Author's Note: This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's New Moon. It is a retelling of large portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from New Moon for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction.

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received so far. Please keep it up. I especially do want to know if you read anything in my chapters that is out of character. I'm trying to get into Edward's head, and live his emotions, understand what makes him tick.

This 5th Chapter is called "Truth". It's pretty long, longer than all the others. This was done out of necessity, in a way. The first part revolves around Edward's thoughts and emotions while he watches Bella sleep, waiting for her to wake up. He has plenty of time to think through everything that happened in the past three days, all the repercussions his actions have caused, and the consequences he will have to live with. The second part is basically the actual chapter of "New Moon" by the same name, as I imagined Edward would experience it. When Bella wakes, Edward finally gets his chance to lay it all on the line, to tell her how he truly feels. The portion of this chapter for which Bella is asleep are obviously made up, but still based as closely as possible (I hope) on emotions, scenes and information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and other information readily available on many sites dedicated to the Twilight series.

Please, let's all be very clear on this: This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even hope to come anywhere near her incomparable talent for story writing.

Thank you for your interest.

5. Truth

Bella was lying in her bed, curled up under her covers, on her side. Tucking the quilt around her to protect her from my cold skin, I laid down beside her, wrapping her in my arms, pulling her gently against me. I sighed with content. It was heaven. I buried my face in her long hair, breathing in her scent. Her heart beat was a steady rhythm. The most important sound in my world.

I realized again how very little my throat burned. The last three days had truly altered me. Living through thinking that Bella was dead, that I had lost her forever, had affected me deeply, not only mentally, but also physically. Deep down inside my frozen self, I had been changed once more. The thirst for her blood, thirst I'd always had to control so rigidly, was buried, its existence no longer a thought at the forefront of my mind.

Bella's warm lips on mine, her enthusiastic kisses, had always stirred up other hungers inside me, unfamiliar yearnings, feelings that made thinking straight extremely difficult. Even considering the now-muted burn, I would still have to be careful, of course, to stay in control, but I felt so much stronger now.

I had allowed myself on occasion to fantasize about taking our physical relationship further, but I had felt my tight hold on my self-control slipping every time we kissed.

"Not that Bella's reactions had been at all helpful," I chuckled quietly, but sobered up quickly.

No, it was just not possible. Too dangerous. I just couldn't afford to lose my control, to let my guard down. She was too breakable. Just one unthinking slip, one small mistake, would hurt her. Or much worse, kill her.

After a while, Bella stretched out of the tight ball, and pressed her body against mine. Did she realize, even asleep, that I was here with her? I kissed the top of her head. Happiness spread out from my silent heart, radiating to every cell in my body. I felt her body's heat against every line of mine. I was home.

From the living room, the sounds of the TV floated up the stairs. Charlie, watching baseball. He was deliberating what he would tell Bella when she woke up. He was wondering where she had been, and what she had been doing. He had been crazy with worry about her. Worries my irresponsible actions had caused.

Charlie considered sending Bella to Jacksonville. It hurt just to think about it. I couldn't let that happen. Could I? Should I? If Bella agreed to go back to live with her mother, would I follow her? She had stayed in Forks after I left, refusing her consent when her mother had come to take her to Florida. Knowing Bella, I didn't think she would give in now, even if he demanded it. But what if she didn't forgive me? Would my presence in Forks give her the incentive to go live with her mother?

I was desperate for answers, and at the same time, terrified to ask.

Charlie was making phone calls, talking to Billy Black and others, to let them know that Bella had returned. My thoughts turned to the werewolves, wincing silently. Bella had been in such danger, and I'd no idea. I felt sick. I should have been here, protecting her.

Alice had told me that Laurent had returned to the area, and, for some inexplicable reason, had happened to run into Bella. He had almost killed her. If it hadn't been for the wolves, showing up just in time to save her, she would have been dead. And even though the wolves had removed that threat, Victoria had also returned. In the last few weeks, they had protected Bella again and again from harm. Kept her alive. It rankled me to realize how much actually I owed the wolves. The enmity ran bone-deep; only the treaty my father had made long ago, with Ephraim Black, kept us from killing each other.

