SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! I'M STILL NOT SURE ABOUT THS BUT IT WILL HAVE TO DO! LOVE ALL YOU GUYS AND SCHOOL SUCKS THAT'S WHY I'M NOT REPLYING TO YOUR REVIEWS! BUT PLEASE DON'T LET THAT STOP YOU REVIEWING AND LETTING ME KNOW ABOUT MY STORY! HAPPY 20TH CHAPTER! :)
SONG TO LISTEN TO - ASHES AND WINE - A FINE FRENZY.
20. Ashes And Wine
Nathan awoke with yet another sense of emptiness and turned over to a dent in the pillow.
Gone again.
He sighed, why would he even think she would stay? He got up and walked to the bathroom.
Opening the door his eyes were met with a very memorable sight. Haley had just stepped out the shower and was reaching for a towel. Her back was to him and Nathan watched the water run down her shining skin. He felt his boxers get tighter as his heart rate sped up. He had never seen Haley naked.
Soon the image was gone as the towel enveloped Haley. Nathan quietly moved back into the bedroom, and jumped into his bed. He needed to pretend he was still asleep, so Haley wouldn't suspect him.
Haley heard the door open and froze. She knew Nathan was behind her, but for some reason her body decided to take extra long to grab the towel off the rail. She knew Nathan had never seen her naked, and she knew that if she was going to win him back, he would have to be attracted to her.
She felt herself blushing as she felt Nathan's eyes on her back, so she covered herself up. She realised she might not be ready for that stage yet.
Walking through, she noticed that Nathan had jumped back into bed. He thinks I don't know he was there. She smirked to herself. Game on.
Haley watched him intently, realising he hadn't yet fallen asleep. So she just dropped her towel and walked over to the new wardrobes.
Nathan's breathing hitched as he opened his eyes slightly to see a naked Haley walking about the room.
'I know you're looking.' Haley's voice made him open his eyes wider.
Nathan coughed. What was Haley doing?
Haley smirked while facing the wardrobe. She loved being adventurous. She couldn't care less about what she was doing anymore. She needed Nathan back.
'It's hard not to.' Haley blushed a deep shade of red at his comment. What did she do now?
Thankfully, she found a robe in the wardrobe and wrapped it round herself. She composed herself and then walked across the bedroom.
'Breakfast will be ready in ten. I suggest you take a cold shower.' She smirked to herself as she left, trying to picture Nathan's face.
Nathan was left gob smacked. Since when had Haley turned all sexy and seductive? He didn't understand that. Did she want him? She must do.
He got up and did as Haley suggested. The cold water was painful on his skin so he got out quickly.
Walking through, now dressed, he saw Haley putting plates out on the island.
'Why did you come home?' Nathan asked gently, taking a glass from the cupboard too make himself a drink.
'Oh you know…' Haley whispered seductively, walking over to Nathan. She ran one finger down Nathan's chest and leaned up to whisper in his ear. 'I never got my way with you.'
Her breath was hot on Nathan's neck. She moved her mouth and bit lightly on Nathan's earlobe. She then moved to Nathan's neck, biting and sucking, then letting her tongue sooth her marks.
Nathan's breathing started to increase wildly. He held Haley shoulders and moved her back to look at her. Haley noticed his green eyes had darkened to black. Without saying a word, and as if in slow motion, Nathan ducked down to meet Haley's lips. His kiss was soft and tender, and Haley felt her legs shake as his hands snaked around her waist to pull her closer. She had to compose herself. She had to be in control.
Haley took the glass out of Nathan's hand and sat it on the counter. She put her hands to his hard chest and pushed him back against the wall. Nathan didn't feel the pain; all of his feelings were involved with the girl in front of him.
Soon they were in the bedroom, crashing onto the bed. Haley was being aggressive and in control, but Nathan just went along with it. To be honest, he needed it. He needed to feel like Haley wanted him, but something in the back of his head said that this wasn't right.
Haley ripped off her robe and mounted Nathan, whose shirt had been taken off a while back. Nathan saw Haley in all her glory, and, unlike the usual Haley, this Haley was not embarrassed or conscious of herself.
'What's wrong?'
Haley's hoarse voice broke Nathan's thoughts. He slowly, and unwillingly pushed Haley off him and handed her the robe.
'I don't want it this way.' He whispered.
Haley looked hurt and shocked at first as he got up and left the bedroom, but Nathan soon heard her following.
'What are you doing Nathan?' She asked seductively, stalking slowly up to him.
'I could ask you the same thing.' Nathan sighed, looking at the floor.
