Note: This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. Also, a review told me that I forgot to mention if this was slash or not. Just to clear things up, it IS, in fact, a slash fic.

Summary: Harry has been beaten by the Dursley's his whole life. One night he comes home late and Vernon beats him. Harry lay in his bed thinking; finally, he decides to run away. What happens when he meets up with someone that is going through that exact same thing that he is? Will a relationship form? What about the person that Harry loves? What will happen to Voldemort? Who will win the war? Read to find out.

This story will be rated for the following reasons:

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters.


Chapter 4: The Hogwarts Express

Harry walked over from where he was standing to Ron and Hermione; he had to hold back a smirk as they both looked at him, as if they didn't recognize him.

"Um…Sorry, but who are you?" Hermione asked. Harry didn't say anything; he just shook his head once to reveal the scar on his forehead.

"Oh my god! Harry," Ron said.

"Harry," Hermione said as he hugged him. "Wow, you look so different!"

"Yea, mate," Ron agreed.

"What did you do to your hair?" Hermione asked as she looked at it.

"I streaked it," Harry said, moving his lips as little as possible, his lower lip was still sore and he didn't want them to see his tongue, yet. "Anyways, we better get on the train it's about to leave."

"Oh, right," Ron said.

The three of them made their way into the train and to the compartment at the back, where they usually sat. Just as they sat down, the train started to move. Harry sat at the window and Ron and Hermione sat next to each other.

"So, Harry, what's with the new look? Honestly, whom are you trying to impress with all those piercings and chains and your new hair? The shirt that you're wearing is so morbid. What's happened to you, Harry?" Hermione asked, trying not to yell, this wasn't the Harry that she knew.

"I'm not trying to impress anyone, Hermione and nothing's happened to me," Harry said coldly.

"Bullshit, you would never wear something like that and get piercings unless something was wrong! Talk to us, Harry," Hermione said, trying not to yell.

"There's nothing to talk about, nothing's wrong," Harry said coldly.

"I want you to change back to the way that you were before," Hermione said, more like demanded.

"No," Harry snapped defiantly. "I'm tired of doing what everyone else wants me to do, now I'm doing what I wanna do."

"Well, I think it would be better if you did, you've never wanted to be like you are now!" Hermione snapped back.

"How the fuck do you know what I've wanted before? Maybe I've wanted it all along, maybe I'm sick of being Dumbledore's little pet, maybe I just wanna be me," Harry shouted.

"But Harry, who you were before was you, right now you're some completely different person," Ron said, finally saying something about the whole ordeal.

"No, this is what I've wanted all along, and there's nothing you can do about it! If you want me to change back to the way that I was before, then you were never my friend to begin with! Friends would support someone if they wanted to change their appearance, not tell them to change back to the way that they were before because they never wanted to be like that in the first place!" Harry shouted.

"Harry-"

"No, Ron. Just because I've changed my appearance doesn't mean that the rest of me has changed," Harry lied; he had changed, a lot. "Just because I don't look like the perfect little Gryffindor Golden Boy that I'm supposed to, you want me to change back! Because I don't look like I did before the summer you want me back so that you can still be seen with perfect Harry Potter! Well, if you're not going to support me and agree with what I've done, then you both can fuck off,"

Harry stood up and walked out of the compartment, he stormed along the isle of the train, looking for an empty compartment. After a few minutes of walking, he finally found one, near the front of the train. He slid open the door, went in and slid it closed. He sat right next to the window and stared out of it for a few minutes before he sighed in frustration and waved his hand. Instantly, all of his things, that were in the compartment with Ron and Hermione, appeared in front of him.


Ron and Hermione sat in their compartment, stunned at their friend's behavior; they had never seen Harry act like that. After they got over the initial shock, the two Gryffindor's sat in silence for a moment.

"What do you think is wrong with him?" Ron asked, breaking the silence.

"I dunno," Hermione said.

