A/N: oh gosh

A/N: oh gosh. I'm nervous about this chapter. If some of you think that Emily was being too dramatic for her reasoning, I will understand. lol. Sorry if the spacing is a little funky

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"No, no, I can't…." she whispered.

"What?"

"I can't Sirius!" she cried suddenly. "I can't!"

"Emily!" he cried as she wrenched her ankle from his grasp and fled to the castle.

Chapter Eleven: Understand

Lily scratched her face absently.

She was lying on her stomach on Remus's desk as he took notes for the both of them. Occasionally she would mention something that she wanted him to write down ("Remus! Write that down!") and he would oblige ("Calm down Lily! I already did!").

James tossed a note across the row to Remus. Lily flattened herself against the desk to avoid it. Remus caught the note deftly without looking up.

"James Potter!" she hissed, teasingly angry. "You knocked me down!"

"Oh, I'm so terribly sorry Lily-Bean," he whispered back, "I suppose I'll just have to put you in a safer place then." He grinned wickedly.

"What do you-oomph!" Lily started to say, but James swiped Lily off the desk and slid her carefully into his shirt pocket.

"Hey!" she laughed, trying to climb out of the white-cloth pouch. She let out a shriek as she felt James begin to stand, and she fell down. She crossed her legs and clutched the seam of the shirt to keep herself steady as James walked.

"James?" she called after a few minutes of walking. "Where are we going?"

He simply chuckled, his chest rumbling behind Lily's back. She was soothed by both his steady rocking gait and the low-pitched sound, and within minutes she was snoozing happily.


Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw James peer down into his pocket to look at Lily. He smiled.

Suddenly Remus heard a muted wail.

"Emily?" he said sharply.

After a moment he saw Emily walking hurriedly towards them down the corridor, apparently not seeing them. The moment he had called her name, she looked up.

Her eyes were looking reddish and a tear was sneaking down her face. She blanched at the sight of them and promptly turned around and dashed the other direction.

Remus shot off after her, chasing her around the corner, and reaching out his arm to grab her. He managed to snag her robe with the tips of his outstretched fingers.

When James whipped around the corner, Remus was attempting to keep hold of her, and she was struggling so wildly against his grip that her feet were not touching the floor.

"Remus!" she growled, "Let me GO!"

When he ignored her request, she let forth a feral sort of snarl and shoved roughly against his chest.

"Emily!" Remus said forcefully, "please, calm down!"

James held her still by her upper arms while Remus held her head to his chest. She stilled as he whispered in her ear. Lily gave a frightened little squeak from James' pocket.

"Emily, sweetheart, what's wrong? Please, tell me honey…" he put his face in her hair, and she wrapped her arms around him in response.James pulled Lily from his pocket and she sat in the palm of his hand, looking worriedly at her blonde friend.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, taking a deep shuddering breath. "I—well, I just—Sirius—"

"Sirius?" James asked sharply.

Lily's brow furrowed and her jaw clenched. "What's he done to you?"

Her eyes filled with tears again. "He….."

Suddenly from around the corner at the other end of the corridor came a cry of "Emily!"

She whipped around in Remus's arms, eyes wide, to face towards the sound. In the same second that Sirius appeared, she raced away and was out of sight, a small cry escaping her lips.

"Emily!" Sirius called. He attempted to race after her, but his way was blocked by two very angry seventeen-year-old boys and one three-inch-tall red-haired girl.

"Sirius," Remus said, his voice dangerously calm, "What happened to Emily?"

"I don't know!" Sirius was fidgeting anxiously and trying to get past them.

"What do you mean you don't know?" James asked incredulously. "You've done something to her!"

"Well, I kissed her." He stopped his restless movement and looked James right in the eyes. "And she kissed me back."

"Then why is she crying?" Remus said, his anger abating every so slightly. "I'm afraid I don't understand Sirius. Please, elaborate."

As Sirius explained, Remus and James visibly relaxed.

"Bloody hell," James said, "I thought you'd hurt her. She was really mad…."

"Never!" Sirius growled.

"You need to find her," Remus said suddenly. "Go!"

Sirius sped off down the corridor without a backward glance.


Emily ran.

She wrenched herself out of Remus's comforting arms and flew around the corner, heading for the Gryffindor common room. She hoped Remus and James would deter Sirius for a while.

She wiped more tears out of her eyes as she sprinted up to the Fat Lady. She attempted to say the password, but was gasping so violently that she couldn't. The Fat Lady seemed to take pity on her and her portrait swung open. Emily scrambled into the common room.

It seemed like the moment she set foot inside she heard someone cry her name and she whipped around; it was Sirius.

She didn't have time to wonder how he had caught up so quickly and made a dash for the girls' dormitories. She would be safe there.


Sirius sprinted across the common room after Emily, skidding to a halt as she sprinted up the girls' staircase.

