But someone hand me
the fragrant cup,
full of dark light,
that I may rest.
It would be sweet
to sleep among the shadows.

Friedrich Hölderlin - Remembrance

"We should have waited," Isabelle persisted as they arrived back at the Institute.

"We waited the entire night," Jace replied quietly, but wasn't so sure if the decision to go home was the right one.

Clary said nothing because she couldn't find anything fitting to say. She regretted that Simon went home already because she still felt misplaced around the Shadowhunters. Especially now because, even though she worried about Alec too, she didn't know him well enough to openly expose her concern. Alec never hid his resentment towards her and if anything she'd call this a rather fragile sort of friendship.

For the past few weeks she had mostly been the center of their attention, or rather, Jace's attention. It hadn't been her choice but the result of recent events. Now Alec and his possible, dangerous, encounter with a Greek god had taken up her space. It bothered her and made her feel guilty at the same time. She bit her lip to punish her selfishness and tried to stay out of the fight, which wasn't easy as she was in the middle of Jace and Isabelle, who argued quite heatedly over her head.

"I can't believe he would go with a stranger," Jace expressed as they walked towards their rooms.

"He's not a child, Jace," Alec's sister pointed out exasperatedly.

They had been fighting like this the entire way home and if Clary wouldn't have been so tired she would have remarked to them how pointless it was. All they could do was to wait for Alec to show up and fill them in with the details, though she had her doubts he would. Mostly because he was very keen on keeping his secret.

"Why are you defending him, Izzy? He got himself into trouble. Damn," he cursed, "as if we didn't have enough problems already."

"Oh, right," Isabelle reacted sarcastically, "you mean you've got problems. When was the last time you even talked to him?"

"He's your brother and you know damn well that Alec doesn't talk about anything. Especially not with me."

"Maybe if you weren't so caught up with yourself all the time…"

"Have you been here the past few weeks?"

"Please, guys," Clary tried and rubbed her temple due to a nagging headache, "this isn't really helping the situation."

Granted, they did have problems. Major problems, involving fundamental mother and father issues on both Jace's and Clary's account but she could imagine that things weren't exactly easy for Alec either. Especially since she showed up in the picture and well, she guessed Magnus Bane probably had Alec's life upside down as well. He was probably going through profound changes and had no one to share his emotions with.

From what she heard about the party and knew about history, Apollo must have been like a cure for all his problems. A stunning, even divine, guy. A God for crying out loud, who took an interest solely in Alec for who he was. She couldn't help but being curious as well. Perhaps, because she was a girl but she was dying to find out all about Alec's night while at the same time she was disquieted if she would ever see him again.

"I'm just worried," Isabelle said, facing Jace who touched her gently on the shoulder.

"Me, too."

"Worried about what?" Someone said and they all turned around, looking at Alec stepping out of his room, evidently unharmed.

Clary was, as always, a little struck by his incredible blue eyes. Whatever difference they had she still couldn't deny that Alec was attractive. However, she and Izzy both noticed that something was different. His face looked flushed and he had a vexed look. Something obviously troubled him, but Clary suspected that the eldest of the Lightwood children wouldn't share the reason for his somewhat disturbing appearance.

"What are you doing here?" Jace asked completely flabbergasted while Isabelle threw her arms around her brother.

"I live here, remember?" Alec retorted dryly.

"Are you crazy? We waited for hours at that party. What happened? And who the hell is that Apollo guy?" Jace demanded answers in a harsh voice and didn't even notice that Alec flinched at the mention of the Greek God's name.

"Apollo," he uttered, trying to hide his discomfort, and shrugged, "he's just uhm, this guy I met at the party."

It was a bit pitiful to see him struggling like that and his attempt to sound casual only made everything worse. Nobody believed that Apollo was just a random guy. Not solely because they already knew about the God status, but because Alec's cheeks were blushing crimson red.

"Just this guy I met? Are you serious? We already know that this guy is a God. You don't meet Gods randomly at a party," Jace pointed out in an annoyingly impertinent manner and increased Alec's uncomfortableness even more.

"We just had a few drinks and," Alec explained weakly before adding, "talked."

"You talked?"

"That's right. We talked. He's a cool guy."

"A cool guy? You know Magnus told us about him and he said that Apollo isn't a very nice guy. God, I mean. Not a very nice, all-powerful, god. But you guys just talked, right?"