The wolves were a problem. Bella's friendship with Jacob Black meant she had spent a lot of time in their company. This was dangerous for her. Not safe. They shifted from human to wolf quickly, without any control over it. Anything could set them off. If Bella was standing too close when that happened, she could be hurt, or worse than anything, killed. I felt ill again, just thinking that. I would have to prevent her from seeing her werewolf friends.

But Victoria – why had she come back? Why was she hunting Bella? That didn't make sense. Why would she keep trying to avenge her mate? Had they been that close, that she would feel the need for revenge? The one time I met her at the clearing, during our baseball game, she hadn't given me any hint that she would respond this way. Needless to say, I had been more concerned with James at the time; his reaction the larger threat. I shuddered, thinking of the other time I had almost lost Bella, the crescent scar on her hand a vivid reminder.

I hadn't seen depth of their bond, it seemed. I should have paid better attention, but I had been so focused on James' intentions. His sadistic game had culminated in his death, but it had been a close call. But Victoria? I shook my head slowly. What had she hidden from me? What else had I missed in those few moments in the clearing? Well, it didn't really matter. I was back now, and I would do whatever it took to keep Bella safe. Victoria would die – very soon.

Eventually, Charlie went to bed, his snores drifting across the hallway. I relaxed against Bella, holding her as close as I dared in order not to wake her. I shoved Victoria out of my thoughts and concentrated on the feeling of Bella's warm body next to mine.

I had always known, from the moment I fell in love with her, I would only have three options. The first one, hoping that Bella's feelings would lessen over time, had not materialized. Especially after Italy, I knew that much.

Option two had worked for a while. It had been the best option for me. The one that was easiest to live with. Leaving her human, because I could not destroy her soul. This option had exploded in my face on her disastrous eighteenth birthday.

I had allowed Jasper's loss of control to force me into choosing option three. Leaving Bella, hoping that by removing the vampires from her world, I would be able to save her. Thinking that she would move on after a while.

Choosing this third option had been the most horrendous mistake of my long life. I was now paying the price for that choice.

Would she take me back? Would I ever be able to make up for what I had done? How could I regain her trust, after everything my stupid choices had put her through?

I returned to Alice's visions, what I had seen in her head while she shared her thoughts with Aro. Over and over, again and again, she had shown him Bella, her face as pale as mine, with a hard stone body, and glowing crimson eyes. No matter which other decisions Alice considered, no matter which way she turned, every vision had shown Bella as one of us.

Beautiful, exquisitely beautiful. And, eternally damned, confined to a half-life.

It seemed that even my own determination to keep Bella human had not mattered. There had been no vision of Bella getting older.

And, I had seen one other thing. It had looked so fantastical, so impossible, so shocking, but there had been one future I hadn't been prepared for. A vision of Bella, in a long, white wedding dress. Her eyes shining with love, walking slowly towards me on her father's arm, smiling at me, as I was waiting to marry her. That vision had been so staggering, so unbelievable, so unanticipated, it took my breath away. Marry Bella. Marry her, and make her mine forever. Show the world that she belonged with me, and nobody else. Sudden, fierce desire to have this particular vision come true shot through me.

"Oh, Edward," Bella sighed in her sleep. I smiled in anticipation, hoping I would hear the answers for which I was so desperate.

"Edward.... Not dead... No, stop it, don't hurt him," she moaned. Her breaths sped up, her heart beating fast. She rolled her head back and forth, tensing as if in fear. Was she having nightmares? She had seen such horrors in Italy, horrors I regretted so immensely. I tightened my arms around her, willing the nightmare to end.

After a little while, she relaxed again in my arms.

"I love you, Edward...stay... don't leave," she murmured, fast asleep.

These were the words I had been waiting for. Happiness, utter joy spread through my whole body, seeming to warm me from the inside out.

"I love you, too," I whispered to the sleeping girl. "I love you, Bella. I will stay forever if you let me."

She didn't say anything else, and her breathing was slow and even again.

Not much time had passed, when she started stirring again. I watched her face, worried that the nightmares had returned. But it seemed that she was waking up.