He paused for a fraction of a second before running flat out towards the stairs where Emily's feet were disappearing. He took a flying leap towards her, his hands flying wildly and trying to grab the handrail, or Emily's pant leg. She screamed and dashed into her dormitory. When his body hit the steps, they immediately turned into a long smooth slide with a high-pitched shriek and Sirius slid back down to the common room with a groan.

He turned around to see the whole common room staring at him.

"Anyone got a broom?" he yelled desperately. "Please?"

"Sirius!" Jessie called and tossed her broom to him. He caught it.

"Thanks!" he said, running to the window. He threw it open, climbed on the broom, and flew outside.


Emily pressed her back into the door. She stared across the room, in shock at what Sirius had just done. Had he just throw himself up the stairs after her?

Her stomach clenched. 'What is wrong with me?' She ran to her bed and curled up on it, wrapping her arms around her knees. She whacked herself on the forehead with the palm of her hand.

'Why did you run? Stupid stupid stupid!' she berated herself, 'Why do I have to be so melodramatic?'


Sirius sped through the cold autumn air for a moment, broom in hand, letting the wind whip his hair back from his face. He closed his eyes.

Then suddenly he snapped awake and swung the broom sharply around, and shot back towards the castle.

He slowed to a stop when he returned to the Gryffindor tower. He peered in windows, trying to find the seventh year girls' dorms. Finally…

He rapped his knuckles against the window. The soft mumbling from inside stopped abruptly.

"Emily!" he called, his nose touching the glass, "Please Emily, I need to talk to you!"

He heard a quickly stifled groan from inside.

With a frustrated sigh, he whipped his wand out and cried, "Alohomora!" As he leapt into the room, Emily let out a cute little squeak and covered her face with her hands.

"Emily?" he said softly as he approached her. "Sweetheart?" He lifted his hands and gently pried her hands away from her face. She looked at the floor.

"Emily?" Still holding onto her wrists, he sat down beside her. "Why?"

"I don't know," she sighed, "I think I'm… afraid."

"Afraid? Of me?" he asked, his heart thumping against his ribcage.

"No—well, not really—not of you, more like—sort of like, um…" she stammered, pulling her wrist from his grasp and pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers.

"Is there…. someone else?" he asked quietly.

"No!" she exclaimed frantically. "There most definitely is not anyone else."

"Then what in the world is wrong?" he asked her desperately. "I need to understand."

She quickly wiped away her tears and looked into his eyes.

"When you kissed me I actually got really scared," she said, grimacing slightly. "It all felt so weird. Even though it's something I've been waiting for," she added quickly, "I mean, I've never kissed anyone before and it was a really new experience for me. I—" He cut her off.

"Emily," he said gently. "I was your first kiss?"

She blushed.

"Well, yes," she said, looking at the floor bashfully. "I've never really taken an interest in anyone before you. There was never anyone," she finished simply.

"So you do fancy me?" he interjected hopefully. She smiled.

"Well, I suppose," she said.

He let his face fall. "Then why did you run away?"

She imitated his movement, her face falling out of her light teary smile.

"I'm afraid of what might happen," she said solemnly. "I'm afraid to fall in love."

Sirius was confused. "You mean you're afraid of a relationship…?"

"Oh! No," she said. "First of all, I've never experienced anything like this before in my life. I don't really know what to do, at all." She smiled sheepishly. "I know you're going to say that you don't care about that, but I was nervous.

"I'm afraid of being alone as well. What if you decide you don't love me anymore? What if you—" she took a deep breath, "die? How could I live though that?" Then she choked on her tears.

"Oh, Emily," he said lovingly, gathering her into his arms as she started crying again.

"That's all?" he asked, peering down at her. "You think I'm going to die? You can't really believe I'm that fragile."

"No!" she giggled tearily, "No, no, no. But what if you get attacked? What if you get hurt? The Wizarding world has been getting more dangerous by the day!" She bit her lip.

"Emily!" he chuckled, "I'm going to go into Auror training! We're all in Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts! We are all going to watch out for each other constantly. What could possibly happen?"

"You're so confident," she sighed. "You're wonderful." She lifted a hand, placed it on his face, and kissed his cheek.

Suddenly she pulled away and blushed furiously. "Sorry," she muttered hastily.

Shaking his head slowly, he lifted his hand to her face and tilted her head up. She looked at him with anxious eyes.

"No," he whispered softly, lifting his other hand to her face. "Don't be."

He leaned forward slowly and touched his lips very carefully to hers.

He kept his eyes open long enough to see her eyelids flutter shut before letting his own eyes close.

This kiss was different. Their first kiss had been hungry, hasty and passionate. This kiss was soft and tender. To Sirius, it was beautiful. He held her soft face gingerly in his hands as he kissed her, so afraid that she would change her mind, run away again. He felt a sudden surge of emotion come over him and he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. He knew in that moment that from now on he would keep her, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.