'Come on Nathan.' Haley's new 'seductive' voice was starting to irritate Nathan. Why was Haley trying to be someone she was clearly not? 'We can both feel the sexual tension between us. I know you've given up on me, but why can't we just have some goodbye sex. I know I've always wanted to see what sex was like with you, and I know you want it with me.' She stalked up to him.
Haley had started this stupid act, and now she couldn't stop it. She knew Nathan no longer wanted to fight for her, but Haley held onto the tiny ray of hope that she had left. Maybe if Nathan slept with her, he would realise they were made for each other, and everything would be fine. How much of a slut did she sound?
'Come on Nate…' Haley said again, rubbing her hand up Nathan's thigh and over his length. Nathan tensed at this action and tried to compose himself. 'Just some goodbye sex… that's all I want baby. Then I'll leave you alone. I promise.' Haley's voice broke a little as she pleaded. Nathan kept his eyes away from her. 'Just pretend I'm Rachel.'
'I don't want to pretend you're Rachel.' Nathan's voice was dark and short, and it scared Haley. It was as if Nathan wasn't really speaking to her. He wasn't looking at her and was tensing at her touch. His eyes were still blackened, but with a different emotion.
'Ok, well come on, let's just go to the bedroom honey.' Haley's voice had softened slightly.
'No. I don't want you.'
Haley gasped with hurt written all over her face. Nathan still wouldn't look at her. Haley squeezed at Nathan's area, trying to get his attention.
'Just sex Nathan, please, it's been so long for me.' Haley whined.
'I don't want it this way.' He spoke quietly.
'Come on Nathan just-'
'I don't want it this way.' Nathan's voice was much firmer. Haley took a step back.
'What do you mean? I'm practically handing you my body, to do whatever you want with, on a plate, and your saying no? It's just sex Nathan, I heard you did it with Rachel all the time.' She smirked, hitting a nerve.
'Stop it Haley. You don't get it.'
'What's there to get?' Haley was being a complete bitch now, but she was offended by Nathan turning her down. 'When a man gets excited, his area becomes aroused, and then he gets into bed with a woman and-'
'Just stop it Haley! You can't do this to me! You cannot choose Lucas over me, get engaged to Lucas, push me away from helping you and turn me down at the airport, and then come back throwing yourself at me! That's not right Haley! People don't do that! Push, push push! That's all you did with me, you were always pushing me away!'
'What has that got to do with you having sex with me! I don't get you Nathan, I just want sex, then I'll leave you alone!'
'I thought you were going to leave me alone anyway! You turned me down at the airport Haley! You walked away from me! You just can't come back here and demand sex from me! I'm not a slut!'
'That didn't stop you and Rachel!'
'That was different and you know it.'
'So not the point!' Haley screamed. 'And don't be a hypocrite Nathan, because I believe you gave up on us, by leaving L.A!'
'After I followed you, searched everywhere for you, and then after you pushed me away!'
'And I came back for you! So just have sex with me!'
Nathan put his hand to his forehead, defeated and annoyed at arguing with Haley.
'I don't want to have sex with you Haley, not like this, not with this… you, hanging around. I just, I can't focus my mind right now, it's everywhere. I love you Haley, you know that. But I just, can't be with you.'
'WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME NATHAN!?' Haley screamed, making Nathan's head snap up. 'I JUST WANT YOU SO DAMN MUCH! I'M GIVING MYSELF TO YOU! WHAT ELSE CAN I DO? GOD DAMMIT NATHAN JUST TAKE IT!' She yelled, walking up to him and pulling off her robe, standing there in her bra and panties, which she had obviously put on before following Nathan out of the bedroom. The tears were streaming down her face, her hair was ruffled about, and just like every time Nathan saw Haley in a state, he fell in love with her all over again. She was in so much pain, and so was he, but he still felt sorry for the broken girl in front of him.
'Haley…' He spoke softly, walking towards her and reaching out to stroke her face. 'I don't want this from you. This is what you don't understand, because you won't let me explain.' He picked up Haley's robe and wrapped it over her shoulders as she sniffed.
'This isn't me.' She whispered. 'I just wanted you to want me.'
'God Haley, that's not the problem.' Nathan sighed. 'Ever since we hit puberty I've wanted you, you must know that by now. I always expected you to be my first time, but I made one stupid mistake and Lucas got that privilege. And you don't know how many times I cursed myself for that. Because you deserved your first time to be with someone who truly loved you, and who you really trusted. And I get that Lucas loved you eventually of course, but I never stopped. I really wanted you to be my first, but then I got stuck with Rachel.' Nathan paused and smirked slightly. 'I don't want you to be a Rachel to me Haley. Because I don't want meaningless sex with you, because after we are done, I know I will want more and more, and I can't do that to myself. I really can't keep putting myself out here for you, because I'm scared you will push me away again.'