Bella took a deep breath, her eyes still closed. I gently kissed her forehead.

She squeezed her eyes tightly for a moment. What did that mean?

With a sigh, she finally opened her eyes, and I returned her gaze.

"Oh," she gasped and put her fists over her eyes, shutting off my only access to even guess at what she was thinking. Was she scared?

She opened her eyes again. "Did I frighten you?" I asked anxiously.

She stared at me, blinking, the expressions on her face changing from surprise to fear and finally, chagrin.

"Oh, crap," she moaned. I didn't understand her reactions.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

She frowned at me, her face unhappy. My anxiety level increased. She didn't want me here, did she? I was a fool to think she still wanted me.

"I'm dead, right?" she moaned again. What? No, she wasn't. Of course, she wasn't. Why would she think that?

"I did drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

I frowned at her. She almost had drowned. If it hadn't been for Jacob Black pulling her out of the water...

"You're not dead," I said.

"Then why am I not waking up?" she demanded, raising her eyebrows. That made no sense either. Did she think she was still sleeping? Her dreams must be very vivid if she couldn't tell them apart from reality.

"You are awake, Bella," I tried again.

She shook her head. "Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. If I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake..."

Her face was horrified. She must think she was still dreaming. What did she think she had done that would send her to hell if she died? She would go to heaven, a place forever barred to me.

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare," I said, my smile grim. The processes of her silent mind were as baffling as ever. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?"

"Obviously not," she replied, grimacing. "If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I sighed. She had it backwards, as usual.

Heat colored her cheeks, and it was so lovely. "Did all of that really happen, then?" she asked me, incredulity in her voice.

I thought of the horrors she had seen, the dangers I had exposed her to, and my smile was hard. "That depends," I told her. "If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

"How strange," she said. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

Her disjointed musings had me roll my eyes. "Maybe you should go back to sleep," I teased. "You're not coherent."

"I'm not tired anymore," she disagreed. "What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?"

She had been so exhausted. "It's just after one in the morning," I answered her question. "So, about fourteen hours." And I had spent every minute of that time with her. Not that she knew that. Yet.

She was stretching. "Charlie?" she asked. I frowned, reminded of his words to me.

"Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window...But, still, the intent was clear." Would he ever allow me back into the house? Would my time with her be restricted to those hours when I could sneak in her window, while he was sleeping?

"Charlie banned you from the house?" Bella asked, her face changing from disbelief to anger.

I looked at her. "Did you expect anything else?" I asked her, my eyes betraying the sadness I was feeling.

Her eyes flashed. She was quiet for a moment. I waited for her next question.

"What's the story?" she continued, curiosity in her voice. Which story did she mean? What happened in Italy? Could she want me to retell those horrors? Or, did she want to know what I had been doing while I was away? Was I ready to tell her that?

"What do you mean?"

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for...how long was I gone, anyway?"

Oh. "Just three days," I responded. Three days, during which she had been in mortal danger, seen horrors I never meant for her to see. Three days I had caused with my irrational act of running to Italy, when I had thought she was dead. I silently cursed Rosalie again. Her call had been the catalyst.

"Actually," I continued, "I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing."

Bella groaned. "Fabulous."

I was chagrined. "Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I tried to comfort her.

Charlie was very fond of my sister. If anyone could get him to change his mind about my presence in his house, it would be Alice.

"So," Bella went on. "What have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

I was instantly wary. I didn't really want to answer that question, didn't want to tell her of my unsuccessful attempts at tracking Victoria, reminding her of that particular danger. I was also a little reluctant to tell her how miserable I had been without her. And still, on the other hand, I wanted her to know the truth, needed her to know how much I had missed her, how much I still loved her.

I decided to hedge a bit.

"Nothing terribly interesting," I replied, hoping she would move on to her next question.

"Of course not," she mumbled, frowning.

"Why are you making that face?" I demanded, not understanding the frown.

"Well," she said, pursing her lips. "If you were, after all, just a dream that's exactly the kind of think you would say. My imagination must be used up."

