Note: Well shit. Look what I found. It was lost in my emails for years. I decided to look through them all and this is what I found. It's not complete or anything. I haven't reread it for fear of knowing how bad of a writer I really was back then. So, I'm posting it as it is. Though, I did add a little at the end. Just to finish it off because when I found it the chapter wasn't complete.

So, for those of you who have been waiting years for the next chapter, here it is. For those of you that are new, enjoy. xD

Also, this will be the last thing I post for this story until I've finished rewriting it. So far, I've got the first chapter rewritten and some of the second. Yes, I know, I'm lazy. Deal with it.

But, fear not! I won't give up on this story. It's my baby. That and I won't be posting anything of the rewritten story until I've completely rewritten and finished it – for fear something like this will happen again.

Now, ENJOY!


Chapter 14: Christmas Break II

It was New Years night; Harry was sitting on the love seat in Severus's private quarters, a Firewhiskey in hand. Remus and Severus were sitting on the couch together and Draco was sitting on the armchair, each of them had a Firewhiskey. Every day Harry had gone down to the Quidditch pitch and hour or so before dinner, every day Draco had been there. It was like an unspoken agreement between the two to meet there around that time.

Usually they would fly around for a while, trying to show the other up. Then, they would sit in the middle of the pitch and talk about random things like Quidditch, school, the teachers. Whenever more personal subjects where reached, both became defensive, it was another silence agreement between them not to talk about those subjects.

"Only a week until school starts again," Remus said as he took a sip of his drink.

"Unfortunately," Harry drawled as he reached into his pocked and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. He took one out of the pack and it lit, taking a drag.

"That means I have to deal with little incompetent brats again," Severus said.

"It's not that bad, Severus," said Remus.

"You're right," Severus sighed. "It's worse."

"And people say I'm overdramatic," Draco said before he took a sip of his drink.

"You are," Severus said.

"You're both overdramatic, let's leave it at that," Harry said as he took a long drag of his cigarette. "Anyone want the rest?"

"Here," Severus said. Harry leaned over to pass the rest of his cigarette to Severus, who reached forward and took it before he took a long drag and exhaled slowly.

"Yeah, overdramatic," Draco said. Severus glared at the blonde.

"We're trying to quit," Remus explained.

"Fuck that, you are," Severus said as he took another long drag of the cigarette. "I quit quitting."

"And when was the last time you had a cigarette?" Draco asked.

"About three hours ago," Severus answered. Remus glared at him.

"And you, Remus?" Harry asked.

"About three days ago," the lycanthrope answered darkly. "Screw it."

"Hey!" Severus cried as Remus took the cigarette from him.

"Too bad," Remus said as he took a long drag of the cigarette and exhaled slowly. "I quit quitting, too."

"You two are amusing," Harry said as he took a few mouthfuls of his Firewhiskey.

"Glad we could be of assistance," Severus said dryly.

"So," Draco said before he took a large mouthful of his Firewhiskey.

"This got boring fast," Harry said.

"Yea," Draco drawled.

"What do you two wanna do, then?" Remus asked as he took a long drag of the cigarette before he passed it back to Severus.

"Dunno," Harry and Draco said in unison.

The four sat in silence for a few minutes, all finishing their drinks. Harry stood and began walking in the direction that the bathroom was in. He walked into the bathroom and shut the door; he was just about to zip up his jeans when he heard a knock on the door.

"Hurry up, Hero," it was Draco. Over the week that he had Draco had been hanging out, they had began calling the other by his given name, though, Draco still called him Hero a lot.

"I'm done," Harry said as he opened the door, Draco rushed passed him, obviously having to really go. Harry rolled his eyes as he walked back to the living room. He sat back down on the love seat and noticed that there was another bottle of Firewhiskey on the coffee table in front of him.

"I'm glad there're two bathrooms here," Severus said as he emerged from same hallway has Harry had a moment before and sat back down on the couch. Remus stood up as Draco entered the room; he walked toward the hallway Draco had just come from. Draco sat back down on the armchair. A moment later Remus reentered the room and sat down next to Severus.