Haley looked up into Nathan's eyes, which had resumed their bright green colour.
'If it, sex, ever happens with us, I want it to be the best you've ever had. I want it to be meaningful, not meaningless, and I swear to god I would not give you anything less. I don't like this version of you Haley, because I know it isn't you. But to be honest, I'm terrified of you.'
'What?'
'I'm scared of you Haley. Your kindness, your strength, your grace, everything. You intimidate me Haley, because you are so wonderful. And it scares me how much control you actually have over my feelings, but I guess that's what comes with twelve years of love. Everything you do affects me Haley, please remember that.'
Don't know what to do anymore
I've lost the only love worth fighting for
I'll drown in my tears
Don't they see?
That which show you that which make you hurt like me
'I'm sorry.' Haley blurted out.
'What?'
'Nathan…' Haley sighed. 'I'm just do damn sorry. I'm sorry for pushing you away and I know now that they were the worst mistakes I have ever made in my life. I swear to god Nathan I love you, and I want to be with you. Please be with me.'
'I don't know if I can. I don't want to hurt again Haley. I can't.'
'I won't Nathan. I made too many mistakes and now I realise that we are meant to be. Nathan please.'
'It takes time.' Nathan whispered, walking out of the house.
All the same
I don't want mudslinging games
It's such a shame
To let you walk away
Nathan wandered the streets, his mind filled, as always, with thoughts about Haley.
Just when he was prepared to get over her, she comes back and demands sex like that. It was so not like Haley, and Nathan was sure Haley knew that too.
Nathan kicked the ground as he walked along the dock. He watched as happy couples walked hand in hand in the moonlight, giggling and kissing. He scoffed as he saw two swimming in the sea.
Why did things have to be so hard for him and Haley? Why couldn't things be easy like all these couples in front of him? If they kept having to fight as hard as always, what was the point?
What was the point in fighting if you always fell back to square one? What was the point in fighting if sometimes you felt you just couldn't be bothered?
Haley lay flat on her back in the middle of the apartment floor, the tears rolling from the outer corners of her eyes and down to her ears.
Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?
Back to square one. Why did she have to be so stupid? She thought she knew Nathan well enough to know that he would want her if she was seductive and willing. But she was wrong, Nathan didn't want her, not like this, and maybe not ever.
To be perfectly honest Haley was getting sick of this, and she was sure they both were. She felt the anger build up inside her as she remembered their fight.
She heard the door open and didn't move, she couldn't move.
Don't know if our fate's already sealed
This day's spinning surface on a wheel
I'm ill with the thought of your kiss
Coffee laced intoxicating on her lips
Nathan watched the crying figure in the middle of his floor. His heart ached slightly when he felt her sniff. Cautiously waiting for Haley to say something first, Nathan made his way across the room.
Cut it out
I've got no claim on you now
Not allowed to wear your freedom down
He was concentrating so much on what he was going to say that he wasn't looking where he was going and tripped over his shoelace. Flying through the air, Nathan prayed that he didn't hurt Haley in the process.
Nathan's face was suddenly centimetres away from Haley's as he landed on his hands above her. Haley's eyes gazed into his eyes as her breath became ragged and shaky. The tears flowed more rapidly as Nathan looked away, pulling them both up onto their feet.
Nathan sighed and raised his hand to Haley's cheek, slowly wiping the tears away with his thumb.
'Nathan…' Her voice whispered to him, as if asking a hundred questions at once.
Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may chance your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?
Nathan suddenly knew the answer to his questions. Why did they fight for each other? They fought because they were so in love it hurt. They lived and breathed each other, they completed each other, and they needed each other.
I'll tear myself away
That is what you need
There is nothing left to say
But
Slowly and gently, Nathan leant down and captured Haley's lips with his. Haley grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him towards her, kissing him deeply. She rolled her hips forwards, pressing against him, fighting to be as close to him as possible. Then she started shaking uncontrollably. Sobs racked her body as she clung to Nathan, still kissing him.
Nathan kissed Haley with all of his might. He felt Haley cling to him tightly and he felt warm, she needed him like he needed her. He started to feel her body shake next to his as she clung tighter.
'We did it.' Haley whispered, looking up into Nathan's piercing eyes.
Nathan knew exactly what she meant as the tears started to fall from his face. They were both so happy, and so relieved to be together.
It was an unexplainable feeling. An unexplainable feeling that people have tried to figure out for years, but no one could. The two souls merged into one as the two young adults clung to each other desperately, crying uncontrollably but happily. A mixture of sobs, smiles and laughs filled the apartment and echoed through the night, reaching the stars and making their mark.
Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?
The day's still ashes and wine
Or are we ashes?
