Stephenie Meyer owns everything. Im sorry it took me so long to update. And im sorry if this chapter seems choppy, i've been working on it for almost two weeks and i had to leave it for almost a week. i went out of town, and im coming down with writers block, but i will keep picking at it.

Chapter 13- My Mistakes

"Bella relax, everything is going to be ok." Edward told me persuasively. I just couldn't relax though, not when I could "maybe" be pregnant. Ok, I think my chances of really for sure being pregnant are very good right now. I was freaking out, big time.

"I cant Edward, not when I don't know for sure." I had taken my time this morning, went to my orthopedic surgeon, got a nice new brace outfitted for my arm, he also didn't look like he believed my reason for the cast coming off in Seattle anyway. But at least he wasn't putting me back in another cast, like had been originally planned. Now, Edward and sat in my gynecologists office with me. He had even come in the exam room with me and looked extremely uncomfortable during the pelvic. Now, she had us in her personal office for the results. i was seating very anxious next to Edward, my heart rate took off when she came back in with the papers.

"Bella, you're not pregnant. But I would like to see you back in six months for another exam." she said after she quickly sat at her desk. I let out a breath, Edward did the same.

"Can you repeat that?' he asked politely. She smiled at him, at his nervousness.

"You're not going to be having a baby." she repeated. I felt the smile stretch across my face as my eyes met Edwards. He looked happy, but disappointed at the same time. I reached for his hand, his hand met mine halfway.

"So why am I late then?" I asked as soon as the shock wore off. She frowned a little, and shrugged.

"My best guess is that you're not training anymore. Your body is confused." She told me. Her best guess?

"So, what do I do until then?"

"I'm going to give you a prescription for a different birth control, lets see if this straightens your body out." She said handing me a piece of paper, and then rising with us as we went to leave. Edward was quiet the whole trip home, and didn't speak until we were in the driveway.

"I'm glad and sad at the same time." he whispered. I felt my heart drop, I didn't like seeing him upset. He still had my hand in a firm grasp, and lifted our hands to his mouth to give them a quick peck. I didn't know what to say, he looked so lost as I looked at him. He sucked in a troubled breathe, and pulled me to him, not easily accomplished in a car. I was straddling his lap in seconds, his arms wrapped around me tightly.

"I thought that my feelings were mixed on you maybe being pregnant, but now that we know you're not….I'm kind of sad. I was already preparing myself for being a father." His words faded as he finished, he was trying hard not to cry.

"Edward, we will have a baby someday. Look, we are graduating in four months, we have plenty of time to practice." I told him, pressing myself to him suggestively. My goal had been to cheer him up, if only slightly, I think it worked. His hand found my chin, and then his lips were on mine.

"I love you.' he whispered, when we parted. My breathe was ragged, and I didn't want to open my eyes just yet.

"I love you too." I answered quietly. He let me back into my seat, and then motioned for us to go in now. He went straight into the kitchen and made us a couple sandwiches and some popcorn. Oh, and I shouldn't forget the ice cream.

"What are you doing Edward?" I asked as he grabbed my hand and led us into the bedroom. He didn't look up as he pulled the quilt down, and then proceeded to get my comfy pajamas from the bathroom counter. He handed them to me, and changed into his own quickly. He was under the covers before I could even pull my shirt off.

"We are going to just sit in bed, and watch movies all day. Lets go where the day takes us, not where we take it." he finally answered. I felt the smile on my face as I changed, and got into bed with him. Now this was what I would call a good way to sit around and relax all day. Edward sifted us so that I was resting comfortably on his chest as we started the first movie. His hands played in my hair, and I gripped his body, every now and then I would feel his lips on my head leaving me a quick peck. I don't know long I lasted until I finally let myself fall asleep.

Since I had plenty of credits and hours to graduate I had one class this semester. And since that glass was an advanced physiology I was actually very excited to be attending. There were only three other people in the class when I stepped in and took a seat. This was going to be an easy four months. Alice whisked in a moment later, and made a beeline for my table. She had a huge smile on her face.

