night breeze and blew across my face. I had welcomed it. Out in the back, there was a hill and we had a grove of cherry blossom trees. Some of the blossoms were being blown off and around my face. I was too young to understand that with such beauty came such misery…"

"What happened?" Tsuzuki inquired, leaning forward a little, a worried look in his eyes.

Hisoka leveled his head and stared straight into the concerned purple eyes, his own mirroring a deep sorrow. "You really are sure you want to hear this?"

Tsuzuki took a moment to think on that. Hisoka seemed both daring and hesitant about the topic. What did that mean, in actuality? But all the same, Tsuzuki nodded. He was nosy, but he wanted to know. He wanted to know so he could understand. Hisoka leaned back again, letting out a small sigh. He knew this wasn't going to be easy and he had hoped Tsuzuki would hold off, but no. He had to get past this barrier once and for all.

"There was one cherry tree off a little to my left," Hisoka began again in a low tone, one he was trying to keep even and monotonous. "There were two people there. A man and a woman. At first, I thought they were kissing… you know, trying to make out under the tree. I was disgusted. But that's not what they were doing. The man was holding the woman. I saw silver before it vanished. When I looked again, the woman was dead. She lay on the ground in a pool of blood, one of her limbs missing. I didn't know what it meant. But then he turned his gaze to me."

Tsuzuki's breath caught. He knew what was going to happen, as his mind could work those things out, but he said nothing, waiting for Hisoka to continue. He knew the boy didn't really want to talk about his past right now, but he was and this would probably be the only chance he could ever have.

"I couldn't run. I couldn't even move. He came over to me. I was caught. I struggled, but he wouldn't let me go. He dragged me to the cherry tree. He… he stripped me and laid me under the tree, right next to the pool of blood. He raped me that night…"

"Hisoka…"

"And he cursed me." Hisoka's expression darkened as he closed his eyes, a frown settled on his lips. "Cursed a long, slow, painful death. Three years. It took three years for me to die in the hospital. Every bone in my body craved death with each day that I wouldn't die. I only ever felt at peace at time when Alexandra and Diego took me away."

Hisoka opened his eyes to the ceiling, the emerald orbs gleaming slightly. But he was strong. He didn't need to cry about it anymore. He had done enough crying with Diego and he was done.

"That's what happened," Hisoka stated, sitting back upright again. Tsuzuki was staring at him, open-mouthed in shock, his eyes wide and holding unshed tears. Tears for him that could not be released. Hisoka sighed. "You asked, so I told you."

"I know, but—"

"Don't protest, Tsuzuki," Hisoka interrupted. "Muraki did this to me. Ive learned to live with it."

"How can he still hurt you?" Tsuzuki asked. "I mean, you're…"'Dead? Is that what I was going to say?'

Hisoka shrugged his shoulders before waving his hand, dismissing it. "If I knew, I'd tell you, but I don't."

Tsuzuki leaned back in his chair before standing up. Hisoka gave him a weird look. Smiling a bit, Tsuzuki headed towards the bedroom. "I'll be right back."

Somehow, Hisoka doubted it, but he let his client go all the same. Hisoka, himself, needed a few minutes to think.

-X-

Tsuzuki sank to the floor, leaning against the tile wall for back support and shut his eyes tightly again as hot rivers made their way down his face unashamedly. He knew he was crying, but he could not find it within himself to stop the salt water trickling down his face. He did not want Hisoka to see him like this, but at the same time, he didn't feel like moving at all. He suddenly didn't care if the boy thought of him as weak or not. Crying always seemed to help him feel better, even if he was running away inside of himself.

A soft hand placed itself gently on his cheek, causing his eyes to open and immediately loose themselves in swirling emerald orbs with deep emotion and intensity that he felt could stare into his very soul. The look in those forest eyes was soft, it was as though they were not eyes, but rather polished jewels, yet they could just as easily be a green abyss that had no bottom, pools mixed with emotion and thoughts that were careful to be gentle as they looked at him.

Another hand came up to touch his opposite cheek, holding his face in small hands with thumbs that wiped at his tears, stripping them of their path downward and sending them away from the perfect face in which they had just tried to taint. The owner of the face could not bring himself to look away from those bottomless emerald eyes with elegant eyelashes surrounded by strands of elongated sand. The amethyst wavered as Tsuzuki's body began to shake.

Hisoka's cool hands did not move from their position on his face, even as the tears began to lessen. He continually wiped them away and was now waiting patiently for Tsuzuki to calm down. Ever so slowly, the shaking began to cease and the soft hands on his face slid down to rest gently on his shoulders.

"Tsuzuki, what's wrong?" he asked quietly, the green gaze becoming less intense as the boy backed off slightly, giving Tsuzuki a little room, but not releasing his hands from the elder man's shoulders.

"I-it's nothing, Hisoka," Tsuzuki faked a smile. "It's nothing, really."

The green eyes hid themselves behind eyelids as the owner of them closed them purposely, shaking his head slightly before they were revealed again, this time, seemingly even more alluring than before. "It's not nothing. You're blaming yourself for what happened to me, aren't you?"

"You shouldn't have gone through that," Tsuzuki whispered, trying to choke back a sob. "And now that I know what h-happened t-to you… I-I-I—"

"Shh."

