A.N Hey people I am so sorry that I haven't updated in forever it's just been so hectic from trying to find a job and then getting kicked out of college. I promise though that I will try and update more often for you. I really am sorry I hope that all of my fans can forgive me….

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer holds that privilege and luxury.

I could feel hands shaking my shoulders, trying to wake me up. I pushed at the hands and couldn't help the whimper that came from my throat. "No…don't touch me." My voice was raspy and my eyes felt too heavy to open.

"Bella…come on baby. Get up your bleeding." I felt his hand grab my arms and start to pull me to my feet. "What happened Bella? You haven't done this in months, I thought that you had finally stopped." I heard my lie being spoken back to me. I just shook my head and leaned against Jacob. "Come on. Lets get you cleaned up." I opened my eyes and walked towards the bathroom.

While Jacob was cleaning up my wounds I leaned my hip against the counter and watched as he wiped the blood from my arms. I kept my eyes purposely away from his and thought of the night before.

"You were dreaming about him again weren't you? You usually only do this after you've dreamt of him." He didn't ask me to explain but I knew that he was just waiting for me to tell him on my own time.

I shook my head and chewed on my bottom lip. "I wasn't dreaming about him. I saw him last night. He came by the club, asking why I was there." I cringed away from the site of my own blood and instead stared at my face in the mirror, a face that scared me. I chewed on my bottom lip as I felt Jacob wrap a gauze around my wrist to stop the bleeding and mend the broken skin.

"Was he surprised?" Jacob jumped up to sit on the counter and pulled me into his warm embrace. He stared into my eyes and trailed his fingers across my cheek. "Don't be upset. I was surprised too the first time I saw you dance." My breath hitched in my throat as I stood still and frozen inside of his arms. He cupped my face between his hands and gently caressed my cheek with his thumb. "I wanted to surprise you one night and you turned around toward me on stage, surprising me. At first I was angry until I saw your face. I could see the raw pain and heartache on your face but not once did you falter. I saw the courage inside of you on that night. The courage to throw away your morals and do what you needed to for Anthony. After I saw that I felt proud of you, but I didn't say anything because I knew that you didn't want to tell me." He kissed my forehead, a kiss that I didn't deserve.

"He was angry with me, but I couldn't tell him about Anthony. I didn't think that he would care. He had said that he didn't want me, what would make him want me now? What would make him want Anthony?" I trembled against him, laying my cheek against his shoulder. "I'm scared, Jacob." My voice didn't sound recognizable to me, it sounded weak and frightened.

"He can't hurt you anymore, baby. No one can do that anymore." He kissed my hair and pushed me away from him, staring into my eyes. He pushed a lock of hair fro my face and smile at me. "I know that Edward hurt you, but maybe he realized what he's done now. He was only seventeen, Bella, just like you. You've both grown up, maybe he just understands that he made a mistake." The truth in his words made me beg that they were true. I hoped with everything that I had that Edward would really come back to me. No matter what he had done to me I would have gone back to him in a heartbeat.

"I hope that were true, Jacob, but even if he does come back to me how can I trust him against? He broke my heart, how do I know that he won't do it again?" One tear rolled down my cheek, I watched as Jacob reached towards my face to wipe away my tears.

"You won't know unless you try to let him in again, baby." Jacob pulled me into his arms as I trembled from quiet sobs.

__________________________________________________________________

Hours later I was back in the club with my best professional smile highlighting my face. I had already had my time on stage without seeing Edward. I felt my heart break a little bit but I thought that maybe it was better this way. My life could go back to normal now. I walked towards the bar and smiled at the bartender who had become my best friend when I was depressed.

I saw at one of the stools and leaned my arms on the wooden bar. "Give me three shots, Ryan. Put it on my tab." I smiled as he lined up my three shots of vodka.

"What's wrong?" He asked wiping down the already clean bar.

"Life." I muttered as I threw back my first shot and slammed the glass back down. I had just finished my third one when I heard the voice that I had been dreading all night.

"Is life that bad that you need to down three shots in 2 minutes?" I set my glass back down on the table and hung my head. I didn't want to answer back, hoping that the owner of that voice would go away. Unfortunately I wasn't that lucky. "Look at me." he demanded softly. I couldn't life my head though, I was still afraid to look.

"I don't want to…" I whispered my fingers around my wrist as I felt my heart beating in my chest like a drum. My hair hung like a curtain around my face, while his fingers pushed back the curtain to look at me. "Please just leave me alone." My voice sounded weak and afraid and I could tell my how his body went rigid that he heard me.

"Why Bella?" He asked his voice soft and his hands supple as they touched my cheek. He brushed the tears that were slowly winding down my cheek as I stared at his thumb, watching his lick the tears off his finger. I bit my lip and shook my head. "Bella, please, talk to me. I obviously need to fix this." He whispered and pushed my hair back away from my face. He lifted my head with his finger, forcing me to look into his eyes. I couldn't help but shudder at his touch and tremble at the sight of his bright green eyes staring back at me.

I shook my head again and licked my lips. "I can't." I whispered, standing and trying to walk away from him. His hand grabbed my wrist so hard that I gasped. I flinched when his fingers touched the cuts that marred my skin. I whimpered and tried to pull my wrist away from him. I looked down at my wrist while his fingers trailed over my skin lightly. I could see his eyes widen and narrow in the matter of only a second. I ripped my wrist from his grasp and held my ground in front of him. "It's none of your business." I stated before walking away from him. I got as far as the boor to the dressing room when I heard his footsteps behind me.

"Bella I didn't mean it…" His words trailed off and I stopped dead, my mouth gaping open slightly as I stared at the door. "I was young and stupid to have given you up Bella. All I need is one more chance to prove to you that I've changed. Bella, please." He whispered against my back, his breath causing my hair to move around my ear.

I hung my head biting my lip. "It's not me you have to apologize to, Edward." I whispered looking behind my shoulder at his confused face. "I'm not the one who doesn't know who you are. I'm not the one that didn't know you existed, with only stories from me to know who were." I opened the stage door in a rush and slammed it behind me before breaking down in tears and looking at the picture of my smiling little boy taped to my mirror.

I had put him there to give me strength every time before I ever went out on stage, but right now I needed strength for another reason. To keep myself strong from the heartbreak that was riding through ever inch of my body from my core for the father that he never knew.

A.N. Okay I know that I've been gone for a little while so this time I only want five reviews. I promise that I won't freak out if I only get one or two at least I know that people are still reading this story. So please I hope you enjoyed it.