"I heard the news, how come you didn't tell me?" she questioned as she sat next to me.

"We laid in bed all day, just relaxing." I answered, she knew that we had been there, and I knew that she would have never interrupted.

"Well. I'm mad at you." she said, she did actually sound mad. I looked at her, placing my best big sad eyes on my face. It worked.

"Ok, you're forgiven. So why did you spend all day in bed…?" she asked quietly. And then comprehension dawned on her face strongly. This is what I loved about Alice, I never usually had to explain anything to her. She just understood me, completely.

"You are upset that you aren't pregnant?' her voice was as quiet as she could get it, and she seemed very perplexed. Like she couldn't understand why someone would actually want to be having a child. Edwards child. I smiled as I left my daydream.

"we were both a little disappointed. With everything that has happened this year, me not being able to cheer anymore, and stuff. We are just ready for this stage our lives to be over, and start a new stage." I answered, shrugging. She pestered me through the whole class, though I willingly let her because I missed this part of our friendship. i walked with her to my car, she climbed in the passinger seat beside.

"Where's the Volvo?" I asked, noticing that it was nowhere to be seen.

"Jasper drove, I love sitting next to him in his truck. Makes me feel like we are from the sticks. He is mine, and I his." she said. I actually had to re-orient myself with my car since Edward always drove. I was trying to figure out the windshield wipers when Alice suddenly reached over and flicked them on when a sigh.

"Edward always drives, and come to think of it, this will be the first time driving this car in the rain for me." I told her, her eyes widened in sarcasm.

"Oh god, where's the oh shit handle?" she laughed. I reached over giving her a slap on the arm, but I still laughed. We did lunch after class, laughing the whole through our soup at Panera Bread. This was what I missed most, the way she could always make me laugh.

January sped by after the first of the year, even with my one class I still had tons on my plate. I was helping coach the squad with upcoming nationals, and I was coaching the extreme youth league . The girls were ages 9 to 12, and even though I had a hard time in the beginning, I had to finally admit to myself that I really loved coaching, perhaps I had found my niche. Edward and I were as close as ever, especially after our little scare. Just knowing that he would be there for me when it did happen, I let myself bond with him even more. But, my friendship with Alice was suffering. Edward and jasper were out with the guys tonight, "male bonding" they had said. I crawled into bed with Alice when I found I couldn't sleep. She quickly snuggled up to me.

"what's wrong?" she asked, her voice wide awake too. How could I tell her that I missed her so much. We both had our things now, was it just part of growing up?

"I miss you." I blurted out, she giggled. Leave it to Alice to cheer me up just with her laugh.

"I know, I miss you too. I feel like we have both grown up so much this year. And we both are so happy with our men. don't you just love the way they take up all the space in your heart, and all your time?" she said, still laughing. I joined her, it felt good. Don't get me wrong I was very, no extremely happy with Edward, just sometimes you need and crave comfort that only your best girlfriend can give you.

"Are you truly happy with Edward?' she suddenly questioned. I looked at her, her dark eyes twinkling in the moonlight. I nodded slowly, trying not to cry. She started it.

"Yes, he makes my heart fly every time we are together. We both want to further our relationship, but I don't what is stopping us." I answered. She nodded like she knew how I felt. I knew that her and jasper were very far from an engagement and even further from a family. But Edward and I were not.

"Are you happy with jasper, I mean he's not doing his crap anymore? I asked her, just as serious as she had asked me. She suddenly started sobbing. Did I say something wrong?

"Yes, and it scares the hell out of me. Sometimes he's just so perfect for me, and I him, its scares me. I don't know what I would do without him." she finished. I smiled at her, pulling into a hug.

"I guess with both got caught up in two wonderful men, and I'm glad for both of us. We deserve to be happy." I told her. She laughed too. The door quietly opened, and jasper stepped into the darkness.

"She's in here man." he said into the hallway, Edward must be looking for me. His shadow filled the doorway.

