Chapter Six
Five minutes later, Ettie sat in a deck chair with a pair of her older sister's mirrored sunglasses, arms crossed.
"The sunglasses aren't really necessary, Loretta," Artemis said.
"Right," Ettie said. "And when I take them off your girlfriend here will hypnotize me. How stupid do you think I am?"
"You have no idea," Artemis muttered, but closed his mouth when Holly shot him a look.
Holly frowned at Ettie. "So you want to know what's going on," she said, "why your obnoxious, self-absorbed guest is making contact with flying three feet tall beings, right?"
"Yes. And it had better be the truth."
"Okay, fine," Holly said. "I'll tell you. But this is supposed to be confidential and I'll probably get kicked out of LEP if anyone finds out what I'm doing. So you'd better give me the acorn after I tell you."
"Oh, it's threats now, is it?"
Holly involuntarilly reached for her manual dart gun. She clentched her jaw and forced her hand away from the holster. "Artemis, you tell," she said. "Because if that mud girl says one more thing I'm going to shoot her."
Artemis looked at Ettie and crossed his arms, studying her expression. Her eyebrows were tilted downwards and her mouth slightly pursed. Her chin was held up in a defying fashion.
"Well?" she said.
"Okay," Artemis said, "look, Captain Short here is—"
Ettie giggled. "Captain Short? Appropriate name."
Artemis had to take Holly's gun away.
"Do you want to know what's going on or not?" He sighed. "Captain Short (don't you dare say anything) is on a mission, and if she doesn't succeed it can mean an entire species is in danger, maybe more than one."
"What species?"
Artemis stood angrily. "Why should you care? The point is a species is in danger. Why does it matter what species it is?"
"Just tell me. Look, I have the acorn, and I'm not giving it back to anybody until I know what's going on."
Artemis sighed again and dropped his face into his hand, shaking his head slowly. Finally, he looked up and said, "Fairies."
Ettie was silent. She stared at him as if he had just said the earth was flat. "Fairies?" she said at last.
"Yes."
She was quiet for another few seconds. Then she said in a quiet voice, "So that's why Captain Short is..."
"Short. Yes."
"And the wings?"
"Well, actually..."
"They're not real?"
"No."
"Oh."
Suddenly realization brightened her face. "Oh! So the thing with the acorn, and her hypno-thing and everything? That's because she's a fairy?"
Artemis nodded.
"I get it now!"
"About time."
Ettie stood up proudly. "Okay, since Captain Short's family is on the line, I agree."
Artemis frowned. "Agree to what?"
"I'll help you guys!"
"What?" Artemis said. "No, that's not what I meant! I was only telling you so you can give Captain Short her acorn back. She needs it or this mission will probably fail."
Ettie smiled slyly. "I decided I'm going to keep the acorn until you guys let me help. I've never met a real fairy. Actually, I didn't even know fairies existed until now."
Artemis glared at her. "Can't you mesmerize her now?" he said to Holly. "Surely, even with the sunglasses, it wouldn't be so hard to mesmerize a mind as weak as hers."
Holly ignored him. "Alright, I'll let you help. But you have to do exactly as I say."
"Aye, aye, Cap'n," Ettie said with a salute.
"Holly!" Artemis said.
Holly switched to Gnommish. "We'll just mind wipe her when this is over."
Artemis groaned. "I hope that's soon."
Ettie frowned. "What did you say?"
"None of you're business."
"Riiiight," Ettie said. "I'll let you off the hook this time. But the more secrets you keep from me, the less I'll want to hand this acorn back over."
Holly rolled her eyes. "I can always get another one."
"Then why didn't you?"
The elfin captain stared at Ettie, then, turning to Artemis, said in Gnommish, "Jeez, that girl's smarter than she looks."
Artemis narrowed his eyes. "I wouldn't bet on that."
"That girl's probably going to doom us all," Holly said, crossing her arms and slouching.
"I wouldn't be surprised," Artemis said, hands buried in his pockets.
"Jeez, guys, don't be so happy," Chase said. Shrugging off the annoyed glowers of both fairy and human, Chase continued: "Maybe the mud girl could help."
Holly looked at him skeptically. "Oh, yeah? How, Mr. Optimist? Pray tell."
"Well..." Chase looked at the sky and put a finger to his chin, biting his lip. After a few seconds he said, "Before we met Artemis we just assumed all humans were dumb as door nails. We're making that same mistake now. Just because the mud girl acts...acts..."
"Obnoxious and ignorant?"
"Er...yes, obnoxious and ignorant. Just because she acts like that doesn't mean she isn't really smart. It could be just her personality. Not all intelligent humans act like..." he coughed, "self-centered, greedy snobs."
"Very funny, captain."
Chase smiled to himself. "Anyway, the thing we need to concentrate on is not whether this Loretta mud girl is capable of even keeping up. Right now we need to discuss how to arrest the fugitives safely."
"I say we run in there, tranquilize them both and drag them out."
"Keyword: safely."
