Title: PEACE AND WAR
Disclaimer: I don't own anything about Sailor Moon
Authors Notes: Okay, don't hate me because this chapter is short. I will update soon I promise! I'll keep the ball moving right to the end of this story. I'm guessing there about five or six chapters left so we're almost there! Keep commenting and reading!
Serenity started awake when she felt someone gently shake her. She looked around her quickly not recognizing the dark room. The worn gaze of Amy looked calmly down at her with a warm affection that she found almost comforting. She looked around her and realized that it was still night, or perhaps very early morning.
"What happened?" Serenity asked letting the images of the night before wash back over her.
"He's awake," Amy said softly. "And he asked for you."
She looked up at her friend trying to work out what she had just said. Her mind was still half asleep. "What?"
"He's asked to see you," Amy repeated.
"Why?"
Amy just shrugged. She tried to smile, but she was too tired.
Serenity just nodded and let Amy help her stand up. She felt disoriented and worn like a veil had been placed over her vision. She took a deep breath and followed Amy back across the hall. She watched everyone else come back out of the room in various states of worry and exhuastion.
Jedeite smiled at her gently, trying to re-assure her. But she could tell that he was worried. Zoicite and Nephrite were also there, leaving only Kunzite leading the army while the King was sick.
Raye looked like she might faint at any moment. Her skin was so pale and her eyes clouded from lack of sleep. But she stood firmly next to Jedeite who held her hand tightly, not letting her fall. Serenity couldn't help but feel her heart lift lightly at the small gesture of affection that he was showing her in her time of need. Thankfully nobody else seemed to notice.
Zoicite opened the door for her just wide enough so that she could walk in.
His room was larger than hers, but it felt smaller. Everything was so dark. The heavy drapes were a crushed velvet that blocked even the smallest amount of light. The fire was away from his bed alighting the room with a soft warm glow. She could smell a thick sent in the air and her heart knew it was blood although her mind wouldn't let her think it.
And he lay there. She knew he was looking at her but she could not bring herself to look at him. She walked slowly up to his bed and curtsied.
"You asked for me my lord," she said in almost a whisper.
Darien could only watch her. She moved as if afraid. He could see the tired shadows under her eyes and the slight droop to her shoulders. She looked small and afraid and so beautiful.
"Serenity," he said softly. "Look at me."
She tried to lift her eyes, but it took all her strength to look at him. She could feel the tears and they almost flowed freely when she finally did see him.
He was pale. His black hair was messy about his head and his blue eyes looked full of pain. His upper chest was heavily bandaged and he glistened with sweat. He look weak. He looked like he could not fight back even if he wanted to. He looked nothing like that man she had feared upon her arrival here.
"I'm going to be fine," he said softly.
Serenity couldn't help it, she laughed. It was a sad almost pitiful laugh, but it was a laugh all the same.
"What's so funny?" He asked curiously.
Serenity shook her head. "You are the one who's injured to the point of almost death, and you are consoling me."
Darien smiled lightly at her. "I am concerned about you."
"Why?" She asked. "I am not injured."
"Aren't you?"
Serenity looked into his eyes when he asked her that she could see his meaning. She was not hurt physically, but she was scarred emotionally.
"Prince Diamond, did he……."
"No," Serenity said cutting him off. "We stayed in my rooms as you requested and only saw him on a few occasions. Jedeite was always there and Prince Diamond never had a chance to do anything."
Darien nodded.
Serenity felt uncomfortable, like there was something she was supposed to say.
"Is the war over?" She asked.
"No," Darien answered. "We have had a large victory and we are on the brink of winning, but at this moment the war is not over. Once I go back too……."
"Go back?!?!?" Serenity said startled. "What do you mean go back?"
"I will rejoin my army," Darien said.
"When?"
"As soon as possible."
"But you're not capable…."
"I am perfectly capable of fighting with my people," Darien said firmly.
Serenity stuttered. "But, you look as if you could barely stand."
"I will get better," Darien said. "I have been injured before."
Serenity shook her head bitterly. "You are a fool."
The room went silence.
"I beg your pardon."
"If you go back, you are walking towards your death."
"A warriors death is an honor," he said evenly.
"And yet it is still a death, and you will die alone."
Darien looked at her confused. "How can a King die alone?"
"You have nobody in your heart, you said so yourself. You have nobody who will celebrate your life through love and happiness when you are gone. You have pushed everyone away, and so you will hurt nobody when you die."
"And that is bad?" He asked without emotion.
"That is the worst death there is," Serenity said with a voice full of emotion.
"You want me to be full of regret as I die?" He demanded.
"I want you to live," Serenity nearly yelled at him.
Darien looked at her evenly. Her voiced echoed around his room.