I sighed. How could she think she was still dreaming? I tried again to convince her she was awake.

"If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare," she said hotly. I waited for her to answer. "Maybe," she said after a moment. "If you tell me."

Still hedging, I told her a half-truth. "I was... hunting."

"Is that the best you can do?" she scoffed. "That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

She was right. I owed her the truth. I chose my words carefully.

"I wasn't hunting for food...I was actually trying my hand at... tracking," I forced out the last word. "I'm not very good at it." That last bit was an understatement.

"What were you tracking?" she asked.

"Nothing of consequence," I said, upset that I wouldn't be able to avoid the answer. I was uncomfortable, not wanting to say Victoria's name. Bella scrutinized my expression.

"I don't understand," she said.

I was torn between needing to tell her how sorry I was about her having to face Victoria without me, and wanting to protect her from further nightmares. I decided on the former. She needed to know.

"I...," I started, and taking a deep breath, I let the truth rush out of me. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know," - the words were flowing faster, and I hoped she would be able to keep up - "that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James' thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now – she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him – that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there." I'd had plenty of time to think about that while I was watching Bella sleep.

There was more she needed to hear so I continued. "Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face." I would never be able to make it up to her, even if I lived forever.

"When I heard what you told Alice – what she saw herself – when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of werewolves, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself," I shuddered, unable to continue for a moment. It was terrifying to just think about the tremendous danger Bella had been in.

"Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arm. I am the most miserable excuse for---"

"Stop," she interrupted my apology. I stared at her, agonizing over what I had done to her, what I had allowed to happen. "Edward," she continued. "This has to stop now. You can't think of things that way. You can let this....this guilt...rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life is for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and not your fault. I know it's in your... your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes. It's very irresponsible – think of Esme and Carlisle and - "

She stopped her tirade then, and inhaled deeply. I was horrified. Was that what she thought? That I had gone to Italy out of guilt? Did she not know me at all? It was absurd. Had she forgotten, what I had told her?

"Isabella Marie Swan," I whispered. "Do you believe I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?" How could she believe that?

Incomprehension washed over her face. "Didn't you?"

More than she would ever know. "Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

"Then... what are you saying? I don't understand."

I needed to make myself clearer. I stared into her eyes, willing her to believe me.

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," I said, my voice fierce. "Even if I'd had no hand in your death," I whispered the last word with a shudder, "even if it wasn't my fault," - and it clearly had been - , "I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful – I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather then accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral?" I tried to defend my indefensible actions. "What are the odds?

"The odds," I was suddenly distracted, thinking of all the errors I had made, all the hurt and pain I had caused. I cursed the fate that had led to all this. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake." Mine, all mine. "I'll never criticize Romeo again."

"But I still don't understand," Bella said. "That's my whole point. So what?"

What did she mean? Had she not been listening at all? "Excuse me?" I said.

"So what if I was dead?" she asked.

I stared at her, incredulous at her lack of comprehension. "Don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember everything that you told me," she replied.

I was not convinced. I gently brushed my fingertip against her lower lip.

"Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension." I began, closing my eyes, shaking my head slowly. She didn't know how I felt because she still believed the lies. "I thought I had explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

"I am...confused," she replied, her face full of doubt at my words.

"I am a good liar, Bella, I have to be." Decade after decade of lies had made me an expert. But Bella had always seen through me. What was making it so difficult now?

She had frozen at my words, her muscles locking into a rigid posture. She wasn't breathing.

I shook her shoulder, gently, trying to get her to relax.

"Let me finish!" I said. "I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." I winced at the memory of the tortured expressions on her face, when I had told her goodbye. "That was.... excruciating."

She was still not moving. I pressed on with the truth. "When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye..." The memory was painful. My voice dropped to a low whisper. I deeply regretted lying to her, regretted hurting her. "You weren't going to let go, I could see that. I didn't want to do it – it felt like it would kill me to do it – but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you." And I had been wrong, so wrong. Would she forgive me?

"A clean break," she whispered, unmoving.

"Exactly." Those were the words I had used. Of course, she remembered. "But I never imagined that it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible – that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm sorry – sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry.

