"That's the way I am…"
Chapter 3: Start Living
The girl landed across Ricky's lap and tossed her arms around his neck. Their cheeks pressed close and they watched with dread as every light in the vicinity went black. Ricky turned his face, his nose brushed against hers and she drew back slightly from the pain. He hoped his breath didn't stink, but she didn't pull away from him.
"It's okay, I think it's just a black out…maybe a brown out. It's happened before." Ricky said.
"Not when I was trapped on a train!" She said fearfully. "It's so dark. I'm scared."
The boom box music died down and the construction worker clapped for attention.
"Hey everyone! The conductor will probably come through the cars and he'll tell us what to do. I think we should all sit tight and wait for him. We're okay up here, this train isn't goin' anywhere."
With that announcement he took his seat. The others shuffled in their places and murmured to themselves. The businesswoman called out irritably.
"I have to get home to my kids, this is ridiculous!"
"We can't help it lady, we all wanna get home, but it's just the way it is…unless you wanna jump?" The construction worker said.
Ricky and the girl peered out the window again; sure enough, the train halted in dead center on the elevated track, with no solid landing on either side. She sighed and loosened her hold on his neck.
"I don't wanna be trapped up here…what if there's a maniac on the train. He'll come get us!"
Ricky tried not to laugh, but failed. "A maniac? Don't you think he would have tried to kill us when the were lights on?"
He was so close that her minty warm breath exhilarated his senses. She cracked the gum in her mouth and swallowed.
"Yeah, but it's pitch black, now he can move about freely and no one will see him! He might have a gun...or an ax!"
"Oh boy. You watch too many horror films."
The fear deepened in her rich voice and she curled herself up higher against him. "Will…will you protect me, Ricky?"
"Hey, how did you know my name?"
"I heard you say it when you were calling yourself a freak…it's a cute name. So…will you protect me?" She asked again.
Ricky's vision adjusted to the darkness and the moonlight beamed through. It illuminated her wide eyes. He felt her slender body tremble. He shifted himself uneasily, but a warm feeling spread through him.
"Sure, I'll protect you. But uhh…can you at least tell me your name?"
"It's Coral…I know, that's a weird name. Apparently I was conceived on a beach and something stuck my mother in the backside all night." She offered the explanation, even though Ricky hadn't asked. He liked her name, and thought it was unique.
"Were your parents hippies or something?"
"They were more like lame beatniks, so uncool." Her face darkened, but then she shook it off and laughed at him. "But anyway…I think I'm okay now. I'm sorry for crushing your knees with my big thighs."
She slid off his lap reluctantly, but stayed near to him.
Ricky looked away and wiped the tiny drops of sweat from his brow. Did she have to talk about her thighs in the dark, while she was sitting on his lap? Yes, she did, because girls were sometimes just that unconscious to the lusting of men.
"They're…not big…you got long legs, that's all." He mumbled.
"Yeah, odd thing is, I'm not that tall, but I'm not a shrimp. What do you think? I'm 5'6."
"That's a lot shorter than me…I'd say you were just about average. I don't know. It's getting hot in here."
"Take off that jacket. I bet you wear it twenty-four seven, don't you? It's your comfort coat, you can hide in it, and it gives you sense of empowerment."
"Jeesh, Coral, it's just a jacket and I like it. That's all." Ricky smiled crookedly. She was really on to him.
"Okay, whatever you say. I just know these things... You see this denim jacket? It's my favorite and sometimes it hardly comes off either. Except right now."
She scooted herself over and removed the jacket and placed it over her lap. She wore a frilly, cream colored, peasant blouse with bell sleeves and she toyed with ribbons on her chest. Ricky tried not stare at her slender fingers as she absentmindedly stroked her cleavage. His legs shook.
"That feels a little better…come on, try it. Don't be afraid to show yourself." She whispered.
"Show myself? I'm right here. Besides, it's dark, whose gonna see me anyway?"
Coral leaned across him and tugged on his coat sleeve until it was half off his arm. Ricky gave up and removed the coat. He tossed it over the seat in front of him.
"Is that better? Now you can see my grungy tee-shirt and rock hard abs."
"Actually, I can't see it, but I know it's white. Woof, I can smell it. Is that motor oil?"
"Yeah, I umm…know how to fix cars and stuff." He was disappointed she didn't comment on his abs. Ricky just discovered the pleasures of lifting weights and relieving his tensions through strength training, but he was still a novice.
"Awesome! You should be a mechanic…when you grow up." She insisted.
"Maybe I will. I like it."
Coral pointed to the sky and smiled. "Isn't the moon gorgeous? I hate that we can't see things more bathed in its glow, all because of the stupid street lamps and artificial lighting."
Ricky glanced upward with a small grin. "Yeah, it's great. I have a telescope at home. I used to always take it out to the yard and stare into space. I love meteor showers. It's totally amazing what you see up there."