Alec's faced crimsoned intensively and it was obvious that he didn't want to elaborate last night's events. Especially not with Jace and certainly not after he was made aware that Magnus knew who he had been with. It was entirely too much to take and he shifted nervously. Clary felt sorry for him and a little annoyed by Jace's complete lack of sensitivity.

"Yeah," Alec croaked and it sounded a little like a plea for mercy.

"Well," Isabelle interrupted to save the situation from escalating, "the most important thing is that you are okay. We were really worried, you know. But maybe we should all get some rest and talk about this tomorrow?"

At first Jace didn't move but evidently thought intense staring would provide an explanation. Finally he sighed. "Fine. It's not my business anyway. Good night," and with that turned on the spot, leaving them all without another look.

A little embarrassed, Clary cleared her throat and said, "I'm glad you're okay."

Which earned her a piercing glance from Alec and a wary smile from Isabelle who said good night.

Alec inhaled sharply when they were out sight. He was relieved and still felt like a fool. And also slightly hurt by Jace's reaction. He cursed himself silently for still carrying that idiotic hope that his best friend would finally see him. Really notice him and not yell at him as if he was a stupid child that missed curfew.

The situation weighed heavy on him and he felt exhausted. Actually, he had been feeling like that ever since he arrived home. He didn't even know exactly how he got back to the Institute and all the elated feelings faded in the blink of an eye once he was back in his room. He felt guilty and didn't really grasp for what, and he was incredibly disturbed by the knowledge that Magnus had been involved. All he wanted now was to sleep, preferably forever.

Unfortunately that was not an option due to his sister grabbing him by his arm, saying, "Where do you think you're going?"

"To rest? Wasn't that your suggestion?"

"Alec, Alec, Alec," she said while shaking her head, "You really thought you could just go to bed? Just like that?"

"Again, it was your suggestion!" He claimed defensively while she had already pushed him inside his room.

"Yes, so we can be alone and you can tell me EVERYTHING! Seriously, Alec, I'm not leaving until I know all the details. After all I dragged you to that party and I think I earned complete brotherly honesty!"

Alec knew from experience that denying her answers was pointless. Even when they were kids Isabelle had the talent of getting things out of him. She was the only one who knew about his secret in more detail than anyone else. He sighed, defeated, and looked as if walking on death row.

"I really don't want to talk about this. I'm not even sure what the hell happened."

Her eyes sparkled. "Uh, but something did happen, didn't it?"

She closed the door while at the same time already bombarding him with questions.

"Was he nice? Did you guys kiss? Make out…?"

"Come on. Didn't I tell you everything about my dates?"

"In excruciatingly unnecessary details," Alec admitted tiredly.

"Because I love you," she said while her brother cocked an eyebrow.

"That's why you tortured me with that stuff? Because you love me?"

"It's sharing, brother. We are supposed to share," Isabelle replied firmly as if her logic was actually making sense.

"You really need a girlfriend, Izzy."

"Stop changing the subject. We are talking about a divine date. Literally divine and I want to know everything!"

Honestly, Alec didn't even know where to begin. He shrugged helplessly and lowered his eyes to the ground. His silence though alerted either her female or sisterly senses and she stared at him, "Oh my god, Alec, did you sleep with him?"

Exhausted by his sister interrogation Alec sunk down on the bed with sagging shoulders and said, "I'm not sure. I mean I am. I don't know, maybe."

She sat next to him with a hand on his arm, "You are not sure? How can you be not sure."

"It's complicated. There was wine involved, I think, and it's all a big blur."

"Okay, Alec," she started carefully, "you are driving me insane. Why don't you start at the beginning."

"Well, I wanted to leave the party because it was a stupid idea to go there in the first place," he replied and looked her accusingly.

"It was a great party and you would have noticed if you weren't such a moody type of character," she claimed, not willing to take the blame for his misery.

"Anyway, I sort of bumped into Apollo…"

"The frickin' GOD Apollo," she added overly excited.

"I didn't know who or what he was. He was just nice."

"Just nice?"

"Okay, fine, he was stunningly attractive if that's what you wanted to hear."

"Yes," she squeaked, "that's what I thought. Go on."