"What do you guy wanna do now?" Remus asked.

"I know!" exclaimed a slightly drunken Severus. "Let's play 'I Never.'"

"Sure," Draco said, picking up the bottle of Firewhiskey on the floor near his foot.

"Why not," Harry said as he reached forward and grabbed the bottle of Firewhiskey in front of him. "Nothing better to do."

"Ok," Remus said.

"We'll go clockwise, Remus can go first," Severus said.

"Hey!" Remus exclaimed.

"Fine, I'll go first," Severus said. "I never have worn eyeliner."

Harry and Draco both took a mouthful of their drink. "I never," Remus said. "had my hair died or streaked."

Everyone, excluding Remus, took a mouthful of their drink. "You've died your hair, Draco?" Harry asked.

"Yea," Draco drawled. "I had it a temporary lime green."

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. Anyways, I never," Draco started; he looked at Harry for a second before he finished. "Had my nipple pierced."

"That was cheap," Harry said as he took a mouthful of his drink, as did Remus.

"I play to win," Draco said, smirking.

"How did you know I had it done, anyway?" Harry asked

"You've walked around without your shirt a few times," Draco said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"But," Harry said. "It's not noticeable unless one was to actually look."

"Remus, you have your nipple pierced?" Draco asked, changing the subject. Though, he knew Harry was probably going to ask him about it later.

"Yea," Remus said.

"Right, I never had lime green hair," Harry said, smirking.

"Now, that was cheap," Draco said before he took a mouthful of his drink.

"You're not the only one that plays to win," Harry said.

Draco stuck out his tongue, the alcohol taking a stronger affect on him.

"Right, I never had my tongue pierced," Severus said.

Harry and Draco both drank. "You've got your tongue pierced, Harry?"

"Yea," Harry said, sticking out his tongue, showing the plastic spiky top.

After about an hour, the four had gone through one and a half bottles of Firewhiskey each. Severus and Remus had lost about ten minutes ago when they both made a dash for the washroom. It was just between Harry and Draco now, neither of them looked ready to give in. Though, the way that Draco's leg kept shaking, it looked like he was ready to give in.

"I never had my leg move really fast because I've had to piss that bad," Harry said.

"Cheap shot," Draco said as he took a mouthful of his drink. "I never have played as cheaply as you are now."

Harry took a mouthful of his drink. "I never have complained so much in my life."

"Cheap," Draco said as he took a mouthful of his drink. "I never had red in my hair."

"I never had blonde hair."

"I never had black hair."

"I never had a father."

"I never lived with Muggles."

"I never had a mother."

"Shit!" Draco cried as he stood as dashed for the bathroom. A moment later he returned, a relieved look on his face.

"That was amusing," Remus said, finishing the rest of his third bottle of Firewhiskey.

"Yea," Harry said as he, too, finished the rest of his third drink; he set it down on the table and grabbed his cigarettes. He took one out of the pack and put the end between his lips before he flicked his lighter and lit his cigarette, taking a long drag. "Shit, everything's real blurry."

"Yea, tell me about it," Draco said.

"I'm bored now," Harry said. He caught Draco's eye and smirked, Draco nodded. It was as if they could read each others minds at the moment.

"Can we go out somewhere, Severus?" Harry asked.

"Please," Draco said.

"Where?" Severus asked.

"Well," Harry said. "There's this real great dance bar the next town over from Hogsmeade."

"Pulse Nightclub?" Remus asked.

"Yea, it's a real great place," Harry said.

"How would you know?" Severus asked. Harry gave him a look that said, 'Are you serious?'

"I think we should go, I haven't been there in a while," Remus said.

"Fine," Severus said, quickly finishing the rest of his drink, Draco did the same.

Harry flicked his wrist and his eyeliner and eye shadow appeared. He stood and walked, unsteadily, to the washroom. A few moments later he reentered the living room, looking sober.