"Used to? What do you mean? Did it break?"
Ricky shrugged. "Nahh…I just stopped taking it out, that's all."
"Why? Did the sparkling, infinite universe suddenly get boring?" She pressed.
Ricky sighed. She asked too many questions. "No, I just didn't have time for it, I had other things on my mind."
Coral nodded slowly. "Right, like that horrible, unforgivable thing you did, it killed all your joys, didn't it?"
Ricky glared at her, almost menacingly, but she wasn't swayed. She stared just as hard until his gaze faltered and he looked down. There was no sense trying to play the towering tough with her. He liked her too much and already told her he'd protect her.
"It killed a lot of things…believe me."
"I believe you, Ricky. Do you wanna tell me what you did?"
Ricky suddenly felt his chest constrict. He grasped the seat and shook his head doggedly. "No way…no…I can't."
"Why can't you?"
"Because I can't, okay? Stop bugging me about it."
"I'm not trying to bug, I'm trying to help." She insisted.
"I didn't ask for your help, Coral."
"But I'm giving it any way. Alright, keep it to yourself, then. That's your prerogative."
Ricky felt very stifled beside her. He scratched his head and tried figure out how to ask her to move it…kindly.
"Coral, do you mind sitting on this side where my jacket is? I have to stretch my legs out."
He couldn't quite see her reaction, but she rose and gripped his hand.
"What's the matter?"
"I'm still scared. I don't want to lose you, Ricky. Just hold my hand while I switch over?"
He sensed a much deeper meaning behind her pleas. Ricky clutched her cool fingers tight. His hand was very warm and he rubbed his palm against hers soothingly. He raised his arm and led her around to the opposite side. As soon as she was comfortable he leaned back and put up his legs across the attached seat. They were stiff from sitting down for so long. He heard her laugh.
"What's so funny?"
"Your legs! Talk about long! They almost reach the other side of the aisle.
"If the maniac comes running in here, I'll trip him up for ya. Maybe he'll fall on his own axe."
He ducked before she could swipe his head and they both laughed. As if on cue, the door between the train cars swung open. Coral nearly jumped in the air and they groped for each other frightened. Keys rustled and a flashlight beamed across all the other sour faces in the car.
"Hey, I'm the conductor and my name is Dwayne. I'm just making sure everything is cool here. As you can see, this end of the city had a minor black out and we may be stuck for the next half-hour or more. I'm sorry, but there's no way to let anyone off right now."
The passengers grumbled, but accepted their fate and the conductor shut off his flashlight. "If anyone has to use the bathroom, try to hold it in or you'll have to make your way down to my end of the train, just be careful crossing between cars."
With that brief announcement, he left them alone again. Coral wriggled out of Ricky's arms. She lay back against the wall and put one knee up and one arm over his seat.
"Ricky, tell me more about yourself and your life. You go to school, right?"
"Uhh, yeah. I'm a sophomore…well..." Ricky flushed with embarrassment, it sounded very juvenile to say it. "Actually, I'm repeating a year, I should be a junior. I just kinda dropped out of school last year after…the thing happened."
"Oh, that's rough. I'm glad you decided to go back though. That's a good sign. I'm seventeen and a senior. I'm so happy to only have three months left."
Ricky's admiration soared even higher. His instincts were right. She was an older woman.
"Go on, tell me more. You have any girlfriends?" She needled.
Why did women always want to know that? Grandma Peache predicted he would, but it hadn't quite happened yet.
"No, not right now, I'm just working on getting myself together."
"I totally understand that, besides, things…things can happen in relationships, you know? Things you're totally not ready for." She said cryptically, then smiled. "Umm, so, who are your friends? Tell me even more."
~Oo~
Ricky found his comfort zone with Coral and decided to open up about High School. He wasn't having the time of his life, but he reached a point where he finally adjusted, even if the school year was almost over. Coral was an enthusiastic listener, and deeply involved in what he said. He told her about Clifford and their friendship. He talked about being a bodyguard and the showdown with Moody. He even admitted his failure to stand up against Mike and Moody in the park and how he chickened out and ran away. Coral listened patiently then sat back and put her hand up to silence him.
"Wait a minute! Hold on. You mean to tell me you have a best friend in school?"
"Isn't that what I've been saying this whole time? Yeah, it's Clifford Peache. And I guess his grandma."
Coral clicked her teeth disapprovingly. "And you're sitting on this train deciding whether or not to end your life?"
Why did she have to keep going back to that topic? He nearly forgot it.
"Ye…yes…yes…I am." He replied hesitant.
"So, there actually are people who love and care about you? Yet you want to be selfish." She said disappointed.
Ricky looked at her exasperated. "What do you mean? I'm not selfish at all!"
"Yes, you are. You mope around day after day lost in your own pain. Then you plot to take your life, and nearly succeeded the first time." She cringed, thinking of his wrist. "But you can't even stop to think how much grief, worry and stress you'd cause to the people who do love you. That's selfish." She glared at him, but sympathy flickered in her eyes.
