And more ways to kill, annoy, yadda yadda...
And just because I haven't said it in a long time, I want to remind everyone that I don't own Harry and crew, that I'm not making any money off this and that suing me over it is a waste of time. I mean, come on, it took me five days to scrape up 56.91 to replace a broken wireless internet card. How much broker could I be, and still have a computer at all?
That said, some of you have come up with ways to annoy Voldemort that sound like fun, and I will get to them all. Have some patience though, some of the things you have suggested, especially the Anime stuff is new to me and I'll have to look it up before I can use it without sounding like an idiot. That said, let's hurt Voldemort.
Forty-one to Fifty
Forty-one:
Voldemort appeared in a desert of some sort and snarled. Harry Potter was becoming a major annoyance. As soon as he saw him again, Voldemort decided he'd simply kill the brat. He started to walk only to hear a thud and feel the ground shake. He turned around to see a huge human shaped creature the color of a Killing Curse standing in a small crater.
Voldemort stared at the massively muscled thing for a minute and tried to put it under the Imperious. This thing would make an excellent slave. It ignored the curse and he tried the Cruciatus.
That got a response in a hurry. The monster roared and struck Voldemort with one huge fist. The last thing Voldemort heard as his skull was pushed out his... lower anatomy was the monster bellowing.
"HULK SMASH!"
Forty-Two:
The two beings monitoring the latest test were just opening the doors to the bubbling metal when an alarm went off. They couldn't react in time and the molten metal splashed into the pit, even as they hit the emergency abort.
They looked at each other apprehensively. The Hutt Lord would not be happy to have his experiment in Carbonite freezing ruined, and how the hell were they going to explain that the organic mass had simply appeared in the pit?
After the metal had cooled, they went and examined the mass. A strange being of a race they didn't recognize stood there, encased in Carbonite. One of them stared and looked at the other one. "Look at it. Dressed in robes, and holding a short handle. It must have been a Jedi. That would explain why we didn't see it, it was playing tricks on our minds."
Three months later, the Jedi brought down the Hutt crime lord and found the statue in his private quarters. Yoda looked at the statue and concentrated on the force. "Alive it is still, but filled with evil, yes?"
His Padiwan concentrated and felt the life and the evil in the statue. "Yes, Master Yodi. What should we do with it?"
Yodi reached with the Force, and felt the evil again and the tiny remaint of a soul torn to shreds by the being's own choice. This one would not be redeemed.
"Wait, we will. This one must learn in his own time. Allow him privacy we will."
The two Jedi left, leaving the statue behind on a deserted asteroid base not marked on any charts.
Forty-three:
Voldemort appeared on a street and froze. These people had vessels that flew and buildings so tall he couldn't see the tops of them. He ducked into an alcove while he thought. He saw a person walking by and used the Imperious. He made the man stand still while Voldemort used his Legilimency on him.
A few minutes later he was even more confused. Robots? Technology? And where was this place, that the man thought of as a planet called Alderaan?
Voldemort never would learn the answers to his questions as the Empire demonstrated the power of the Death Star for the first time.
Voldemort's spirit was left to haunt an asteroid belt for all eternity.
Forty-four:
Voldemort appeared nearly twenty feet above a large hole and fell into the hole before he could even cast a spell.
The bubbling fluid he fell into stole rational thought as pain washed over him, and Voldemort had lots of time to feel pain.
After all, the digestive system of the Sarlacc takes a thousand years.
Forty-five:
Darth Vader stared at the creature that had appeared in his private quarters. He had examined it with the Force, and it was as evil as the Emperor, but far more intractable, desiring only to cause pain to others, and to rule everyone it met.
Somewhere deep in Darth Vader, something stirred and he fought the urge for a minute. Finally he shrugged and activated his light saber.
He swung once and watched impassively as the head bounced on the floor. As the fractured soul came out of the remains, he captured it with the force and bound it to the heel of his boot.
Walking on the one that would rule was a mild amusement for him.
Forty-six:
Voldemort appeared in front of a woman, and even in the magical form he'd created, he felt an urge for this woman. Light skinned and beautiful, she was blond, with silky hair and the most vividly blue eyes he'd even seen. She was so intoxicating that Voldemort barely noticed the aura of power that swirled around her.
