Recommended listening: A Life So Changed composed by James Horner
My Angel
Chapter Eleven
The cold water beat down upon frail skin the color of cream, a pair of perfect white wings stretching out behind the small back, soaking up into the water's brilliance, consuming the heat and releasing the cold that had settled in hours before. Ashen blond hair fell around bottomless green eyes as the slim body moved in fluid motions to help limbs worked their way across the rest of the body, washing and dousing down. Hisoka sang a song in French to himself as he arched his neck back, putting his head under the water , closing his eyes as he felt the droplets fall down his face like tears, yet they were not sad and they were not pure, for they had not come from a person's eyes.
"Avant que tout s'éveille…
Attrapez-moi
Mais pas le bout des ailes
Une fée c'est fragile parfois
Avant que minuit ne vienne
Attrapez-moi
Jeux de mains, je de M
Emoi…"
He brought his corn silk hands up to clear away the few remaining soap bubbles before adding a small amount of conditioner into that sandy hair. It was at that moment when the sound of a door opening came into earshot and Hisoka shortly stopped his ministrations to look over to the shadow, recognizing the person immediately.
"Hello, Tsuzuki," he said, keeping voice calm, his wings folding into his back as he rubbed the conditioner into his hair, proceeding to rinsing it out under the hot shower jet. "Is there something you need?"
"Umm, well," he heard Tsuzuki stutter, as if he were uncomfortable. "It can wait until you get out. Sorry about coming in…"
"It's all right," Hisoka reassured as he washed the last of his conditioner out. "I was about to get out anyway."
"Oh, then um… I'll talk to you when you come out," Tsuzuki said before closing the door.
Hisoka reached behind him in a single movement and shut off the water tap, shivering as he no longer felt the hot water on his skin, warming him with their innocent touches. He reached through the curtain and pulled out the white towel. He shook his wings dry and proceeded to wrap the towel around his waist he stepped out onto the mat.
He began to dry himself down as he focused on the emotions coming from the bedroom next door. He could feel nervousness, need, want, frustration, all of which was a muddle in Hisoka's mind. He didn't know what to make of those emotions.
He pulled on his clothes, deciding to keep part of the outfit off for now so his wings could dry properly. He gripped the cold, condense-covered doorknob and for a moment, he stopped, hesitating. There was something off with Tsuzuki, but Hisoka knew that it must've been through their mistake. Even so, that didn't seem to be the whole reason. He couldn't figure out what, though. He shrugged, took a deep breath to calm himself, and pulled open the door.
Tsuzuki looked up as Hisoka entered the room, opening his mouth to speak, but stopped short. Hisoka may have had his jeans on, but a shirt was nowhere to be seen, which exposed his creamy torso to the elder man without a care, his hair dripping with the last few droplets of shower water that trailed their way down his back, where his wings settled comfortably in an arc. Hisoka crossed the room towards Tsuzuki and sat on the footboard of the bed frame, looking at his client. "So, what do you need to talk about, Tsuzuki?"
For a moment, Tsuzuki could not speak as the angel (with no shirt on) stood next to him, waiting for an invitation into a conversation by setting his own. Amethyst blinked for a few moments before the owner of the eyes remembered what he needed to talk to Hisoka about. He looked down from the angel's gaze. "Well, it's kind of complicated…"
The empath moved to sit on the bed next to Tsuzuki, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Tsuzuki's breath hitched at the motion, but it went unnoticed by the angel, as the teen's intense green gaze looked Tsuzuki over. The elder man sighed.
"I'm not really sure how to say this..."
Hisoka blinked. "Could you try? I can't really be of much help if you don't."
Tsuzuki looked up and smiled in a bittersweet way that reminded Hisoka a little of himself whenever he looked back on his past, with all those beatings and all of the harsh torture he had endured.
"To me, I..."
"Go on."
"I don't know if I can say."
"What is it you're trying to say?" Hisoka asked, pressuring him slightly.
"Do you care for me?"
Hisoka's eyes widened. "Of course I--" He stopped himself when he looked into Tsuzuki's eyes. The other wasn't asking if he cared for him for duty. He was asking if he really truly cared for him, outside of his job.
"Baka," he said quietly. "If I didn't, I wouldn't have taken the mission."
"Well, I know that, but..." Tsuzuki sighed. This was going to be hard. His chest was constricting and his heart was beating hard and rough in his ribcage. He had to say it. But he couldn't say it. He had to, but couldn't... had too, but couldn't--
"Ai shiteru... Hisoka." There. He said it.
Hisoka felt that he could not breathe. His hand fell off Tsuzuki's shoulder and he stood up, his eyes widening in disbelief. Tsuzuki's eyes fell down to the floor, long chocolate bangs covering the jewels that held the emotions Hisoka had sensed earlier.
A few minutes passed in an ever-choking silence before Hisoka sighed and began to walk to the half-open door. He stopped as soon as he reached it, placing his hand on the shiny, cold knob, preparing as if he were leaving.
"No one's ever said that to me before, Tsuzuki," Hisoka spoke softly, his head down as his wings glowed brighter and faster in time with his racing heart that he knew Tsuzuki could hear, even if he didn't have his wings.
"I know I shouldn't have said that," Tsuzuki admitted. "But I… I just wanted you to know… I guess this means… you're leaving?"
Hisoka bit his lip as he sensed the grief wafting off Tsuzuki like a tide slowly beginning to come in. The emotion just kept growing and digging deeper, deeper into Hisoka's fragile mind. Tsuzuki looked away from the door and outside, fearing the worst. The angel sensed his movement and bit harder into his lip, hard enough to draw blood, but it healed immediately.