"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you that I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"

Bella still hadn't moved. I tried again to loosen her rigid pose. "Bella," I sighed. "Really, what were you thinking?"

She burst into tears. "I knew it," she cried. "I knew I was dreaming."

This was completely absurd. "You're impossible," I said. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

She shook her head, the tears continuing to flow from her eyes.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I whispered, thinking frantically of any other way to make her see I was telling the truth. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

"It never made sense for you to love me," she replied. "I always knew that."

My eyes narrowed. Would she ever understand how completely and irrevocably I loved her? Would she ever see herself clearly?

"I'll prove you're awake." Maybe if I kissed her, she would finally believe. I gently took her face between my hands, ignoring her struggles to pull away, carefully leaning in to press my lips to hers. She understood my intention.

"Please don't," she whispered. I stopped when her words reached my mind.

"Why not?" I wanted to know, fresh pain at her rejection piercing my silent heart.

"When I wake up," Bella began. I opened my mouth to interrupt that train of thought, but she noticed and quickly went on. "Okay, forget that one – when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

I pulled back a little, staring at her face. She thought I would leave her again. She was wrong, thinking that. But, she said it would be hard if I did. Did that mean she still wanted me? Now was the time to find out. I decided to make myself completely vulnerable, put my life entirely in her hands, more than I ever had. She had to see the truth. Once and for all.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, so were so...hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be... quite fair." That particular thought brought on a new round of anguish. "I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please – just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?"

I held my breath, waiting for her answer.

"What kind of idiotic question is that?" she demanded. But it was the one question I needed her to answer the most. Did she truly still love me?

"Just answer, it. Please."

She stared at me for a long moment. I waited impatiently.

"The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you – and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Yes! She still loved me. She still wanted me. "That's all I needed to hear," I said and pressed my lips to hers. I kissed her hungrily, urgently, my fingers cupping her face, stroking her cheeks. I had wanted to do that for so long.

Bella responded in kind. Her lips shaped themselves around mine, and she was kissing me back. Her fingers touched my face, too. Overwhelming happiness coursed through me. "Bella, Bella, oh Bella," I whispered over and over between kisses. Though I felt the burn, I was in control. It was exhilarating. Bella's breathing sped, her heart beginning to drum quickly and loudly. I dragged out the sweetness of the moment for as long as I dared, and then pulled away to lay my ear against her heart. Bella's pulse was racing, and she was breathing heavily. As was I.

I waited for her heart to slow. "By the way," I said lightly. "I'm not leaving you."

She didn't respond, her silence indicating that she was still skeptical, did not believe the sincerity of my words. Now seemed like a good time to explain my reasons for why I had left. I stared into her eyes, trying to convey the truth of my words.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not without you." I was serious now. "I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you – keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do something, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only you could be more important than what I wanted... what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay – thank heaven for that! It seems you can't be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything," Bella whispered.

She didn't trust me. I fully deserved that. But how could she look at me and not believe the sincerity, the truthfulness of what I was telling her? How could she not believe I truly meant what I said? "You think I'm lying to you now?" I asked angrily.

"No – not lying," she replied. "You could mean it...now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place?"

But I had already thought about all those reasons, while I was curled up miserably in my last hiding place, and they no longer applied.

"Or next month," she continued, "when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I flinched at the words, and the far-reaching consequences of my brother's moment of weakness.

"It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it? You'll end up doing what you think is right."

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," I answered her, thinking of the days I had spent under the rotting beams in the attic in Brazil. I decided to tell her how unendurable my life had been in those months without Bella, laying bare the utter misery of my non-existent life without her. Maybe that would convince her. Nothing else seemed to have worked so far.

"Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time – and not much of it – before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

"Be serious, please," she grimaced.

"Oh, I am," I insisted, glaring at her. Good grief, what would it take to convince her just how serious I was?

I studied the expressions on her face, waiting to make sure she was really listening this time. When I was satisfied that she was paying attention, I tried an analogy.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen across the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

Did she believe me now?

"Your eyes will adjust," she mumbled.

Apparently not.