She looked at him, and Voldemort could only stare helplessly as she rifled though his thoughts. She frowned when she was done. "You've been a very evil man, mortal. I think it's time you remembered what is truly important in the world."
She gestured and Voldemort twisted in pain as his spirit was ripped from the various Horcruxes and returned to its original state. Before he could do anything, she gestured again and decades of hate were wiped away. His body was changed, back to a merely human shape and he found himself next to a Muggle female.
Voldemort fought it, but the Goddess's commands were too strong for him and he lived out his days as a simple farmer with a loving wife and lots of kids, all of whom he loved.
The Goddess Venus would look in on them occasionally, insuring that Voldemort had Love, Laughter and a very long life.
Forty-seven:
Voldemort looked around. He'd reappeared in the Great Hall of Hogwarts, right in the middle of a Sorting Ceremony. He looked at the head table and there was an old man, with a long white beard, a very familar scar and vivid green eyes raising his wand at him.
"It's been a long time, Tom. I'm afraid I just can't allow you to continue to cause trouble though." Harry Potter smiled sadly. "You should have stayed where ever you were. I've learned a lot in the last one hundred and twenty-two years."
Harry Potter waved his wand and Voldemort was frozen, unable to move or do anything but watch as Harry cast several more spells, destroying the Horcruxes he found in Voldemort's mind and finally transferring all the years Harry had lived to Voldemort.. He died then, as he aged one hundred and forty years in an instant.
Harry looked at his students, who were staring at him in awe. He ran his hands through his messy black hair. "My apologies for the interruption. Professor Lovegood, if you would continue?"
Selena Lovegood, Daughter of Neville and Luna, looked at the pile of dust that had been a Dark Lord and shook her head. "Only Harry Potter would consider destroying a Dark Lord such a minor thing that it shouldn't interfere with the Sorting," she thought as she looked at the list to call the next name. "Sirius Weasley."
Forty-eight:
Voldemort appeared in a hallway of some sort, with a dirt floor and rough plywood walls. Before he could move, tons of a thick grey substance were pouring down from above, and he disappeared under the concrete.
The Nile Dam spread water over much of the surrounding area and was build to last five hundred years. No one ever knew about the thing that raged in the base of the dam, unable to do anything but wait for the dam to wear away and free him.
Forty-nine:
Voldemort appeared in front of a Weasley girl, or at least that's what he thought. She was small and red-haired, holding a baby. "Crucio," he hissed and laughed at she screamed. That was when things went very wrong.
A sandy haired young man appeared in front of Voldemort, breaking the spell and Voldemort looked at this new enemy. He pointed his wand at him, but before he could cast a spell, the man held out his hand and said, "Burn."
Voldemort had a second to realize the man was a wandless caster before the pain stopped his thinking.
Belgarion watched the man who had hurt Ce'Nedra burn and there was not a shred of mercy in him. As the spirit tried to flee, Belgarion caught it and bound it to his chamber pot.
He turned to his wife. "Are you OK? Should I send for Aunt Pol?" Belgarion made a mental note as he tried to help his wife. He'd have to use that pot often.
Fifty:
Voldemort looked around the small room he was in. It was a square room with no doors or windows. He tried Apparating, and then destroying the room and nothing worked. His was cursing loudly when the music started.
"I love you, you love me." The insipid drivel was followed by "This is the song that never ends," and other insanely mindless baby songs.
Voldemort soon found out he couldn't block the music, hurt the room or himself. In a few long decades, he was no longer sane enough to cast a spell anyway.
OoOoOoO The Author, Here and Now. OoOoOoO
More ways to annoy the Dork Lard...
Many of you have offered amusing ways to kill Moldylord and I'm looking some of them up as I have time, but SoG, BoB, PoE and MM&WS all come first, so it may be awhile before you see the death you asked for. Although, I have to say that being killed the way JKR did it is just humiliating. I won't say it here, in case someone out there doesn't know how Voldemort dies in Canon, but it's just so embarrassing when you think about it.
Raven