The four arrived outside of Pulse Nightclub almost twenty minutes later. Outside the building was quiet and peaceful, but once inside, music was blaring and colorful lights were flashing. Even though the bar was in a Wizarding village, the bar itself was kept as muggle as possible. Most witches and wizards thought it was ridiculous, but others thought it was brilliant. Almost everything was muggle, the sound system, the lighting, the alcohol, most of the music. Because of the fact that the surrounding area had such a high magical level, the bar had a barrier around it to stop the magical interference that caused muggle electronics to malfunction.

Harry and Draco entered first, closely followed by Remus and Severus; Harry had managed to persuade the bouncer to let them in instead of having to wait in the long line-up. Harry walked toward the bar that was situated on the left wall of the building, Draco beside him.

"Coke and vodka," they said at the same time and then laughed.

"Coincidence?" Draco leaned in to ask over the loud music.

"Yea," Harry said as he paid and took the drinks from the bartender, handing one to Draco.

"God, we're going to be hung-over in the morning," Draco said.

"Yea," Harry agreed, staring into his class for a few seconds before he downed it one shot. He turned to the bartender, "Another one."

Harry paid the bartender and grabbed his drink. He took a few steps over and sat on a barstool, looking around the dance floor. He saw Remus and Severus dancing not far from him. Out of his peripheral vision, Harry saw Draco sit down on the barstool next to him. The song changed, Harry quickly finished his drink. Setting the empty glass down, he stood and made his way to the middle of the crowded dance floor.

Rhythm is a dancer,

It's a soul's companion

Harry began to dance to the beat of the music; it was a new song that had been released a few weeks before school had started. As Harry continued to dance to the music, a man, no older then twenty-one, hung his arms loosely around Harry's neck and began to grind. Harry didn't object, it had been a while since he danced with a guy.

Half-way through the song Harry put a finger through the belt loop on the man's pants and began to pull him to the back of the building, where he knew the backroom was located. The man didn't object, he seemed quiet eager in Harry's opinion.


The song ended and Remus and Severus walked over to sit next to Draco. Severus ordered he and Remus a Whispers of the Forest Nymph, he paid the bartender and handed a glass to Remus before he took a small sip from his own. A few songs had passed before someone spoke.

"Where's Harry?" Remus asked before he took a mouthful of his drink.

"Dancing," Draco said simply.

"And why aren't you?" Severus asked.

"Because I've got a drink," said Draco.

"Well, finish it and go dance," Severus said, smirking slightly, he knew that his godson didn't like dancing much.

"What if I don't want to?" Draco asked before he finished the rest of his drink; he could feel himself becoming agitated. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, he took a cigarette out, placing the end between his lips. He flicked his lighter and put the end of the cigarette near the flame before he put out his lighter. He put the pack and lighter back into his pocket and took a long drag of his cigarette.

"Then I'll force you," Severus said before he took a generous mouthful of his drink.

"I'd like to see you try," Draco said, taking another long drag of his cigarette.

"Come on, Draco, dance with me," Severus said, it was clear to Draco that the man was more then slightly drunk.

"No."

"Then, dance with me," Harry said, reappearing for the first time in almost a half an hour. His hair looked messier then usually, and he was slightly sweaty.

Draco had to make a spilt second decision; it was either stay and be annoyed by Severus or dance with Harry. Draco chose the latter. Taking one that drag of his cigarette, Draco handed it to Severus and stood up, following Harry into the crowd of people. Draco realized that Harry was bringing them out of Remus and Severus's view, though it had no idea why.

This tainted love you've given,

I gave you all a boy could give you

The two began to dance, it wasn't the way that most of the other people on the dance floor were, though, it was just a friendly dance, they had a respectable distance between each other. That was when it became clear to Draco why Harry brought them out of Remus and Severus's view, the two older men knew how Harry usually danced, and this wasn't how. Draco reckoned that it was because Harry was dancing with another guy.

"So, where did you disappear to, Hero?" Draco asked.

"I was dancing," Harry said innocently.

"Yes, you were dancing, that's why your hair is messier and you've got that glazed look on your face," Draco said.

"And you notice that because…?" Harry asked.

"Because I'm observant," Draco answered simply. "You went to the backroom."

"So what if I did?" Harry asked coolly.