"That's just the problem – they can't."

"What about your distractions?"

She remembered that, of course. I laughed once.

"Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the... the agony. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone – like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

"That's funny," she muttered.

Excuse me? I raised an eyebrow. "Funny?"

"I meant strange," she hastened to explain. "I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." As if to prove her point, she took a deep breath.

"And my heart. That was definitely lost."

Oh. That I understood. I had caused her so much heartache. My eyes closed and I laid my head down over her heart again. It was beating steadily, as if to confirm its return. The most significant sound in my world. I sighed as she pressed her cheek against my head, enjoying the peacefulness of the moment.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction, then?" she asked after a minute.
"No," I sighed. "That was never a distraction. It was an obligation." Victoria was going to pay the price for helping James, for almost getting Bella killed. I had hoped to track her down and take care of her myself. I hadn't expected her to come back to Forks.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with...Well, like I said, I was horrible at it," I confessed. I had completely failed Bella in that aspect as well. "I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil – and really she came here." While I had been curled up in an attic in Rio, Victoria had been hunting Bella, here in Forks. I groaned at the memory. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while worse than my worse fears..."

"You were hunting Victoria?" Bella shrieked, her voice rising through two octaves.

Why was Bella so enraged at my confession? Was it because I had failed to find Victoria? Failed Bella in my misguided attempt to track down the immortal who had tried to harm her?

"Not well," I admitted, still confused at Bella's reaction. Why was she angry with me? My seething hate of Victoria broke through."But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out much longer."

"That is... out of the question," Bella informed me, sounding like she was choking on the words. What did that mean? Did she want Victoria to find her? Or, perhaps, though unlikely, was she worried about my safety when I finally faced the vampire who had threatened to harm my only love? I was confused again, but tried to explain anyway. "It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after..."

Bella interrupted me again. "Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave?" she asked me. "That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

I frowned. I had promised her that, and I had meant it, too. I was never leaving her again, but I would not allow this threat to hang over her head. I could feel a snarl starting to build, threatening to escape. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria" - the snarl broke through - "is going to die. Soon."

"Let's not be hasty, "she said. "Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

My eyes narrowed at her reasoning, but of course, she was right again. Her proximity to the wolves posed a serious issue. I nodded. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem." I wondered how I would be able to convince her to stay away from them.

Bella snorted. "I wasn't talking about Jacob. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

I was about to inform her of her error, but her refusal to acknowledge the danger the wolves posed to her safety made my teeth snap together. And what did she mean, her problems were bigger than Victoria? Did she not understand the threat? Her utter disregard for danger was infuriating. It wasn't anything new, but why did she continuously undermine my every effort to keep her safe?

"Really?" I asked her through clenched teeth. "Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?"

"How about the second greatest?" she replied. There was more than one? What could she mean by that? "All right," I agreed, my curiosity flaring, tensing in anticipation of her answer.

"There are others who are coming to look for me," she said after a moment's pause.

Oh. I relaxed my rigid pose. Of course. She was afraid of the Volturi. Not that I blamed her. She had seen horrors in Italy that nobody should ever have to see. I sighed. Horrors I had exposed her to, through my foolish actions. But I disagreed with her assessment of that threat. While it was certainly something to be concerned about, I didn't think we'd have to worry about it anytime soon. And if they were only the second in line in her estimation, what would her biggest problem be? I was extremely curious.

"The Volturi are only the second greatest?" I asked her.

"You don't seem that upset about it," she pointed out. I tried to calm her fears. "Well, we have plenty of time to think it through... Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again." I said casually. Besides, even if they thought of her sooner, I didn't think Demetri would be able to find her. His tracking ability was dependent on his grasp of the person's mind, and Aro's experiment had made me confident that Demetri couldn't get a read on Bella.

Bella's face was horrified, the tears starting to ooze out of her eyes again. What was wrong? I had meant to assure her, but obviously failed. "You don't have to be afraid," I said anxiously. "I won't let them hurt you."

"While you're here," she said.

Did she truly need more convincing? I took her face gently between my hands and stared deeply into her eyes, willing her to see the truth. "I will never leave you again," I said forcefully.

