To my beautiful readers: You rock! This chapter is a little long 'cause I went over board with the demon thing. Thanks everyone who voted, it's very much appreciated. You got your scene!
References: Wizard of Oz, Cinderella, Georgia Nicholson, Harry Potter, Another My Immortal, (it's just so easy to mock!) Midsummer Nights Dream, Maximum Ride, Gossip Girl.
BEGINNINGOFCHAPTERGAGJOKE!!!!
Lavender Ravener
Ravener Demon: -appears, dressed in lavender lace and looking like Victoria's Secret threw up on him-
Shadowhunters: -laugh so hard they snort-
Ravener Demon: -kills them all- BWAHAHAHHA!
ENDOFCHAPTERGAGJOKE!
Clary: Just keep running, just keep running running running…
Clary's Feet: Ow…ow….ow….
Clary's Legs: We know! We aren't used to this sort of exercise, no we aren't!
Clary's Brain: Just keep running, just keep running running running…
-rushes home-
Madame Dorothea: The poppies will put them to sleep… -cackles- Clary? It's filthy in here, girl! Clean it! You can't go to the ball until you do!
Clary: Huh? Lemme go, you senile old woman, my mom's in trouble!
Madame Dorothea: -rambles on without noticing that Clary's left-
Clary: -pounds upstairs-
Clary: Hello? Mom? Mommy? Are you there? Mooooooommmmmmyyyyyyyyy?
Readers: -snicker- Mommy? Mortal fool…
Clary: Stop calling me that!
-finds everything destroyed-
Clary: Oh no! My art classes! My tomato plants! My favorite scrunchy! The refrigerator! Decent food! My pokemon collection! My- -rambles on without running away to call the police which is what any sensible person would have done-
-several minutes pass-
Clary: Aaaaand my mom!
Jocelyn In Absentia: Thanks for remembering…
Clary: Hey wait, my mom! Where can she be?
Jocelyn In Absentia : The world may never know….
Clary: -dashes around looking at things-
Paintings: -are ripped up, but not by human hands…. hm-
Readers: -silently scream- LEAVE NOW AND FIND THAT SMEXY SHADOWHUNTER, BEFORE YOU GET EATEN, MORTAL FOOL!
Clary: I told you to stop calling me that!
Tabasco Sauce: -is spilled over the floor- -bears an uncanny resemblance to blooooood…-
FORESHADOWING!FORESHADOWING!FORESHADOWING!!!!!!!!
After that tasteful and subtle bittle lit of foreshadowing….
Unidentified Sobbing Noise: -sobs- -duh-
Clary: Mom? Is that you?
Unidentified Sobbing Noise: No, I'm Moaning Myrtle!
Clary: From Harry Potter? –excitedly-
Now Identified Sobbing Noise, aka, Moaning Myrtle: Erm…
Clary: -feeling kind of cross- Come here so I can see you!
Moaning Myrtle: -slithers forward- -is a cross between an alligator and a centipede and an overly lipsticked homo erectus-
Clary: -meep-
Moaning Myrtle: -moans-
Clary: What happened to you?
Moaning Myrtle: That wasn't very –sniff- sensitive, was it?
Clary: I'm sorry. Lemme try again. Are you okay?
Moaning Myrtle: Nooooo! I'm so sad!
Clary: I'm sorry to hear that. Would you like a cup of tea?
Moaning Myrtle: That would be so –sob- nice!
Clary: -potters around kitchen making tea- -completely forgetting about her mother-
Jocelyn: Hey! I need to be rescued here!
Clary: Cream or sugar?
Moaning Myrtle: -sniff- Both please.
Clary: -sitting down with mug of tea across from Moaning Myrtle- So is your name really Moaning Myrtle?
Moaning Myrtle: No, that's just my drag queen name. My real name is Joseph.
Clary: -blinks- Would you like to talk about it?
Moaning Myrtle Hence Identified as Joseph: Yes please. I've always wanted to be a girl. When I was a baby demon, I hated my decapitation classes. I'd rather learn how to cook eyeballs with marrow glaze. –proudly- I was the best in my class
Clary: -politely-Sounds delicious.
Joseph: It was. But when I grew up, my dad made me stop wearing pink. I just feet like no one understands me anymore! No one cares about me and my suffering! I was even declined to the national society of drag queens for the measly issue of species!
Clary: That's discrimination!
Joseph: I know! They even said I didn't have the right look! Apparently, alligator skin went out last spring!
Clary: No! I've been wearing it since August!
Joseph: And I even saw Britney wearing it to the Oscars! I told them that, but noooo, DQVogue says noooo…. But I saw it in ISVogue!
