Title: PEACE AND WAR
Disclaimer: I don't own anything about Sailor Moon
Authors Note: I have managed to write a couple chapters now and I'll post them all as soon as I've checked them over this weekend. The weekend might be filled with new chapters. Just a little something to get you all excited. I promise to post as many as possible to make up for this slow week. Comments please!!!
Serenity sat by herself, pouring over the papers her mother had given her. She had spent the night in tears with her two ladies around her before realizing what the King had said was right. She could prove everyone wrong. They all thought she was weak, and the display yesterday had proven it. Lord Edmond had simply scared her, not anything else, and yet she had crumbled in fright.
She couldn't help but be angry. The foreign feeling seemed to blossom in her and she fought with everything she had to keep it down. If she became angry, she would lose the battle an no longer be the person she was.
The only thing she could think of doing was to focus on the papers her mother had given her. But she simply didn't understand them. The more time went by, the more frustrated she got and the more the anger built up inside her.
She couldn't help but let a tear slip down her pale cheek. She didn't want to be angry. She didn't want to be sad or upset in any way. She wanted to be happy. She wished with all her heart that everything would be alright and go back to normal. She wanted to go home and be loved by her friends and family. She wanted to sit in the sun and bask in it's warmth. She wanted this to all have been a bad dream.
So she sat there and read the papers over and over again until she had them memorized, but still she did not understand them. Then she would read the books of war Raye had shown her but still the documents didn't make sense.
Raye watched her with growing despair. The slight glow Serenity always seemed to hold around her had somehow vanished. Her eyes looked constantly at battle with tears and she sat almost slumped in the large wood chair. Her usual calm cool posture was gone. Could such a small event really defeat all that Serenity had been raised to believe?
She didn't want to think about that. She wanted to believe that peace could solve all their problems and make them happy. She wanted to believe that a pure and innocent heart would win over the shadows that darkened her own. She wanted to believe that one day she to could feel all that Serenity felt.
Lord Edmond had been punished severely, which was a surprise to Raye. Darien didn't usually go that far when it came to punishment. For a man to act roughly towards a woman was not unheard of in their lands. If he were to punish every man who did not in every instance treat a woman with respect, he would spend every moment of his day doing it. She wondered why he chose this circumstance to set an example.
She wondered at his actions towards Serenity. Darien wasn't really known to put energy into anyone. It wasn't that he was mean, it was just that he spent most of his time on the war and ignored those people who came to visit. But Serenity seemed to be a problem for him. Was she really a burden to him? But why? The only thing Raye could think was that he in some way was distracted by her.
She watched as Mina and Amy once again tried to sooth their hurting princess, but she always politely asked them to leave. Always politeness. At least some part of her had not changed.
She heard Lita come up behind her.
"Is she better yet?" She asked.
Raye shook her head sadly. "She just keeps reading those papers her mother gave her."
"Have you heard anything about their war?"
"No, but I'm sure Darien might have some information."
"Do you think he would talk to her?"
"I don't thinks he wants to talk to anyone. Darien has never really liked Serenity so I don't think he would try to help. I'm not saying he doesn't care, but he has many more pressing matters to attend to." Raye turned to face her long time friend. "And how are you?"
Lita sighed and tried to smile. "I put my husband in the ground today. I am not sure that is something you can every really heal from. But I might have been worse if it had not been for her," she said indicating Serenity.
Raye nodded. "She has done much for me as well."
"Then isn't there something we might do for her?"
"I have already tried to comfort her, but she just smiles and politely declines."
"It would be easier if she yelled or screamed," Lita said. "Then at least it would be something we've handled before."
Raye looked back at the beautiful blonde princess before turning back to Lita.
"I think she might be eased if she knew what those papers were telling her."
"Neither you nor I is schooled in reading war documents. I can explain to her how and why the war is taking place, but I have never fought one myself."
"Nor have I, but we know many people who have fought," Raye said. "Come, I think I know someone that we may asked."
Raye led her friend quickly through the castle towards Darien's study. She knew that he would be there along with all the other guards, and she wanted to help Serenity as quickly as she could. They rounded corner after corner before heading down a long, dark hallway.