"Something's changed, he's completely different, and I don't just mean his looks. His personality's changed, too, even though he's denying that." Ron said.

"I know, first he runs away from the Dursley's, then he freaks out on us because we want him to change back to the way that he used to be, there's nothing wrong with the way that he used to be," Hermione agreed.

"Yea, he's keeping something from us, I know it. He would never talk to us like that or get mad at us unless something was seriously wrong. I just know something is wrong with him," Ron stated, sounding a little worried.

"Yea, but what?" Hermione asked.

"I dunno, but I know that it has to be something important if he's changing because of it," Ron answered.

"I know, but what if what he said about always wanting to be like he is now, is true? What if he really did want to change? We've been too busy worrying about other things to listen to what Harry had to say." Hermione said, feeling guilty that they had ignored what their friend wanted.

"I don't think that it is, I think that it's just a phase and it's his way of dealing with the lost of Sirius," Ron explained his opinion.

"I just don't know anymore, you know that Ron?" Hermione asked.

"Yea," Ron said. "I think we should go and talk to him, try and talk some sense into him."

"Yea, but what if he gets angry again?" Hermione asked, sounding a little worried, she didn't want to see Harry when he was angry.

"Then, we'll try and calm him down," Ron said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Hermione didn't say anything, she just sighed as she stood up. Ron, knowing what she was doing, stood up, too, and followed her out of the compartment. After looking in all the compartments they finally found Harry sitting alone near the front of the train. Hermione slid open the door and walked in, Ron following behind her and shutting it.

"What the fuck do you two want?" Harry asked, still angry with the two.

"We just wanna talk Harry," Ron said calmly as he sat down, Hermione doing the same.

"I think we've done enough talking for one day," Harry said, still looking out the window.

"Please, Harry, just hear us out," Hermione pleaded.

"You've got five minutes," Harry said, still not looking at them.

"Thank you," Hermione said.

"We think that we know that this is all about," Ron started.

"What what's all about," Harry asked, finally looking at the two people sitting in the compartment with them.

"Your new look and stuff," Hermione continued what Ron had started. "We think that this is just your way of dealing with Sirius's death."

"That your acting like this, like nothing ever happened, because you don't want to believe that he's really gone," Ron said.

"You don't know what the fuck your talking about, this isn't just some act that I'm putting on, this is the really me, and if you don't like it, then you can fuck right off," Harry snapped.

"Harry," Hermione said softly. "It isn't you talking, you would never talk like that."

"Yea, I would, you just don't want to believe it, because you don't like change, Hermione," Harry started to raise his voice. "Well, guess what, things change, so deal with it!"

"Harry, we know that you blame yourself for Sirius's death, but it's not your fault," Ron said.

"Yea, so what, I blame myself for his death, because it is my fault," Harry snapped. "If I hadn't believed that stupid dream that Voldemort had sent me, and tried to rush of to save him then he wouldn't have died. He wouldn't have died trying to save me! If I hadn't been such a fucking idiot then he would still be alive, but he's not because of me and my fucking stupidity! If I hadn't tried to be the hero all of the fucking time then he would still be alive, and if I hadn't been so noble then so would Cedric!"

"Harry, we know what you're going through," Hermione said softly.

"You don't have a fucking clue what I'm going through! You want me to change back to the way that I was before Sirius died, but I'm not going to do something just because you want me to! I think that it's you two that need to fucking change! Quit trying to make me be the way that you want to be! I'm sick of always being that way that everyone wants me to be! How the fuck would you like it if everyone wanted you to be a certain way? Would you like it? NO!

"And before you tell me that you know what the fuck I'm going through, don't! You have NO idea what the fuck I've gone through! You never will either! I'm sick of hearing that everyone knows what I'm going through! They don't! So, don't say that you understand and know what I'm going through until you have actually gone through it!

"Now, you five minutes are up. Get the fuck out before I force you out, and believe me, I will and it's gonna hurt you a lot more then it's gonna hurt me!"