Clary: DQVogue?
Joseph: Drag Queen Vogue.
Clary: Ah. ISVogue?
Joseph: InterSpecies Vogue.
Clary: That sounds fascinating.
Joseph: Yes. I tried to intern there, but just 'cause I ate one measly model, nooooo, I wasn't allowed. I guess that stupid queen of fairies is much more important than a poor Lavender Ravener demon.
Clary: -notices it's dressed primarily in lavender silk- Ah. That must be difficult for you.
Joseph: You have no idea. –sniffles-
Clary: -tactfully- It seems like a lot of your problems come from your clothes. I know someone who could give you an amazing makeover free!
Joseph: That sounds amazing! We could have a girls day! Whoever it is has to understand that lavender silk is my trademark, just like Jace, that smexy shadowhunter, wears Clinique Happy?
Clary: -squees- You know Jace?
Joseph: Who doesn't? He's only the hottest homo erectus around!
Clary: But wouldn't you have a bit of difficulty with the problem of species? And uh, I don't mean to be insensitive, but….
Joseph: Gender? And the fact that his kind is sworn to wipe out mine? And the fact that we've never actually met?
Clary: Yeah.
Joseph: That will never stop True Love™! Just look at Romeo and Juliet!
Clary: -wisely decides not to press the point- Can I borrow your phone? I wanna call the girl for makeovers!
Joseph: Okay! –hands hot pink razr-
Clary: -dials Alice Cullen-
Clary: Hi, Alice?
Alice: I'm on my way over. This will be my most challenging project evah! –hangs up-
Clary: Well, that was mighty rudey dudey.
Joseph: It's okay, girlfriend. Happens all the time. –takes sip of tea-
Joseph: Agh! –chokes-
Clary: Joseph! Are you okay?
Joseph: Is there milk in this? –big hacking cough-
Clary: -startled- Yeah, I ran out of cream. Is that a problem?
Joseph: Mortal fool, all demons are lactose intolerant! I'm DYYYYYYING!
Clary: Noooooes! Can I help?
Joseph: No, the poison's in my blood!
Clary: I'm so sorry! –tear-
Joseph: When I'm dead, I leave all my purple silk to you. You were the only person to listen to me my whole dprzzing life! Wear them and remember me!
Clary: I will!
Readers: -wonder just how we got so off topic and are probably cursing my name right now-
Authoress: You know you love me…
Joseph: -dramatic death gurgle- Thus die I, thus, thus, thus. Now am I dead, Now am I fled; my soul is in the sky: Tongue, lose thy light; Moon take thy flight. Now die, die, die, die, die.
Clary: -gawks- -applauds-
Joseph: -dies-
Clary: -sobs-
Readers: -laugh heartlessly-
Clary: Wait! I just remembered! I'm lactose intolerant too! Nooooooo! –keels over on top of Joseph-
Jace: -crashes in- I'll save you Clary! –looks around-
What He Sees: -drag queen demon in lavender silk dead on floor- -Clary sprawled over it in very compromising position apparently unconscious- -normal wreckage- -milk on the counter-
Jace: -lightbulb- Eureka! –blushes- Poor Clary! She must have sacrificed herself to keep the demon busy until I arrived to save her!
Alice, Somewhere On A Freeway: -turns around and goes home-
Clary: -stirs- Joseph! Where is she?
Jace: It's okay, Clary, it's dead. I can't believe you seduced it so you could kill it. That was brilliant.
Clary: Noooooes! Lactose intolerant!
Jace: Yes, how did you know that all demons are lactose intolerant?
Clary: Me! Me too!
Jace: What?
Clary: I'm dying here idiot!
Jace: Oh no! You're dying!
Clary: No friggen duh! –faints-
Jace: -catches her like he caught fainting girls every day- -maybe he did-
Readers: Now why is that so hot?
Jace: -smirks- It's me. You can't resist my amazing charm and good looks.
Readers: True dat.
Clary: -hits Jace upside the head- Get me to a hospital, you idiot!
Jace: Oh nooooes! She won't live to get to the Institute unless I mark her and risk turning her into a crazed version of Inferi except maddened! –intense thought- I think I'll gamble her life on a speculation of mine! Great idea, Jace. You've done it again.
Clary and Jace: -GO TO INSTITUTE!!!!!-
Flock: -make emphatic throat cutting gestures- Don't do it!
OMJFORESHADOWINGBYFFLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well. I got way carried away by the demon scene. I tend to do that a lot. It's kinda pathetic, but really fun. :D But you know you love me… So REVIEW!!!!