She slowed her pace when she neared it, and pressed her ear against the door.
"What do you hear?"
"I don't think Darien is there," she said gently.
She took a breath and opened the door, peaking in before opening it widely.
The four men quickly stood up at her presence and bowed lightly.
"Lady Raye, what can we do for you?" Nephrite asked.
"I am very sorry to disturb, but I wondered if I might have a word with Jedeite," she said nervously.
"Of course," he said and followed her quickly into the hall.
Lita stood a little ways away.
"Is there something wrong?" Jedeite asked worriedly.
"No, there is nothing the matter with me. But you once told me that if anything hurt me in any way, you would do whatever it was in your power to help."
"And I hold to that," the dark haired man looked at her, concern written all over her features.
"Serenity is ill at ease and in so being, she puts me ill at ease. I think it would rest her mind greatly if she knew what was happening in her own land. She has been sent some papers describing what has happened, but she does not know how to read them."
"And you wanted me to explain them to her?" He asked.
Raye nodded.
"Why not one of the other guards?" He asked.
Raye hesitated before answered softly.
"Because I trust you," she said looking away from him.
Lita didn't miss his slight reaction to those words although he tried to hold it in. Raye might not have seen it, but Lita realized in that moment that he might feel more towards her friend then he was allowed. Raye was sister to the King.
"I would be honored," he said to her.
Raye smiled softly at him. "Thank you."
"Where is she?" He asked.
"In the wing her bedroom is. There is a sitting room at the end of the hall for the guests to use. She did not want to go back to the library."
Jedeite nodded. "I promise to do what I can."
Serenity looked briefly up at him when he walked in the room, but then back down at her papers when she recognized it was someone she knew. She had her head resting in her hand.
"It has come to the attention of those surrounding you that you have come into possession of war documents from your home. If I could be of service in helping you read them, then I will do it with pleasure."
She looked back up at him. His dark hair seemed to blend in with the shadows behind him and his sword hung easily at his side. She had never seen one of Darien's guards without the other three. She wondered who had sent him.
She felt tired, and wanted more than anything to do this on her own, but she had to admit that she couldn't. She simply couldn't do it.
Her only response was to hold the papers out for him to take.
Jedeite sat down beside her at the small desk and spread the papers out in order. They were simple enough, just outlining how the first battle had played out.
"Which part of this do you already understand?" He asked.
"Nothing," she said softly. "I know nothing."
He could hear how lost she felt. It really had only been a matter of time before she realized that she was no longer at home and felt the homesickness get to her. He pulled the first page towards them.
"This whole document outlines the very first battle," he said gently. "This drawing her shows where the battle took place. These shadings over here mean that the area is very rocky and hard to maneuver in. This clear area is where the land is flat. This means mountains."
"That's not far from the palace," she said softly. She couldn't help but smile when Jedeite smiled at her. He flipped to the next page.
"You see how the outline is the same?" He asked watching her nod. "This indicates the same land mass only showing different objects. Instead of laying out the land, the shading indicates the enemy and these lines indicates your mothers army."
"We don't have an army," she said confused.
"Well I don't know about that, but this outlines says that you do and it was called up quickly and effectively. This next page outlines exactly how the battle happened. First, your mother sent in men to attack and defend, and when the battle was underway, she sent in more from the forest her to take them from the side."
"Why?"
"Because while your enemy is distracted with fighting your army, they will not be protecting themselves for a second attack. Your mother understood that, and used it to her advantage. This drawing indicates that the enemy was defeated and called a retreat. That means they ran back to their own base and you mother did not follow them. It means that battle was won."
Serenity nodded. "What about this?" She asked pointing towards a larger picture. "It says it is an estimate. Looking at it now I can see that it is the layout of our whole country. The forested shading is in all the correct spots."
"The dark parts are where your mother and her guards think the enemy has already infiltrated. They have perhaps already taken over that part of the land and will need to be defeated."
"There are so many shaded areas," she said.
"Yes, but this document is already old. The next ones may show fewer enemies and more victory. This diagram will be re-created every day as new information comes in. It is only an estimate."