"So this is what they do when were not around." Edwards smooth voice made me shiver already. Alice and I were both laughing now. She threw a pillow at Jasper, and motioned for me to get out of her bed, I groaned, but got up anyway. Silently I padded down the hall after Edward, and headed straight for the bathtub. Edward wandered in after a few minutes and joined me in the hot water. The tub had more than enough room to allow for both of us, but he placed me right in his lap letting me lay back on him.

"So, are you coming to nationals next week, or staying here with the kids?" he asked after several minutes of comfortable silence.

"Are you kidding me, I wouldn't miss this for the world."

"I knew you'd say that." he laughed when he said that, his whole body rumbling as he chuckled. I felt his lips on my neck. I was on top of him in a second, the water sloshing onto the tiled floor. I didn't care right now. We had had sex since our scare, but nothing like this. I could barely walk to my our bed afterward, and climbed in still naked and damp. I think I was asleep before he even got in with me.

the next week at nationals

It was very hard for me to watch Edward stunt with Lauren, the spawn of Satan. I watched every detail, scrutinized her every move. But I was confident enough with my moves that I could tell myself that she would never be as good as I once was. How pathetic.

"As good as I once was." I mumbled quietly while watching stunt partners practice. Since Edward and Lauren were new partners, they had to practice even longer. Coach didn't understand why I had to be there for every second. He didn't know that I didn't trust Lauren as far as I could throw her. Alice had heard my mumble and was now watching m every move. I knew that her and Edward feared some sort of mental breakdown this weekend. It wasn't going to happen though, I was not going to be weak because her.

"just let it go, and go to the hotel love." Edward whispered as he tried to coax me into leaving with the rest of the squad. Like I was that stupid?

"And leave you alone here with her?" I retaliated. His eyebrows immediately knitted together in a frown, and the look in his eyes was scary. I trusted Edward completely, just not Lauren. She came up behind him, her scrawny arms pulling him closer to her. I almost lost it, I was counting the ten in me head. But being the mature adult I am, I turned heel and stomped out of the room and got on the bus back to hotel. I just acted like a five year old I realized when I was seated on the bus, I let out a frustrated sigh, and waiting as patiently as I could for the bus to leave. But when I got there it was like I couldn't keep myself busy. I knew I head to keep my mind busy so I started a new book. But I found myself reading the same line over and over again. I had glanced at the door a million times as I held that book in front of my face. I was glad Alice wasn't here to witness this. Although she would probably be laughing at me right now. The door knob turned, and I heard the click of the lock. Finally! Edward stuck his head in, and found me sitting in the chair by the window. My feet in the chair, and my arms resting on my knees.

"Where's Alice?" my voice came out much colder than I had aimed for. He was apparently taking in my mood. I wondered what he assessed.

"They ordered pizza, its in Jess and Laurens room." he answered. Wrong name to say right now. I buried my head in my arms, trying not to cry. What was wrong with me? I had never been so emotional in my life. I heard him cross the room, and held my hand out to him signaling for him to stop. He stopped, the carpet quit squishing under his feet as he did. It was silent for a few tense moments.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be difficult. I swear. I'm just jealous seeing you up there with her." I finished with a sneer in my voice.

"It should be me." I added. I felt him kneel next to the chair. I still couldn't look up at him. I didn't want to see the look in his face. I knew I was being stupid, and my behavior was probably very unattractive.

"You don't trust me?' his voice made my heart break. Why was I doing this to him? So many things I wanted to say to him in that moment, and I couldn't do it. I knew my own voice would betray me. I wanted to kiss him, and love him, and tell him that I trusted him with all my heart. But I couldn't. the tears came very quick as I listened to him stand, and leave the room. So many unspoken things had just passed through us that I had to scramble to figure out what I had just done. Alice came in a few minutes later, only to find me in the same position as Edward had left me, the tears still pouring down my cheeks. She didn't say anything to me as she pulled me over to the bed, and crawled in next to me.

"I'm so confused Alice. I don't know what to do." I sobbed into her hug. She held me as I cried, and didn't even say a word about ruining her favorite workout shirt. Only I, my shallow and insecure self would be thinking of that right now. I hated myself right then.