Hey guys. First off, I want to apologize for not updating in a while. I haven't quite been up on things. Wal-mar is kicking my ass, seriously. I'm 21 and i feel 41. I mean honestly, who the hell gets a cramp in their big toe.. wtf?

well i have been writing down some stuff, but its now making any sense on either story and i been in the middle of brainstorming. i know u guys are thinkin, wtf a whole month? but its not just wally world.. im gonna spill some major guts, cuz after all, u readers are my inspirations, and some of ya became kewl ass internet buddies.. lets see if u guys can help (plus this sounds like a really good idea for a spashley story..)

ok, so theres this gurl... (big fucking whoop, im bi). i met her like 2 months ago at a tgi fridays and there was some flirting, eventually i let go of my cowardness for once and left my number, considering she was WAY out of my league and i prolly wouldn't ever see her again. well get this, she CALLED. This gurl is gorgeous, she didn't belong with me, but somehow, someway...

Anyways, we hung out.. than hanging went to making out, then.. you get the picture. (she's my first time with chick) we been messing around since and because i have horrible commitment issues since the last heartbreak i made it clear to her that i didn't want more than physical. she was fine with it. but slowly i found myself falling for her..

the feelings were mutual of course, but my stupid ass is scared to do anything. 1 cuz its new, 2 cuz of my past situation, 3 my insecurities.. i mean.. come one. you have to see how she looks. she deserves better. she keeps saying she doesn't care, and in public areas, she tries to hold my hand.

the other day, she was over and we were hanging and she brought it up again and i totally told her i didn't want more. she got pissed and left, and now im stuck here thinking about her, she wont anwser my calls. i dont know what to do.

WHAT SHOULD I DO??? What should i say. i told her i was sorry in the many voice mails i left her. im stuck in a rut.

im off for the next few days, so when im not drinking, i'll try my best to get u guys that update, i promise.. right now jenna is all i think of...