Serenity looked up at him, wondering what kind of mind understood the ways of war.
"Do you want peace?" She asked softly.
Jedeite smiled at her softly. "There are a few things that I want in this world. I want my King to finally be free from this hardship he lives under and have a chance to be the King that I see in him. I want to find a woman I can love and raise a family safely without having to see my sons die in the war before I am old. And I want to one day be able to stand in my own estate and look over my own land without any war marring it's beauty. For those things to happen, there will be no more war. But I do not think I believe in peace. If it does indeed exist, then I would be happy to experience it," he answered honestly.
Serenity smiled at him.
"Are you engaged?" She asked.
"Sadly no, I am not."
"Haven't you met anyone that you want to spend the rest of your life with?"
He hesitated. "Yes, I have, but it will never be for she is above me."
Serenity looked at him curiously, but didn't push the subject any further. She didn't want to force him to give information he wasn't willing to give. But she couldn't help that her interest was perked.
"Thank you for your help Jedeite, I really appreciate it."
"And do you think your mind has been eased a little?" He asked.
She nodded. "I think so."
"Good, then I have been able to ease two minds this day."
"Jedeite!"
They both looked towards the door to see Darien standing there. He looked both angry and tired. Serenity felt her back straighten at his presence and looked anywhere but in his eyes. Jedeite quickly stood up.
"Go back to my study. We have a lot of work to do."
Jedeite quickly bowed to Serenity, saying his goodbye, and left the room. She thought the King would go after him, but she was wrong. He stood just in the room, watching her for a long minute.
"We are to depart again in less then a week," he said after a moment.
Serenity nodded slowly, still not looking at him.
"Do you have nothing to say?" He asked. "That seems unlike you."
"You don't know me," she said softly.
She could almost hear him hesitate.
"Will you be alright?" He finally asked. His voice was so full of concern that she barely recognized it.
"I am fine my Lord."
He just looked at her, wishing she would look at him. He clenched his fist slightly and then released it. He turned and walked out the door.
Serenity finally looked at the spot he had been standing. She had been around Kings and Queens of neighboring countries before. Why was she so intimidated by this one? What was so different about him that scared her so much? Was it actually fear or was it something else? Something she hadn't experience before.
"He was trying to be nice," Raye said from around the corner.
"Your brother says I know nothing of war and he is right. Because of the way I've been brought up I can't even read simple war documents. But I do not believe your brother knows anything of being nice or polite because of where he has been brought up."
Raye sat down across from her.
"You're not going to be able to come out of this the same way you came in are you?" She asked.
"I have only been here a few weeks and already I seem to be finding the darkness within me. But just because I am aware that it exists now does not mean that I'm going to let it win."
"But you've already started to let it win. The person I first met even a few weeks ago would have been polite and courteous to Darien despite what he has done in the past. But you did not even look at him."
"You make it sound as if I hurt his feelings," Serenity said.
"My brother has shown be all the love one person can have for another since I was a small child. Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean his light side isn't there."
Serenity felt guilty then. Her friends violet eyes looked into her and she knew that she was acting against her own beliefs. Why had she not tried to be more polite to him?
"How am I to stay the same at a time such as this?" She asked.
"You can't," Raye answered. "But you can change your ways slightly so that they fit in your current surroundings. You will always be different then us, but that does not mean you cannot find a way to fit in."
She just nodded, looking back down at the papers in front of her. Now that someone had explained them to her, they made since. All she had ever needed to read them was a key. Her country was for the moment surviving. If they could survive then so could she.
But the King seemed to take over her thoughts completely. She felt as if she had done him a great falsehood. If she were at home and she had been so impolite to a visiting royal, her mother would have insisted that she make up for it by being attentive to them for the rest of the visit. But she wasn't sure how much longer she might be here. She might never have the chance to make up for her rudeness.
She walked hesitantly through the dark halls to where Raye had said he would be. It was late, but she had been assured that the King would still be awake. She simply couldn't rest until she set things right.
She found the big wooden doors easily as they stood out from the rest. She knocked as gently as she could hoping that he wouldn't be there.
"Come in," she heard him say through the door.