"We talked," he went on, paused and elaborated. "Really just talked and he offered me some wine, quoted some poetry lines and… I don't know, we started to kiss."

"Oh, my god!" She puffed and knocked her fist into his shoulder, ignoring his wince, and asked, "How was the kiss?"

"Good, I guess."

"You guess?"

"Honestly I can't really remember much. I mean I do remember but it feels as if those are memories from someone else. As if I wasn't really present at the time. The wine definitely knocked me out. I have no idea how we ended up at his place," Alec confessed a bit ashamedly and utterly confused.

"At his place?"

"Yep. Mount something in Greece."

"You're kidding."

"No, I'm not. As I said I can't remember anything. I mean I do have memories but," he faltered and shrugged, "they don't feel like my memories and I'm not entirely sure about what happened. All I know is that I woke up next to that guy and he tells me we had a spectacular night. I said I don't remember and he snaps with his fingers and memories are suddenly there."

"What kind of memories?"

Alec blushed heavily and lowered his eyes. His voice cracked due to the sudden knot in his throat as he whispered, "Strange ones?"

"Strange like how?"

"Strange as in I don't think I really did all that stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Isabelle, please," he begged and looked up at her in desperation, "it's very private."

"You had sex with him, didn't you? Not just kissing but the whole deal," Isabelle said with a much softer voice because her brother looked incredibly confused and she couldn't remember ever seeing him this distorted. In addition it struck her as odd and uncanny because Alec was usually so uptight.

"I think so. I don't know," he sighed and buried his face in his palms.

"I always thought you wanted to wait."

"I never intended to hook up with a God! It happened and I really don't know what to think about it. He brought me back here and said he's looking forward to seeing me again, but I don't know if I actually want to see him again. He's handsome and charming, but he's also quite disturbing. All of this is disturbing and now everyone knows where I was. Everyone. Magnus," his voice broke and he turned away from her, "knows."

Isabelle's excitement faded and she swallowed hard because Alec didn't look like someone who just hooked up with a hottie. He looked almost frightened and so profoundly self-conscious that she placed her arm around his shoulders in comfort. Alec might be moody and insecure at times but he had never looked so fragile and it was scaring her.

"It's called date-rape," she gritted through her teeth, "he drugged and raped you."

"I don't know. That's the thing. I just don't know. I mean I went with him and apparently I was very into it. At least that's what my mind is telling me," he croaked dejectedly, and left out the part where he thought that his mind and those memories felt like a total contradiction to what his heart felt.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I'm sorry for the girlish curiosity attack. I thought you had a blast."

"Maybe I did," he replied dryly and felt even worse.

"Listen," Alec started and sounded incredibly sad, "can you get Jace off my back? I don't want him to know anything. I'd prefer to never speak of last night again."

"But maybe you should talk…"

"I'd rather understand it first. Please, Izzy, help me out here. I told you everything. That must be enough. I'm exhausted. I really just want to sleep and forget everything," Alec pleaded mercifully and tried to fight down tears. The last thing he wanted was to break down in front of his sister for the stupid choice he made last night.

It was odd that as soon as Apollo was out of his sight he had been feeling rather sick. As if a spell had been lifted. Something had changed within him. Something he couldn't explain but he felt empty, and despite the glorious bath he had taken he felt quite filthy as well. Not to mention the horrible ache in his heart for knowing that Magnus Bane knew about this. It seemed to be the worst part of all and he was struggling with an unbearable fear of facing the Warlock again.

"Okay," she fortunately said and placed a kiss on his forehead. "I'll try getting him off your back. But if you want to talk to someone, please do. I'm here for you, you know. I love you."

"Thanks," he said barely audibly and tried giving her a smile before she left, but failed miserably at that.

He was thankful for the silence as the door closed behind her and took a deep breath in hope it would loosen up the tightness within his chest. Yet he still felt completely wrong in his skin and couldn't rid himself of the nagging anxiety. A part of him almost desperately wanted to cry but he suppressed the urge to sob and ignored the silent tear drop running down his cheek.

When he got home he didn't feel so horrible at first. It was a slow process that seemed to be reaching its peak and he couldn't explain these unwelcome emotions. The memories that used to be so enticing earlier suddenly felt shallow and he had a dry mouth as if he had eaten chalk. When he looked down at himself he noticed that his hands were shaking, which had him wrapping his arms around himself tightly. It didn't help ease down the sickening feeling in his stomach.