Hermione looked like she was about to cry by the time that Harry had finished and Ron had a look of utter shock on his face, neither of them had ever seen Harry like this. Without saying another word Ron and Hermione stood up and left the compartment, walking back to their own.

Harry sighed, he wished that everyone would quit saying that they knew what he was going through, he wished that everyone would just leave him alone. At first all Harry ever wanted was for someone to love him, but now all he wanted was for everyone to leave him be, let him do his own thing, to bad that would ever happen. As long as he was the Savior of the Wizarding World, he would never be left alone.

Sometimes, Harry had even considered letting Voldemort kill him, that way he would have to deal with everything that would happen after he defeated Voldemort. There was always another option, though, he could always kill himself, but then it would look like he was taking the coward's way out, instead of facing things head on like he usually did. If he died at the hands of Voldemort, he could make it look like an accident and like he wasn't ready to fight him yet. If Harry died at his own hands, though, he would probably go down in history, even more, for being too cowardly to face Voldemort.

Harry smirked as he thought of what would happen if he died and Voldemort took over, the terror he would cause, all the people that would die and be tortured at the hands of Voldemort. Then, a though crossed Harry's mind, what if he joined Voldemort. He and Voldemort could destroy the entire world if they wanted to, that was if Voldemort didn't kill him first. Either way, if Harry ever did join forces with Voldemort the world would be in complete chaos.

Harry chuckled at the thought, as much as it would be humorous to join Voldemort, he never would. He would rather die then do that, 'But, of course, either way, I wanna die,' Harry added as an after thought.

Harry was interrupted from his thoughts be a knock on the compartment door, he wondered if it was Ron and Hermione again because if it was then he wouldn't hold back his temper. If it wasn't them, then he would tell to go away, and not in a polite way.

"What," Harry said. The door to the compartment slid open to reveal Malfoy standing there.

"Do you always yell at your friend like that?" He asked coldly.

"What fucking business is it of yours?" Harry said, equally as cold.

"Well, I could heard you and I was about five compartments way," Malfoy said.

"Yea? And I give a fuck because why?" Harry asked still in a cold voice. "If that's all you have to say, Malfoy, then fuck off and leave me hell alone, or I swear to fucking god I'll hex you into next month."

The look in Harry's eyes told Malfoy that he wasn't joking and that he would, literally, do it. So, not saying another word, Malfoy closed the compartment door and walked away, which was something that he had never done before because Malfoy's don't walk away.

Harry sat in silence staring out the window as the scenery passed in a blurry of colours. After a few minutes, there was another knock on the compartment door.

"What," Harry snapped. The door slid open and Remus Lupin stepped into the compartment, closing the door behind him.

"Ron and Hermione just told me what you said," Remus said as he sat down next to Harry.

"Right, not to be rude or anything, but, what the fuck are you doing here?" Harry asked.

"That's no way to talk to your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, now is it?" Remus said, a smile on his face.

"Congrats," Harry said.

"You don't seem to enthusiastic about me teaching again," Remus stated.

"Whatever, just because you're teaching again doesn't mean that I have to get all happy and jump for joy, you know," Harry said, looking out the window.

"Yea, but anyways, Ron and Hermione told me what you said," Remus said, changing the subject.

"What did they tell you?" Harry asked, looking at Remus.

"Well, they told me about the argument the three of you had, and how you blame yourself for Sirius's death," Remus said.

"Whatever, did they tell you that they want me to change back to the way I was before? Did they tell you that they think that I'm dressing and acting the way I am because it's my way of dealing with Sirius's death?" Harry asked, some anger evident in his voice.

"No, they didn't," Remus said, a little shock that Ron and Hermione left out those details.

"Well, that's because they're little fucking liars and they want it to look like I'm grieving over Sirius, which I'm not," Harry lied, he still was grieving over Sirius's death, but he would never tell anyone that.

"Harry, I know that you think that Sirius's death was your fault, but it wasn't," Remus started.