She opened the door slowly, trying not to make a sound.
He sat there, in front of the fire, with papers and maps sprawled out all around him. He looked tired and worn, and she felt pity for him.
"What can I do for you Serenity?" He asked hardly looking at her.
"I wish to apologize," she answered.
Finally he gave her his full attention.
"For what?"
"For not being polite to you earlier today. You asked my if I was alright and I wanted to assure you that I am."
He looked at her for a long moment.
"I'm glad to hear it," he said quietly.
She wasn't really sure what to say next.
"Why are you up so late?" He asked before she could think of anything.
She was a little caught of guard for that question. "I felt guilty and couldn't sleep."
"This situation is what kept you up this late?" He seemed surprised.
"Yes," she answered. "Why?"
"It is such a little matter," he said.
Serenity was offended. This had not been a little matter to her.
"I do not wish to offend," he said seeing her expression, but she cut him off.
"Yes you do," she said with force in her voice. "It may seem like a small matter to you, but to me it wasn't. I have been brought up to believe that no matter what the circumstances, I should be polite and courteous to everyone I meet. I have failed in doing that with you."
"All I meant was that with everything else that's going on, how could you even think about something like this. Your country is at war, you were involved in a less than ideal situation yesterday and you're being forced to live in a country miles away from your own. And yet what keeps you awake at night is that you've acted impolitely towards me, a person you hardly like."
Serenity crossed her arms. "You're saying that I'm forgetting about the war in my own country and busying myself with matters of little to no importance. You think I'm a foolish child we cares about nothing except her own happiness."
Darien rubbed his eyes in frustration.
"Serenity, I……"
"No, you're not going to convince me you're right. If I don't stay true to what my people believe then where will their hope come from. What are we fighting for if our happiness can be taken away within weeks? I cannot fight in the war, my mother made sure of that. How else am I to help my country from here?"
Darien watched her anger sparkle within her. It was like fire. It seemed that they would forever be butting their heads together like this. They simply weren't in the same league when it came to war.
"You think I am judging you to harshly," he said.
"Yes I do. I think you've never given me a chance. You just assumed I'm weak and never took a second look."
"Have you given me a chance?" He asked.
Serenity stopped short. She looked at him. She wasn't really sure what he meant by that questions.
Darien sighed. "Come and sit down," he said.
Was that a command or a request? She hesitated for a moment before walking gracefully over and sitting across from him on a large comfortable chair. She could feel the heat of the fire on her side. The light danced, making his eyes seem to glitter. It made him look almost menacing.
"What do you think of me?" He asked softly.
She looked at him confused. "I'm not sure what you mean," she said.
"If you were to describe me to a person, one of your friends or your mother, how would you describe me?" He asked.
She thought about it for a long time.
"I would say that you are young, and that you have to much focus on war."
Darien nodded. "And I would say about you that you're young, and you have no focus on war."
Serenity went to defend herself, but he cut her off.
"What else would you say about me."
She crossed her arms in front of her.
"You're short sighted and don't bother trying to see who people actually are. You stay locked within yourself and hide your true feelings. You're stubborn and intimidating, and once you've decided on something you won't change your mind even if you're proven wrong."
Darien couldn't help but smile slightly at her.
"And you Serenity are stubborn and you show too much of yourself for the world to see and take advantage of. You have judged me without having any idea of who I am or how I feel."
She sat silently, listening to him.
"You are right that I have judged you, but you haven't tried to prove me wrong."
"Why should I?" She asked.
He just shrugged. "You obviously seem to care what people think."
Serenity looked down at her hands. She saw what he was doing. He was showing her that she had acted towards him the same way he had acted towards her. Almost everything she could say about him, he could also say about her. She felt defeated and foolish in that moment.
Darien folded his leg on top of the other and studied her. She seemed so innocent still, despite all that had happened around her.
"I really don't have a lot of time to think of anything besides war," Darien said after a few minutes. "I wish that I had the luxury of concerning myself with other issues, but I can't. My country is at war and my people are dying every day. I stay locked up and stop myself from getting close to people."
"Why?" She asked.
When he didn't answer, she looked up at him.