Artemis raised a single finger. "First, do we have a place to put them? We can't just carry them all the way across California to the only shuttle port in the whole state wrapped in cam-foil."
"Artemis," Holly said, "Los Angeles is not 'all the way across California'. It would only take us a few hours to get there."
"That's not the point," Artemis said. "You still can't take them all that way in cam-foil. And San Francisco is a big city. You can't just park a shuttle somewhere. Even in the Sunset District, someone's bound to stumble across it. We're not in the suburbs here."
"You're right," Chase said. "We need something not so, er, unusual. A car perhaps?"
"A van would be better," Holly said. "Then we can keep them in the back and they won't suffocate."
"How are we going to get one? Just steal it?"
Artemis nodded. "For the time being."
"How are we going to give it back?"
"We won't," Holly said. "We'll just leave it parked somewhere after, I don't know, LEPretrieval get here in a shuttle. We'll just have to load the fugitives in and take off."
Artemis sat back and smiled, steepling his fingers. "Well, friends," he said. "This could be the easiest thing we've ever done."
"Good," Chase said. "The sooner we finish this, the sooner we can get home and," he winked at Holly, "carry about our business."
Holly drew her gun. "One more word, Oak, and you'll have no more business left to carry out."
She put back her gun, then paused. "Wait...'we'? Who's 'we'? As far as I know it's just going to be Oak and me."
"I think I should come along. It's in the city, so my parents won't miss me. And besides, I think I've got a hunch."
"A hunch?" Holly said, looking lopsided at him. "You look perfectly fine to me."
Artemis rolled his eyes.
"Okay, seriously though," Holly said. "What is this 'hunch'?"
Artemis looked away. "Nothing important," he said. "Just...something."
"Lights out, Loretta!" Mrs. Jeffreys called down the laundry chute.
"Okay, okay!" Ettie said. She glanced at the clock. 11:15. She sighed and placed her bookmark in her book and tucked it underneath her pillow. She reached up to turn the light off and the room was plunged into darkness.
Ettie lay face up in bed, feeling the chill of the blackness on her skin, and stared up at the ceiling.
I wonder what Artemis is up to, she thought. Probably talking to his fairy girlfriend. She nearly chuckled. Girlfriend. She had thought it was just a joke before but there was so much awkwardness between the two...She wondered if there wasn't really something going on.
Nah, she thought. Probably not. I mean, he's a human and she's a...fairy...Wow. Fairies. Three-inch-tall, sparkly, scantily dressed, super hot fairies? Give me a break. Captain Short was hardly any of those things. And vicious. Ettie had seen her reaching for her gun that afternoon. It had scared her for a second, but she knew someone like Captain Short would never kill her.
She wasn't the kind of person to go around killing innocent, if annoying, human girls.
Ettie heard soft footsteps above her. Damn thin floors, she thought. You can hear just about everything. The footsteps were sharp, as if the person on the other side was wearing shoes. And the only person sleeping directly above her was Artemis Fowl. Why would Artemis Fowl be wearing shoes to go to the bathroom? She leaned on her elbow to look at the clock. 11:50.
She frowned suspiciously, then descended the rope ladder from her bed, flicked on the lamp on the desk below her bed and, grabbing a hairband from the box on her desk, left her room. Slipping on a pair of sneakers, she exited the house, closing the garage door behind her.
A tall, dark figure came down the stairs from the front door followed by a taller, bulkier figure. Weird. She hadn't even heard the door close. She would have been surprised if someone, besides herself, had heard them leave. She crouched down in the shadow of the overhang of the garage until they had passed her.
She followed him stealthily. The two walked silently, purposefully down the sidewalk. A van was parked on the corner.
The back door opened.
"So you did manage to get a van? How did you drive it all the way here?" Artemis asked the person inside.
"Same way Mulch does," said the person inside, presumably Captain Short. Both chuckled.
The two humans entered the vehicle and the door shut behind them. The engine started, and the van took off down the dark street.
Artemis sat down, buckling his seatbelt. Butler sat beside him. The van was small, but big enough to fit two elves, two humans, and two fugitives. "So you know where they are?" Butler said.
Holly nodded. "Butler, you probably don't have a gun, right?" she said. "I mean, the airport officials would probably arrest you..."
"Holly, do you think I'd ever go anywhere without a weapon of some kind?"
Holly laughed. "Yeah, silly me," she said. "Sorry."
"Is there anything we should know about these criminals beforehand?"
"Bobb is a dwarf," Holly said. "Unix is a sprite. Both are criminals. What else do you need to know?"
"Have they been seen with any sort of...remote control-like device?"
Holly narrowed her eyes. "Not that I know of..." she said. "Anything you want to tell us, Artemis?"
"No," Artemis said. "Never mind. Just an idea."
A/N: So, you like? Next chapter there's going to be some action. Yay! You all know the drill: If you liked it, review. If not...review anyway to tell me what I need to fix. That would make everybody happy! (And I'll update soon to make the REST of you happy).
-Demented Cookies
