Guide To An Unsuccessful Relationship
Chapter Five: The Unrelenting, Daily Grind of Pure Love
Now that you're officially going out, you can finally enjoy the unrelenting daily grind of love!
This is about the time when you start to learn much more about each other.
It was a shock—really. When Tamaki insisted that Kyouya do something romantic and unexpected, the Shadow King did not expect to walk in on something so…incriminating. Or visually shocking.
The Hitachiin mansion was large, but by no means sound proof, so when loud music permeated the air in the entrance hall, the youngest of the Ootori's forewent the maids showing him to Kaoru's whereabouts and instead went on a little self exploration. It was more of a gut feeling than anything else, as Kyouya had no idea of exactly where "his little red head" was.
As it turned out, the music originated from the south end of the estate—an end Kyouya knew well was the Hitachiin's fashion studio, where both Hikaru and Kaoru spent most of their weekends if their mother was home. The room was adorned with strove lights, high resolution lamps and many, many life sized portraits, many of which were a set of twins in different stages of life.
When Kaoru had first shown Kyouya this room, he had flat out refused to talk about the actual photo shoots. Kyouya had queried—employing his powers of persuasions—but to no avail. The Hitachiin had flat out refused, blushed a brilliant shade of red and switched the topic suspiciously. Now Kyouya saw why.
"Ohmigod—Kyouya!!" Kaoru yelled, dropping his hands to pull the flurry boa closer to him, side stepping and hiding behind a boy with black hair to match Kaoru's wig. Startled, the boy looked towards the brunette and lowered the sunglasses he was wearing to reveal amber eyes that were all too familiar.
"Hey, senpai," Hikaru greeted casually, waving before glaring at the camera and leaning so that Kaoru's flushed face was exposed before the camera flashed. ("Beautiful!!" the photographer exclaimed bubbly."
Kyouya stared, his mouth in a thing line and eyes hidden behind the film of his glasses. He'd never expected to see this…this Kaoru hiking up his skirt and lifting a fish netted leg to hug around Hikaru's wait…This bizarre and completely unorthodox way of employing their host club act to real life…This blatant disregard if limits of taboo…or being male.
Throughout the whole seven minutes he stood there, Kaoru continued to shoot worried glances his way—an action that the photographer complained about when it was caught on film. Hikaru's smirk merely widened and he, in almost a gloating manor, hugged his little brother closer to him. It was awkward.
"Alright, alright! Everyone take tens—Hitachiins numbers One and Two! Costume change!!! Number Two—Concubine student! Number One—British professor!"
Still looking worried, Kaoru clacked over (it could have be called running, but being unaccustomed to heels made it more of a staggering shuffle) and threw his wig into a nearby chair as a mass of people converged around him and Hikaru with blond wigs and general costume change. As his risqué clothing being stripped by and in front of at least twenty people somewhat explained why both the twins were so comfortable with being partially (or entirely, as the time may have it) nude in front of others. As both Hikaru and Kaoru had been modeling for YEARS! Speaking of the younger of the twins…
"Look, this isn't what it looks like! This was my mother's first solo assignment for myself and Hikaru, so we had to take some pornographs—I mean, photographs for the sake of it. And she didn't specify what type of pictures she wanted, so we just came up with—Ow! Watch the pins!—this and ran with it. When our mother said 'surprise me', we…kinda…of…well…it was…you see…" Kaoru floundered, staring pleadingly at his boyfriend with main pressure on the irises. God, Kaoru had Bambie Eyes to rival Tamaki's puppy-dog pout.
"Save your breath, Kaoru," Kyouya told him suspiciously. "I don't want to hear it."
He looked both relieved and affronted by this fact, and practically being dragged back to the set where Hikaru and the photographer were waiting didn't help this mood. "You—you don't? I thought you'd be curious as to why your boyfriend is dressing in drag!" If the crew was shocked, they kept their surprise to a verbal minimum.
Kyouya rolled his eyes, and scoffed. He turned gracefully and made his way back out the door, all but throwing the roses and chocolate after the black wig. He could barely suppress a shudder as the music started to pulse again, but he's pretty that the red head heard what he called over his shoulder; "I learned a lot about you just now, Kaoru. Maybe more than I ever wanted to."
-
And you can tell each other exactly what you're thinking.
Today was an off day. Several of the host members had failed tests in several different subjects—this causing frayed nerves and flaring tempers. At current time, the more irritable of which being Tamaki—who had failed Geometry ("How could he? Hikaru had teased. "He's a total block head!"), Kaoru—who had failed Math and (surprisingly) Kyouya, who had failed Spanish. This made for horrible hosting time and attitude so the club was temporarily closed, even though they all showed up anyway.
Now, much like the other times that they had not been hosting, Hikaru sat with Haruhi, Tamaki across from them and Hunny and Mori sat with large chairs drawn up to the coffee table with a large collection of cakes and candies. Kyouya and Kaoru sat together as well, but more out of duty than desire to do so. The twins were next to each other, but not "together" and at the current time the Shadow King was attempting to stay as far away from the younger Hitachiin as possible while still looking natural, where as Tamaki couldn't stop complaining.