Hisoka placed a finger to his lips, effectively silencing him. Tearful amethyst looked up at him behind lashes that clung to the tears and a face that was beginning to hurt from crying. The hands replaced themselves on his cheeks and their foreheads touched gently as Hisoka let out a sigh, his cool breath fanning Tsuzuki's face. "It's all right… It's not your fault this happened to me."

"But I-I—"

"Shh…"

The boy's breath, his cold hands, the gentle caress, it was all so much to have at one time. Tsuzuki finally broke down, wrapping his arms around the small body in front of him and buried his face into that small chest, tears flowing down his face freely as his shoulders began to shake. Surprisingly, Hisoka didn't seem to mind. And if he did, he didn't show any trace of it. He was quiet as he took his client into his arms and ran his hands across his back in an attempt to sooth his pain, gently resting his head in the brown hair, hiding his emerald eyes behind their eyelids.

No one was counting how long they stayed that way, the young keeping the elder's head against his chest with his arms draped across his shoulders and the elder's arms around his waist. Hisoka's wings came forward and miraculously were able to cover them both in an oval position, a soft cocoon of white. The pulsing was gentle and soft, sending a relaxing vibe down Tsuzuki's spine as his sobbing began to quiet. His ears began to focus on the angel's heartbeat and his tense shoulders relaxed into the timid hold, his body uncurling from its ball and the muscles no longer stiff against him. His eyelids fell limp against his eyes as his ear took in the sound of Hisoka's heart beating in his chest, a slow, gentle rhythm Tsuzuki had never heard before.

Then, softly, Hisoka asked, "Do you know what truth is, Tsuzuki?"

Tsuzuki did not know why Hisoka was asking him that and he was about to nod in response when he stopped. He was thinking that truth was being honest and confessing all sins and doubts and cover-ups… yet that didn't seem like the answer Hisoka was looking for. Tsuzuki shook his head instead as his answer, keeping his eyes closed.

"Truth resembles a man in his orchard with his trees surrounding him," Hisoka whispered quietly. "Trees he planted with his own hand. The trees give him their ripened fruit as he and his children and perhaps even his children's children rejoice in the beauty given to them. Can you see that picture Tsuzuki?"

Tsuzuki barely nodded into the boy's chest. Hisoka went on in an even quieter voice.

"The man took the truth and planted it into the earth, giving it time to grow and thrive… And now he sits under the boughs that arch over him, sits in the shade the trees selflessly provide for him, giving him the fruit he needs to live and the happiness of having such a life that helps him through his own path."

One of Hisoka's hands came up to run itself through his hair, petting him slowly and carefully, as if marveling his sheer existence. Tsuzuki thought about what Hisoka had just told him. It was logic that held no truth, yet its entire core thrived on the word.

"Tsuzuki?"

Tsuzuki opened his eyes and looked up at the angel, who looked down at him with soft eyes that held swirling waters of life, yet the emotion there was somewhat sad, as if he were daydreaming, but Tsuzuki could see concentration in those orbs.

"Will you be honest to me?"

Tsuzuki laid his head back against that small chest and nodded, his eyes fluttering closed with some grace. He felt that hand petting his hair again.

"Will you not run from me?" he then heard as the tone in the angel's voice saddened more evidently than before. Tsuzuki thought about it for a moment. He knew he could not lie to the angel holding him now, but at the same time, he did not want the angel to always be worried about him. Then again, Tsuzuki remembered that Hisoka said it was his job to care for him, worry for him, and protect him. Tsuzuki didn't want to put anything else on his guardian's shoulders.

"You don't have to run from me," Hisoka whispered, closing his own eyes. "You don't ever have to hide anything from me. I promise."

That was the first thing Hisoka ever promised him something. He knew that the angel said not to make promises as they would always be broken, but now… now he was ensuring his guardian duty to his promise to be understanding of the elder man's feelings and thoughts. Whatever happened, it seemed, Hisoka would always understand.

Tsuzuki nodded slowly, a lone tear seeping past his lash. "I won't run… from you anymore…"

A small hand came up to wipe the tear away, stroking his cheek. "Thank you, Tsuzuki."

Time passed between the two, but they refused to move from their positions together, both content and relaxed with the way they were. Outside, the wind had died down and the snow ceased falling for the time being as the clouds began to dissipate, the half moon shining its silvery rays through the window and onto them. Tsuzuki's shoulders relaxed their tense muscles as he felt those soft hands comb gently through his hair, soothing and protective, the sound of his guardian's soft breathing ghosting into his ear, but not touching or tickling. Nevertheless, he could feel everything around him, as if he had become more aware of everything in the world at once.

It was another few minutes before Hisoka broke the silence, "Ne, Tsuzuki. If you take a shower you'll feel better."

The gleaming amethyst eyes looked up at him before twinkling as the owner smiled slightly. "Yeah, I think I will."

Hisoka released the man immediately as if it had burned him, but he showed no signs of pain or disgust. Tsuzuki shakily stood up on his feet and began to pad towards the bathroom, grabbing a new set of clothes and flashing a small smile before closing the door behind him. Hisoka took a deep breath and then let it out. Slowly.

He himself stood up and he walked to the windowsill, looking up at the sky. His emotions melded together and his thoughts jumbled themselves in his mind. 'Why do I feel this way? God help me… what should I do?'

But the night was silent.