Loooong chapter! Yay! And:

Thank you all for your lovely reviews! Just to clear this up, I do, in fact, adore the Mortal Instruments series, I make fun of them, but I'm laughing with them, not at them.

References: Life of Brian, Alice In Wonderland, My Immortal, Maximum Ride, Some Phone Commercial and a refrigerator magnet that I saw once! Yay!

Disclaimer: Consider yourself, unclaimed!

BEGINNINGOFCHAPTERGAGJOKE!

Demon: Why is this chapter called ShadowPunters?

Jace: -appears randomly- -kicks demon in a very sensitive area-

Demon: -falls away over horizon-

Jace: -dusts hands off and smirks-

ENDOFCHAPTERGAGJOKE!

Clary: -is being waited on by Simon- I want coffee….black….like my soul…. Or like a road after the rain… or like a cat… or like a pirate's teeth… or like….

Readers: Or like your eye's gonna be if you don't stop rambling!

Random Girl: -is wearing all black and hot pink and a corset and is totaly goffik-

Random Girl: Hey, i'm Ebony Raven Dementia Way! –points at Simon- Is tht hawt guy ur booooooooyfriend??

Clary: -deciphers what she's saying- Uh, no?

Random Girl, Hence Identified as Ebony Raven Dementia Way: Is he lyke, taaaaaaken? –twirling dyed black and pink hair around finger-

Clary: -attempts to identify this language- No?

Enoby Rayven Dememememetia Why: -brashly- Is he lyke, gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay?

Clary: -pause to translate-

Ebnoby Ryvan Dalmatian Why Me: -looks, lyk, suspicious-

Clary: -finally realizes what she's saying-

Readers: A little slow on the uptake, aren't you, mortal fool?

Clary: -hisses into thin air- Don't call me that!

Benosiy Ryan Damnation Way To Be An Idiot: R U, lyk, speeking parseltongue? 'Cuz I can lyk, do tht tooooooooooooooooooo! –begins hissing-

Clary: -stares- No, I don't think he's gay. Why do you stretch your words out like that?

Ebnosey Sparrow Tarnation Way To Go Sport: Lyk whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Simon: -RETURNS!-

Demented Simon Fangirls: SQUEE! –faint-

Readers: Simon has Demented Fangirls?

Author: -defensively- Maybe!

Readers: -are disturbed-

Edward Cullen: -bursts in- No one has Demented Fangirls but me!

Artemis Fowl: Me as well!

Draco Malfoy: Ditto!

Jacob Black: You may have more fangirls than me; leech, but I have your daughter!

Edward Cullen: -vampire screech- -attacks-

Jacob and Edward: -duel-

Everyone: -faints from the sheer hotness in the room-

Authoress: -is annoyed 'cause these darn fictional characters keep messing up the plot flow- -wipes them away like chalk on a blackboard-

ANDNOWTHEFEATUREPRESENTATION!

Everyone: -blinks- -returns to normal business-

Clary: Don't look now, but that girl is stark raving in love with you.

Simon: What? Really? A girl who actually thinks I'm cute? Wow! Who?

Clary: -points to What Ever The Friggen Bullfrog Her Name Is-

You-Know-Who: -smiles, showing fangs, and winks-

Simon: -gulps- -bemoans fate-

Eric: Yola my gwoovy peeps, we has a gnawly show fo' you! Dis is mah homieboy Woderick on da… whaddava dat's called, and I's Ehwic, Pwince of Dawkness!

Official Stupidity Translator: Hello, my friends, we have a superb performance for you. This is my companion Roderick on percussion and I'm Eric, Prince of Darkness.

Simon and Clary: Save us. –squinches down in seat-

Eric: I strike my godforsaken façade! Salaaming to the derriere of the Universe, I ceaselessly beseech my fructose fortuitous loins!

Simon and Clary: Ew. –try to go to happy place-

Simon: -yells over "poetry"- Clary, I need to talk to you! I want a girlfriend!

Clary: So? You're just my sidekick! You aren't supposed to have character!

Simon: -whimpers-

Clary: But I suppose I'll allow you to speak…Carry on, minion.

Simon: I want a girlfriend!

Santa: Sorry son, fresh out of those. What about a new model boyfriend?

-Alec appears, winks coquettishly-

Simon: Uh, no, I think I'll pass… -is disturbed-

-Alec disappears, pouting-

Clary: -blinks- And what am I to do about that?

Simon: -turns green and starts stuttering-

Clary: Speak up!

Simon: Well, you see, I really really really, well, that is to say, I kinda, uh, well, um…

Jace: -nearly pees himself laughing- -falls off couch- -becomes blurry around the edges-

Clary: -is wondering what was in the coffee-

Eric: Discombobulate the simulacrum my precious!

Clary: -winces-

Jace: -is evidently thinking the same thing- - gets up and saunters away-

Clary: -drools-

Jace: Stop watching my butt!

Clary: I'm not watching your butt!

Simon: Clary? Who are you talking to? Are you listening?

Clary: idk my bff jill! I'llberightbackbye!

Simon: -sob-

OOOOUUUUUUUTSIDE!

Jace: -slouches against the wall sexily-

Clary: -mouth drops open slightly before recovering herself- You CREEEEEEPER! Why are you stalking me?

Jace: -looks up lazily, seemingly unperturbed that a very short girl is screaming at him- Declarations of love, especially unrequited ones amuse me. Except when given by me. Than it's not very funny at all.

Clary: Huh?

Jace: -changes subject- Your friends' poetry is terrible.

Clary: Yeah, I know. When we get dragged to these things we always pretend we're actually teletubbies and sing along while making funny faces and dancing. –claps hand over mouth-

Jace: -grins scarily-

Clary: -changes subject- Did you actually pee your pants laughing?