Ricky sat back and folded his arms with the demeanor of a scolded child. When he ran away from the park after his bike was dumped in the lake, Clifford made every effort to find him. He went to his house and his weary mother begged him to call her if he heard anything from Ricky. Clifford ran all over the city to places he thought Ricky might have been and braved the rough neighborhoods and dirty junkyards. How did Ricky thank him for his concern? He demanded money and ran off again like a spoiled brat. He made Clifford chase him through the dark and deserted city blocks until they hit the train station.
After a confrontation, Ricky nearly beat the poor little guy up when he tried to be reasonable about the tragedy. Clifford had some of his facts wrong, but that was because Ricky lied to everyone. Clifford took a giant risk with losing their friendship in order to help him.
Ricky held his head and sniffled. Clifford really did care about him as a best friend, and the fact that he knew Ricky was the one who accidentally pulled the trigger on his own brother didn't change things between them. It would only change if Ricky withdrew, as he so often did.
Ricky felt Coral stroke his hair and she talked delicately. "There's someone who cares, Ricky. Whether it's one person or a million… that can mean the whole difference between life and death. You know what, count two, three with grandma, count…me."
The sensation of a human touch warmed his spirit. He couldn't recall when he last felt a gesture so simple, yet so loving. He wanted to cry out loud, but held it in. Ricky raised his dampened eyes to her and a realization pounded him. He blathered about himself all night. Ricky 'Selfish' Linderman. He examined her face through the shadows. The blood around her lip crusted. He reached over and patted her shoulder.
"Hey, does it hurt really bad?"
Coral stared at him in awe from his one genuine question for her and he felt ashamed.
"Only when I talk too much." She whispered. "I'll live. Everything heals in time."
Coral talked a lot, Ricky realized. She talked non-stop through her pain to keep him from dying.
"Why did it happen?"
The moonlight danced in her eyes, but her mouth curled up regrettably.
"Ricky, that's a secret I'm going to keep." She gingerly ran her hand over her cheek and lowered her face to hide her tears.
With that one gesture, Ricky had an epiphany. Regardless of what happened, the world did not revolve around him. There were so many others out there battling diseases, oppression, heartache and death, and they still did it with a smile and loving heart...just like Coral. Ricky had a choice to keep embracing all the darkness in his life or to grab for the light. He had the opportunity to live and somehow use his own tragedy as a way to help others. He would not take that for granted. Tomorrow he resolved to go back to the park, fish out his bike, and stand up against the rotten bullies once and for all.
Ricky leaned forward and draped his arms over the seat before her. His pulse raced and he licked his lips. Coral did the same and she raised her hands to his face.
"Ricky I..." She stopped, and waited for him to say what he wanted to say.
"Coral, do you think that we can…"
The train lurched and she clung to his sleeve frightened.
"I think the blackout's over. Don't worry, I'm still here." He reassured her with a large grin as the lights gradually came on.
The city outside was once more blanketed in the artificial glow of neon and orange. Everyone clapped when the conductor announced they would move in no time. Coral glanced out the window with a wry smile.
"Well wouldn't you know it, my stop is next."
Coral put on her jacket and zipped it up. She swung her purse over her arm and composed herself. Ricky followed her lead and put on his coat too.
"Ricky, It's been great talking to you and I wish you all the best. So, are you going back to school tomorrow?"
The cloud of passion dissipated and Ricky sighed. "Yeah…maybe…it's Friday though. I might as well start the week off fresh on Monday. I'm definitely gonna get my bike back. I worked too damn hard on that thing to let it rust in the lake."
"Hot dog! That's wonderful! I hope to see it someday."
"Sure! You can take a ride on it too."
"That would be so fun!" She giggled. "I'll hold you to it. Rain or shine, or snow!"
"You're on!"
The train slowed down into the station. Coral pushed her hair back and whispered in his ear.
"Give him a wallop for me."
She attempted to leave and he tugged on her arm. They gazed into each others eyes. Coral tilted her head demurely and leaned against him. Ricky sat back on the window and clutched her waist. She held his shoulders and kissed him slowly on the lips. Ricky absorbed it with a gentle passion, being wary of her wounds. She pulled back.
"I really have to go now, goodbye, Ricky."
As she moved between the doors Ricky jumped up and blocked them from closing. He hugged her close.
"Wait, Coral. let me come with you! It's late, it's dangerous. I'll take you home. I really need to talk to you more."
She put a hand on his chest. The train couldn't pull out until he moved from the doorway and the conductor rang the alarm.
"No Ricky, you don't need to do that. You just need to…start living."
Coral stepped out of the entrance and the doors closed in Ricky's face. He put his hands on the windowpane and banged it desperately. She shook her head and smiled. Ricky didn't move from the window until long after the train pulled out and he no longer saw her.
