Chapter 9
I wanted to kiss her.
But I couldn't. What if she didn't want me to.
It would be criminal to rob her of such an act of passion. I forced back the desire. I shied away and settled for kissing her lightly on her neck. Extraordinarily, I was not flustered with the panic attack to kill her.
I massaged my fingers into her hair and hugged her head to my chest.
Alice made a motion to catch my attention. She cheerfully made a wide gesture with her hands, and asked me through her deranging thoughts: 'What was that? You weren't going to bite her, and she sure won't hit you for doing it either.'
I ignored Alice's prodding and concentrated on the gorgeous shade of Bella's hair. It was longer, as it flowed down to her waist. I noticed everything.
Alice was drilling holes through me. With a dainty sigh, she flipped the pages of the magazine irritably. She expected me to show more affection for Bella. I could hear it loud and clear.
It was like an annoying ringing in my ears. 'Just tell her now, Edward, it'll save you time and worry. Wow, what a concept?' thought Alice. Really easy for her to think, wasn't it.
Alice stuffed her magazine away in front of her and adjusted the shade near her. With interest she plucked her cell phone out of her trendy bag, as if expecting it to ring. Alice sat up straight, and her smile visibly lifted. She would soon see Jasper.
Bella noticed the change in the aircraft's descent as she panned her surroundings and stole another glance at me.
Alice was still watching us of course.
I touched Bella's forehead with my thumb, wiping away a piece of fluffed hair that was in her face. Bella's eyes roamed over me, question marks literally hovering over her. I leaned in closer and then pressed my lips to her nose and then I touched our foreheads together.
Alice grunted and then covered it up with a cough.
If I displayed anymore affection to Bella, it would be considered inappropriate.
Also I wasn't ready to profess my love to her, especially when she could barely speak herself.
I had to stifle a chuckle.
I held Bella as tight as I could without hurting her. I heard her exhale contently, and my heart leapt in my chest, as if it had awoken again. I drew hope from her actions. My concern was that she may not have registered everything that had occurred quite yet, and so this made her indecisive. Whatever actions she took on now, she couldn't be held accountable for.
I felt the airplane descend lower and lower. Lost in silence, I found myself pondering Bella's body language. For that was how I read her most of the time. Her eyes and her expressions. Mostly her body movements.
If she hated me, then why did she radiate such love? Why would she want to be so close to me like this? I should have repulsed her by now, but for some unfathomable reason, I didn't.
I was truly looking forward to the conversation that I had planned to have with Bella. Every fiber in my being was on fire at her simplest touch.
I felt so alive.
My eyes remained on Bella's face. She was exhausted, yet something in her eyes made me feel uneasy. She held great concern in her glassy stare.
I felt the weight of the stress inside me at the way that she silently stared at nothing in particular. Her expression was far too contemplative. What I wouldn't give to know what she was mulling over inside of her brain. I searched her eyes a bit closer. I detected a hint of anxiety and what resembled—worry—in her eyes.
My mouth moved from her hair and I opened my mouth to ask her what was on her mind. Her face was so full of innocence, and I decided to give her her privacy.
I had no right to know. No right at anything anymore. Bella was no longer mine, after all. I hated myself with a burning passion. I knew that Bella was a sensible girl, considering her intelligence. Aside from the fact that she was in love with a vampire once in her life, I still labeled her as a smart girl.
So why would Bella ever allow herself to be put through what I had put her through, ever again?
I could not afford to get my hopes up too much, I had to face it.
Bella was wounded and confused, and for lack of a better word she was under the influence of the pure joy of leaving Italy alive, and not to mention— of lack of sleep. The way she hung onto me was probably due to her inability to think straight. I knew that her heart was broken. That fact was unavoidable, and I needed to prepare myself for her reaction.
No matter the cost, I would get down on my knees and beg her to forgive me.
But my mind wandered to the facts. I had hurt her once. How could Bella Swan ever trust me again?
