disclaimer: not mine, don't sue


When she walks into his room, it feels like coming home.

When she walks into his arms, it feels like coming home.

It feels like living again.

She was dead.

"I missed you," he told her again with his face on her shoulder. He say that enough. He didn't think he could ever tell her exactly how much he had missed her.

He was dead.

They were exactly the same.

"I know. I really do."

She really did.

"You have to let me go, Mulder," she said after countless moments. He responded by tightening his grip.

"I remember the last time I let you go."

"It's not like that… I don't think it ever will be again. It's just…"

"Just what?"

"I wanted to kiss your cheek."

Kiss his cheek.

Like his sister used to before bed.

He loosened his arms only in exchange for one. She only kissed his cheek in exchange for one from him. She ended up winning more in end. Mulder had been willing to lose. Just this once.

"What are we going to do?" she whispered while he was still bent down toward her. He knew she meant in the long run. He didn't want to think about the long run. He didn't want to run.

Run away.

Run around.

Run yourself into the ground.

He was tired of running.

"We are going to order room service, get ourselves into some more comfortable clothes, rent a movie off pay-per-view, and pretend for a night that we don't have two years between us."

"I don't want to go back to my room. He has a key."

Then she remembered, though it was not the first time since she had left that she had, that she still had a key to his place. She still had the key to his heart as well.

"Look in my suitcase. You can wear whatever you want out of there."

"That won't start rumors."

"After our little scene in the reception hall, I'd be surprised if there weren't rumors around already."

"Hopefully they're interesting."

"I don't care. We know what's true."

"What are you going to wear if I wear your pajamas?"

"Good thing Lucy dragged me along for an extra day. I'll just wear my things from yesterday."

"Is the room in your name? Are you going to have to pay for the food and movie?"

"It's in the Bureau's name. They get the bill."

He got the lecture.

"Are you trying to find ways to keep from spending time with me?"

"No… does it sound like that?" she smiled.

"Yeah, a little bit."

"I'm sorry. I haven't gotten close to anybody since I left."

"More distance?"

That was the first reference to their fight either of them had made. She could have taken it one of two ways.

But she didn't want to fight with him.

"It's been rough," she put her head down. Mulder lifted it up with his finger.

"I know. I really do."

He really did.

"I'm going to go through your suitcase now. Anything in there that I shouldn't see?"

"Naw… I wasn't planning on anything."

"That brings me to the movie…"

"I don't watch those anymore."

"Don't lie to me."

"It's the truth?"

"Why?" she asked, like it was something important. In a way, it was. It was one thing that made him him. He had changed. Of course he did. But she didn't want him to.

She inwardly called herself a hypocrite.

"Not interested, I guess."

"Any reason?"

"Nothing really matters as much anymore."

"Don't say that. It hurts."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I didn't want to hurt you either. I am sorry I did."

"We'll heal together."

They would end up healing each other. Without words, they found their clothes and settled in together, her snuggled between his arm and his body. They looked like lovers, but they were so much more.

"Looks like your lucky day, Scully," he said, flipping through the movie options. He had scrolled right over Steel Magnolias.

"Too bad The Giant Thing With the Head of a Fly and the Body of an Octopus that Attacked Long Island isn't on," she joked.

"Ehh, I've seen that. It isn't great."

They watched Steel Magnolias. Scully let herself cry, but silently and into Mulder's chest. She couldn't stop herself, though, once she started. It was his smell that was making the tears come. His smell, the one that she couldn't exactly figure out but had always labeled just Him. She wanted to kiss him. But she couldn't. Because

Real

Life

Is

Not

Like

The

Movies.

And she didn't expect a "happily ever after."

"Scully?" he asked, once he noticed that the tears she thought she could hide from him weren't subsiding. She buried her face into his white shirt, shaking her head.

No.

No I'm not crying.

No there's nothing wrong.

No I don't love you.

And, unbeknownst to her, he could hear what she felt.

Because he heard with his heart.

Even though heads hear.

She wanted to be inside of his body. Not even in a sexual way. She just wanted to jump right inside of him and never leave.

He is me.

I am him.

We are exactly the same.

"I'm sorry," she finally whispered. She could say that every day for the rest of her life and it would never be enough. Mainly because he was not the only one she was sorry to.

He couldn't say anything to her. Everything seemed too little. Not enough to make her stop crying, not enough to make her come back.

Not enough to make her forgive herself.

So he turned off the TV. He pulled the blankets around them.

And that night they held each other, hearing with their hearts.


i know it's short and i'm sorry i haven't been updating regularly. things have been rough. but this is important to me :)