"But you said thirty," she whispered, the tears beginning to run down her face. "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

Oh. That's what she meant. My eyes softened. The old argument. Her misguided desire to give up her mortality and become one of us. One of the eternally damned. Not an option. She was staying human, if I had anything to do with it. I remembered Alice's visions. Absolutely not.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

"Is this really...?" she began, and her face was drawn. I prompted her to continue. "Yes?"

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your grandmother?" Her expression changed to revulsion.

She was worried about that? I kissed the tears of her cheeks. "That doesn't mean anything to me," I whispered against her skin. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course...," I flinched, hesitating. My greatest fear – that she would want, would need more than I could give her. Would she decide to leave me at some point in the future? There were so many things I wouldn't be able to give her. How could I deny her what she needed? "If you outgrew me – if you wanted something more – I would understand, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me." I had no idea how I would be able to stand it if that came to pass, but Bella deserved to get whatever she needed from life.

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" she said, sarcastically. But I had already dealt with that situation. I would do the same as I had before, when I erroneously thought she was forever lost to me.

"I'll follow after as soon as I can," I answered her.

"That is seriously... sick." Maybe in her estimation, it was. But I wouldn't live without her again – ever.

"Bella, it's the only right way left..." I tried to explain, but she immediately interrupted me.

"Let's just back up for a minute," she said angrily. "You remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me until I'm thirty, do you really think they'll forget?"

"No," I answered slowly, shaking my head. "They won't forget. But..." I thought of Demetri again. No, he wouldn't be able to find Bella. "But?" she prompted.

I grinned, utterly convinced I was right. "I have a few plans."

"And these plans," she said, her voice becoming more and more sarcastic, "these plans all center around me staying human."

I glared at her, my face hard again at her obstinacy of clinging to this ridiculous argument. She didn't understand what she would be giving up. "Naturally," I said, brusque, though I regretted that immediately. She glowered right back at me, not at all swayed by my anger, it seemed.

She took a deep breath and pushed my arms away, sitting up. What now? She had never done that before, and it frightened me. "Do you want me to leave?" I asked her. Just imagining the possibility that she would respond in the affirmative was painful.

"No," she told me. "I'm leaving."

She was leaving? Where did she think she was going? It was the middle of the night!

She climbed out of the bed, looking for her shoes. I was beginning to get suspicious. She had a very pronounced stubborn streak, and her actions now were not foreboding of anything I would approve of. I thought of what Alice had promised her.

"May I ask where you are going?" I asked.

"I'm going to your house," she retorted. I got up and went to her side, my suspicions confirmed.

"Here are your shoes," I handed them to her. "How do you plan to get there?"

"My truck," she said. Practical as always. I tried to deter her from her plan. "That will probably wake Charlie."

She sighed. "I know," she said. "But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

Good point. Besides, Charlie would likely lay the responsibility at my feet. "None. He'll blame me, not you."

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I said, but I didn't really think she would listen.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home." She headed for the door. I flashed around her, blocking her way. I wasn't hopeful that it would stop her.

As expected, she was determined. Frowning at me, she turned towards her window. I grimaced. What, was she really thinking of jumping down?

I gave up trying to prevent her leaving. It was probably better anyway if I was there when she attempted to get Alice to honor her promise. I would at least be able to try to prevent it. I worried a little about Jasper. His deeply ingrained desire to give Alice whatever she wanted would make prevention a bit difficult.

I sighed. "Okay," I said. "I'll give you a ride." Bella was just too stubborn for her own good.

"Either way," she shrugged. "But you probably should be there, too."

This confused me. It didn't mesh with my suspicions. "And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views," she explained.

I bridled a tad at her assessment of me. It was entirely true, of course, but nonetheless not actually appreciated. "My views on which subject?" I retorted through my teeth.

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."

Nothing they could possibly say would make me change my mind. Besides, Bella's humanity wasn't going to be a matter subject to democratic decision-making. My anger flared up.

"A say in what?" I asked, and immediately felt idiotic for asking. Did I really want to hear her answer?

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."

I wished I hadn't asked.