"Nothing," Draco said.

"Good," said Harry. "So, why was Severus asking you to dance?"

"Because he knows that I don't like dancing much," Draco answered.

"Oh, well, you're not complaining right now," Harry said.

"That's because it was either dance with you or be annoyed by Severus until I danced," Draco said.

"Either way you would have to dance," Harry said, smirking.

"Unfortunately," Draco drawled.

"Why don't you like dancing, anyway?" Harry asked.

"Two words, Yule Ball," Draco said.

"Oh," Harry said, laughing a little.

"It's not funny, Hero," Draco growled. "Parkinson is an atrocious dancer."

"Then, why'd you go with her?" Harry asked.

"Appearances," Draco said simply.

The two didn't talk for the rest of the song, when it ended, Harry and Draco walked through the crowd back to Remus and Severus. Harry ordered a coke and vodka for he and Draco. Sitting down next to Severus, Harry took a large mouthful of his drink.

"Who was the lucky person tonight?" Severus asked as Draco sat down on the other side of Harry.

"Didn't get their name," Harry answered nonchalantly.

"You fucked someone and didn't even get their name?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yea," Harry answered simply.

"Typical," Remus said for the other side of Severus.

"I take it you do that often?" Draco asked.

"Yea," Harry said.

"Even at school?" Draco asked.

"No, never at school," Harry answered before he down the rest of his drink.

"How come?" Draco asked.

"I don't trust the people there. If I fuck them, how do I know that there not going to brag about it or something like that?" Harry said.

"Good point," said Draco.

"I know," Harry smirked.


When Harry awoke the next morning his head was pounding violently. The memories from the previous night were very hazy, he could barely remember what he had done after he arrived that the bar. In his mind, Harry thoroughly cursed himself for drinking so much. He reckoned that once he rid himself of the horrid hangover he had that he would remember what he had done the previous night.

Cautiously, Harry opened the hangings around his bed just a little bit, checking to see how bright the dormitory was. He sighed; it was dark. Pulling the hangings open, Harry reached over and grabbed his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He took a cigarette out of the pack, placing it between his lips before lighting it. He took a long drag and exhaled slowly.

When Harry finished his cigarette, he stood and walked to the bathroom. He undressed and took a long, hot shower, feeling slightly better afterwards. He dressed and applied eyeliner and eye shadow before he sat down on his bed and lit another cigarette. His head still hurt, though, it was just a dull throb; the shower seemed to really help with his hangover.

Harry took a long drag of his cigarette, exhaling slowly as the memories of the previous night start to come back to him. Putting his cigarette out in the ashtray on his nightstand, Harry leaned back onto his pillows, sucking lightly on his lip ring as he went through all the things he had done the previous night. He remember going to the backroom with a random guy, dancing with Draco, consuming more alcohol, dancing with a few random guys, going to the backroom with said guys, and consuming more alcohol before Severus said that it was time to go.

Running his tongue ring over his top lip, Harry stood and walked to his trunk. He opened it and began searching for a specific item, when he found said item, he sat back down on his bed. In his hands was the photo album that Severus and Remus had given him, he knew that he wasn't ready to look at it without getting overly emotional, but he wanted to. He wanted to feel the pain that he had caused everyone else.

Harry opened the book, on the first page was a picture of his parents holding hands, smiling and waving. He turned the page, the next picture was of James, Remus and Sirius having a snowball fight, laughing. In the picture, they were completely oblivious of the fate that awaited them. The next picture was of Sirius and James, they had there arms around each other's shoulders, they were smiling, then, Sirius pulled James into a headlock and began to ruffle James's hair. In that moment, they looked happy.

Harry felt a pang in his heart; he wished they were there, with him. It was his fault that they weren't. Harry closed the photo album, setting it aside, he knew he wasn't ready to look at it, it was his own fault that he felt that way that he did and he knew that. If he had listened to what people had told him, Sirius would still be alive. Sirius was the only one that accepted him for him.

