Dreadfully sorry I haven't updated in so long, old chaps. It's been busy…. Like, epically so. This is dedicated to Anya Mencae for catching the "literary" references, and writersblock7777 for spurring me out of my apathy. YOU ROCK!
References: Star Wars, Harry Potter, Monty Python, Blazing Saddles, an indirect Georgia Nicholson, Midsummer Nights Dream and Artemis Fowl.
Disclaimer: My god, do you really think I own this? I pwn this! Don't be ridiculous!
BEGINNINGOFCHAPTERGAGJOKE!BEGINNINGOFCHAPTERGAGJOKE!
Author: Since I haven't finished the former chapter, I will mock the title!!!
Everyone: Sounds good! –nods robotically-
REALBEGINNING!
Clary: Why is it called City of Bones?
Jace: With me in it, it should be called the City of Pwns.
Clary: -cuffs upside the head- Don't be ridiculous!
Jace: -rubs wounded head- I'm not! Look! The book cover is changing!
Clary: How can you see that from here? You're INSIDE the book, fool!
Jace: -sniffs haughtily- You should know better than to question my Shadowhunter Glory. ™ -wind whips hair-
Clary: -drools- Damn straight….
ENDOFNOTVERYFUNNYCHAPTERGAGJOKE!
Simon: -chipperly- This chapter is brought to you by the letter Pwn-
Isabelle: -examines nails- And the number Your Mom.
Simon: -acting like a hyperactive chipmunk- Thank you for watching Mortal Fools!
Isabelle: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we go now?
Simon: -dejected chipmunk- But, but, but, don't you like the letter Pwn?
Isabelle: -stares at him like she found him on the heel of her Manolos-
Simon: -whimpers and follows her out-
Jace: -appears from no where- You are so whipped, man.
Simon: -scowls- -runs after Isabelle- Wait up!
Jace: -sighs and turns back to Holly Short- Soooo…. Do you know the dance?
Holly: Yes. But Jace, I swear, if you show those pictures of me and Trouble to anyone-
Jace: There will be Trouble? –cackles at own wit-
Holly: -sighs- -resolves to never have a Barbie sleepover again-
Readers: -breathe sigh of relief-
Holly: You thought- you thought- -meep-
Readers: -shrug defensively- Well, gosh!
Author: -sighs impatiently- Can we please get on with the story?
Jace: A simply spiffing idea, old chap.
Jace and Holly: -ENTER CHAMBER WITH A BANG OF FIREWORKS!-
Readers: Are they really going to do this stupid dance?
Jace and Holly: -start doing stupid interpretive dance as Hodge intones-
Hodge: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…
Readers: NOW HOLD UP THERE! This is ridiculous! We came here for some good old educated parody loving, and what is this? This is too ridiculous to be allowed to live! Good god! We must insist you cease and desist!
Jace: Oh yeah? Who's going to stop us?
Holly: I am. –tackles-
Jace: -screams- Help! I'm being attacked by an elf in a squirrel costume!
Clary: -apparates- -smiles smugly- Ah, where is your Extreme Patented ShadowHunter Glory™ now, mortal fool?
Jace: Actually, I'm not actually sure rather I'm mortal or not, the author is unclear on this point. But that's not important right now! –finally fending off the demented squirrel elf he gasps out- All right! All right! No more interpretive dance!
Random House Elves: -cheer!-
Jace: -dusting himself off and glowering- What are they so happy about?
Hermione: -knowledgably- Well, if you had actually performed the interpretive dance, and if Hodge had uttered the word 'Terpsichore' while you pirouetted, the world for house elves would have come to an end due to lack of cleaning supplies.
J.K Rowling: What? I don't recall putting that in….
Hermione: -over her shoulder- It was a footnote.
J.K: Okay.
Rhyming Fangirls: That RHYYYYYMESSSSS! SQUEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Readers: -shake heads despairingly- -beseech the heavens- HOW DID IT COME TO THIS?????? THIS USED TO BE A SANE PARODY!!!!
Clary: It did? –scratches head-
Readers: YESSSSS!!!!
Author: Fine. Let's get back on track, if you're going to be so picky about this. –pouts-
Readers: -take deep breath-
Hodge: And that's the situation.
Clary: -points and laughs- Information dumper!
Hodge: -crosses arms and pouts- It's not my fault! Hodge is merely pawn in game of life…
Clary: But why? Why can't you proudly leap off the board and declare yourself a life free zone?
Alec: Because then you'd be dead.
Isabelle: Duh.
Random Whispering: Mortal foooool…
Clary: Stop calling me that!
Everyone: -looks around innocently- What? Clary, are you listening to those voices again? We told you, they only want to get in your pants!
Clary: -is overcome by disturbing images and falls twitching to the floor-
Readers: -giggle innocently-
Hodge: Shut yo mouf! Ima talk now!
Clary: -blink- When'd you get so gangsta?
Hodge: I've always been gangsta! Your perceptions of me have just changed. So really, when you think about it, you and I both do not exist. Nothing exists but the world around us.
Clary: A little too deep for me…
Hodge: Wutevs fo you!
Clary: Anywoodles, I wanna go home!
Hodge: -whistles loudly- Stupidity in aisle four, repeat, stupidity in aisle four….
Clary: Wha?
Hodge: Don't be stupid! There are sure to be monsters and demons and nasty things there!
Clary: I could drag Jace along to a certain death!
Hodge: Oh, that's okay then! He and Alec are in the weapon room, doing big boy stuff.
Clary: Okay! –trots off-
Hodge: Lord, what fools these mortals be! Come here, my raven that is attempting to make a literary reference to both Odin and Poe!
Hugo: Nevermore. –smirks-
And that's it for now, folks. Once again, I apologize. Happy nice weathering!
REVIEW TO TELL ME WHAT A HORRIBLE PERSON I AM FOR NOT UPDATING!!!!!!!
(And tell me your favorite line!)