"What the fuck do you know?" Harry said rudely.

"Harry let me finish before you start yelling at me," Remus said calmly. "Sirius's death wasn't your fault, it was Voldemort's. If he hadn't sent to you that dream and tricked you into believing that Sirius was in danger, then none of this would have happened."

"Yea, but it was my fault because I was stupid enough to believe that Sirius was in danger, when I should have used my logic, why would Sirius leave the house? If I hadn't rushed off to save him, he wouldn't have come to try and save me. If I hadn't been so stupid, then Sirius would still be here," Harry said, his voice cracked when he had said the last sentence.

'NO!' His mind screamed. 'I wont cry! Especially in front of Remus!'

"Harry-"

"No, don't try and tell me that it wasn't my fault, because it was," Harry said, he tried hard not to show any emotions.

"I wasn't going to, I was going to tell you that the night he died, Sirius had argued with everyone in the Order so that he could go and help you, Dumbledore didn't object, saying that Sirius needed to get out of the house. After I told Sirius that I didn't want him to go, you know what he told me?" Harry shook his head. "He told me that he didn't care what I said, that he was going because he loved you with all his heart and you were like the son that he never had."

Harry was just about to speak when the compartment door slid open; Harry quickly rid his face of all emotions,

something he had learned to do over the years. The person that had opened the door was a blonde girl that Harry didn't recognize.

"Oh, hello, Professor," she said.

"Hello, Melaura," Remus said kindly.

"I'm just going around notifying everyone that we'll be arriving at the Hogsmeade station in about fifteen minutes," Melaura said.

"Ok, thank you," Remus said with a smile.

"No problem. Later you two," Melaura smiled as she left the compartment, closing the door behind her, and moved on to the next one.

"Well, Harry I'd better go, I'll see you later," Remus said as he stood up and left the compartment.

After a moment, Harry stood up and went to his trunk and searched through it until he found his school robes, he didn't bother changing into the rest of the uniform, classes didn't start until tomorrow. He put this school robes on and sat back down, he stared out the window as he began to think.

Harry wasn't sure whether to believe if what Remus had said was true or not. Remus could have just said that to make him feel better about Sirius's death, he could have made it all up in an attempt to make Harry stop blaming himself for Sirius's death. Although, Remus could be telling the truth and he hadn't made it up to make Harry feel better about Sirius's death and to make him stop blaming himself for it.

When Remus said that Sirius loved him and thought of him as the son he never had, it took all Harry had not cry in pure happiness. Nobody had ever told Harry that they loved him before, and hearing that Sirius had said that made him feel happy and hurt at the same time.

He was happy to know that someone loved him, but it hurt because, Harry loved him like a father. A father he never had. To him, Sirius was his father, he talked to Sirius about everything, he looked up to Sirius, but now, he had nobody to look up to, and nobody who loved him or ever would.

Harry began to ponder what Remus had said before he mentioned what Sirius said. Everyone in the Order was against Sirius leaving. If what Remus had said was true, though, and Dumbledore didn't object to Sirius leaving the house. Harry's thoughts were interrupted when the train came to a screeching halt at the station in Hogsmeade.

Harry stood up and left the compartment. He had managed to get off the train before it became really crowded. Harry was totally engrossed by his thoughts again. 'If Dumbledore had let Sirius go, then,' Harry's thoughts were interrupted when he walked into something and stumbled backwards a few steps.

"Sorry," Harry said, looking at the ground as he continued walking.

"You feeling alright, Potter?" the boy that Harry walked into asked, which caused Harry to stop and look at him.

"Fine, Malfoy, why?" Harry said.

"Well, you walked into me and apologized," Malfoy said.

"Oh, sorry," Harry said quietly. He turned around and walked over to one of the 'horseless' carriages, opened the door and climbed in; there was nobody else in there. Becoming engrossed in his thoughts once more, Harry realized something. 'If Dumbledore had let Sirius go to the Department of Mysteries, then, it was Dumbledore's fault that Sirius had died,' Harry thought, his hatred for Dumbledore grew to a whole different level.

