Chapter 8

The sooner she would sleep off her tiredness, the sooner I could open her up and learn what she truly thought of me after the heartless torture I had put her through.

I watched Bella intently, as she groggily yawned and then straightened her head so that she would not fall asleep.

Her cheek was touching my shoulder now, though she was so tenacious to not let me see how worn out she was.

A smirk tickled my lips. A thing I had not done in months. I had forgotten how it felt to smile.

She was so pretty that it hurt to look at her, for somehow I was afraid to death that I would lose her soon.

Bella blinked her eyes, and then she reopened them wider so that she could fight of slumber. She was my trooper, and I admired Bella Swan even more.

She was stronger than ever. Much more durable than I had given her credit for.

My heart sank as I repelled the inclination to speak to her. I wanted to ask her what she was feeling, what she wanted, what was new in her life without me, and most importantly of all, would she forgive me.

Like the sorry excuse for a man that I was, I buried all of my questions for the remainder of the flight to Washington. I would dig them up for the next day, and then I would know what Bella truly wanted.

What I wanted most was to marry her.

I would ask her, even if the answer would cause me eternal torment. The sadness began to creep into my heart, like a toxic poison. That was what I had called the darkness I had felt when I had divided Bella out of my life—the sadness.

I felt a stab of pain slice through me, as I began to realize that Bella may be internally bitter towards me. She just did not know it yet. How could she not be after I had turned my back on her?

The venomous words that I had said to her: "I don't want you" hit me like bomb, as again, for the countless time, I recalled every stinging word I had said to her that day I had left her to fend for herself in the forest.

The ghosts of my past snuck up on me, shadowing my hope.

I hugged my chin over her head, and I was pleased when her hands clutched to me tighter.

Bella was much too giving, much too generous. She was probably trying to spare my feelings. I knew she was happy that I was saved, though I knew with despair that she would not believe me if I told her that I had never stopped loving her.

What was worse was that I would have to admit that I was a liar, and that I had fooled her for her own good.

The guilt was overpowering. I glared hard down at her petite body, wanting so badly to tell her now and not wait.

I was so unfair to Bella.

Even though her trust in me was splintered into a million unfixable pieces, I would make her believe me. She would know that I was real, more than ever. What we had, our insatiable love, so real and so strong was far too precious to let grow dim. I would at least try. I kept telling myself that.

Try, and be honest, though I was only going to humiliate myself. I would swallow my pride and show her what she meant to me.

I did not expect to have her heart to be given back to me so easily, though I wanted her to because something in me had changed.

My thirst was quenched, though I knew I could control the inclination. Every time I remembered the sadness, I couldn't so much as contemplate causing her grief ever again.

Another thing that had changed within me, was that I was willing to give her my entire heart, not just half, as before.

For what it was worth, I would at least try to win her back. And that I would do, no matter the consequences.

Bella's eyes were focused on the sunlight that seeped into the window.

I reached up to pull the shade down.

Bella's vision flickered and then she glanced up at me. Our eyes met for a sensitive moment, and then with a slight smile, her eyelids drooped down as she stared at the back of the next seat in front of us.

She had made it through the entire night without sleep.

Gradually, her chin was lowering and her eyes were closing. I held my arm in front of her to catch her if she slumped over.

In an instant, her eyes snapped back open and I rubbed my hand slowly down her back, up and down. I tried to lull her to sleep, though she was stubborn.

She lifted her chin and her hand moved to my shoulder. She curled up to me a little bit closer and let out a soft sigh. I could smell her sweet breath, hints of the cola on her breath.

I swallowed back the sensation to kiss her.