He was not perfect, he didn't claim to be, he knew that that was what most people wanted, for him to be perfect. He was sorry that he could be the person everyone wanted him to be, but he just wanted to be himself. People wanted a better version of the way that he was, a better version he looked, the way he spoke. They wanted a better version of him. He failed to give them that, though, just as he failed at everything else that he did. He failed to save Sirius, he failed to be perfect, he failed at everything he did.

The feelings were overwhelming, he felt like he was suffocating. Harry reached under his pillow, grabbing the one thing that he knew would release him from suffocation and overwhelming despair, his razorblade. Taking down the glamour charm on his left wrist, Harry sighed as he put the razorblade against an unmarred section on skin on his forearm. He quickly dragged it across the skin, leaving a violent red him as he went. Blood started to pour out almost instantaneously. He repeated the process a few more times before he sighed; the feelings were lessened slightly, though, they were still noticeable enough to hurt.

Harry took the glamour charm off his right wrist, and placed the razorblade on an unmarred section on skin near the bend of his elbow. He repeated the actions that he did on his other wrist a few times before he sighed in relief; the feelings were neutralized. When the bleeding stopped, Harry cleared his with a flick of his wrist before he placed the razorblade underneath his pillow again.

Harry lied on his back after he lit another cigarette. He raised his arms and looked at the new marks that he had made, the red screamed out against his pale skin. Harry waved his hand and a glamour charm was set on both of his wrists. When Harry finished his cigarette, he stood and walked down to the common room. He looked at the clock over the fireplace; it read 5:40. Harry reckoned that he had only been awake for an hour or so.

Continuing to walk, Harry left the Gryffindor common room and began wandering aimlessly around the school. He didn't know where he was going but he knew that he didn't want to stay cooped up in the Tower. After what seemed like hours of walking, Harry looked up to find himself outside the portrait that led to the kitchens. Turning around immediately, Harry began to walk into the opposite direction. He knew that if he didn't leave as soon as he could that he would wind up entering the kitchens and eating something.

Not paying any attention to where he was walking, Harry walked into something hard and fell backward onto the stony floor. He looked up at he Draco standing there with his hand extended in a gesture to help him to his feet.

"Draco," Harry greeted.

"Hero," Draco replied. "You really need to learn to pay attention to where you're going."

"Yeah, I know," Harry said.

"Where are you heading?" Draco asked.

"Dunno," Harry said,

"Well, I'm going to the kitchens, come with me," Draco said.

"Sure," Harry agreed.

"And how do you not know where you're going?" Draco asked.

"I was just walking around is all," Harry said.

"That makes sense, then," Draco said as he and Harry arrived at the portrait that led to the kitchens.

He tickled the pear in the portrait and it turned into a handle. Draco opened the door and gestured for Harry to go in first. The two were immediately surrounded by house-elves. Draco told them that he would let one of them know when he was ready to eat, causing them to go back to what they were doing previously before Draco and Harry entered. The two walked over to one of the long tables and sat down, opposite each other.

"Did you have fun last night?" Harry asked, unable to think of anything else to say.

"Somewhat, you?" Draco asked.

"Enough," Harry answered smirking.

"I'll say, you went to the backroom quite a few times," Draco said.

"I didn't go that many times," Harry retorted.

"I think four times is a lot," Draco said.

"I went back four times?" Harry asked incredulously.

"You mean you don't remember?" Draco asked.

"I only remember going back twice," Harry said.

Draco rolled his eyes, "You're hopeless, Hero."

"I know," Harry agreed.

"What do you want to eat?" Draco asked.

"Nothing, I'm not hungry," Harry said.

Draco raised an eyebrow, "Why do I not believe you, Hero?"

"Because you don't?" Harry offered. Then, something that he hoped wouldn't happen, happened. His stomach let out a loud, long growl.

"Yes, you're not hungry," Draco said sarcastically.

"I'm not, my stomach is just upset from last night," Harry lied flawlessly.

"Bullshit," Draco said before he leaned forward. "Hero, I'll let you in on a little secret of mine."

"And that secret would be?" Harry asked, hoping against hope that Draco didn't know about his eating habits.