"I want you to realize that you can achieve what you've set out to achieve if you believe in it above everything else. I want you to let people break through this wall you've put up around yourself just long enough to feel what it feels like to be completely happy even if it is just for a moment. I want you to be able to touch the peace that I lived in every day of my whole life and feel the freedom of it. You can't do that if you die."
Darien watched her as tears started to fall from her eyes.
"I wish I could go back," she continued, "and destroy the very idea of war from the hearts of the first men so that it might never have been created. But I can't. I have been hurt by this war even if I have not fought in it, but I refuse to let it beat me. There is good somewhere in the horizon and I believe that it will find us."
"How can you still see good even now?" Darien asked quietly. "You have been thrown into a world of darkness and yet you still feel like something here shows you a goodness. What possible good thing has come out of this situation for you?"
Serenity looked at the pain so obviously portrayed in his eyes. He simply couldn't understand.
"Since my country has been attacked many good things have happened to me. I have made two new friends who I cherish with my whole heart. I love Lita and Raye with everything I have. I have been able to see a place far from my home and behold it's beauty. I have learned ways to help my own country if it should ever need me." She hesitated. "And I have met you."
Their eyes looked at each other with an unwavering steadiness.
Darien felt his heart beat loudly in his chest at the way her eyes had grown serious and yet full of a single emotion. He felt an ache come to life within him as his nerves at her sudden outburst made its way into his mind.
She hesitated.
"All my life I was told that I would marry a man from a distant country to better the lives of the people in my country. I knew that I might one day be able to give that man my heart so I have worked long and hard at keeping it to myself. I have never loved a man simply because it would disrupt my future happiness and hold me back from giving my heart to my husband and I have been happy doing so."
Darien gulped and his mouth went dry. He couldn't look away from her.
"From the very first time I saw you I have tried to convince myself that I felt nothing for you but pity at the idea that you cannot even perceive what I have been apart of my whole life."
She stopped.
Darien waited, but she didn't say anything more.
Slowly he was able to choke out a few words.
"What do you feel?" He asked in a whisper, afraid of her answer. He both desperately wished she loved him and hoped that she didn't.
Serenity looked at him and he could see her struggle within herself.
"I feel that if I could give my heart freely to any man on this earth, I would choose to give it to you."
Darien just looked at her, unable to say anything. It was if the room had gone completely silent waiting for what his reply might be. She looked up at him, vulnerable and innocent. His heart screamed at him to kiss her while his mind simply didn't understand. After everything that had happened, how could she still love him? How could she find it in her heart to allow someone like him into her world when he would obviously darken its pure light?
"I......" He was at a loss for words. How did one handle a situation like this. "I don't know what to say." It was the truth and he hoped it wasn't wrong.
"All you need to say is how you feel," Serenity said softly.
"I don't know how I feel," he said honestly. "Serenity, I have been captured by you since almost the first time I saw you. It was the vision of you that kept me fighting when my body simply wanted to give up. To tell you that I don't care about you, even love you, would be a lie. But to allow myself to take solace in you would bring our worlds crashing together. I think we have both seen how different we are."
Serenity nodded, but she looked determined not to cry.
Darien realized that he wanted to tell her that he loved her. The idea of holding her in his arms made his muscles tingle with warmth and his heart beat faster. He wanted to pull her to him and kiss her. But if he did would he taint her?
His shoulder throbbed painfully and he could feel a headache start slowly at the base of his skull. But he stayed focused on her.
"Even if you choose not to return my feelings," Serenity said finally looking away from him. "You will have my heart. Even if......"
"It's not that I don't love you Serenity," he said struggling with himself.
She tried not to cry. "What do you mean?" She asked emotionally.
Darien felt pain grip him. "I'm afraid that if I admit that I love you then you will never be able to go back to the person you are."
Serenity looked at him confused. "I don't understand."
"No, you wouldn't. Love is not simple Serenity. My heart may tell me something that my mind refuses to acknowledge. But one thing I am sure of. I want more than anything to return those feelings you have expressed to me. I want to be able to love you freely and happily. But until this war is over I refuse to subject you to me and my life. I refuse to put you in a position where you could very well lose someone you love. I refuse to subject you to the darkness that has become my world."
Serenity watched him speak, hearing every word as if he spoke it pointedly.
"If I can ever find an end to this dark tunnel then I hope with all my heart that you still feel for me as you do now. If I can ever find some sort of peace to my life I wish for nothing more than to share it with you. When that time comes, if you will still have me, I will love you as I do now, freely and without restraint."
Serenity nodded at him, even though she didn't completely agree. She knew he was trying to be noble but she wanted to slap him.
She took a deep breath to steady herself.
"Then I will wait for you Darien," she said softly.
End of Chapter Twelve
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