He silently closed the door and turned around, unfurling his wings in a flash, floating over towards his client, whose gaze was locked to looking out his window. He did not acknowledge his guardian until the tips of Hisoka's fingers brushed lightly against the side of his face, startling him as he turned his head sharply at the contact, not noticing the stray tear that had begun to fall. A small hand came up to wipe it away with a gentleness that rivaled any human's, a gentleness that was full of care and understanding, a gentleness that promised something unspoken.
"No, Tsuzuki, I'm not leaving," Hisoka said quietly, caressing his client's face with his small hands. "I'm staying here."
"But… but why?" asked Tsuzuki, eyes widening as he pulled away from those comforting fingers, despite his heart telling him to stay still. Hisoka sighed and straightened, standing tall in front of Tsuzuki, who was leaning back against the bed, only inches from his hands.
"It's my duty, Tsuzuki, to protect you form both Muraki and other dangers we're likely to encounter," Hisoka explained in a soft voice, quite truthfully. "But… that's not the only reason."
Amethyst glanced up to meet the unwavering emerald. The two sets of eyes locked into one another. Neither of them wanted to neither break their gaze, nor flicker away to hide the tears that threatened to escape both of them. It was ironic, really, that when Tsuzuki was the one to admit to love and think he was being rejected to it, yet at the same time, Hisoka was in just as much pain from seeing his client in pain, as well as not understand the confusing emotions swirling in his chest, causing it to compress. Hisoka looked away first, breaking the stirring contact.
"I care so much for you, Tsuzuki… and at the same time, I'm not sure what I should do. I have never felt like this before and… it is hard to know whether it is the same emotion in which you relay to me. Empathy isn't always as accurate as they say, or as understandable," Hisoka admitted, his sandy hair hiding the furious blush that was beginning to stain his cheeks. "But… I think with all I have done… I think… that I feel… the same way to you as you do to me… That is what I feel… That is why I'm staying. I want to feel like this, Tsuzuki."
Tsuzuki's mouth opened at his guardian's words and he froze, not moving for a moment. It took Hisoka another moment to gain the courage to look at his client, his emerald eyes already spilling their spring reserves, not with grief, but more with a foreign happiness at realization. When Tsuzuki did not move, Hisoka closed the space between them and sat down next to his client, hesitantly wrapping his arms around the elder man's shoulders and burying his face into that broad chest.
It took Tsuzuki a few seconds to realize that his guardian was no longer in front of him, but hugging him, his wings gently brushing against his own back as they were arched forward, wrapping themselves around his waist and lower back. Then, he felt something press up against his mouth, something soft and relatively cool, yet it seemed warm, too. He realized then that it was Hisoka and that Hisoka was… kissing him. His guardian was kissing him.
Tsuzuki's eyes fluttered closed at the contact and his arms came up to encircle the boy around the waist, tilting his head to the right angle as he licked at those small lips, asking and maybe even begging for an intrusion into that small cavern. The younger did so obligingly and Tsuzuki thrust his tongue inside, moaning inaudibly as he tasted the sweetness that was everything Hisoka was. The sensation was incredible.
Before Hisoka knew it, he was on the bed, pinned to the wall next to it, his tongue doing a furious dance with Tsuzuki's own as his hands began to roam everywhere on their own accord, wanting to touch everything. This feeling was something he had only felt today, yet Hisoka felt as though he had known if for a lifetime. He could not imagine living without the warm feeling that consumed his soul and made it beg for more. Moreover, he wanted more of what that feeling could give him.
He broke the kiss and barely had any time to say anything before he felt Tsuzuki's mouth trailing down his neck. He shuddered at the contact as he felt the tongue that he had just danced with do its own thing up and down his neck, on one side, then the other.
Tsuzuki's tongue suddenly stopped, retracted, making Hisoka whine in distress for the loss. Tsuzuki now talked against the crook of his neck. "What do you want, Hisoka?"
Hisoka didn't have to think, although his mind shouted many things he wanted. Everything, some of it, a little of it, most of it, none of it, yet it was so hard to make one decision when all sides of him wanted something to do with this. He did not want to think. He didn't even have to think, so he told his mind to shut up and whispered into Tsuzuki's ear, "I want anything. Anything you can give me... please..."
Amethyst eyes looked at Hisoka's defiant, but equally frightened face. This fright was something he had seen before; back when Tsuzuki had found out his secret of being an angel, back when Hisoka took him out of that club to seek his salvation in him instead, how Hisoka had risked his own afterlife just to make sure he was okay. All those times, he had seen a fright on Hisoka's face that meant he was scared for him, but not of him. It was that same fright now.
"Are you sure?" Tsuzuki asked.
Hisoka, biting his lip, nodded to him. "I don't care what happened to me years ago. It doesn't matter. I'm here now."
Tsuzuki nodded back in complete understanding. "If you want to stop, just tell me, okay?" He kissed him again.
Hisoka closed his eyes. 'I won't stop this... I promise...'
-X-
It stirred deep within him, a black core that had its relinquish years before, yet now it seemed as if that were irrelevant compared to thoughts leaking out of shields were doing now. An emotion of rage was building itself up inside of itself in a way that no human or angel could describe. Angels and humans meant nothing to this blackness, a deep abyss under a precipice that was just waiting for a new victim to fall into, to swallow without a sound escaping. It had to wait. It had to wait for the right time. That time was not now.
-X-
"My Lord, we have a situation."
"What is it, Annah?"
"It involves Kurosaki Hisoka and his client, Tsuzuki Asato."
"Explain, Annah."
The angel did so. Rough silence passed afterwards and within minutes, disbelief counteracted with rage and every angel in the universe felt it, shivered with it, feared it... every angel except Kurosaki Hisoka.