If it hadn't been for a stranger's voice interrupting his sulking he would have stayed in that position all night. Instead he jumped up and turned around in a defensive position. Much to his surprise he found himself eye to eye with just about the strangest kid in the world. It took a while until he remembered that it was the same boy who pretty much saved his life when he stepped out of that heavenly apartment. It was Cupid. What the hell was Cupid doing in his bedroom, he wondered, unable to verbalize that question.

"Hey, dude," Cupid greeted him casually, as if him showing up here was absolutely normal behavior, and with a grin he let himself fall onto the bed.

"W..what?" Alec tried in a trembling voice. "What are you doing in my room?"

"My mom sent me," Cupid replied nonchalantly. "Thought it was a good way to avoid getting grounded. Again."

Cupid looked like a fourteen year old boy. He had long black hair with reddish highlights and it was hanging wildly loose across his shoulders. There was a certain punk rock attitude in his clothing and attitude. In a way, he looked like a kid on his way to a hardcore concert and wore a shirt with a skull that supported the mystique of his persona. Alec spotted a pierced lip and two insanely green eyes in a pale face that was lit up by a devilish smirk.

"Your mom sent you?" Alec asked, dumbfounded, because he wasn't even sure if he heard everything correctly.

"Yeah."

"But why?"

"Ah, because she feels obligated to help you out. She's got a soft spot. I guess it's in her nature or something."

Alec still stared at the strange looking boy without any idea of what to say or think of this situation. In addition he started to become really annoyed with Greek mythology and wished this all to be over. Though obviously Cupid wasn't about to leave and therefore he forced himself to ask, "I'm sorry but who's your mother and why did she send you here exactly?"

"You don't know who my mother is? Wow, if I tell her that she will be pissed."

"Again, I'm sorry, but could you please tell me what the hell you are doing here?"

Cupid narrowed his eyes at that comment and felt unfairly treated. He pouted for a second before he sighed and sat up, "Well, it's because my uncle fucked you…"

"Woah!" Alec puffed out and lifted his arms up. "We didn't f…f… do that."

Instead of accepting Cupid winked at him with a grin. "Sure you didn't."

Alec didn't know what to reply because he wasn't really sure what exactly he did with Apollo. He was fairly sure by now that his memories were probably false or, at least, different from the truth. Of course this could be wishful thinking but it was something to hold on to nevertheless.

"I'm not sure," he found himself admitting and blushed, if possible, even more intensely than before.

"Don't look at me like that," Cupid replied carelessly, "I wasn't there. All I know is that humans tend to react to Dionysus wine quite heavily, so you were definitely passed out. My uncle doesn't usually dig that kind of thing for he wants to be worshipped and shit like that but who knows?"

"I've got these memories," Alec started carefully because he was looking for an answer but before he could elaborate, Cupid only shrugged.

"Oh, my uncle is quite skilled in planting memories so I wouldn't trust those. My mom sent me here because she said you shouldn't be toyed with. I'm guessing he messed with your head a little. It's just what he does, you know?"

"So, they aren't real?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know that?"

"Sorry," Alec croaked, embarrassed.

Cupid didn't sound cold or heartless, just not very interested in Alec's dilemma. He was merely doing what his mother told him to do and didn't really feel sorry. For all he cared it was Alec's own fault. People, or more importantly humans, just shouldn't get involved with Gods. However, he did notice the paleness and couldn't deny that he felt a little compassionate.

"Hey, it's no big deal. Just stay away from him. Oh, and she told me you should go to the Warlock or whatever and that he might be able to help you through this."

"She knows Magnus?"

"She knows everyone," Cupid replied strongly.

"Who is your mother?"

"The Goddess of love you idiot. Hey, listen, I saw the redhead and the blond outside the party? Friends of yours?"

"What? Yeah," Alec answered absently for his mind was way too occupied with a million thoughts not revolving around Clary and Jace.

"They make a good couple. You know the whole deal. Everlasting love and shit. I'm sure my mom would love them," Cupid explained, even though Alec wasn't really interested.

"Yeah, well they are brother and sister," he mumbled, while contemplating how to approach Magnus about this.

"Great. Family ties. Awesome."

