Chapter 4—Together

I sat up lightening fast, kissing Bella's glistening lips. In one fluid movement, I picked her up and threw her against the mattress. I used slightly more force than I anticipated, making the bed bounce as she sprawled across the bedspread. I half-expected Bella to laugh or scream in horror, but instead she reached urgently for me, pulling me on top of her.

Fearing that I would crush her, I propped myself up on one elbow. Using my free hand, I spread her legs wider and leaned closer, trying to figure out the right angle. I hesitated for the briefest of seconds, worried that it would be painful for her, then pushed just the tip of me through her folds. Bella gasped. Before I could ask if I'd hurt her, she met my eyes. "Yes," she whispered. "Please."

Delicately, slowly, I slid into her. Bella moaned loudly, closing her eyes. She grabbed my shoulders. The heavenly sensation was disorienting. She felt tighter and smoother than when she'd taken me in her mouth, but also impossibly hot. The stark revelation of this very human experience—I was inside of her, we were making love—shook me to the core. This was beyond anything I could have imagined.

Bella held very still as I pushed into her again. Was I hurting her? It was difficult to gauge her expression. It looked like she was trapped between anguish and rapture. I tried to pull away.

Bella opened her eyes, her pupils dilated. "Edward, more." Her nails dug deeper into my back. "Harder," she pleaded.

How could I resist? I pressed into her. Bella growled in response. I had an uncontrollable urge to swallow her whole.

My worries of awkwardness disappeared. Instinct took over. I grabbed Bella's shoulders, then her hips, desperate and greedy. I struggled to restrain myself, measuring how far I could push, frantically trying to interpret Bella's guttural groans, momentarily getting lost in my own pleasure before finding my way back out again. Bella shifted underneath me, figuring out how to move in tandem with me. When she started to circle her hips, I thought I would explode.

I slowed down, kissing across her neck and chest. I didn't want it to end yet. She clenched my hair in her fists, moving her lips and tongue along my shoulder. Finally, I couldn't wait anymore. Bella seemed to read my mind, reaching behind to my lower back and shoving me toward her.

My icy skin clashed with the fiery, softness of her. She curved around me, clenching, rotating her hips as I moved into her again and again. She threw her head back, arching and exposing her flushed neck to my face. Both monsters pounded on the walls of my brain, one begging me to push faster and deeper, the other demanding the sweet reward just under her silky flesh.

I wanted to bite her. I would not bite her. I wanted to pour myself into her skin, to bury my body into her deepest parts. I felt safe, and completely reckless. I gasped from the pure, unadulterated rush of love I felt for Bella, mixed with an overwhelming thirst.

Every vein in Bella's body pulsed with life, persistently calling to me. They thumped against my chest, each beat settling deeper in my body, as if we shared a heart. I switched between holding my breath and gasping for air, hungering for our commingled scents, which hung heavily around the bed. I inhaled Bella's essence like it was my life force.

A veil of pure red seemed to fall in front of my eyes. Bloodlust, Bellalust, I couldn't tell which. I turned my head and bit down, trying to funnel the excess of passion into the pillow. Gripping my shoulder, she purred my name. I answered with a whimper.

I lifted my face and locked my eyes with hers. I tried to stay focused, caught between tracking her every response for evidence of my violence and feeling like I was falling into an abyss of ecstasy. Sparks crackled through every nerve. It was the most pleasurable experience I'd ever felt, nearly surpassing the moment I'd tasted Bella's blood.

Back in Phoenix, when I drank her blood, the world had clicked into place. It was like everything had slid into ultimate perfection. My body had transcended the physical plane—dissolving into the vibration and hum of bliss. Now I felt that same union with Bella without breaking her skin.

Making love to Bella was like a religious experience, although I would never admit it to Carlisle. It was as if I did have a soul and it was merging and twisting with Bella's soul; as if the divine poured into and through us. Our essences blended into the vast cosmos—timeless, boundless, light, and liberated.

Even as this great joy flooded over me, a chaotic, churning energy took over. This mad drumbeat increased in intensity, spinning me like a dervish. I heard an unbridled howling before I realized that the sound came from my own mouth. I thought that if this went on much longer I would combust, engulfing Bella, the entire house and all of Isle Esme.

By now, Bella was drenched in sweat. "Edward! Please hold me tighter," she begged, clenching me from inside with the same frantic desire.

Bella wrapped her legs around my hips, closing any gap between us. She repeated my name, grasping my shoulders, my back, my hair, as she ground into my pelvis.

I thought I would lose my mind.

I sensed a furious rumbling, like a swelling tornado deep within my body. The mounting pleasure accelerated until it felt like gale winds pushed us forward.

The colors in my brain swirled in deep reds and blinding flashes of bright white light. We reached a fevered pitch, and then I thought I had gone blind. Everything shifted to black. Bella bucked against me. We were a train barreling down the track with broken brakes.

I screamed, a mixture of terror and ecstasy. I couldn't stop even if I wanted to. Trapped in its cataclysmic force, I pushed even deeper, grasping at the tender flesh of her thighs, her shoulders, her breasts for dear life.

Our final crescendo of cries echoed through the room. I was an erupting volcano, an exploding supernova, a mountain crumbling. At the moment of extraordinary release, I lost all thought. In that one instant, everything disappeared. I no longer shared a room with Bella. I trembled as I burst into nothingness, a savage scattering of every molecule in my body. Then, there was silence.