"I had most of it right!!—"
"All except 79% of it," Hikaru cut in/
"It was simply unfair!! I was not born a genius with shapes—"
"Not a genius at all."
"—It isn't like anyone can just identify what certain type of triangle has less than a 90% angle!!"
"It's an isosoles, mi'lord."
"I wasn't joking, you Devilish red head! This is not making me feel better! I should be ashamed!! Why!! Why am I such a fool when it comes to geometric shapes!? WHY!?!??"
"You're a blockhead, senpai. It runs in your blood. It's a wonder you didn't fail by mo—"
"Hikaru…" Kaoru said quietly, not even looking at his brother. Everyone looked expectantly at him. "Shut up."
The older red head looked affronted, and could do nothing but gape at his twin, eyes wide and staring. It wasn't like Kaoru to snap at him like that; It wasn't like him to snap at all!! How bent was the stick up his back side?
"Just because mi'lord failed his test doesn't mean you should rub it in." Kaoru continued, glaring at the tea table.
Tamaki's lower lip trembled and his eyes glistened and he extended a hand toward the twin. "Thank you, dear doppelganger." But Kaoru didn't stop.
"Just because you failed one friggin' test doesn't mean you can act so incredibly stuck up and not talk to anyone about it. You sucking at languages doesn't mean you can take it out on others." The other hosts had a distinct impression that Kaoru wasn't talking about Hikaru anymore, nor Tamaki for that matter. "It's not like Spanish is the first thing you've sucked at." All eyes darted to Kyouya; his face was impassive—the calm before the storm.
"Kaoru, man, stop!"
"He's the Shadow King!"
"Kao-chan! Be careful!"
"Kaoru…"
"DOPPLEGANGER!! Don't do it!!"
All the whispered warnings were deflected as easily as jello slid off a wall when thrown. Kaoru glared (he didn't even know why he was mad, really) and shuffled uncomfortable in his chair, huffing indignantly. And then Kyouya spoke.
"What's that supposed to mean, Kaoru?" he growled, eyebrow twitching and giving away his displeasure.
And Kaoru blew.
"It's easy!" he yelled, face tinged light red. "You act like everything's so damned easy! And it's really not! Why would you act like nothing's wrong—I flunked a test, too, and I'm not even acting like everything's okay! You just can't get over the fact that you suck!!"
A collective breath was drawn as Tamaki and Hunny clung to each other and Haruhi and Hikaru slowly edged away from the fighting couple little by little until the red head was practically perched on the crossdresser's lap. Kyouya actually looked at Kaoru, the light dancing off his glasses dangerously.
"Yes—you suck! You suck at everything and you always have and you always will!" Kaoru plowed on, angry tears seeping from the corners of his eyes. "You even prematurely suck at things that haven't even been invented yet!!" And he stood, shouldering his way out of the circle of chairs and making his way towards the door.
Everyone watched him go, gasping between the devilish twin and the Shadow King. No one had any idea what was happening between the two.
At the door of the Third Music Room, Kaoru froze, turned and forced a smile. "Don't worry," he simpered, "I still haven't found your replacement."
-
And you'll be able to spot each other's subtle signals.
It was there—plaid as day. It was a little over obvious when the picture frame was on Kyouya's personal desk. More accurately, just above his desk. A large, wooden framed family portrait with almost life-sized figures. As far as he knew, every room had a picture of the Ootori men (and boys), some varied enough to include his sister (but none of his mother). They were all professionally taken and complimentary.
The…Why oh why was a butcher knife stuck in a very 'sensitive' part of his picture? Thirteen stab wounds to the paper before the knife finally stuck into the frame backing.
Kyouya sighed and placed his school bag onto the table top. "Kaoru…" he sighed, wrenching the knife from the picture and placing it lightly against his bag. "Kaoru, you can come out now."
There was silence, and then the rustling of his curtains and the moody Hitachiin twin stalked over to the other boy and the desk and reached for the knife. "Oh, there that is. I was looking for it—now just to find something to…" he glared "…butcher."
Kyouya caught his boyfriend's wrist, and yanked it away from the weapon. Kaoru grappled for it, but failed and wound up flushed flat against the taller boy. He huffed and blew his bangs out of his eyes frustratedly.
"Let go of me…" he said, allowing his limbs to go slack before suddenly attempting to get away. Kyouya didn't budge.
"I know it was you, Kaoru," he growled, nodding his head towards the picture frame, and using his hips to block Kaoru in his attempt to snatch at the knife again. 'What's wrong with you?"
"Why nothing, sweetheart," Kaoru lunged again, but the homicidal twin was kept at bay.
"Is something wrong, darling," Kyouya sneered back.
"Let go of me and I'll tell you, honey," Kaoru yapped, wrenching again. This time, Kyouya let go.
The red head stumbled backwards, paused and then lunged. He managed to make it past Kyouya this time and grabbed the knife, which he plunged (once again) into the fork of picture-Kyouya's legs. Mission accomplished, the red head whirled around and fled gracefully.
The youngest of the Ootori's was not lost for words—he found most of them to be inappropriate. He stared at Kaoru's retreating back, eyes cool and calculating. He opened and closed his mouth several times before asking composedly, "Are you mad at me or something?"