"It's not really allowed, you know. And kinda gross," Alec said a little amazed that he was even having this conversation, all things considered.

"Gross? Man, you humans are all idiots," Cupid stated and shook his head. Considering that his parents were brother and sister and his entire family somehow involved with each other the concept of the incestuous sin seemed a bit hilarious to him.

Alec had about a dozen questions he wanted to ask but was rudely interrupted by his door swinging open, revealing a concerned looking Jace with his sword in his hand.

"I heard voices!" he claimed, but faltered when he spotted Cupid grinning at him arrogantly.

"And because of that you storm in here like that?"

Alec felt his cheeks burning but managed to sound surprisingly calm when he said, "Ehm, that's Cupid…"

"You're kidding me with this, right?" Jace asked and scrutinized the punk in front of him, "Another god, Alec?"

"It's complicated."

"And not your business, Blondie," Cupid added, receiving a piercing glance.

"What the hell is going on with you?" Jace asked, perplexed, and faced his friend whom he barely recognized anymore.

"Dude, he's got a life aside from you. It's time he moved on."

In that moment Alec realized that Cupid knew about his emotions towards Jace. That increased his tension and he lifted up his hand to silence him with the words, "Maybe it's best if you go. I mean, thanks for the help but I guess I have to figure things out by myself now."

"Alright," Cupid sighed but then turned around. "You know you've had a rough night and you are obviously surrounded by morons."

Jace's face flushed with anger and he raised the sword just a little bit.

"But I kinda like you and therefore I think I should grant you some fun."

Oh no, Alec thought in panic because he had just about enough fun granted by Greek gods. He was about to deny the offer when Cupid reached out for a crossbow, which had Jace alerted. Everything went down so fast that Alec didn't even have to time to say a word and could only stare mesmerized at the arrow aimed at Jace.

"It's going to last 48 hours so enjoy it wisely," Cupid said with a grin and turned around on the spot and was gone.

At first Alec thought that Jace must have been injured but when he turned to look at his friend he was apparently unharmed. He was cursing alright and startled by Isabelle standing in the door frame with a confused look.

"What's going on?"

"Cupid was just here and I think," Alec paused and sounded distressed, "he shot Jace."

"He did what?" Isabelle asked but was already scrutinizing Jace for visible wounds.

Jace Wayland, though only stared at Alec. He didn't even respond at first but when he did all he could say was, "I love you."

"What?" Both Lightwoods said at the same time and Alec started to wonder if this day might get even worse.

"I love you," Jace said again with a stupid smile in his face and reached out for Alec who jumped back, bumping into his shocked sister.

"W…what are you doing?"

"I know it's strange but love is always strange, right? I wasn't even aware of these feelings but now they just hit me and I really think we can make this work. God, Alec, you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen," Jace explained love-drunkenly while approaching his friend and pulling him close.

"J…" Alec wanted to protest when hot lips pressed against his mouth and ripped him of his breath.

Jace was kissing him, he thought in a mixture of excitement and confusion and didn't know whether to break off the kiss or not. He had dreamt about this moment for so long but now everything felt wrong. No, not everything. He had to admit a few things, like Jace's lips and his persisting tongue, did not feel as wrong as they should. Cupid, arrow, he contemplated, and finally broke it off, pushing Jace away from him.

"It's a spell," he gasped breathlessly. "It'll last 48 hours. That's what he meant."

"What are you talking about, love," Jace replied with a smile and tried to lean in for a kiss again but Alec was faster and slipped behind his sister who didn't know whether to be amused or shocked by all of this.

"He was shot by Cupid's arrow," Alec explained, while trying to escape Jace who was now chasing him around the room. He tried to gain eye-contact and put out his hand. "You were shot by Cupid's arrow."

"I'm not wounded. I wasn't shot. Why are you running away from me, my love?"

"My love?" Isabelle said and chuckled. "He just called you his love."

"That's not funny, Isabelle," Alec puffed angrily.

"It's a little bit funny," his sister persisted and grinned at Clary who entered the room now as well.

"What's going on?"

Author's note: Originally, Cupid is called Eros in Greek mythology but I liked the roman name Cupid much more. He's the son of Aphrodite and Ares and known for being a little irresponsible

Anyway, I'd like to thank you for reading this story, I hope you enjoyed it this far and keep coming back for updates, even though they take me forever.