"Serena!" Blair squealed, rushing forward to envelope the taller blond in a tight hug. "You're back! How was Hudson?"
"O- Okay, Dan's Mom took the news pretty well." Serena said. "But that's not why I'm here. B, I need your help."
"What's wrong?" Blair asked concernedly, "Is the baby all right?"
"The baby's fine," Serena nodded, "I went for a check up a few days ago and the doctor said I was about two months along. That's not the problem."
"Then what is?"
"The wedding." Serena blurted out. "I can't marry Dan."
Blair let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God, it's just cold feet. You really had me going there for a second. S, you and Dan love each other. You shouldn't be nervous."
"No, no, Blair, it's not that I don't want to marry Dan – because I do. I really do – it's that I can't marry Dan." Serena said shakily.
"Well why not?" Blair frowned.
"Because I'm already married."
--
"Blair could you keep it down," Serena hissed, "I don't want Chuck to find out what we're doing."
"You and me both Blondie." Blair retorted. "Two months Serena, you got engaged two whole months ago, you're getting married in three months and you choose now to spring this on me!"
"I was scared!" Serena defended. "And I could never catch you on your own, you were always with Chuck."
"Well we do live together," Blair reminded her. "You know, as all of us non-bigamists do."
"Okay, I get it. I should have told you." Serena sighed and put her head into her hands. "But you would have done the exact same thing if you were me."
"Except this would never happen to me, Serena." Blair snorted. "Things like this could only ever happen to you."
Serena groaned. "What do I do Blair? How can I possibly explain this to Dan?"
Blair rubbed her back comfortingly before focusing again on the laptop screen that was in front of her. "Las Vegas, Nevada. Home of sex, drugs and rock n' roll." She said with distaste. Her back stiffened and she quickly slammed the laptop closed before turning to her bemused boyfriend who was standing in the doorway and waved nervously.
"Hey Chuck, you're home early." She said brightly.
"So it seems." He said suspiciously, "What's going on?"
"Nothing! Absolutely nothing!" Serena said quickly. "Why, what do you think is going on?"
Chuck's eyes narrowed and he zeroed in on his girlfriend giving her a pointed glare.
Blair sighed, "Brainiac here eloped with some random boyfriend when she was nineteen and she's waited until now to spill the beans."
"Blair!" Serena cried.
"Sorry, but lying to Chuck and lying to everyone else are two very different things." Blair shrugged. "Besides, he can help. When he... you know, finishes laughing."
He held up his hands in apology to the very stressed Serena as he met Blair's eyes and the two of them started laughing again.
"Guys!"
"Sorry," They both chorused, albeit insincerely.
"So how are we going to do this?" Serena asked a few minutes later. "Chuck?"
"Uh uh, I'm not helping." Chuck shook his head. "This," he indicated the two girls and the open computer screen, "Is not my problem."
"Then why did you bother interfering!" Serena moaned.
"I thought Blair was in trouble," He shrugged. "I don't care about your problems." He kissed Blair's head before grabbing his cell and leaving the apartment.
"Yeah, love you too Bro!" Serena shrieked after him. "Stop laughing!" She begged Blair.
--
"What time are Blair and Serena supposed to be meeting us?" Eric asked his brother later that night.
"Seven, but I'd say they might be late." Chuck smirked back, "They're having a little trouble with the marriage license."
"Oh?" Dan frowned. "I thought Serena had sorted that out ages ago."
Chuck just raised an eyebrow and smiled mysteriously to himself.
"So... How's things with you and Blair?" Dan asked as he drummed his fingers absently on the counter a few minutes later.
"None of your business." Chuck retorted. "We're not friends Humphrey. I only put up with you because Blair insists on being friends with Serena."
"Good, good." Dan said, not really listening. His eyes kept veering towards the doorway in search of his fiancé.
Chuck's back stiffened. Nobody ignored Chuck Bass, especially not Brooklyn nobodies with middle class status. "Actually I'm thinking I might dump her. I'm starting to have a fondness for blonds."
"That's nice." Dan smiled.
Eric snickered.
"And you know it's not just any ordinary blonds, I like them mature, tall, pregnant." Chuck continued.
"Really? Sounds great."
"I always have been a family man," Chuck mused. "It's really not right of me to abandon my secret lover now that she's having my baby. Of course she is engaged, but the fiancé is so delusional that he actually thinks he's the father. Some people are idiotic like that."
Eric almost choked on his drink he was laughing so hard, but still Dan wasn't paying attention. "I know, right?"
"She and I have come to some sort of arrangement, because she's already married I'll of course be permitted to take as many wives as I want. Purely in the spiritual sense of course." Chuck rolled his eyes at his future brother-in-law's stupidity. Eric, although not understanding part of the joke, knew better then to ask.
"Of course." Dan stood up and waved the two girls over when he eventually spotted them. "Hey, there you were. I was starting to get worried."
"Oh we had some last minute things to do," Blair waved off, sitting down next to Chuck and giving Eric, who was still in hysterics, a weird look.
"Yeah, Chuck mentioned something about a marriage license?" Dan frowned.
Blair's eyes widened.
"He did, did he?" Serena trilled nervously, shooting Chuck a look of pure loathing. "And what else did Chuck mention?"
Eric laughed even harder and Dan looked around at the table. Both Serena and Blair had guilty looks on their faces, Eric's head was on the table and his body was shaking with silent mirth, and Chuck... well he had his smug 'I know something you don't know' fixed firmly in place as per usual.
"You know what?" He said finally. "I don't think I want to know."
--
"So how did you get Serena off the hook?" Chuck asked as he and Blair rode home in their limo later that night.
Blair smiled, "Turns out that their priest was a con-artist who never even thought of getting ordained. The whole thing was a scam."
"She must be relieved." Chuck said unconcernedly.
Blair nodded. "It worked out in the end. No thanks to you." She shot him a pointed look.
"It's her problem, not mine." Chuck told her. "Let Serena work her own life out for a change."
"And if it was me who needed help?" Blair challenged.
Chuck rolled his eyes. "Waldorf not only would you never in a million years be stupid enough to do something like that no matter how inebriated you were, you would have sorted this out years ago. Most likely the day after it happened. But," He conceded, "If you ever were in trouble you already know that I'd do anything to get you out of it."
She beamed and kissed him firmly on the lips. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear."
"Oh I know." He assured her.
"What was that?" Her eyes flashed.
"I said, I think it's starting to snow."