Jace: -blanches- NO! I DIDN'T! Where did you get such a stupid idea? I mean, come on… That's ridiculous…

Clary: Well, your pants are kinda wet…

Jace: -sniffily- It's blood, for your information.

Clary: So you're having your period?

Jace: Argh! Forget it!

Clary: -laughs- Do you want to borrow a pair of jeans?

Jace: Um, that would be lovely. Thank you.

-sometime later-

Jace: -emerges from restroom wearing Clary's pants-

Jace: Are you sure they're supposed to be this tight? –tugs-

Skinny Jeans: -are tight, biatch!-

Clary: -holding back laughter- Yes, Jace, they're supposed to be that tight.

Jace: While this interlude has been amusing, I assume that it's time to return to the plot.

Clary: You're right, but you know what they say about assuming!

Jace: Can we please stay focused?

Clary: Ugh, fine, spoilsport.

Jace: I am not a spoilsport!

Clary: Focus, Jace! –sneers-

Jace: Right. Okay. It's your line.

Clary: Right. Why are you stalking me? I'll call the police!

Jace: -matter of factly- It's really hard to arrest invisible people.

Clary: Oh yeah? Have you ever tried?

Jace: No. But anyway. You can see me.

Clary: Uh, duh. It's not like I actually go around talking to invisible people a lot….

Jace: How fascinating. You look like a mundane. You act like a mundane. You even smell like a mundane.

Clary: Hey! And what do you smell like, then?

Jace: Iron, blood, sweat, soap, and limes, apparently.

Clary: Ew. That sounds gross together.

Jace: I know. I actually wear Clinique Happy.

Clary: -dead silence-

Jace: But moving on…

Clary: Right. So, mundane=human?

Jace: Very smart, mundie-girl.

Clary: Don't call me that! And aren't you human too? –bug eyes-

Jace: Technically, but I'm just awesomer than mundanes, that's why I'm a shadow hunter and you aren't.

Clary: I'm waiting for an explanation, and I imagine our readers are too.

Jace: No. Lemme see your hand.

Clary: If I do, will you leave me alone and than forget you promised to do that and come rescue me from a demon, thus beginning and long and beautiful relationship until we actually turn out to be brothers and sisters which is reeeeeally creepy?

Jace: Psh, yeah, like that'll happen.

Clary: Will you?

Jace: Uh…Sure?

Clary: -sticks out hand-

Jace: Curiouser and curiouser… –examines hand- You will meet a dark, mysterious stranger, hey! I bet that's me! Hmm, you will go on a voyage of self-discovery…When the results of that get back, let me know… and I will be smashed in the face with a cream pie?

Cream Pie: -splat-

Clary: -laughs-

Jace: -growls-

Cream Pie: -realizes that it will probably get crucio'd because it left Voldie's side- -scuttles back-

Jace: I should have known.

Readers: -nod sagely-

Jace: Anyway. You don't have a rune on your hand. I do. Look!

Clary: I zee nutting!

Jace: -eerily peacefully- Let it come to you… Let it rise to the surface of your mind like a cork pushed down too far… let it explode onto your conscience like Hiroshima….oh… explosions…. –head lolls back-

Clary: -slaps- Be serious!

Jace: -looks injured- I am! Just…. look.

Clary: -"just looks"- Ooh! I see it! Yay!

Jace: I'm a shadow hunter! I hunt demons and things that go bump in the night!

Clary: Like vampires and werewolves and mummies?

Jace: I only hunt mommies when they've been naughty. –leers-

Clary: Ew.

Jace: Sooooo, come on! Lets go! –bounces up and down-

Clary: Let's go where? –mutters- you creeper…

Jace: I'm taking you to the institute!

Clary: That sounds creepy.

Flock: -nods sagely-

Clary: What if I don't want to go?

Jace: Well…Too bad!

Clary: You said you'd leave me alone!

Jace: I liiiiiied….

Clary: Ooh, that'll get you on Santa's naughty list!

Jace: -shrugs- I hear Santa's all out of hot girls. All he's got is boyfriends.

Clary: -resolves to be good-

Cell Phone: -rings-

Jace: Feel free to answer that.

Clary: Thanks, Grand High Pooba.

Jace: Grand High Pooba, huh? Has a nice ring to it…

Clary: -rolls eyes- -answers phone-

Jocelyn: I'm in another scene! Score!

Clary: -blinks-

Jocelyn: Uh… Clary! Call the police! Don't come home! Go! Save yourself! –overacts dramatically-

Clary: What? Mom? What's wrong? –overacts-

Jocelyn: -eerily calm- I love you Clary.

Readers: -sob-

Clary: NOOOOOOOES!

Jace: Clary, what's going on?

Phone: -gets dropped-

Clary: DOUBLE NOOOOOOES!

Jace: Has something happened?

Clary: For someone so smart, you're awfully dumb.

Jace: Hey!

Clary: Gimme your phone! I need to call the police! –grabs-

Jace: That won't work, it's not a phone. Duh.

Phone: -is not actually a phone-

Sensor: -is a sensor- -NOT a phone-

Clary: But I need to call the police!

Jace: But why? Tell me, I can help!

Readers: Aw! –clasps hands together-

Clary: -slaps- -runs away-

Readers: -mumble- biatch.

Clary: I'm coming mommy! I, my unarmed and untrained self am leaving the competent, deadly fast Shadowhunter who'll know what's going on to bravely strike out by myself!

Jocelyn: Mortal fool!

Clary: Stop calling me that!

Jace: -stands on corner, deliberates, skips after her-

ENDENDENDENDENDNENENDA;DJFG;LAF;IO

So I got a little carried away with the dialogue. You know you love me... So prove it! Reeeeeview!