"I can see through glamour charms," He said. "I can see the new marks on your forearms."

Harry sighed; it looked like Draco found out his other little secret. However, the blond wasn't the only one that could see through glamour charms. Harry knew that one had to be a powerful witch or wizard to be able to see through a glamour charm.

"I can see through them, too, Draco," Harry said. "I can see the bruise under your eye, how'd you get that? It wasn't there last night."

"That, Hero, is none of your business," Draco said, getting defensive.

"And it's none of your business about my eating habits," Harry replied.

"Yes, they are," Draco said.

"How so?" Harry asked.

"Because you could die from not eating," Draco stated.

"Maybe that's what I want," Harry retorted.

"Hero, please, just eat something," Draco said.

"Tell me how you got that bruise," Harry said.

"My father, he came to visit me last night. We got into an argument and he hit me," Draco said.

"Hit seems to be an understatement, judging by the bruises on your arms and neck," Harry said.

"Okay, fine, he beat me," Draco said.

"It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that gets beaten," Harry said.

"Are you going to eat now?" Draco asked.

"No," Harry answered.

"Fine, if you don't eat something, I'll tell Severus and Remus and let them deal with it," Draco said, he really didn't want to have to say that in order to make Harry eat, but it seemed that there wasn't any other way.

"You wouldn't," Harry said in a deadly tone.

"Try me," Draco challenged.

"Fine, I concede," Harry sighed.

"When was the last time you ate something?" Draco asked.

"The last time we were in the kitchens together," Harry said.

"That was over a week ago," Draco said.

"No shit?" Harry said sarcastically.

"How long have you not been eating properly?" Draco asked

"Since the beginning of the summer, and a little but before that," Harry answered honestly.

"Fuck," Draco said. "Okay, do you know how much you can eat at one time?"

"No," Harry answered.

"Let's try an orange, then," Draco said.

Draco called over a house-elf and asked for two oranges and a glass of water. The house-elf bowed before it left to retrieve the requested items, it returned seconds later with two peeled oranges and a goblet of water. It set them down between Harry and Draco before it left. Draco pushed the items toward Harry.

"Eat," he said.

"Fine," Harry said as he picked up the orange.

He spilt it in half and proceeded to take off a slice before he put it in his mouth. He bit into it and the juices exploded into his mouth, it tasted so good. Harry forgot what oranges tasted like; he hadn't had one in so long. He took off another slice and put it into his mouth, savouring the way that it tasted. Before he realized it, he was finished.

"See, that wasn't so bad, now was it, Hero?" Draco asked.

"No," Harry said.

"Here, eat the other one," Draco said. Harry did.

"I forgot what oranges tasted like," Harry said when he finished the second orange. It felt like his stomach was going to explode, but he didn't care, it was worth it, if only because the oranges tasted so good.

"I kinda gathered that," Draco said, smirking. "The look on your face gave it away."

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Yeah," Draco said. "I expect to see you at breakfast tomorrow."

"Fine."


It was Saturday, four days since Harry and Draco were in the kitchens, the rest of the school would be returning the next day. Harry had gone to every meal since the day that he and Draco were in the kitchens. Draco had said that it was slightly noticeable that he was eating; that he checks weren't so hollow and his eyes didn't look as sunken is as they did before. Draco had reckoned that in about a month, if Harry continued eating properly, that he wouldn't have to wear a glamour charm on his entire body. Harry agreed.

Dinner ended and Harry stood to leave, he left the Great Hall and started walking toward the Astronomy Tower, he need time to think. The Astronomy Tower always seemed to be the best place for him to think. When he arrived at the top, Harry walked over to the window ledge and sat down on it.

So many things were running through his head, most of them concerning Draco. Why was Draco helping him? Why was he allowing Draco to help him?

Harry sat contemplating Draco, not realizing that time had passed quickly.

"You should go to bed," a voice said from the doorway. Harry looked to see Draco standing there.

"Okay," he said.


There it is. No more now. Hope that keeps you all held over until I'm finished rewriting it all. Be sure to check out my other work in the mean time!

- Wykked As Syn