Dear Journal,
It has been a really long day. I don't know what to think anymore. Not only did Karma try to take Katie today, but I received a phone call from the one person I never wanted to speak to again. A lot of tears were shed today and I really didn't want to have to deal with it all. It was just a big mess.
When Spiederman saw that Karma was behind the door, he grabbed Katie and held her tightly.
"No, Karma," he said. "You can't take her. She belongs with me and Jude. You left us. You can't just pop in and out of our lives whenever you feel like it!" he insisted. "That's just wrong."
Karma rolled her eyes.
"Katie, sweetheart. Don't you want to come home with Mommy?" she baby-talked Katie.
Katie made a face. "I'm not a baby. And I'm already home. Jude is my Mommy now," Katie said, shrugging her shoulders. "I want to stay with Daddy and Mommy and Zach and the babies…" she said. "I love Mommy and Daddy and Zach and the babies!"
"Babies?" Karma asked, looking at me. She eyed my large belly in shock.
"So this is why you ran off to Vancouver," Karma said, laughing sarcastically. "You knocked up Jude Harrison. Good job," she congratulated Spied.
"No," Spied said. "I'm helping out a friend in need. But apparently, you wouldn't even realize helping someone out if it hit you in the face. You only care about yourself, Karma, and I'm sick of it." He let go of Katie and she ran back to me, burrowing her face in my lap.
"This isn't the last you'll hear from me, Vincent Spiederman. I'm going to get my daughter back if it's the last thing I do," she vowed. She slammed the door in Spied's face and Spied quickly locked it. Katie started crying. Spied came over and picked her up, trying to console her.
"Baby, it's okay," he soothed. "Don't cry," he said. "Everything's gonna be just fine."
"Daddy, I don't want Karma to take me back to the big city," she said. "I want to stay here with you."
"I know," Spied said. "I won't let her take you away from me, okay?" He started rocking her.
I heard a cry from the other room and I went to go pick up Zachary. Coming into his and Katie's room, I saw him shaking the bars of his crib anxiously.
"Mama!" he yelled. "No more nap!"
I laughed at my little boy. "Okay, okay," I said, picking him up. "No more nap."
The phone rang and I headed into the kitchen and answered it, Zach still on my hip.
"Hello?" I said nonchalantly.
"Jude, I know where you are," a very familiar male voice on the other end of the line said. "You can't hide from me for forever."
"What do you want?" I asked him. "You don't care about me or your kid, so why go through all this trouble to contact me now?" he asked.
"Who do you think drove Karma across the country to come find you?" Tommy asked. "She just told me what she saw. I haven't forgotten that you're pregnant. Very obviously pregnant, too. With twins. You and Spiederman have only been together for about two months or so. And we were last together that night about seven months ago. I just did the math. You're pregnant with my children and you didn't even deem it necessarily to let me know." Tommy was angry, I could tell.
"You were the one that left us," I said. "So don't sit there and throw excuses at me. Your fiancée came to my apartment and threatened to take my son from me. I'm sick and tired of dealing with your bullshit, Tommy! You keep running around, hot and cold, hot and cold. Can't you just tell me what you want already? Are you ready to step up and be a dad or what? Because if you're not, I'm starting my life over without you. You're soon going to have not one, not two, but three kids to think about, not just yourself. And if you can't do that, then maybe you should just sign over your rights."
Tommy was silent for a bit. I listened to him breathe on the other line.
"Okay, so maybe I do want a life with you and Zach. And maybe I know I've made some stupid mistakes. But I broke things off with Holly a few weeks ago. It was a stupid move. She was never my fiancée and I don't know where she even got a ring to pass off to you. But I sincerely love Zach and I'm going to love the babies the same way. I'm sorry for messing up so much and I know that you probably aren't going to believe me at all. But this is all I have to offer. This is all I've got left. You can take it or leave it."
I sighed. Why did he have to make it this difficult?
"Tommy, you don't understand. What Zach and I have recreated here is something completely different from what we had back in Toronto. I can't just yank Zach away from everything… especially since he already loves Katie like a sister and Spied like a father… that's just too much for a little kid," I exclaimed.
"Jude, Spiederman is not Zach's father. I am. And you can't keep him away from me for forever. Just like Spiederman can't keep Katie away from Karma. Zach deserves to know his dad. He doesn't deserve to be fed lies about his family. He needs to know what it is and why it's like this. I love you, Jude. I always will. I just need to see my son. I want to be there for you when you have the twins. I'm sorry for being such a jerk. I don't know what was going through my head."
I felt the tears well up again. "Tommy, you know I love you. You've hurt me way too much for me to just over-look everything's that's happened. I don't know if our relationship can even stand on its own anymore. I've had to endure raising our son by myself and now I'm pregnant with twins. I've had to go through this entire pregnancy on my own because you weren't there. I was surprised that you even showed up when Zach was in the hospital."
"Jude," Tommy sighed. "Some of my actions may have been a little… illogical, but my heart was in the right place. Surely you should have seen that…"
I nodded. "Yes, but punching Spiederman in the middle of the hospital wasn't the brightest way to show how much you cared. Even if I had slept with him, then that still wouldn't have been ethical."
"Have you slept with him?" Tommy asked me abruptly.
"I don't see how that's any of your business," I said sharply.
"You haven't," Tommy said. "Otherwise, you'd be rubbing it into my face right about now."
I groaned.
"Can't we just have a civil relationship at least?" I asked him.
"No," Tommy said. "Not when you're the mother of my three kids. I want to marry you, like it's supposed to be. I want to look up baby names with you and decorate a nursery. I want to do what Mommies and Daddies are supposed to do."
"When did you get this sudden revelation?" I asked him suddenly.
"I had a good old talk with my mom," Tommy said. "I don't want to be like my dad. My dad left us when I was little. I don't want you to have to pick yourself up off of the ground like my dad did. I don't want Zach to feel like he has to be the man of the house growing up. I want to be there for my family."
My heart broke.
What was I going to do?
How could I possibly choose between Spiederman and Tommy?
Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I've kind of lost motivation on this story. Hopefully the last line shows you my predicament. :/
Please review!!