It was Dumbledore's fault that Sirius had died, Dumbledore had been stupid enough to let him go, or had he? Maybe Dumbledore let Sirius go because it was part of some plan to control Harry further. Maybe Dumbledore knew that Sirius would die, so he used that as an advantage to make Harry believe that if he didn't stop Voldemort that everyone he knew and loved would die.

If that was Dumbledore's plan, then he had sunk to an all time low and Harry wasn't about to play into his little trap, but he would at like he didn't know about it, and do what Dumbledore told him to so that he didn't raise suspicion with the old man, whom he hated from having such a manipulative plan. If Dumbledore had no idea that Sirius would die if he left the house, then Harry hated him for being so stupid because he knew that Voldemort would be there along with other Death Eaters and they would obviously try and kill Sirius.

Harry believed that the former was true because Dumbledore seemed to know everything that went on and what would happen before it actually happened. It wasn't an accident that Sirius had died, it was intentional; the Headmaster had purposely let him go. Harry decided that he would play along with the old man's game for a while and act like he was fine. He would do what Dumbledore asked him to, but if Dumbledore asked him to do something that was completely against he would refuse. To Harry, it seemed like the perfect plan against Dumbledore's manipulative ways.

Harry was brought back from his thoughts when the carriage started to move; there was still nobody else in it with him, which was fine. Harry stared out the window and watched as scenery past and Hogwarts came into view. After a moment the carriage came to a stop in front of the school. Harry stepped out of the carriage and walked into the school with the rest of the student body. Harry was just about to step into the Great Hall when somebody called him.

"Mister Potter."


Wow! I had that done a few days ago…but I decided to change it…a lot…lol its still got the main idea as what I had before but some parts are little different, some parts stayed the same and some parts changed a lot…lol. Anywayz… I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.

Oh and before I thank my wonderful reviewers I decided that I wanted to put my age in my profile, but before I do I wanna see how old you guys think I am. Just tell me how old you think I am when you submit your review…lol…

Now, I'd like to thank my WONDERFUL reviewers:

FroBoy: I'm glad you liked the chapter. I hope you enjoyed this chapter too.

ConstansCuriositas: It makes me so happy to hear that you like my story a lot. And I'm happy to hear that you like Harry's new look.

Hittocerebattosai: I'm glad you're ecstatic about my story…lol.

Le Diablo Blanc2: I'm so happy that you love my story! I know that the cutting and smoking came as a surprise…but what can you expect from someone who cuts and smokes herself? Lol. Yea I wanted to give Harry a tattoo but I figured that I would wait until Christmas or something. I'm glad that you loved the involvement with Draco, but I hate to break it to you, it's a Harry and Draco slash…of course there will be other pairings the will prove to be interesting to write about. Yup, Harry will be making new friends with people that aren't from his house and obviously they're going to help out the Light Side and stand beside Harry all the way. Lol.

Jujube15: I glad you can't wait to see Hogwarts reaction, but that's going to have to wait for the next chapter. lol.

Cornflake: (Chapter 1) Thanks for pointing that out to me. I totally forgot…lol.

MidnightsRose: Now you know how Ron and Hermione reacted, its time to see how Dumbledore and the rest of the school will. Lol.

WrittenWords: (Chapter 1) I'm soo glad that you love it and think that it's a good story, it means a lot to me to hear that. (Chapter 3) Awww sorry that it almost made you cry I didn't mean for it to be that sad.

Hiero Kaze: I'm glad to hear that you think it's interesting.

Anyways, please review and tell me what you thought of this chapter. Just a little note, your gonna find out how Dumbledore and everyone else reacts to Harry's new look. Don't forget to mention how old you think I am…lol.

Until next chapter, Bye-bye.

-Wykked As Syn