Bella was far too good for me. I never would deserve her, even if I tried to redeem myself for over an eternity.
As the stewardess approached us, a thick Italian accent asking if we required anything to drink or eat. When Bella surprised me by ordering a coke, I tightened my eyes and set my jaw. I wanted her to sleep.
"Bella, please, sleep," I said gently, sweeping my hang against her jaw and down to her neck. This was the first time I had spoken to her since we had boarded the plane.
She shook her head vigorously, acting as a martyr for her own will to be awake for absolutely everything.
She had described to me why she would not sleep before, and that was due to her fear of having nightmares of the Volturi. I felt sorrow for her, wanting desperately to relieve her worries and ease her mind. I wanted peace for her, though she continued to resist the urge to let sleep to take over her.
I comprehended Bella's discomfort. She had been practically traumatized by those callous, bloodthirsty Volturi vampires. She had seen too much, and suffered on my account more than she should have.
No wonder she did not want to sleep. I felt empathetic to her declination to let herself fall into the dream world. I could not blame her.
Anger boiled within me as I thought of the Volturi.
Bella was innocent. She had only come to Italy to spare my life.
I clenched my jaw, wanting to shatter every memory of horror that encumbered Bella's mind. I wanted to coddle her and never let her out of my shielding embrace.
For the thousandth time since I had known this intriguing creature, I tried to hear her, but of course, nothing had changed. If only I knew what she was thinking.
I felt ashamed to ask her.
With a wan smile, Bella accepted her small cup of soda from the stewardess and gulped it until there was nothing left. I watched her. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her hair was a mess though she looked unbearably attractive. I preferred her with messy, disheveled hair.
Bella snuck a peek up at me and blushed when I was caught looking down at her. I smiled at her calmly, as my eyes melted. I did not care if she saw me. I was studying her behavior, still convinced that she may go into shock at any state.
Though the caffeine was not what I had in mind for her, I agreed the sugar did her good. I offered her a small travel sized bag of pretzel twists and she declined it with a drowsy shake of her head. "N'thanks." She slurred. Poor thing was tired out of her mind.
I set it in the pocket in front of her.
I parted my lips to say something to her, though I had too much to say to her. That was the issue. I sighed, losing to my willpower to explain to her what was going on between us. I yearned to tell her that I desired to ask for her to come back to me, but I could not.
When we would land in eight hours, I would surely watch over her as she slept.
I had no intentions of leaving Forks. I would be what she wanted me to be—friend, possibly lover.
I would resist the fact that I should stay away from her. I couldn't do that, it was inevitable.
If she wanted me in her life after I spoke to her about my love for her, then let it be. If she wanted me out of her life, then I would oblige. Whatever she wanted, I would do it, no matter the price.
I watched her curiously out of the corner of my eye. Her gaze was foggy and almost unconscious. Her head bobbed and swayed though she put up a good fight.
I carefully draped my arm around her shoulders. I wondered how I would hide her from the Volturi now. If only I could take her somewhere out of the Unites States.
Would she go with me? I asked myself pensively.
I pursed my lips together.
Her prospects on life may have changed drastically in these last months without me, and I had to come to accept that treacherous fact that there was a chance that she would not want to love me back. The sad thing was that she would have every right to feel that way.
Bella pushed the plastic cup into the pouch in front of her and then, shocking me again, she stretched herself over to me. I pulled up the dividing seat arm so that she would be close to me. I noticed that this was a reaction to my own body language.
I looked deep into her lethargic eyes, so full of passion, and I gave in to the boundary line. I pulled the square pillow from behind her back and situated it underneath her shoulder. Her arms reached for my neck again, as she hung onto me.
I knew that somehow, this silence between us was significant. I just wanted to know if it was good, or bad.
I caught her stealing a peek up at me, expectant and intent, but she seemed to lose her nerve. She snuggled against me and said nothing. Defeat washed over her face.
I discerned each movement of the muscles in her cheekbones, and the look in her eyes. She seemed disappointed.
My soul took another beating.
After moments passed, Bella's arm locked around my torso, holding me captive. My mind raced with excitement. I was reluctant to cradle her like I wanted to, though I found myself needing to feel her safe in my arms.
'Oh get over yourself and talk to her.' I heard Alice think, as if she had been watching us the entire time. I could not ignore that one. As irritating as she was, Alice had a point.
I shot an icy look at Alice. She held her US Weekly magazine to shield her eyes from me. I softened up and realized that I wouldn't be cross with Alice. For she was the reason Bella was next to me, secure and alive.
My eyes dropped down to the treasure of my being. Bella blinked a glance up at me and our eyes locked. She appraised me for a moment and then I looked away. I couldn't bring myself to speak to her yet.
I didn't wish to spoil my borrowed time with her, for I drew strength from her presence. I could sense that she needed me, too.
I found myself enjoying this valuable time with Bella far more than I should have, because who knew what the next day would hold for us.
I was such a selfish monster. Egocentric and pigheaded. And let us not forget—a coward.
A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth and I wrapped Bella in my arms so that her face rested on my chest. She was practically seated on my lap. I permitted it, because this seemed to be what she wanted. I could not deny her anything. She settled comfortably in her position.
I watched her stare silently out of the window of the 747 airplane. The sun was gradually peeking out from the horizon, as the orange and bright pink and purple shades vibrantly lit up at the bleeding of the rising sun.
The site was breathtaking, though I was transfixed on Bella's face. The way the light buttered her ivory skin.
Was this my last day with Bella? I exhaled heavily.
I was such a coward.