"When I was a boy, I had a friend who I was closer with then anyone other than my sister. He and I trained together and took lessons in war together. When my father died and I was crowned King, I went to war. I felt lucky to have him by my side. Together it seemed like we could win any battle. I remember smiling and laughing with him on the way to our first battle."
Serenity felt she knew what was coming, and she could feel tears come to her eyes.
"We lost. My first battle as King I thought we could never lose, but I was wrong. I was unprepared and we lost hundreds of men. He fell in that battle, and it was my responsibility to bring that news to his new young wife who was pregnant with their first child."
He watched her for some sort of reaction. When she didn't give one he continued.
"Losing him made me realized that letting people get close in a time of war leaves you open for being hurt. It distracts you. I need to have a clear mind at all times. I cannot let an emotional attachment cause me enough grief to make the wrong decision during battle. If I do, I could be responsible for the lives of hundreds of men."
"I do not agree."
She said it so softly that at first Darien wasn't convinced that he had heard her.
"I understand what you say, but I do not agree that keeping yourself closed off from everyone around you gives you a clear mind. What do you fight for if not for the people you love?"
Darien just looked at her.
"My country means everything to me, and I ache when I think of the hurt and devastation it must be going through. But it's the people that I love that make up my country. Without them there wouldn't be a country to protect. How can you inspire hope and courage in people if you don't really know who any of them are?"
"I don't think that….." He started.
"When you think of the people who die in every battle, how do you feel?" She asked cutting him off.
"I feel that I've failed them," he answered honestly.
"Now think of how you might feel if the war directly put Raye in danger? Wouldn't you be more determined to fight for and protect her?"
Darien stayed silent.
"My country fights for peace and love. What does you country fight for?" Serenity asked.
Darien thought about what she was saying seriously. He thought about how he would feel if someone tried to hurt Raye and he felt his insides burn with anger. He looked back up at her. Serenity's blue eyes seemed clear and unwavering despite the few tears trying to get out.
"Why do you hate me?" She asked after a moment.
"I hate you because you stand for everything that I can never have," he said honestly.
"Why can't you have it?" She asked.
"It is simply not in our future," he answered.
"Why?"
"Because,…………"
He looked at her.
"Why do I have to stand for everything you can't have? Why can't I stand for the hope of a better future?"
"Peace is not a reality," he said.
"It has been for me my whole life," she said.
"And now?" He asked.
"We will fight for our peace to be restored. Once it is, we will go back to living the happy and carefree life we did before. They will not destroy our peace. They will learn that they cannot take it from us no matter what they try."
Darien saw it in her right then, her strength. She believed whole heartedly in the peace her country had lived in and believed that they would one day get it back. It was the strength he had thought she was lacking, but it was there after all. He had simply mistaken it for foolishness.
"Why do you hate me?" He asked after a moment.
"I never said I hated you," she answered.
"And yet you have such strong opinions about me."
"Yes I do. But I also have strong opinions about my mother and my friends. I have strong opinions about Raye and Lady Lita. And I have strong opinions about everyone else that has touched my life. That does not mean I hate them."
Darien just nodded softly.
"I have opinions about you, but that doesn't mean that my mind is set on the matter. If you want me to form another opinion, I would be happy to do so. But I would ask something of you in return."
"And what is that?" He asked.
"Your guard Jedeite explained the papers that I received from my mother to me. I would be surprised if I didn't get more soon. Can he be spared when they come in to explain them to me again?"
Darien waited a moment before nodding. He wasn't sure why, but he wished she had asked him to explain the documents to her. Surely he was the best person to ask.
She smiled at him, and he felt himself focus on it. She had a beautiful smile.
"Goodnight my Lord," she said getting up. "I hope tomorrow is a good day, for both of us."
He watched her curtsy slightly and then walk slowly out of the room. Her long dress dragged gently on the floor behind her and her beautiful blonde hair seemed to float as it came slightly out of her style. He looked at the door after it had closed for a long moment, and then back at the fire. The girl was starting to get through the walls he had put up all over himself. He could feel it and seemed powerless to stop it.
End of Chapter Seven.
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