disclaimer: not mine, don't sue
She could have gone to the hospital with Mark.
She could have called her division director.
She could have called his partner.
She could have called Skinner.
In this world though, in this life that is not like the movies, she did none of those things.
The only thing that made sense to do was get in a cab and follow the police downtown.
To the station.
Where they would lock him up.
But in his mind
He had never been more free.
It takes awhile before she is allowed to see him.
By this time:
Mark had woken up.
Her division director had been called.
His partner had been called.
And Skinner had been called.
She waited for hours while he was processed. Being an FBI agent, it took a little longer. It should have taken less long.
Shorter.
Had everyone really forgotten about Mulder?
She waited for hours, but of course, she could have waited days. Weeks. Months. Scully would have waited for him forever. In the dark. Maybe she liked the darkness.
Because in the darkness you can't see.
You can't see the danger… you don't even know it's there.
You can't see the good, but you also can't see the bad.
You can't see (or feel) time, or any of it's effects.
You can't see your life passing you by.
Scully didn't want to feel that her Life had been Lived. But in reality, she knew, that she had no Life without Him.
She just had a life.
Going nowhere nowhere fast.
Did he feel that? Did He feel that?
After all,
They were exactly the same.
"Miss Scully?" she heard a gruff voice ask her. It woke her from her reverie. Her afternoon-dream. It was the police officer that had taken Mulder away.
She didn't know his name.
She didn't want to look at his nametag.
"Yes?" she asked, standing up, just like she had been taught to do.
"Your friend's been through the system. You can go see him now, if you like."
She followed the officer down the hall, just like she had been taught to do.
She ignored the other inmates, just like she had been taught to do.
She waited for him to unlock His cell, just like she had been taught to do.
She didn't touch Him, just like she had been taught NOT to do.
But she wished that she had been sick from school that day.
"Scully," he says, lifting her chin. It's not a question. It doesn't require an answer-back.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Scully. I hit him… I have to pay the price."
It is as if he can read her mind.
But people can't read minds.
Not like they can in the movies.
"We don't ever do things normally, do we Mulder?" she asked. It was a small joke. A sort-of joke. The kind that make her laugh in despair. The kind that make her feel like she's going mad.
"No," he hangs his head because of her sort-of joke. She is slipping away.
And he can't follow her.
"I can't do this…" she trails, putting her hand on her head (so that she would not put her hand on him like she had been taught NOT to do). The tears are ready to fall again. She loves him.
So much.
She can't have him.
So much.
"I'm sorry. He just--"
"I'm not talking about what Mark did, Mulder! I'm not talking about that! I love what you did for me at the beach. It was sweet and compassionate and everything I've ever wanted somebody to do for me. I'm talking about us, Mulder. We might be bad for each other."
We might be the only thing for each other.
"Scully, I thought about what you said. How there can't be any middle ground. You're right. We can't be in the gray. Either we do this the right way or we don't do this at all. I thought about what you said, and I thought about what I would say back. Scully… we're going to make this work. I'll give up everything. I'll run a thousand miles away from the X-files. Nothing will stand in our way."
Nothing would stand in their way.
Except her.
"No, Mulder. We can't. We're not that type of people. I know you can't give up everything for me just like I can't give up everything for you. It doesn't work like that."
"We'll make it work like that."
Run away.
Wasn't he tired of running?
This was different.
He was running toward something.
He was running toward her.
And she was running away.
Again.
Some things never change.
"I don't think we could. Mulder, I'm getting you out of here, but then I'm gone. I'm getting Mark out of the hospital tonight, then we're leaving again. I would advise you to do the same. This was fun. I've never felt so much in such a short amount of time. But it's over. This isn't a movie."
Because
Real
Life
Is
Not
Like
The
Movies.
"So that's it? You're just going to leave?"
Again.
"I never just leave, Mulder. And I don't think a part of me will ever really leave you. But yes, if you want to put it that way, sure. I'm just going to leave."
Somewhere water was dripping slowly and she knew what he was going to say before he even said it.
And they weren't sharing a forehead, either.
"Like last time."
She didn't know what to say. Did that require an answer-back?
"This is the last time."
"I told you, Scully, I'm not ready to go cold-turkey. And I know that you aren't either. I know you're just trying to protect yourself. But you have to know, Scully, I would never hurt you. Ever. I'd die first."
"We don't mean to hurt each other, Mulder, but we do."
They did.
It was inevitable.
They were exactly the same.
"But I'll always pull you back up. I'll always take your hand and brush the dust off and listen to you."
Listen with his head.
Listen with his heart.
It didn't matter, but if she left, there would be nobody to listen to.
Except his own head.
His own heart.
He didn't trust them.
Not since the airport.
Not since he didn't say what he needed to say.
"Scully, don't you know how much I love you?"
There
He said what he needed to say.
It was just a question now.
"Yes, Mulder, I do. I know how much you love me. You just told me you would give everything up for me. Give up your X-files and your darkness and your questions and you sister…"
"You don't know."
"I do."
"You don't know, otherwise you would know that none of that stuff, not even Samantha, could stack up next to you. You don't even know the half of what I would give up for you!"
"I'm sorry," she says, and suddenly it seems familiar.
She was good at saying goodbye, she believed.
"Scully, don't do this. You know that if you leave I cannot follow you. I can only do one thing at a time."
It was true.
If she stayed he could not leave. If she left he could not follow her.
If she loved him he could only love her back.
He was crying now.
"Come on, we have to go. You're out on bail," she said after a small silence. It had been full of questions. Like a shady politician… she had done her best to avoid them.
She was good at avoiding things, he believed.
That was the final blow.
He let her go once again.
She left the cell, but because he could only do one thing at a time, he could not follow her. Not until she was far away.
